Been a day. I stayed at the office until about 1130am when Denise called and caught me, lol. That was an early lunch and totally unexpected. The pain level has been on about a 9 today so I've took about 10mg or morphine twice today. Unfortunately I forgot tonight and took 15mg too close to the 10mg. I'm not sure how that will do with the 25mg patch. I brought the oxygen in just in case. I also looked up the signs to look for and antidote, not that I'll be awake for it. I'll either wake up here or there. I am pain free for the most part tonight and it feels good for a change. Breathing is a bit labored though. I think in the hospital I had 75mg patch and four times a day when my neck was cleaned and dressed I was given 30mg of morphine 30 minutes before before they started. Then again, I was use to it and I had oxygen and watched, a bit different, lol. Guess I'll stay up few hours and do some paperwork for mom, just to make sure. I ain't the brightest bulb on the tree but I have this memory problem lately. Chemo fog? I am so over this.
The pain has radiated to my ears again except this time plural from the swelling. On a good note, the pain in my feet is tolerable so 1800mg of the whatever it's called (600 mg x3 per day)is good enough for me, I see no reason to go higher. I'm even mastering the balance loss and what makes me lose balance for the most part.I can't help but laugh at myself when I bust my butt, but it doesn't happen much.
The swelling and redness is pretty noticeable. I visited Matt & Misty and she mentioned I was swollen and the red. It's nothing like the inside feels. I didn't get to see dad today, but Denise offered to take me. I have updated his page tonight but I waited for the latest news since the first news wasn't good. He is holding his own, man is he ever tough. I have seen him fight through worse and come out of it. I pray that God allows him to do so this time. That has to be the hardest thing, seeing him there and he is aware. His mind is still functioning perfectly. He speaks, laughs, talks (as best he can), and knows... yet his body just isn't cooperating. He had a very bad and rude nurse yesterday but last night and today, and tonight...good ones. I have no idea why a nurse would stand over somebody, repeat his age, tell how bad he is, and give the impression he probably won't make it. She said she had been there 24 years. I worked at UPS for that same length of time and treated every package like it was the first, most important one. It would seem to me that should one become that burnt out they would take a break or find something else.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
03-15-2010
I didn't write last night, sort of went south a bit. Nothing has really changed a whole lot except I have been able to swallow my pills rather than to crush, except this morning. My throat seems to have closed off a bit more but the chest pressure has gone. Still have some meat parts coughing up, or at least that is what they look like, Denise said she don't know what they are. The Predisome and Bactrum double strength do not seem to have any effects. I have a regular follow-up with Panella Friday so I guess we will see then. Who knows, maybe he will order a CT Scan or open MRI on my neck a little early. I am so tired.
I have learned that if I take a pain pill in addition to the patch I can talk a bit louder, so I take one before we see dad. It is still painful but less which enables me to push harder before I reach my apex. He don't hear well and I don't talk well... not a good combination. Today I also took one before National Geographic came, it went well, he brought an additional mic that he place close. It was about 2 hours not counting setup. Very enjoyable.
I noticed tonight there is some blood coming up as well and it sounds like a flap is over my throat again, swelling maybe? I took an additional 10mg of Morphine tonight, last night I took nothing. I have to get a bit more sleep and easing the pain is the only way I know. I stopped in the Sunroom for some oxygen. Does nothing for the throat pain but it does make me feel like I am not smothering. That is a weird and scary feeling. My sinuses are stopped up too, maybe related.
Dad is worse tonight, see his update.
Well it is after 2am and I got the BPO done and while I was going to sleep late tomorrow that just got canceled, have to be at the office early.
I have learned that if I take a pain pill in addition to the patch I can talk a bit louder, so I take one before we see dad. It is still painful but less which enables me to push harder before I reach my apex. He don't hear well and I don't talk well... not a good combination. Today I also took one before National Geographic came, it went well, he brought an additional mic that he place close. It was about 2 hours not counting setup. Very enjoyable.
I noticed tonight there is some blood coming up as well and it sounds like a flap is over my throat again, swelling maybe? I took an additional 10mg of Morphine tonight, last night I took nothing. I have to get a bit more sleep and easing the pain is the only way I know. I stopped in the Sunroom for some oxygen. Does nothing for the throat pain but it does make me feel like I am not smothering. That is a weird and scary feeling. My sinuses are stopped up too, maybe related.
Dad is worse tonight, see his update.
