07-18-2012

   I have until the end of the month before my next check-up, I always get nervous. Seems strange but I think it is always in the back of one's mind and yet seems like the past wasn't even real. I think maybe we mentally distance ourselves as far as we can, and yet that fear of pain stays with us. Loads of side effects we slowly work through and around each day bear in mind the hell we experienced. There is that fine line of a slow death that changes people, some for the good and some for the bad, that is about the only real thing we have power over. It is a fine line of not wanting to be treated by loved ones as sick while also needing to be understood that we are changed forever physically, mentally, and spiritually. One thing is for sure, we can't go back and can only go forward, maybe in some ways worse and in some ways better. Forever changed.

  This year I put out three of the four gardens, I lost control of two. I had to try. Really for the first time, it's not that disappointing that I couldn't do it, given the extreme heat, yet I'm not sure I could have otherwise. I kind of like the extreme heat thing as an excuse though. I had two 600 ft rows of beans that never got picked, plus the backside of another 100 ft. Maybe they weren't suppose to be, I needed seeds since I didn't keep many last year. Thing is, a hundred years from now will it even matter? No. It won't matter in even ten years. What does matter is that I tried. It took me a few days though to figure that out and come to terms with it. I finally quit and worked on the dump truck, changed the starter switch on it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, dissembled the steering wheel and clean the contacts in it. Next year I may not put out a garden, if I do it will be a small one. My mom and Denise's parents got to enjoy fresh beans, cucumbers, garlic, and beans. That itself makes it worth the effort.

  Me and Megan attempted homemade Ketchup yesterday, we worked all day on making it. We started with a recipe in a book that didn't work too well. Made it by the book and the seasoning didn't work, burnt the pan up, lol. From there it became a taste test. Megan wanted to add more sugar and lemon, I got hooked on the Cinnamon, this thing ended with 3 lbs of brown and 3lbs of white sugar, 2 lemons, loads of Cinnamon, and I have no idea what other spices we tossed in, at least 8. Denise came home and we already had most everything cleaned up. She tasted it and hated it, said it was too spicy and sweet. It hit me that all the Grilling Sauce we've ever tried was either full of bad stuff and the healthy stuff sucked... and this tasted a lot like the bad stuff that tasted good. We ran to the store and bought some chicken, smothered it in it and grilled it. Denise still wouldn't admit she liked it but she ate enough of it and later said it was "OK". Took mom some and she loved it, not to mention Megan and me loved it. We had chicken and potato chip like things we made covered. Someone said we could make it and sell it, except neither one of us knows exactly what we put in it, lol.

  These are the things that matter, maybe not in a hundred years, but when I'm gone one day, these are the things that will go on mattering and live on with Megan. Memories, happy times, and the love. Cancer and the side effects from treatments can take away damn near everything we have... if we let it. When we don't, it cannot. When allowed, though we be changed forever, we can have and bring joy. Though we may not have power over everything, God grants us the power over the things that matter. And though we may fail at some things, we can always succeed at the important ones. The real ones that matter.    

   

7-12-2012

Nothing really today, but I found this, and it seems to fit well.

My Birthday

   My birthday was last weekend. Me and Misty are exactly 18 years and 51 weeks apart. Matt, Misty and the kids came down. Mom, Denise, Megan, Annie & TC were all here and we done the cake thing. I can't figure out what would make Denise think I could blow out 52 candles, lol, but I tried.They watched Madea on the TV, I came in and watched a lot of it. Funny stuff there. Josh got his cast off, except for his wrist and Brandon puts one on today. Kaden got hurt in between and Baby has come out so far, uninjured. I think they have a little Papaw in 'em, lol.

  Monday and today rain, thank you God. I went a little overboard with the gardens and lost control of them, couldn't pick the beans fast enough. I needed seed anyway I guess. Denise has canned, I've picked, and Megan has broke and stringed them. I've kept in today, kinda pushed the throat thing in the heat and beans several times so far. Plus I was invited as a guest on Vickie Monroe's web TV and I needed enough voice to be heard, plus I didn't need to show up sweaty and rough, lol.  Starla was the host tonight, Vickie was sick. It was fun. Starla done an excellent job and I talked to her the other night, the lady is impressive on knowledge and I think has a good heart.

  Slowly losing some weight and come the end of the month when I go back for my check-up with Rathfoot, hopefully I'll has lost some. Water during the day when in the garden, then Mt Dews, which I need to leave off entirely at night. My throat is swelled inside, hopefully it will be back down before I go.  Something in the Tomatoe garden that don't like me... and I don't care too much for it either, lol. I wonder if it don't like Denise, her eye is swollen and red today after picking tomatoes.

