12-27-2013

  Been a wild day. Me and Denise took mom to UT to have her blood checked and a follow-up with the Dr Hanna. Her blood was good for once, but chemo is off the table for her. She goes back in a couple of weeks, if the pain she is in will hold that long to see Dr Kilgore.

  Coming back, after we stopped and ate at Cracker Barrel, we got to see a good test of the meds for the narcoleptic type episodes. I was struggling but staying ahead of the curve. Right before the I-81/40 split it all changed. I looked over and Denise was screaming at me on my right, and I heard a horn sound from my left, one of those long blows. I jerked the car back over, I had drifted 1/2 way into the next lane. It didn't seem like I had went to sleep, more like just hit a time warp. I saw a black Mercedes front end coming back from almost completely being off the road... and that would have been the horn I heard. For the loudness and tone Denise was using, I'm glad all the windows were up, seemed the guy I edged off the road was pretty upset. Looked like a brown box had overturned inside his car, and boy did he look like he was pissed, screaming and pointing my way. It was a nice black Mercedes Coupe, way out of my price range. Nobody got hurt and no damage was done, thank God. Now I just gotta figure out that sign he gave after I looked over and smiled. Either he was grading my driving, or I was number one. :)    

12-25-2013

Well, this was suppose to say 

 

Merry Christmas

12-20-2013

Well mom wasn't able to do chemo and they said she would never be able to do it. They are trying to figure out an oral treatment that will not effect her bone marrow. Mom seemed in good spirits, Kilgore told her he wasn't giving up and would find something to help her. I actually believe he will too. Like most at UT I have seen they actually seem to care a great deal.

  I went today to Schindler and he gave me a remedy to try for Restless Leg Syndrome, so I'll pass that along. Iron, Magnesium, and Vit C each day. I have the Vit C pills and the Mag ones, can't swallow them though, but a friend told me to mix them with water and drink after crushing. He said I could flavor them but I don't have a lot of taste buds that work, so flavor isn't a problem. He prescribed me some ointment for the sores on my scalp, not sure what it is though, I haven't picked it up yet. A lady sent me an email from the Lymphoma Board, she said her message wouldn't go through. She told me what was prescribed to her. I'm not sure why exactly the Lymphoma Board partially works, though I was the only one for a minute. I have patches from head to toe so I figured it was the CTCL acting up again. I may have to go back to Vanderbilt, but first I'll fire up my NBUVB and do some treatments.

  The med for the narcoleptic episodes is about so-so. The first day led to headache and A Fib later on. The second day worked ok. Today, not so much, then again I haven't kissed the floor or swapped all the lanes while driving since I've been on it. That is some weird stuff, not like falling asleep, more like blacking out. Hopefully it will get me moving and I can lose some of this weight, 236 is just too much. I swore I was going to diet, and I am, just as soon as the holidays are over and left overs are gone. :)

  If I don't get to post between now and Christmas, Merry Christmas to all.       

12-17-2013

  Tomorrow I start the new med Projectile for the narcoleptic type episodes I've been having for a while now. Oddly enough, rather than medicate for sleep they give a med to stay awake during the day. Apparently the Sleep Apnea is what Rathfoot thinks maybe be causing these episodes.  A CPAP is out, my throat is too damaged to sustain the pressure so I have the nostril type thing that wraps around the ear. I take mom to UT tomorrow for her (hopefully) chemo, I say hopefully because so far the Lymphoma keeps her blood too low to do the chemo from her other cancer. Yesterday she bled, so tomorrow is up in the air. I just pray it isn't too late. Mom began going over some end details with me today. I listened this time, but I didn't want to.

  Last week when we went I freaked her out again by heading towards the floor. I was lucky that time, came to in time to avert another face first slumber, lol. Mom said I went limp and leaned backwards in the chair, then went forward and started down. I just remember thinking I'm tired a few time prior, and again thinking it, then it seemed I opened my eyes and caught myself. I joked and blew it off. Last time we went I done similar in the car, luckily nobody was close to us. I went across 3 lanes and into the emergency lane before waking. When I'm at home I can go hide and lay down for a while. It is embarrassing.

  I also have a shout out to the Lymphoma Board as to if these sores in my scalp are part of the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'm broken out all over with patches once again, so I know it is active, just not sure about those sores. My head is full of them and painful. Most of the patches just itch or burn, some hurt but nothing I can't deal with. My legs look and feel like they've been scalded, arms ain't much better. I really don't want to go back to Vanderbilt, it would be different if they could remiss it or cure it, but last I heard, they can't.

  On a plus note, now that I've went back to 10mg of Prednisone I'm sounding a lot less like Dart Vader when I breathe. Still have the Wolfman Jack voice though. :) I've also been able to swallow better.    

12-10-2013 Rathfoot Follow-Up

  We went for a follow-up with Dr Rathfoot today, me, Denise, and Megan. Megan stayed in the waiting area, watching the scope go up my nose and into my throat makes her sick. He had to scope me twice today, got a lot of mucus on the thing and had to retract it and try again. Rathfoot said he saw no evidence of cancer but my swelling was a lot worse, soooo... back to 10mg of Prednisone again. I tried to cut it in half to 5mg but it didn't quite work so well. We discussed the Prednisone causing me to to on the border of become Diabetic, but for now I will have to find another way to avoid that.

  He also looked at the thing on my back. He said it looked like an infected ingrown hair and the best way to fix it was to freeze it off. They don't do that there so Denise is going to check around. I wondered where the hair on my head was going. Apparently on my ears isn't the only relocation spot, lol. Rathfoot also said for the Insomnia he prescribed a medicine that gives energy and keeps me awake throughout the day, yet will not effect my heart. Denise approved the medicine so I trust her that she will not allow nothing to damage my heart again.

  We all shopped after that and eat at Taco Hell, I mean Bell. We have most of the Christmas stuff bought now. For two people that procrastinate we've done ok.

  Mom hasn't been able to take any of her chemo since the 2nd dose of a dose split into thirds, and now I worry. Her Lymphoma will not back off enough for her to treat the other cancer, the aggressive one. Charlie and Tina were taking her to her appointment Monday and she fell and broke her knee cap. She had surgery today on it. I've had a lingering cold for over a week and avoided mom, she hasn't the ability to fight off anything. I'll stay in, rest, and try and beat it so I can take her Friday when they once again try to treat her.    

11-26-2013

I took mom again today to UT, Charlie said he couldn't take her, which was ok with me. Mom seems to be getting more comfortable with my driving there and back. As I told her before, if I have a dizzy spell or double vision and it gets bad enough, I'll pull over and stop before I become a danger to her or others. Mom has been having headaches and dizzy spells along with double vision episodes, so I think she now sees what I see, and that if they are bad enough, standing isn't always an option... let alone driving. They suck but it is what it is. The past ways of doing things are gone and so we adapt to the new ways of doing things.

  We had rain, heavy rain going down, saw a few accidents. I saw people flying by and more than likely what caused the accidents since they were on straight sections of the Interstate. They left out and didn't think it would ever happen to them, as do we all in all things. We never stop to think it has to happen to somebody. We had fun though, talking today. Didn't take us long to figure out we'd both forgotten our cell phones, and that was ok too, no interruptions. Mom said she liked me being down there with her. I think the reason why is it can't all be gloom and doom, or suffering in silence. I have a big mouth, yet these days a weak and fading voice. Be that as it may, all I have to do is open the lines. Be an instigator. I've never met a stranger, just a friend I don't yet know.

  Most there are with someone, as it should be, but ever now and again you find someone there alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the best Christan by far, but it is in my belief that we should never be alone, especially fighting a battle for our life. I believe we all have a story to tell and somewhere most if not all wish to tell it. I also believe that everybody needs somebody sometime. Today we met a young man, looked to be in his 20s, sitting alone. All I had to do was open the lines of communication and he and mom made a connection. We met 3 ladies, one of which was back again battling after a remission had given way to the disease coming back, they looked Denise's age. Mom didn't connect with her like she did the young man, but she made a connection. It looked as though a lot made that connection in the waiting area with one another, as the silence was ended. Smiles began to be seen and slowly it looked as though some of mom's weight as well as some others, had slowly been lifted.