Well it is after 2am and I got the BPO done and while I was going to sleep late tomorrow that just got canceled, have to be at the office early.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
03-13-2010
I am coughing up some kind of meat again. Must be spare parts, lol. Lots of puss and my throat is still swelled to the point it is visible. I would say I will hit the oxygen again, getting some chest pressure again and hard to breath. Funny, the swelling went down enough to take all but my heart pill, the smallest one, lol. This morning we had to crush and mix with water to take my meds, tastes bad in a way. I’ve only used 1 pain pill so far so that I could talk to dad. God it hurts to talk. When breath you can hear a flapping noise, sounds like some kind of weird animal, lol. I’ve felt but forgot to take my temperature. Probably like yesterday, 99-100. I’m guessing that three hours of sleep ain’t helping. I am so tired that I probably will just copy and paste this for the blog. I can’t quit now though, mom and dad need my help. The guards are getting use to me at Ft Sanders, I think they thought I was drunk the first few times the watched me walk, lol. Denise helps me to stay on track, I do good on short walks but not too good on long ones. Still, it could be worse. Tomorrow is booked solid and I may stay up and do some of the paperwork for mom. That way she won’t be worried and free to focus on dad. Got 5 sold so far. I didn’t do this well before I retired my license, lol. If I can get about 4 hours sleep tonight I think I’ll be ok.
You outta see my throat, not sure it was ever swelled like this even through the radiation and chemo. I may have to take a pain pill or morphine to sleep and go in the sunroom to hit the oxygen, it usually relieves the chest pain but I have the nitro close. Funny, the tumor radiated a referred pain to the right ear, this one is my left ear but not as painful. I don’t think the crying helps. This will be like the time me and dad pissed off yellow jackets. He is allergic to them, luckily they came at me. I told him to run and I stood still until he could be cleared, then I ran… got stung 21 times, lol. It passed as will this, just got to hold on a bit more, he would do the same for me. I had 106.9 The Light put him on their prayer list. Great station. I’m worried about Denise, she forgot her BP meds. I tried to get her to take mine but she won’t.
I look at dad and what pain and fear he is in… this is nothing to withstand. I’ll go until I can’t, then I’ll dig deeper.
Love Ya, Anthony.
PS, tell your mom Hi.
You outta see my throat, not sure it was ever swelled like this even through the radiation and chemo. I may have to take a pain pill or morphine to sleep and go in the sunroom to hit the oxygen, it usually relieves the chest pain but I have the nitro close. Funny, the tumor radiated a referred pain to the right ear, this one is my left ear but not as painful. I don’t think the crying helps. This will be like the time me and dad pissed off yellow jackets. He is allergic to them, luckily they came at me. I told him to run and I stood still until he could be cleared, then I ran… got stung 21 times, lol. It passed as will this, just got to hold on a bit more, he would do the same for me. I had 106.9 The Light put him on their prayer list. Great station. I’m worried about Denise, she forgot her BP meds. I tried to get her to take mine but she won’t.
I look at dad and what pain and fear he is in… this is nothing to withstand. I’ll go until I can’t, then I’ll dig deeper.
Love Ya, Anthony.
PS, tell your mom Hi.
Friday, March 12, 2010
03-12-2010 Night
I may have overdone it a bit, but I had to do some stuff for mom at the office which turned into an all day job, but I got it all done, 2 contracts and a lot of stuff. I am so tired. Dr Rathfoot called me in some antibiotics and predisome. Megan and Josh noticed that me neck was swelled up on the outside, God know I feel it on the inside. I took pain meds for the pain which has overrun the 25mg patch all day.
Me, Denise, Megan, Misty, and Matt ate at Shoneys on the way down to see dad, I was able to eat pretty much what I wanted with quite a lot of pain, that one too a Endocet. Tonight when I got home I attempted to take my pills but my throat has closed off enough to get them stuck. I got one up twice, the third time it went down. The next pills stuck and Megan helped me get it up. I tried it again and Denise helped get that one up. She came into the room from the first one when she heard me choking. I left a mess in the floor swallowing a large amount of water which also came up with the pill. We ended up crushing the antibiotic and I am skipping the blood thinner.
My voice is all but gone and extremely painful to speak, but those that know me know my big mouth, lol. Denise is worried tonight that my throat may close up. I have to admit, I am too, so I will make my peace with God again before I sleep just in case. This is all too familiar and what will be will be.
Breathing is labored. I went into the Sunroom where I have the oxygen, it did seem to help with the chest pain but I have the Nitro close.
The extra 600mg of the medicine for the neuropathy does away with most of the pain but the first 30-40 minutes I have to keep down until I get my balance, sometimes longer. It does nothing for the numbness though so I have to watch the terrain and like I done 17 years ago I step hard for the vibration in my legs to know I have a good footing. It looks funny and it wasn't until tonight that I noticed guards and police looking at me like I was drunk... so embarrassing. It beats pain though. Denise helps me walk long distances.