Farewell Tommy

 Tommy Musick died today from his cancer. I mentioned him earlier, but didn't give his last name. Both he and his wife Rita battle it together and won a few years back, and by that I mean they both were diagnosed. Tommy got a different kind this time and lost. A grim reminded that this stuff is all too real and battles are tough. I meant to go see him a few days ago when I heard, but stayed in the garden and thought I'd do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. So let me tell you about this man.

 Tommy was a Christian and was always in church except when he was sick. Those that know me know that don't mean nothing, going to church, but Tommy was different. If you met him out he didn't have to have a sticker or talk about his faith, unless you asked him, but you knew without asking. He would gladly tell you whatever you asked, but he was interested in you. This man wanted to know how you are, if you needed anything, what you liked, and what you were interested in. He was one of the few people who asked how ya doing, and meant it. He actually cared. There are so many things to talk about, and so many things he was interested in, but he wanted to know about you, just you. No motives involved, no judgements, just how are you and what you've been doing. Through my treatments he would stop by the office and talk to mom.  

  He would laugh and make you laugh. I pondered today and you know, I never heard a dirty word out of his mouth, a far cry from mine. I never heard him negative and never heard an unkind word. This man could find the good in anybody or anything that happened. He loved everybody, but especially his wife of 46 years. Considering he was 66 that says a lot about both. He didn't beat the war drums, I suspect he saw enough of that in Nam, though he served his duty and was honored to do so.

  He loved cars, old cars and he loved his Moped, something I enjoyed teasing him about. Once he came to the office, on a cold day on it. He had a leather jacket on with fringes (tassels like) hanging down the arms, etc. This thing screamed biker. I asked him if he was turning Evil Knievel on us and he smiled and said, "I look cool in this don't I. To get the full effect I do this." He raised his arm and smacked the flanges with the other hand to make them move. "It won't go fast enough to move them, so I have to move them myself."

  As he served in the military, so he served his community, family, friends, and strangers... honorably. Tommy fought the good fight and though it may appear he lost, he won. Surely the world grows a bit darker by his passing and Heaven a bit brighter by his return. I will not say good-bye but farewell, and pray I see him again one day. If by chance I don't, it will be by my own lacking because he is already there. This man was good, decent, kind, peaceful, and gentle. The world will probably never know him, just like others that lived and died selflessly for they never seek fame or fortune. They live to serve, perhaps the hardest thing to do, and this man served. He served God, Jesus, and people around him. There are a lot of people who read this blog and so I wanted you to know that a good man went home today and will be sorely missed by many. That is important. Men and women such as Tommy don't build a corporation, act, write books, or jump high buildings and the media never reports them. They quietly change the world, brighten people's world, and move mountains in their love and kindness.

  So I say farewell Tommy, I will see you later, hold a spot for me my friend. Thank you for being everybody's friend, especially mine. I am honored and humbled that God would allow me to have such a man as you as a friend. You have always inspired many of us to be better people, though we fall short. I love you.   

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy birthday kiddo. It's been 33 years so somethings things I forgot, but some I never will. The night you were born Cathy wakes me up and says calmly, "It's time." I rolled over and said, "Time for what?" She says, "It's time." Took a second but I said, "Time for what???"  "Time", she said again. We lived with mom and dad then and I ran out of the bedroom and into theirs and scream, "It's time!!!" Dad was gone out, not sure if he was in the truck or at the motel or headed back. Mom says, "For What?" Then it hit her and out she came running around. We didn't have cell phones back then, not sure anybody did, I guess since she couldn't call dad she called Charlie. Charlie walks over, it's dark, and mom starts the Coffee Maker and actually brews some coffee. So there we three set talking and in walks Cathy with her suitcase. I forget what she said but we all headed towards the car and as we're headed out the door at least one realized that we'd forgot her. Yep, we just ran off and left her standing there. We fly to the hospital and she constantly tells me to slow down, I think we jumped the railroad tracks in town, Morristown's too, lol.

  So back then you had to attend a class in order for a dad to be in the Delivery Room, which was nothing like today. Berkline didn't pay enough for that, so I didn't get to go. They wheel her back and point me to the waiting room, which is small, smoky, and crowded just a tad. There was a guy waiting there who worked for the hospital who's wife was giving birth too. He has been there for hours and hours, so I figured I would be too. I'm not sure who, but somebody asked how many cigarettes I could smoke at the same time, I had 3 lite, then other guy just had 2. We hear a loud whistle coming down the Hallway, it was Dr Brock. He is just casually strolling along, whistling as he went. I ask him, "So Doc, what do you think it'll be?" Brock stopped whistleing, and said, "A Baby."