  Mom got a short to once again try and get her Nutrifils built back and give her Platelets time to get better. I took her to the two places she wanted to go, which she said would have never happened if I had not been driving her. On the way back mom looked over and apologized for taking up a lot of my day. I told her it did kill my plans to get a tan in the 30 degree weather with rain, lol. I then said I apologized for taking away many of her days when she raised me, especially since it wasn't her job to do it. But she took the job, and thus went from being my grandmother to my mom. I wasn't exactly the model kid either. That being said, I told her I didn't take her because it was my duty but rather because it was my honor to try and put back a little of what she had given me.

  So, if I forget to write Happy Thanksgiving then I say it now. My throat is a mess and I'm teetering on getting sick just a tad. Those of us who eat or celebrate with family and friends, we have much to be thankful for, for in the end this is what matters. Family and friends. Forget the Black Friday sales and spend a day saying thank you to God for all those He has bestowed upon you.        

11-20-2013

  It has been almost a week now since I cut the dose back in 1/2 of the Prednisone to 5mg. It ain't been easy and I was a little late, yeast had already developed in my throat. Breathing and swallowing have been laborious at times but I figure by tomorrow it will be better, I say that everyday to myself. Funny thing about tomorrow is it never actually gets here, when it does it is today.

  Charlie took mom last week, no treatment again, her platelets were too low this time. He decided he wasn't taking her tomorrow so she called me to see if I would. Megan wants to go too. Mom worries about me driving her, it terrifies her when I have the episodes or if I will have one. If they're light ones I can get through them without her even knowing. :) I done good yesterday and that may have her a little more at ease. I couldn't sleep the night before, knees, shoulder, and neck were killing me. Me and Megan went over to Denise's mom and dad and sat with him while her mom went to the doctor and got groceries, then we came home and went to New Market and filled mom's water jugs, then fed the cows.

  I broke my camera case, left it in my pocket pouch and snapped it. I went on Ebay and looked around at used ones, finally bid on one that looked good after losing several bids. Now the funny part. In the search afterward, I was use to not winning the bid, I found a case for mine. I guess I'm not the only one who does stupid things, so I bought it. It came in today and I took my camera apart and placed it in a new case. Works great. Now I must have lost 50 bids over the while and thought I would lose the one I placed. Nope, won it. I don't need 2 cameras so I think I'll give my old one to my cousin. New case and not over a year or two old. I don't think they have a camera, so this would be a good thing.     

11-09-2013

!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH !!!

BIG # 13 TODAY !!!

11-07-2013

  I took mom to UT today to get her Chemo, but once again her blood was too low to take it. They gave her a shot to bring her blood up and done all the work leading up to giving her a blood transfusion tomorrow, chemo should resume next week. The Lymphoma is keeping her blood too low for treatment for her other cancer, and it is an aggressive one. I talked with Dr Kilgore and Dr Hanna when they checked mom out and the good news is they haven't given up on her just yet. They are trying things differently since the regular just would not work, and mom knows that.

  There was five of the original people working there from the days I took my Chemo over 3 years ago. I saw Ruth, someone I had not saw since my treatments. I still remember our first time meeting when Ruth said something like, "If your looking for sympathy you will find none here and I have none. I will help you all I can but I will not feel sorry for you." Or something like that. I'm told Denise is a lot like that by friends who have seen her. Strong but kind, thats what they all were there. We waited in 3 different areas along with others, each waiting their turn. There are those there who are new and scared to death, some in kind of like shock, some in disbelief, and some in confusion. I really don't think there is a wrong way to feel or a right way to feel, one just does.

The last wait was at the end of the Hallway, in a little room, along with others. Most had someone with them. There was a lady who had been "cured" and it came back in her female parts. Her husband was with her, a big, strong, rough looking man... yet gentle. Several of the ladies were either bald or partially bald, and this one lady was bald and in a wheelchair. She looked in her thirties maybe early forties, but not old by no standard. She wasn't able to do radiation again and the chemo wasn't doing it solo either so they were trying out an experimental drug.  She said it was her only choice, her only chance. One could see the worry in her husband's eyes yet one saw peace in her eyes and resolve in her calm voice. She was hoarse as was another lady. At first everybody sat in silence but my big mouth stopped that, even mom participated in the conversation, which really didn't have a theme and struck at some things most do not speak of. I thought it also important that we have a laugh and a lot of smiles. Most days it physically hurts to talk and the more I talk the worse it can get, but this, this was worth it I believe. The time passed by so much faster and for a moment people seemed to be with others that had a new normal forced upon them. I started the conversation with the lady's hair loss and told her how beautiful women are when they are bald. Her husband jumped in saying he told her that many times over.  The other ladies who were older started in, some with hair, some just getting hair back.

  I wasn't joking either, though I made a few jokes about my own feelings of when I was bald, and how my hair once back started to relocate.  There is a beauty that most people acquire that screams out when one looks at their face. One hears listening to their words a peace, resolve, and true beauty, one that far exceeds the fake beauty of those who are held to be beauty in worldly aspects. My hair is long now and my beard fairly unkept, so they had no clue that I had been where they are now. As I told the ladies, if someone looks at me and this is all they see, they don't see me. One lady said that it was different for a woman to lose her hair. I corrected her and said I had always prided myself on my hair and one of my worse fears was to go bald, most men do. She said she had never known that.

  We discussed fears and pains, hopes and trails... these things one usually doesn't discuss with those unaware. That includes close family and yes, even doctors and medical trained people. It is a bond that ties much like those who serve in war say they have as well. At the same time, by several people discussing these things their loved ones see and hear things they would normally not see or hear, which opens a deeper support level they can give. It also helps one know that they are not in a boat alone in a storm that rages on. Never have I ever seen that much hope, courage, fear, despair, kindness, hurt, healing, loneliness, love, peace, turbulence, faith in one place all existing at the same time. Never have I seen that much love and hope in people who some would think have little hope, and the evidence of God, and how close and personal one can become with the Creator. I had forgotten that. This is something listening to preaching won't get, going through the motions won't get, or speaking and reading won't get one. This is true and very personal faith. Anyone can praise Him when things are good, but not just anyone can praise Him during trials and tribulations... and that is sad. By the time this horrible disease strips away all one has, their pride, independence, safety, security, and usually financial, only one thing remains, Grace. In the loss of self one finds God, the real God. I can not imagine what one would do if they don't, nor would I try too.

  So anyway, after we left a few hours later we stopped and ate at Applebee's... big mistake. Tonight me and mom both had acid reflux and for the first time since I cut the Prednisone in 1/2, I went back to a full dose of 10mg. The swelling was getting just too bad and tonight I can hardly breathe again. Whatever these restaurants are doing to our food, or crappy food they are serving, I'm out. Mom's worse fear too came true coming back as I dozed off or blacked out a few times, luckily with nobody on the sides of us when we drifted over. I think that came from lack of sleep though a little. I think it may be time to see a doctor about this arthritis, maybe even get my knees fixed. Injuries over the years to my knees, shoulders, elbows, and neck, throat, added to the arthritis the Lyme Disease left me with maybe its time to address. Last nights rain and season changing though is always rough. When we got back I done what is becoming a normal thing, something I had never done before, took a nap. :) Thing change I guess as we get older and more miles on us.  






 















 































  

10-28-2013 Try Again

This is my second go around attempting to cut back the Prednisone dose, the first time a while back didn't go so well. Denise has no clue that I've cut it. This is day 3 and while it is getting tough to swallow or breathe, I'm continuing on. I'm tired, probably from the swelling in my throat but determined just the same. I've cut back on Mt Dew, started drinking some Tea Denise makes that is sugar mixed with Stevia... take some getting use to. Started drinking water more. Its not been as easy as I'd hoped for but not as hard as it was the last time.

  We fed the cows today for the second time, me and Megan. Ran errands and helped mom set up her computer and find the forms she needs and print them out. Mom wasn't able to take her chemo last week, her blood was too low. So she tries again this week after having a shot to build it back up again. She worries about the cancer that is spreading and the Leukemia that keeps her from getting chemo and radiation for the fast one. 