There seems to be puss like junk that I get choked on that comes up with some effort. I have ran a low grade temperature all day from 99-100. Where does this chemo fog come from, lol. It seems worse but surely all this will pass. I guess right now I'm too deep in the forest to see the beauty of the trees.
Me, Denise, Megan, Misty, and Matt ate at Shoneys on the way down to see dad, I was able to eat pretty much what I wanted with quite a lot of pain, that one too a Endocet. Tonight when I got home I attempted to take my pills but my throat has closed off enough to get them stuck. I got one up twice, the third time it went down. The next pills stuck and Megan helped me get it up. I tried it again and Denise helped get that one up. She came into the room from the first one when she heard me choking. I left a mess in the floor swallowing a large amount of water which also came up with the pill. We ended up crushing the antibiotic and I am skipping the blood thinner.
My voice is all but gone and extremely painful to speak, but those that know me know my big mouth, lol. Denise is worried tonight that my throat may close up. I have to admit, I am too, so I will make my peace with God again before I sleep just in case. This is all too familiar and what will be will be.
Breathing is labored. I went into the Sunroom where I have the oxygen, it did seem to help with the chest pain but I have the Nitro close.
The extra 600mg of the medicine for the neuropathy does away with most of the pain but the first 30-40 minutes I have to keep down until I get my balance, sometimes longer. It does nothing for the numbness though so I have to watch the terrain and like I done 17 years ago I step hard for the vibration in my legs to know I have a good footing. It looks funny and it wasn't until tonight that I noticed guards and police looking at me like I was drunk... so embarrassing. It beats pain though. Denise helps me walk long distances.
There seems to be puss like junk that I get choked on that comes up with some effort. I have ran a low grade temperature all day from 99-100. Where does this chemo fog come from, lol. It seems worse but surely all this will pass. I guess right now I'm too deep in the forest to see the beauty of the trees.
03-11/2010
Morning.
The pain is still there but tolerable. My balance is gone but I have to get some things done so I will have to try, have some stuff to do that cannot wait. If I can make it to the car I'm ok I think to set up and drive a short distance. My voice is pretty much gone.
Dad had a bad night last night and may have had a set back. Those wanting to know about dad, I will be back shortly so email me and I will email you when I get back on his condition. I am sorry but if you call me or I you you could not hear me too well if at all so email me, my voice is gone. Maybe later it will come back.
I will update later and update on dad as well on the page I done earlier.
The pain is still there but tolerable. My balance is gone but I have to get some things done so I will have to try, have some stuff to do that cannot wait. If I can make it to the car I'm ok I think to set up and drive a short distance. My voice is pretty much gone.
Dad had a bad night last night and may have had a set back. Those wanting to know about dad, I will be back shortly so email me and I will email you when I get back on his condition. I am sorry but if you call me or I you you could not hear me too well if at all so email me, my voice is gone. Maybe later it will come back.
I will update later and update on dad as well on the page I done earlier.
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Thursday, March 11, 2010
03-10-2010
Today was a strenuous day as I have talked entirely too much. I have an infection and a cold and the swelling makes it hard to breathe. I had to break down and take a 15mg Morphine pill and about an hour later another. The 25 mg patch just got ran over.
On a good note, the added 600 mg in the middle of the day has all but stopped the pain in my feet. It has a bit more effect on balance but not much. Honestly, it can get funny when I head one way and end up the other, so far I haven't fallen. Denise and I went up to mom's tonight when she said she had a weird call and they thought they heard something, Annie is staying with her. So Denise and I headed up that way to check. She had her .357 and I had a 9mm and my .38, I'm a worse shot that she is with a handgun, lol. I looked like a drunk trying to walk around the house, lol.
The script didn't come today so if it is not here by tomorrow I will call Rathfoot and get him to send one for the infection and cold to at least take the swelling down. I stayed tired from yesterday's activity.
On a good note, the added 600 mg in the middle of the day has all but stopped the pain in my feet. It has a bit more effect on balance but not much. Honestly, it can get funny when I head one way and end up the other, so far I haven't fallen. Denise and I went up to mom's tonight when she said she had a weird call and they thought they heard something, Annie is staying with her. So Denise and I headed up that way to check. She had her .357 and I had a 9mm and my .38, I'm a worse shot that she is with a handgun, lol. I looked like a drunk trying to walk around the house, lol.
The script didn't come today so if it is not here by tomorrow I will call Rathfoot and get him to send one for the infection and cold to at least take the swelling down. I stayed tired from yesterday's activity.
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