  He was going to let me in, but you came fast, so I didn't get to go. So here this dude and me set, smoking away.  We heard what sounded like an exorcism happening. This woman literally cusses everybody and everything that even attempted to live, lived, or ever would. "That's my wife shouted", the guy shouted and ran that way. The Doctor comes out as as he enters the Hallway he starts whistling again. All he said was "A baby". I thought about bragging and saying I'd put it back if it was a girl long and hard, so I hit the bathroom and started apologizing and begging you'd be healthy earlier. Funny, we only had a girl's name picked out all those months.

  I still wasn't allow back in to see, so I stayed outside the door and paced. The other guy that night went up and down the hall with a plastic bag with his wife's afterbirth wanting everybody to see. Yea, grossing everybody out, lol. They came rolling down a baby in a bubble, my heart skipped. You were white as a sheet and bald, but I just caught a glance and knew you were you. The most beautiful person I'd ever saw and you captured my heart right then.  That was the night you were born, from my perspective.

  I liked the name April and we thought we would add the name of someone else in the family, but nothing seemed to ring with April. Even when me and BB were kids we had picked out what we would name our kids, kind weird for boys I know. BB's name he loved was Misty, which sounded good with April. Being born on Annie's birthday Cathy wanted to name you after her, but Annie had been explicate to bring a new name into the family and not. Annie was born July 1st, 1894. Cathy understood though Annie was hinting, I didn't and I should have. To the day Annie died she never once spoke your name, but called you "Baby", and she usually called you "My Baby".

          

06-27-2012

  I passed my first test the last couple of days and learned to take breaks and was able to keep up stamina. It wasn't my old pace but better than I've done in a long time. Peanut Beans are small, hence the name and I managed to pick the two 100 foot rolls in two days. The days were cooler and its suppose to be extremely hot for a few days, so I had some incentive. I started yesterday at 8:30am and quit at 8pm, today 9am until 3pm and I was done. I had to wrap the right knee, but that wasn't unusual, had to do that a lot at UPS years ago. For new drivers, listen to what they say. Put the packages on the steps, go outside the package car and walk around, then pick them up. It may look macho to Geronimo out with the package today, but it don't look so macho a few years later. Anyway, It was about 3 bushel of beans. I'm still standing, sorta, lol.

  Megan is breaking them and Denise is canning them. For as much as I love green beans, think it will be a while before I eat anymore. Bobbie had Mark ask for a mess to cook, they never ate any before. She is suppose to come to get them tomorrow. Tickled Megan and Denise not to have to break and can them. She has 42 qts so far and what they have broken now will do between 7 and 14 more quarts, plus there is another 7 + unbroken, we have more than enough to share... and then some.

  I watered the beans and corn for 3 1/2 hours after picking, the other four rolls are coming in, but the corn is not doing well it appears. If it don't, the cows will eat it. The other beans are growing on homemade trellises, no bending as much.  picked the chili peppers snd divided them between Patel and Roma,

So tonight  filly fall asleep. Megan had a boy over his name is Jacob, He said he liked it. We will see.. For now, bedtime    

   

06-2502012

Morristown Dental got my tooth back in this morning, so I'm back online again in the eating part. I teased them and told them I'd put Gorilla Glue on it again, but I didn't. Afterward I went and signed up at a Gym on East Morris Blvd, turns out my insurance pays for it and it's called the Silver Sneaker Plan. It seems only yesterday I was young, now I'm a Silver Sneaker?

 I took a chance and went by Don and Barb's home, they were there. Barb was sitting on the back porch and Don with her. They still hold hands. Barb has lost some weight but she is still ahead of the curve, and that's what counts. As always, she is in a good, positive mood, Don is as well. She has some more to go and the cancer is responding. Barb is a fighter. Her throat sounds a little better but she too has lost her saliva glands. The Biotene she says works great. I've seldom seen few couples with this deep of love and devotion. Please keep them in your prayers.

  I hear tonight, through another party that another good friend Tommy has his back. They said UT sent him home with Hospice. Please keep them in your prayers. They are excellent people too. I need to go see him.

  We have 21 qts of Peanut Beans done and I start again picking them. They are small and low, and it takes a while to get them. Maybe just a row next year instead of two. I haven't put my best into the gardens this year, but they have done well all things considered. Next year, God willing, I'll move things around a bit. As soon as these are done, and the weather is pretty, we're heading to a picnic in the mountains.

  Next week Misty will be 33 and the next week I'll be 52. I was 19 when she was born. Where does time go...