10-03-2013 Lab Results

  Its been a little while since my results came back, just haven't been online as much lately. The Thyroid dosage Rathfoot prescribed was exactly spot on, no need for adjusting. Blood Fasting test shows that I am borderline Diabetic. Denise thinks maybe from the prolonged use of Prednisone and her sister said there is a good chance it might reverse when I get off it. Tonight I dropped my evening dose of Prednisone, yet another major yeast infection in my throat. I decided to cut the dose in 1/2, starting tonight. It will either work or it won't, we shall see.

  Dr Hana has got mom's blood in good enough shape that she starts chemo this month. It has been a while since after discovering that she also has Leukemia in addition to her cancer. She is scared but nervously awaiting the beginning. Worried about her hair, which will come out in about 2 weeks after the 1st dose. I have to admit, that one bothered me a lot too.

  Michael has finished the Sunroom work he was doing and it looks, as always, great. The man is a perfectionist. We have a guy named William that he recommended for the concrete work. It seems strange that we would hire someone to do that, I worked in it when I was young, but I ain't young no more. He hasn't got to finish the parking pad but he did finish the walk way. His health went south so it will be a while. He called tonight to tell me he would try and get it by early next week, apologized for the delay, and thanked us for being nice and patient. Sickness and health is something we have little to no control over and we fully understand that. If ever I understood anything its that. Just as we told Michael not to worry I also told him the same. I built this house in 82, me and Denise added on 21 years ago, and all this time we've lived just fine without a side walk or concrete parking pad and I'm sure it won't kill us to wait a little longer. Me and Megan though done some of the work today in the prep for the pad, but only because we wanted to do it, not to take away or replace or hurry him up. Megan learns something new, I get to pass the day, and we both get to help someone out.

09-17-2013

I got my teeth today for the bottom. Can you say Tater Chips. :) I took them out tonight from a sore they're making, which is to be expected, and he adjusts them tomorrow. I have to go by later on, me and Megan sit with Denise's dad tomorrow while her mom does her errands.

  The Concrete man has begun. He made a lot of progress today digging out for the concrete. Michael said out last 3 windows were in so I have to pick those up tomorrow too. It is going to be a bit hectic the next 2 days.

  I run mom to her doctor Wednesday and I'm guessing that the concrete might be poured that day, unless it rains. Then maybe Thursday or Friday will do the Diabetes blood test thing, then again, I may put that off another week.

  I dreamed of a Bloomin Onion last week, woke up and even Youtube'd it to get directions. I found out there is a kit, so I ordered it. I've seen the spices kit before, loaded with all  kinds of bad stuff, so I found a recipe. Sure sign of age, when one no longer dreams of women or cars and starts dreaming of food, lol. I actually pinned the videos to my Pintrest, lol.

  Full day today and the next two days. Time for bed.   

9-11-2013 Check Up

We went to see Dr Rathfoot today. It was good and a possible not so good. This was the first visit this year where surgery wasn't on the table, the larger dose of Prednisone has appeared to work on the swelling. The down side is that it appears that it may be causing Diabetes. I never knew it could do that and I'm sure the Mt Dews and sweet Tea ain't helping. Limited Saliva glands means keeping liquid on hand at all times, but I should do more water. Normally I don't eat a lot of starches like Potatoes, except lately. Funny how limited one is after dental surgery and no teeth. I've eaten more scrambled eggs, so much so I'm ashamed to look at a hen. :) More mashed potatoes than I eat in a year.

  He explained that I was fortunate, that it looks as though I will get to keep my voice box. (He didn't call it that). The Radiation burns all the cartilage and if it is burnt bad (most are) then the body attacks it. Eventually it can harden and stop working. Mine seems to have stopped finally and now the hardening. I've learned to use my diaphragm to push out tones and loudness, even though shouting is impossible. Sometimes though, certain sounds come out louder than I intend to and some sounds are harder to make. I figure though if Megan can make sounds that she has never heard, surely I can do what I have heard. Only what we say is impossible is impossible.

  So the next step now is to have a test to see what my blood sugar is. I figure since it is diet and probably lifestyle I need to change. I will, even though Denise says no, cut the Prednisone in 1/2 as soon as the swelling from today goes down. It shouldn't be too bad by weeks end. If it works great and if not, well... we can always go back unless my throat closes off in my sleep. Who knows, maybe by December I can come off it all the way. I haven't discussed it with Rathfoot, easier to ask forgiveness than permission. I will say this though. Dr Rathfoot is a credit to the doctors and medical profession and I am blessed that he is my doctor. The world could use more doctors like him and a step more, he is a man to be inspired to be like.

  So tomorrow I get my impression made and within a week I will once again have lower teeth. I can't wait. I think we will celebrate with a grilling, steak and whatever else hits.

  We loaded and took off eight calves to the market. Me, Denise, Megan, and Mark caught and loaded them up. We have about ten more to take later one and one that sometime this winter we will eat, saved him for us. So far Megan hasn't lost any more ducks to the animal that got a few of them. I took one shot at it and missed but we watch and have a more accurate rifle waiting. I think though we found an even better way, dog hair the dogs shed placed about the field.    

09-10-2013

Check up again tomorrow and after that I'm not sure if I have a dental appointment or its the next day. I skipped a little though on events.

  The tooth that kept breaking off, well, cap and post anyway, finally broke one too many times. I talked with Dr Steltzman who tried to put it back on and it didn't even last a day. The last break went deep enough under the gum line it just wasn't salvageable. I set up an appointment with Dr Sidney Boyd and he done surgery to remove the last two from my mouth. I thought losing the last two would bother me but it didn't. So I go and have my impression made for a full plate, probably what I should have done in the beginning, would have saved a ton of money. But we tried.

  I think maybe my Thyroid will be rechecked this visit or he will order it to be checked. I'm hoping surgery will be off the table but if it ain't then so be it. The hay is in and tomorrow evening we load calves for the market. I guess I'll give in this time.

  Mom meanwhile, things have been one right after the other. They can't give her chemo or radiation due to her blood being low and Nutrifils being low. She has had this problem before but apparently nobody ever bothered to test it properly. Well, UT to the rescue again. Dr Hana done tests and mom has Leukemia too, which is preventing the treatment for the other cancer which is aggressive. In between those two findings yet another cancer on her nose, but it was fixed.

  I think at this stage I'm just tired but calm now. I figure God will do what He will and whatever He decides for any of us, though it may not be what we wanted, will be whatever is best. Me and Denise went on a bike ride Sunday for a few hours, something I had said we'd do more of this year. This was however our first real ride, despite the lack of gardening. After my lawnmower lesson it took a while to heal up enough to use the hand, then I seem to head downhill, then mom went downhill, then all the rain. The day was nice and I think we both needed that, I know I did. For a few hours the world seemed to be at peace. Denise is already planning next year's Anniversary trip, somewhere in the Caribbean. I've been engrossed in Pintrest. I guess we've all got our ways of escape, even if only for a moment.   

Happy Birthday Megan

Happy 21st Birthday Megan Kimmae`. 

 You almost had the name Megan Mae, Mae from your mom's grandmother Mae. On the night you were born though, things changed, and fast too. You gave no sign that it was anything more than a regular child birth until you started out. You were what they called a double nucal, or something like that. The Umbilical Chord was wrapped around your neck twice so they had to stop you and cut it from around your neck first. Then they resuscitated you. It was a hard, scary birthing and they all worked hard that night.

  So we wanted to honor the doctor that delivered you, his name is Kim. So later that night we talked about it and put the Kim along with the Mae, which made the name Kimmae. This is what I intended on calling you but dad started out calling you Megan, then the rest of the family did too.

  You were that .01% that birth control pills make an error on. If anything even tells the worth of someone or wants proof that God intended on them being here it is you. .01% chance, so I'm guessing God wanted you here a lot, and He put you with us. My memory comes and goes during that time from the Lymes Disease I guess, but I remember the strength your mom had and still has.

  I think you were about 3 when we discovered your hearing loss, but when you were born we didn't notice. Denise taught you how to form your letters using percussion, holding your hand up to her mouth and pronouncing a letter, then holding it to your mouth to imitate it. Night after night, day after day, year after year. She took you to UT Speech & Hearing, who also taught you how to use your hearing aides and learn words and sounds. It didn't take us long to figure out though that it wasn't you who were born with a handicap, it was us. You hear watching expressions and body language and, you hear someone's heart, a rare gift.

You have no idea how much you changed our world... for the better. From you I have learned much and you probably didn't know that, but it is true. I've learned from all 3 of you but perhaps you the most. You took teasing and cruelty and yet didn't hold a grudge and have always been quick to forgive. Gentle in nature and though you are physically strong, your inner strength amazes me to this day. You went to school where some teachers said you didn't belong, put up with their sarcasm and sometimes cruel words knocked you down, and yet you got back up. I will say that with a lot of them when you were in school you didn't fit in, you were above that. I also remember you seeing if I needed anything when I was so sick, and even to this day when bad days come, you help. Me and Denise are both extremely proud of you, as we are your sisters. Now if we can just get you to drive. :)               
 

08-05-2013

  Imagine that, no posts for a while and then suddenly here we go again. Mom got her tests back on her place on her nose and it is cancer, a different kind and completely treatable. Then she got back the results of a swab they done in her nose. Seems that when she had surgery at Ft Sanders she brought home a present, MRSA, since back in the spring! They noticed her WBC count was low, Nutrifils were low, yet of all the doctors that came into the room, nobody caught it. I'm sure she wasn't their only case, it had to start from somewhere. So she is taking meds for the MRSA and maybe that will get her blood building back along with a new Dr added, Dr Hanna, which Denise said she has heard good things about. I remember hearing that name when I took chemo. Now that she is at UT I think things will go better if they can get her on track.

  So come Monday I go see Dr Boyd to get the 2 teeth out I have left, but this is for a consult. I got 2 teeth, want to be knocked out... should be an easy one. :) I have to go and get checked for MRSA too since I was with mom. Maybe thats been my sinuses and stuff, but maybe not. My blood work came back and the Thyroid is officially dead, RIP. They expected this a lot earlier but we all knew it was going to happen. That would explain irritability, sleepless nights, yet staying tired. Hair falling out and dry as a desert, nails breaking off, weight gain (I think the extra Prednisone has a lot to do with that though), and hard to focus (good excuse on that, usually I'm just scatter brained, or ADD). Dr Rathfoot is out until Tuesday, so meds won't be until then at the earliest. The nurse asked if that was ok and I figured sure. As hard as that man works he deserves some peace and quiet, and this isn't life threatening. I think Denise said 4.5 on something level and mine is 5.777.   

08-01-2013

  The hay is up and hopefully enough to last through the winter, 152 rolls all total. I broke the tractor again in the process though, one more thing to do... again. That is one worry off my mind and one less pressing thing so when Sept comes the surgery will be ok to do and next week or two getting the remaining teeth out and a plate made. I'm so past this hole in my jar and sticking the tooth back in each morning, plus getting sore. I've fought infections constantly from the tooth and the mold from the ground with all this rain. I had blood work done today to see if I am needing the Thyroid medicine yet. Given all this I'm in a bad and depressed mood.

  I promised to hold silent and thus far have, but this blog has always been a blessing and at times a place to refuge. I say stuff I would not otherwise say here. I have a big mouth but I actually say little of importance in person, and that is done purposefully. Tonight though I need to release, and so I shall, yet still holding back on some things. Mom has cancer, which is bad enough but having two myself now that in and of itself shouldn't bother me. I know most of the time it is treatable. She had a Hysterectomy back in the late winter at Ft Sanders by a Dr Morgan, and I use the title Dr extremely loosely, just as I omitted the word Hospital from Covenant Health Care, or lack there of. He said he "got it all", even though he had no PET Scans done before or after, said they were a waste of money. Things went sour and again she wanted me to remain silent, and so I have. Denise got her in with Dr Kilgore at UT after Morgan wanting to start Radiation Therapy, again with no PET Scan at his new building. When mom declined he even sent out a registered letter saying it would be dangerous if she doesn't start along with phone calls. Where were they radiating? How did they know where and how much to radiate? They didn't! May God forgive me but I have a searing hate developing for Morgan. Dress lightly, it will be warm where you go one day.

  So today mom was to start chemotherapy, except it didn't happen. When the blood work was draw it showed her white cells and Nutrifils were all but absent. Dr Kilgore said that it would probably kill her if she had it done within a week, and Radiation was off the table for now too. Her blood must be built up in order to withstand it and fast, the cancer is aggressive and in multiple places. Mom is scared and her first words were that it was a death sentence. It does seem a bit bleak yet I showed no fear to her and tried to give hope, after all, it is up to God to call the shots. Whatever the outcome His decisions are just, yet I pray for a little longer, provided quality of life is good. I think there is always hope. So there, I've relinquished my silence. We would appreciate your prayers for her. I have called a few family members to tell them the last week or two, some I reached and some not, but some read this blog... or at least they use to. If you want to get updates or details just call me, save one who has not returned my calls. I have a lot of confidence in UT, so if it is His will, it will be.

7-8-2013 Rathfoot Visit

  We went to the follow-up appointment with Dr. Rathfoot today and I think it went fairly well. He scoped me and saw no evidence of tumor but did see the radiation aftermath still fighting. He showed us on a drawing what he saw and the swelling that has finally quit but not gotten any better either, so we're at a standstill for now. The odds though are good that I dodged the Trach being put in temporarily, less chance of that happening now, so the increase in Prednisone worked. He explained that it also kept my immune system down so that maybe my body would cease attacking the damaged part. His biggest concern is that at night while I am asleep that my throat will close off and I'll not wake up. So, the surgery is a definite to inject the Kennalog (spelling ?) in there, maybe even stretch it a bit. I was able to talk him into waiting until Sept so I could get some stuff done, and let him know I know the risks of waiting. He said that one of two possible outcomes would occur now as the end result, and I can't remember them, lol. Since the trach is pretty much off, as long as all goes well, I don't mind the surgery.

  He also noticed that I make some saliva and said that I was making more than he had ever seen any neck cancer victim make. When I have me teeth in they help one of the glands halfway work. It takes some time since I can't sleep with them in to start to work again each day. I broke off the same tooth again, this time below the gum line, so we will see what comes of this tomorrow.  It would be good if it would hold off until my insurance resets and I'm not sure just how long I've had the bottom one. I'll probably get those 2 pulled and just go with a regular denture, that way I can sleep with them in and make spit. Nothing quite like waking up each morning with your mouth and throat feeling like its cracking open.

  So I will do as I have done. Nights when I feel my throat is tight I sleep up in a chair, and other nights on the couch, still some in the bed. Eat nothing dry without a lot of liquid. Nothing too large or nothing too small when I eat, and eat slow and focus on swallowing.

  Today was a good day, quite excellent. I got the surgery postponed, me and Denise went to Victoria's Secret, Sams, Earth Fare, and Lowes. We had fun together, despite the incident at Victoria's Secret, lol. I discovered the secret. Don't stick your hand in a vase that looks like it has a mirror suspended 1/2 inside, it's smelly oil. I'll assume the candle at the bottom was to heat that stuff, why I don't know, I thought it stunk. Denise however liked the smell. I felt like it appeared I had given a Pole Cat an enema. That stuff don't wash off easily either. One of these days I'll grow out of having to touch everything, lol. I was better at SAMS, especially after I turned on that weird thing with lights and a siren that time and couldn't make it stop. That was embarrassing. It has been a good birthday. 

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy Birthday Misty

The night you were born started odd. Cathy woke me up and said "It's time". We were living with mom and dad then and I woke up mom and repeated just what Cathy had said. "It's time". Mom rose up and said, "Time for what", kinda pissed. I filled her in so she woke up and called Charlie, which he came right over. There we sat in the Kitchen, mom and Charlie drinking Coffee and I was sitting with them. Around the corner come your mom, carrying a suit case and asked for help and said we needed to go... so we left, lol. Once in the car and backing out we noticed her standing there, we'd forgotten her, lol. Off we went. 

  We got there and rushed her right in. Back then a man had to go through some classes before he was allowed in the delivery room. We didn't have the money or time for me to take them, so I waited in the waiting area. At one time I had 3 cigarettes going and was about to light a 4th. We heard a woman scream curse words out and the guy sitting next to me says, "Thats my wife, I know her voice and tone." We had barely gotten her there in time and I thought maybe it was Cathy. The doctor was heading out to get me when you started crowing. 

  The time I sat there I thought of all the people I had said things to about must have a boy. I finally got up, went into the Bathroom, and prayed that whatever God gave us would be healthy. My craving for a boy ended and humility started. :). When they wheeled you out I fell in love with you when we locked eyes. So much so that I went and bought bubble gum and cigars to pass out. I gave up on a boy that night, had no idea there would be 2 more added years later. All of this you have heard before, but this part is new. I went back in the bathroom after they took you down the Hall and thanked Him for such a beautiful baby. 

  Now you turn 34, have your own family, and raise them well. I am very proud of the woman you have grown into. I know it was hard to grow up with just a dad for a while, but it sure was good. I swore that I would never leave my kids like I was left, and though I've made some mistakes, I remained. I see that look of duty in your face today with your kids. So, happy birthday to a great daughter, mother, wife, and sister. If I never do anything else right, there are at least 3 things I see that I was a part of doing right... plus Denise, though she came to us right, we just done some tweaking, lol. Now you see your kids like I have always seen you, Annie, and Megan. If you live to be 100 you will still be one of my little girls. You inspired me as a child, and even more so as an adult.  

05-30-2013

So far so good, the increase in Prednisone is holding up and I'm tolerating it. I got about 24 days until my next check-up to see if we do surgery or now again on my throat. I don't mind the surgery except that possibility of the tube. As a rule of thumb I have a lot of luck, just not the right kind of luck. :) Me and Megan planted the last garden yesterday, I couldn't stand it any longer, but I didn't do beans... so far. Megan is learning to incubate eggs and raise Peafowl, ducks, & Guineas. As usual, my graceful self, I decided to not wait until the Big Toe healed and broke another toe two nights ago. Megan laughed watching me hobble around planting the garden. At the same time she is learning more and more on gardening and growing, already checking the Signs to see what if anything to do on what day. Just in case one day I have her books on it as well. Denise is off next week and provided the flooring is still good we bought back in 2008, we will do the wood floors... finally. Today has been another great day, especially now that I'm off my feet, lol.  

Rathfoot Follow-Up 5-22-2013

  Busy day today, started with a Follow-Up to Dr Rathfoot and then some supply shopping. The visit went well but had a bit of good and bad. Good thing is that the area has finally quit dying from the Radiation damage, which is wild considering it's been over 3 years ago. Bad new, the scar tissue is pretty bad. For the last 2 weeks it has become increasingly harder to breathe, ok, longer than that, lol. The last 2 weeks though a little rough including bleeding and soreness, along with major hoarseness. Over the years I've learned to use my diaphragm to speak loud enough to hear and different amounts of pressure to use to make some sounds.

  He scoped me and saw that the vocal chords (I'm guessing thats right) weren't opening well and hindering air flow. Funny how the mind works. I heard that he wanted to do surgery and that I might have to have a temporary Trach Tube to breathe until the swelling went down and from there I went into panic mode, lol. I took it that he would do the Kenalogue (spelling ?) injections, possible stretching, and check to make sure the cancer isn't back or that he missed something. My mind however focused on the possibility of a tube in my throat, weird how that worked. I went into salvage mode and asked if we could first try the Prednisone dosage being doubled from 5mg to 10mg per day. It worked, I bought a month to see if the swelling will go down and the vocal chords will open up so I can breathe better. It ain't like I didn't know this was coming, but in the middle of summer, I hope to wait.

  We went from there to Earth Fare to get some stuff and from there to Sams to get more stuff. Other than Dr's appointments we don't do Knoxville or anywhere a whole lot, so we stock up when we go. We buy in bulk usually except for some everyday things, then we stock up on those items too. No coupon or sale, no buy. Those times we run short on funds, we stock enough to tide us over. One doesn't have to be a Doomsday Prepper to Prep for hard times or to save money.

  The gardens this year... not too good, and thats ok too. My breathing issues have slowed me down a lot and taken energy away. The two Peacocks that guarded my Green Bean Corn garden died last year of old age. We still have 4 roofs to replace from the storm 2 years ago. One crew I wouldn't hire again and the other broke apart, but I have help that if we ever get out of the Monsoon season we will put them on. The Tomato area is a wash, though Denise says replant. Between the rains and Megan's Mallards she turned loose they didn't stand a chance, plus Megan chasing her ducks took out a few. Cabbage, Garlic, and peppers are doing ok though and I don't know enough about Brussels Sprouts Swiss Chard, and Cauliflower to know how they're doing, but they look good. Ms Hen and her babies wiped the Okra out and most of the Sunflowers too. I didn't get the garden set up or the seeds started, due to my lawn mower repair, lol. I still don't have full use of the fingers yet, but I'm getting there. Funny how one second of ignorance can take months to get over. I want to work some on the house, the truck, and I'd like to work on one of the old cars, finishing the boat wouldn't hurt either. Maybe go fishing. Either way, I won't plant green beans this year. Corn, maybe, beans, nope. Sooo it's all good. :)           

Happy Brthday Denise

!!!Happy Birthday Denise!!!

05-08-2013

  In a little over a week I go back to Rathfoot for a follow-up, hopefully he will be impressed. I upped my Prednisone to 10mg after a battle for soreness and closing off, oddly enough usual for this time of year. Since I don't have the other garden maybe it will go better. I haven't bush hogged yet though but the mowing has been ok so maybe that will go better this year too. Not having the beans may give the knees some time to get better too. From all this rain it is just as well, the other 2 gardens are downing, tomatoes already almost gone. I think too the mold on the ground affects me somehow.

  Megan has learned to keep up with the signs and makes the most out of the days she can when the signs are right. Despite all the water, most of the plants in her area are doing well. Today we went to Sears at East Towne Mall, though I think it's called Knoxville Mall now. I bought a head for the weedeater that uses a different type of string and some shirts me and Megan found. She was shocked at how empty it was. We stopped at KFC and ate, why I have no idea. Then we decided since it was raining we'd just blow the rest of the day, so we went to the Lodge Outlet store in Pigeon Forge, or is the Sevierville, all looks the same these days. I came back with a massive deep frying skillet, we didn't have one of those, lol. I think the WOK is all we lack that they make. :) I have no idea what those are. We don't have one of those hanging 3 legged Dutch Ovens, but I ain't cooking outside unless it's on a grill, lol. It was raining today so we did our running, plus it gave my toes time to heal up a bit, broke two of them about 2 nights ago when I ran into a fan base. That day the cow got out and we had to walk the field, new experience in ouch, lol. I felt like I was at UPS all over again. I once broke two toes on the road, called in to tell them and the boss said ok. He then wanted to know what I wanted and I told him I broke two toes and wanted to know what to do. He said tape them up but be quick about it, don't get behind, lol.

   We seen our first snake yesterday, a Copperhead. It crossed the driveway in front of us as we were walking down and headed into a Yucca and looked to be going towards the barn. Megan wanted to know if I was going to kill it, I think I had something in my hand. We walked to the truck and I got my shotgun out, loaded it and shot in the grass, just not in the Yucca. I think it was already gone. Tomorrow the signs are right to plant above ground so we will dig up some of these Maples and transplant them. I think though since the snake came from that area if I can I'll mow through it first and if not, weed eat a path. They are suppose to be plentiful this year as wet as it's been and both Peacocks are gone now. We will be wearing boots, lol. We live at the edge of the woods, between 2 creeks... the grandkids say we live in the woods, lol. I will invest in some young Peafowl this year and in a couple of years I'll have snake patrol again. I hear cats will keep snakes out and so far that seems to be the case... not. 

05-02-2013

  I've spent the last 2 days running mom around to the doctor and to get her car fixed, tomorrow will be the same. She has done well except for bleeding behind her eyes. Dr Jaynes referred her to another doctor who referred her to get blood work done, and she still don't know anything yet. Me and Denise broke down and bought a new Sofa & Loveseat from Ramsey's Furniture store and tomorrow they're suppose to be delivering it. That meant that today when I got back we had to remove our other one to make room. We gave them to Mark & Bobbie. Tomorrow will be hectic. Pay house insurance, follow and pick up mom, be back before 9am in case the delivery is early, followed by take mom to get her car and at the end of the night take place in a dental survey on head and neck cancer.

  This year I've been reluctant to plant the other garden, last year I had too much to take care of. I'm not sure if it is age, health, or a combination of the two, but I found my limit. The fingers threw me behind on things, one of which was fixing the tractor's power steering. Megan mostly, but I helped, tilled the other gardens with a tiller and the one lacking almost has to have the tractor and rotovator. Without my Peacocks to ward off snakes this year that also plays a role, but we have cats, wild cats. Two dead trees still standing... I can think of a thousand reasons to not do it. Still, maybe just a little bit, lol. If I were like I once was I wouldn't hesitate, but I'm not and there are other matters pressing. I still have the roofs to put on, the dump truck to finish, and today Denise informed me that we would put the wood floors down in the house when she takes vacation finally. We've had that flooring since 2008. I had it all mapped out when my shoulder snapped. Each week we'd get something else done. Sunroom done outside. Flooring put down. Bug put back together, maybe. I had to have a heart cath before the surgery, which went well until recovery, then it went crazy. The clot broke loose, first time I ever seen blood squirt that high up, or smell that bad. I was almost ruptured pressing the site the second time in places no man wants to feel pain. The skin was removed along with the pressure bandage and I found out blood is toxic to the body when it goes under or in the skin. By the time I was healed enough to do anything other than the basics on the Sunroom, it was surgery time. Hopefully the wood is still good after all these years in the basement.

  If it doesn't rain then the tractor maybe this weekend. I've never rebuilt a steering piston, let alone two, but it can't be any harder than rebuilding an old convertible top motor on a Buick. At some point I want to replace the plumbing in Denise's mom and dad's bathroom. We fixed it a week or so ago. I'd like to take Denise and Megan horseback riding once, they've never ridden a horse and Pigeon Forge has a few of the stables to ride. Several other things need repaired too but also I'd like for me and Denise to ride the bike more than three times this year, and maybe ever do something I've been going to do for over 30 years, go fishing. I'd also love to finish just one of the cars I started back then and take the Skylark out, drop the top and go on a picnic. I'm not sure I'll do the bigger garden this year. We all have a bucket list and that is mine. I figure if I'm gonna dream, dream big. Megan in her own part.

   

04-13-2013

I went to Dr Schindler today and he looked at the fingers and said the stitches were ready to come out, so he took them out. I have a lot of faith in that man. They are still swelled and he said to keep an eye on the Pinky since it was the one that had bacteria growing in it. I guess the bones and stuff are a bit bruised is the swelling thing, still can't put pressure or grab stuff yet, but I will, it'll just take time. The end of one finger is black, but hopefully that'll change. It looks as though I have kept my fingers, minus some of the material (guess that was fat) in the last two. This could have turned out a lot worse. Proof that God watches out for idiots. :) I have the worse 2 taped up tonight, just in case. It won't be long until I can get dirty again, the grip part will come. Soon as it does I have to fix the power steering on the tractor and the manifold on the dump truck. They will be off and not running, lol. It's all good.

 

04-08-2013

  Me and Megan planted Carrots today... well Megan planted and I supervised. Usually this time of year I have a lot of trouble with my throat and Dr Rathfoot is expecting it to be as usual. I think he will be pleasantly surprised though when my throat doesn't close up as much from lack of gardening. I have my fingers though and I think I have past the worry of losing them to this event, thank God. The end of this week or next week, the stitches come out. I had thought that would be the freedom to go back at it at first. I was wrong again. The swelling is taking it's time going down and the bones are tender with pressure. X-Rays showed nothing broken or fractured so the bones must be bruised pretty bad inside. I think this is going to be a while yet.

  I've been going without the bandages when I'm at home during the day. I believe the air helps the fingers to heal and I get a chance to exercise them. I probably get the stitches out towards the end of the week, first of next week. I thought that would be the hump over and done, but I could be wrong... again, lol. The tears and cuts are healing good and I think the bacteria is going out of the Pinky, but the swelling is slow to respond. I can bend the fingers a little but not enough to grip and the bones are sore to pressure. It's finally dry enough to load the calves but no way I can handle them, the gate, or the door. Mark always helps me with them and I'm sure he would do it if I asked him to, but that would risk injury to him. We have to have at least 2-4 people to load them up safely. I need to build a loading chute, but that takes money and time.

  As usual, I go for plan B and C if I must, and thank God I have help to carry them out, else there would be no alternative plan this time. I had planned on growing a lot of different things but seed starting should have already been, soil conditioning should have too, as well as site preps. So this year perhaps much smaller than usual, less diverse as planned.... but maybe that ain't such a bad thing. Feels like it sometimes though. I have to believe, apart from my stupidity, things that are allowed to happen do so for a reason. Personally I think most things are just events, neither good nor bad, but neutral, and what we do with those events determine what they are. Sometimes we can take an event and turn it around, but I think if we allow, all things work to glorify God's love and will.

  Megan has wanted to learn gardening, so here is her chance. She has the need to grow things and has studied on some things. She wants to learn to build and with her new 6 ducklings she will need to build a large pen. Instead of building it she will build it, and I will serve as a helper and consult. For a time, I will have to serve as her and Denise's helper and on some things, and an observer on others. I have no problem with any of that except being an observer. Megan wants to learn to bake bread, so this is her chance to do that too. Now if I can get her to drive, lol. I think that day perhaps she saw how important driving is. She wanted to drive me to the hospital, and I'd loved to have had her done that, except I was already in pain and injured and didn't want more, lol. I want her to be independent, self sufficient, and confident so that when we are no longer here, she will be ok and also help her mom. I know full well my condition and where I stand in longevity, so I need to step it up a notch. To help her increase as I decrease and yet do something I could not, remain with a pure heart.    

Healing

I'm healing pretty quick, just not as quick as I'd like to heal. The little finger has got an infection, bacteria, or something like that. The antibiotics got me another yeast infection in the throat but already working on fixing that. In addition to the meds, turns out, Unsweetened Yogurt is actually good for that. I think I have another week before they look at the sites and take out the stitches.

  I think I just killed my chance at a hand model, lol. 

  

Lawnmower

  Been a little wild lately and I haven't been on the web much, probably be a while longer, one finger typing. Thursday, 3-28-2013, I was cleaning the yard and then changed lawn mowers to mow, first time this year. I was going to take a swipe out on the way up the driveway and noticed it didn't cut. I stopped the mower, disengaged the blades but left it engine running wide open and got off it. I thought maybe something was stuck so I grabbed the belt and was going to manually turn the spindle on the driver's side. I'm not sure exactly what happened at that point. Either the pressure on the belt built or whatever was sticking the spindle came loose, either way it engaged. It was like lightening, sucked my right hand through the sprocket and out the other side, tossing me to the ground. I felt the pain like a burning pain and saw blood everywhere, so I grabbed my hand. Funny what goes through one's mind at that point. I was afraid to look down, thought my fingers were gone and finally decided I needed to look. I couldn't tell from my hands, too much blood, so I looked on the ground for fingers. Finally I saw the tips still attached, but couldn't tell how well.

  I walked back down the driveway, into the house, ran water over my hand and saw my fingers were still there, then I got a paper towel and wet it and applied pressure. I walked out back and asked Megan to drive it home. She saw and almost threw up. Got in the truck and drove to Dr Schindler's office. He told me he had no suture material yet and asked what I had done and was very excited. I think it freaked him out a bit. I started to leave and he said get back here and took me to the back. He began cleaning it and put a pressure bandage on it, then told me to get to the hospital. He  said it didn't look like I had gotten tendons but he couldn't be sure. He had slowed the bleeding down quit a lot with his bandage. Many thanks for that, plus he calmed me down.

  The bleeding was down a lot so I called Denise to tell her, tried to down play it a bit... didn't work. She said she'd come get me and I told her no, then she said she would meet me at the hospital. I had to check on Megan first, so I drove back home to make sure she was ok and tried to calm her down. She almost puked again, lol. I knew she was safe though. I think I fell behind every idiot from here to the hospital that was turtle racing, lol. I started to loose focus so I called Misty and asked if we could talk and keep me alert. I told her what I'd done and was doing, she freaked but remained calm, which kept me calm. I met Denise at Lakeway Hospital and we walked in together. Somehow lawn mower and hand just never are good in the same sentence. :)

  Their ER was fast and we got a Puerton Rican doctor, his name started with an F, he was good. The whole staff was good. They started working on me about 2:30 and we finally got out about 7:30. No bones showed fractures or breaking in the X-Rays. They started an IV of antibiotics and later on gave me something for pain. That stuff did most of the trick, almost knocked me out, which was welcomed, lol.  It was/is between mashed and sliced my fingers, oddly enough missing the middle finger and thumb. We went back yesterday for a check-up and they took the splints off and cleaned and put new bandages on. The little finger seems to be getting infected, so they are doing a culture on that one. The antibiotics they are giving me has caused a bad yeast infection so they gave me something to combat the yeast.

Today is the first day we dressed it ourselves and cleaned it and got a really good look at it. The index finger is the best and has 3 stitches, but cut almost all the way around at the end joint. The ring finger was the worst one that night, getting 4 stitches, split down the middle from the second joint. The Pinky is the worse one now, almost cut off at the end joint. The way the meat they left on is it could have been mashed out, or a combination of the two,not sure which, it got 3 stitches. It's back bleeding again tonight. So far I've kept the fingers, so far so good. I probably won't be on long and seldom until they get better some. I'm definitely considering a tattoo that says Stupid, lol.

  I go back and get checked in 2 weeks, unless something comes up. They will then consider taking the stitches out. I am thankful for God allowing me to keep my fingers and directing me to excellent doctors and hospital. My fingers are still too swollen to bend, plus I'm almost afraid to bend them as much as they are held on by. Mark fed the cows for us, so I'm good for a few days. Megan is feeding the chickens and plans to do the garden are delayed. Happy Easter. There are miracles that still happen.

              

From A Reader's Request.

My Story & Opposition to the FACT Act – Susan Vento 

http://cancervictimsrights.org/my-story-opposition-to-the-fact-act-susan-vento

Happy 24th Anniversary

Happy 24th Anniversary to Denise.

  We've been married 24 years today after a long courtship of a whole 3 months. We married the 3rd month. I got a good one and I guess she decided I was too big to throw back. :) Between age and chemo I have lost some memory, God knows I'd walk in circles and forget a lot of things these days. The one thing though I haven't forgot is why I love you. Few people would have stayed the course through all of this. Life I know has bumps in the road but I guess you must feel sometimes like we're 4 wheeling, yet you never complained. Well, except for my not being a good patient, I'm not real good at following the rules, lol. I figure life has limits and we can't know what they are until we hit them.

  I still remember praying that God would help me find a mate. Funny the turn of events that would unfold. If Edna hadn't had surgery I would have working her route and I wouldn't have learned her route if I hadn't had about 3 months over going different places everyday. If I hadn't have had that COD for the cop (Turkey) you were training with I wouldn't have given him a note to give you. I remember seeing you pass by the first time and again and again. I knew that if you weren't taken I would have to meet you. I think I loved you then. Until then I didn't believe in love at first sight, lust maybe, but not love, but I didn't see you even out of the car, so it wasn't lust. I still remember our first date, right down to jumping the end of the road and ending up in someone's yard. Man that was embarrassing. I wanted so hard to impress you because I was so impressed with you. You had honesty and intelligence... the beauty didn't hurt either, lol.

  Over the years you have seen me at my best and at my worst, physically, mentally, and spiritually... yet you stayed. To this day it amazes me that someone like you could want to be with someone like me. I know you thought I had forgotten to put this up, and it is late, but I waited. You see, all of the memories I have lost and sometimes I get a bit cloudy mentally (I'm shooting for chemo brain here), but I have never forgotten when I first saw you. I have forgotten much, but never why I love you, our first date, the day we got married. A lot of things have changed, my hair, beard, waistline, and strength, but the one thing that hasn't is my love for you. My admiration of you. You amaze me. I thank God for you every night and each night I pray that should I not awake, He will provide for you. I love you.

    

Happy Birthday Baby

Happy 7th Birthday Baby

(Alexandra Henry) 

03-06-2013

  Today we played catch up. The snow came and they asked everyone to be late for their appointment with the doctor at UT Eye Surgeons. They still have no idea whats going on and want an MRI, plus see 2 more specialists, which he is suppose to be one.  I opted out for now. I want to see if the vision gets better on it's own. The worse it gets the better I look when I look in the mirror. Hey you can't beat that, lol.

  We buried Harley Duke, our male Great Pyrenees. He lived longer than any other one we've had. Harley was like a part of the family. Now only Puppy is left and she is lonely. Megan has found another male that we will go see Saturday. He won't take Harley's place but he will have a place of his own. Harley was Puppy's dad. Megan dug the grave and buried him where our other pets are.

  Mom is doing ok, still a ways to go but home so that is half the battle. Today I had to get some things done here but Annie was off school and was with her, plus I called a lot. Tonight we got a Kitchen Island assembled, looks great. Its not big but it will do and fits our Kitchen well. Now I have a place to bake and keep my stuff. I think my throat has enough yeast to bake a cake, lol. The NHL has kicked in high gear and I'm ate up. I may do some treatments later on, I just hate to fire it up. I smell spring coming, if we get past mud season it will be time to do Cabbage & Onions.   

03-04-2013 Results

 This has been a good day. Mom came home from the hospital, still sore but cancer free. She has done excellent healing after a few tweaks was done.

  The same day I found Hay. It depends on the weather but tomorrow I intend on buying 4-6 rolls, depending on how many will fit... plus the weather. 

  Add to that my blood work came back today... still within normal range on the Thyroid Function.

  God is good, it has been a good day today. 

02-19-2013 CT Scan Results

  We headed that way today and got them in... Great!!! There is a lot of damage left behind from the Radiation, so Dr Rathfoot explained it isn't what they see as much as what they don't see, change. That is what they mainly look for and what they base their findings on. We discussed upping and using more Dyfluken (spelling ?) with him due to the constant Yeast infections I get in my throat due to the Prednisone. He said he didn't want a tolerance to be built up from the more frequent use and wanted to reserve that for the worst times, which are in the spring. He said in the spring is when he sees it more in my throat from me being outside and in the garden. That made sense to me. I know that when we had the hatchery years ago I used medicines on when needed and all other measures failed. I do the same with the cows, goats, donkeys, llamas, and sheep, makes it far more effective if they have to have it. The only exceptions were turkeys and peacocks which have a time immunity wise until the get a bit older (sinuses). At about 2 1 month for turkeys and 6 months for peafowl we'd take them off. But I'm getting side tracked.

  The knot in my neck, well I lost him with all the muscle stuff, not even sure I could pronounce those words. :) I did though understand that the knots that I get are muscles that have been damaged by the radiation and sometimes forms what looks like tumors, but they're not. They come and go, massage helps along with some heat or Amish Ointment rubbed in. By then though I smell like a Pole Cat, so I hold that back until needed as a last resort. I'm not sure if it is the muscles or the dics that are causing bad headaches. Apparently the radiation also sped up arthritis, especially in the 2 that are damaged from years ago. Advil seems to help with those when they get bad, again, I don't want to build tolerance to them. He also wants a blood check to see about my thyroid. It was burnt up but has stayed at a safe level so far.

  So for now Yogurt, unsweetened, and horrible. Either my taste buds are giving up on the taste or I'm getting use to it. Its all good. I also have something called Niastatin (spelling?) Swish & Spit.

  We thank God for the good results and thank everyone who kept us in our prayers and good wishes. Mom undergoes the knife but she would rather me not say when, or even much about it. Please remember her in your prayers.      

02-14-2013

  It's been pretty wild lately. We wait until next week to find out the results of the CT Scan. Maybe it's the yeast infection that I can't shake. I found a site that tells how since the medicine seems to have little effect in clearing it up and though I've still drank Mt Dews I have tried one thing it says, Yogurt. Plain, unsweetened Yogurt. I'm not a Yogurt type person so when I spoon that into my mouth Megan has a laugh, says that is the sourest face she has ever seem. You have to hold it in your mouth for 5 minutes and I think that mostly serves as a taste bud killer, lol. Seems to have a positive effect though. I did find out the last thing you want to do when finished is take a sip of Mt Dew.

  Meanwhile they've found cancer in mom. She will have to have surgery and they think they've caught it pretty quick, so prognosis is good. I think she is afraid though and it's hard to get her to get rid of her fear, also hard to get her to fight, she misses dad. We got her a box of candy for Valentines Day, seem to perk her up a bit. That or sugared her up. I think the thing though that brought her spirits up the most was getting Valentine's Day Cards from Josh, Brandon, Alex, & Kaden. We go some too and I have them put up. Mountain become mole hills when spirits go up.

  We're two for four on calves this year, I hope I didn't jinx that. Four born and two buried. Bobbie called on a calf they had that was born, the cow is sick and the calf was turned downhill. I got it turned uphill and Mark said they fed it a bottle tonight. I got the 4 used tires I bought finally mounted at Josh's Tire today. I still need to fix the exhaust manifold and check the brakes, then I will use it to get some gravel for the driveway. I got plans this year on the garden, big hopes and dreams, but we plan and God laughs, so we shall see.      

02-06-2013

Oh, I have to put this up. Denise made her 1st FaceBook comment tonight after watching a Documentary called "Genetic Roulette - The Gamble of our Lives", she usually mostly just observes. This is what I've been trying to get her to look at, what I've researched since 2005. I'm proud of her though, she finally watched something and learned, if nothing else, that I ain't totally crazy, lol.

  I figure while it is free to watch for now I'll post it here. I might add too that getting one's health back after it goes so far is all but impossible. It is much easier to maintain or turn around before it gets too bad. For some of us it isn't possible to be back to what we were, so we have to be content to be what we have left, and fight to see those we care about do not have to settle like we have. Some will think this is political, it's not. Some will think this don't concern them, it does. Some will think it is hopeless, it's not. I care, else I would not have gone to the limits I have to learn, not so much for me, but the people I care about. These are not my cows, lol.

 

2-4-2013 CT Scan

  Well, step one. Get the CT Scan of the Throat. Dr Rathfoot ordered it just of the throat with contrast. We went to UT and got that done today, me and Denise. The admit was fast and it almost went flawless. The lady was nice and asked which arm, I didn't care, so she picked the right one. She stuck and got ready and while I was on the table she noticed a bump coming up and thought it was leaking. She said she had a gut feeling it was and was afraid to run the contrast, said it could cause some things and I'd have to be checked if we ran it, and asked if she could stick the left arm. I told her I'd rather go with her gut instinct and let her do the left. That one went by with no problems. Good thing too, I ran out of arms, lol. She was very nice though, and good at her job. I think we all have those days and those moments. An error isn't a mistake unless it is not addressed. I hate needles but that seems to go with the area I seem to find myself in. No worse than the B12 shots I get each week.

  Me and Denise went to Earth Fare so she could get her the drinks she drinks, Zevia. I'm not crazy about them but they're healthier than the Mt Dews I drink, which seem to be about as bad for you as the Dr Peppers I drank for so many years. We also hit their Gluten Free section while we were there, we're back trying that again. It's taken a few weeks but I feel better, we all do. I met two family members at my aunt Perk's funeral last week that one is a Celiac and the other Gluten Intolerant. Perk, I have no doubt is in Heaven now with most of the rest of the family. Some people have to tell you their faith, or place something on their car, or chat about it in your face. This lady, you never wondered, you observed, even without meaning to or looking for. She spoke it through kind and caring actions, the peace and serenity in her eyes. She lead by example, not because she wanted to lead but rather because she actually lived that way. Often and hard her faith was tested. One doesn't get strong without exercise and perhaps that was what made her faith so strong. Once again the earth gets a bit darker and Heaven a bit brighter with her passing.

   Mom has her surgery coming soon. She is scared. I cannot show fear, least fear feeds fear. I dare not show weakness, least weakness feeds weakness.   

This is the video of the whole uncut version of my favorite Super Bowl Commercial. It differs quite a lot from the one on TV. I don't know who made this video to go along with it but they done a good job. Personally I'd started with a Massey Ferguson, which ain't made any more, but I might be a little partial, lol. This is worth the 2 minutes and 39 seconds to listen to. 

   

1-21-2013 Rathfoot Follow-Up

  We met with Dr Rathfoot today and he checked the lump in my neck out. He thinks it is related more to the discs in my neck and shoulder than a lymph node. That would tend to make sense, that shoulder was the one I had repaired a few years back. Or it could be the Discs in my neck which also made sense. The same box that tore the shoulder out also messed up 2,5, & 6, but one of them healed. I refused to let them fuse them together, that just didn't sound good. One has a spur pushing against something to do with a nerve, cord, or something.

  He scoped me and it looked well, he was pleased. The yeast he said must be on down, I took it the voice box. He scheduled a CAT Scan for next month though since I have blood in the morning and yeast. He said it might be a reoccurance of the cancer but doesn't think so, says he wants to be sure. I noticed Denise was worried, just not sure what she was worried about. Honestly it worries me a bit too as we move into the hurry up and wait game again. It will be the middle of February before they look it over and I get the results. Whatever that stuff they spray in your nose is was worth having the scope go up my nose and down my throat. It has something that clears the sinuses up, if nothing else for a little while. I've had about an hour and a half's sleep from Megan's night owl noises. We discussed that. Unless you work night shift or are a nocturnal animal, night time sleep, day time wake.   

01-18-2013

   I have just a couple more days until a follow-up with Dr Rathfoot, seems like years right now. This is like week 2 or 3 of a sore throat, think it's the yeast, that or I've eaten chalk. There is a large knot that has been on the left side of the back of my neck, sore and that is probably the fatigue. Denise says the fact it is sore means it is not cancer and probably an infected lymph gland from infection. I should have seen Dr Schindler but I figured antibiotics would mean more yeast, and I can bake bread in my throat. Sucks lately but I've had worse. I've been sleeping on the couch without the O2, dampness and cold are not my friends, lol. I talked to a couple of friends that have done that and recliners in all this rain lately. Arther sure does hit hard. :)

  Snow yesterday from nowhere. Denise called and I walked her through the steps of what gear, drive in tracks or not, speed, braking for over 2 hours, she done excellent. I drove in that junk over 20 years and without all wheel drive. I don't remember a lot but I remember driving, one of the things I was good at. The vision change and dizzy spells though limit what I can do these days, but not what I remember. We cleaned up around the yard from the ice today, not much damage. Kept power throughout the whole thing which was unusual. We had a fire going and candles ready just in case and I had just baked some bread, we can cook on the woodstove if we have to. Been there done that before, lol. We cook mostly with Cast Iron, actually Lodge only, since it is the last and only one made in the USA. Glass top or wood stove top, even a fire, it works great and lasts forever if you take care of it. Ok, sounds like a sales pitch so I'll stop. We have that and Stainless Steel. , a little porcelain cast iron, but we can't afford much of that. We've learned to do what we have to do with and be grateful for what we have. I don't reckon God has filled all our wants but He has filled all our needs, and that is a good thing.

   We're started back on the Gluten Free diet, not the Paleo one though. I know I'm not Celiac but we've all seen that elimination or at least a drastic reduction of Gluten seems to make us feel better. Now if I could just create a biscuit that we like, got the bread down.   

Happy Brithday Brandon

Happy Birthday Brandon!!!  

  Big 11

01-08-2012

  Christmas and New Year has come and gone along with mom and Annie's birthdays, Brandon is next. We all went off the Gluten-Free diet and we're all paying for it. It sure has been fun though.

  I've lost count of what week this is on the yeast, seems a bit stubborn this time. I've had the stomach flu and these sinuses, man they are rough. I've developed a pretty large size knot on the side of my neck. Denise says it's ok and just a lymph node filtering since its sore. She says soreness of a knot is a good sign. I have an appointment with Dr Rathfoot sometimes this month so I'll just wait.

  I left off the dose of Prednisone tonight which Denise says causes the yeast. I figure if the swelling don't get too bad I can stop taking it, and if not, I'll go back. The swelling is already pretty bad from this sinus cold, makes it hard to breathe and swallow so I'll know if this will work pretty fast.

  I've been planning this years garden in my head, still not too sure what or how much without my peacocks guarding me from snakes. I'm terrified of snakes. The gardens have a creek between them, high grass around, and woods on the back. Bet I have a pistol and knife near me, lol. I'm tired though and so much that needed to be done yesterday. I have these thoughts of what I want to do, and mostly have the material to do them but the body just don't cooperate. I watched some of a flick last night on Dr Burzenski in Texas, wish I'd heard of him back then.

  It is what it is I guess. 

 

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNIE

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