06-03-2014 Dr. Rathfoot Follow-up

  Well it has been a while since I put the last up, I waited until this visit to do so. Me and Denise went to Dr Rathfoot for my June follow-up visit, it went about as expected, so it went well. He scoped me, as he usually does, and sees no evidence of the cancer. He did see quite a lot of swelling of the things that swell, don't remember what they are called, but so much so they are impeding swallowing and breathing. He also saw yeast along with diminished flexibility of my vocal chords. The Prednisone is causing the yeast in my throat but the radiation damage is responsible for the rest, which is why I use Prednisone.

  So next we have to get an ok from Dr Ramaphasad (Rama) to do the surgery that needs to be done. Hopefully he will just sign off on it instead of a check up, EKG, or Stress Test. He is my Cardiologist and the one who worked on me the night I had my heart attack, plus Denise works for him. In preparation to the surgery once it is cleared and scheduled I will have to take a double dose of Prednisone for a few days prior to reduce the swelling so the tube that will breathe for me can be inserted and retracted with less swelling. That will lessen the chances of getting a Trach. I'll also have to stop the Arthritis meds a few days prior to reduce the bleeding. He thinks this will get me by for 6 months at least, maybe more. More sounds good to me. It has become laborious lately to breathe and swallow, so I'm all for that.

  I also heard that a high school friend had died last night from a long, hard fought battle with cancer. Timmy Nash was and is a good man and will be sorely missed. Why some beat this stuff while others don't is a mystery to me, I guess God just wants them home.

  I started on a book, something I said I would not do, and may not finish, lol. I had turned down offers and never really entertained the thought until recently, after a lot of prayer I decided to do it. Hopefully it will be written better than I talk and normally write. Misty said she would proof read it along with Denise. I think too Amazon has some that will too. This one they picked the title and subject and the next ones I get to pick... I think.

  Meanwhile I weighed in heavier than I have ever weighed, 244lbs!!! Prednisone he said would do that, so I let it go at that. I didn't bother to tell him the Mt Dews I've been drinking, cause that has to stop. I also forgot to mention the 2am cookies and milk, but I have stopped that, now I just have to stop the bowl of cereal and milk I used to replace the cookies, lol. We went back to Gluten too, so that also will stop. I'm still fighting the Potato chip thing, lol.

  A small garden but none the less a garden that we have out this year. I'm not able to keep it up myself but Denise and Megan are helping. I think it done Dr Rathfoot good to see dirt under my fingertips again, I know I've enjoyed it. The garden has taken my mind off from a lot of things I need a break from, like probating mom's estate. I never knew it was that much stuff that must be done in order to probate and estate. I done a lot in real estate but not that.

  I know I will be down if all goes well from the surgery a few days but afterwards I hope that I will be better than I am now. I realize it will probably be a temporary fix, but a reprieve from the same old.     

Happy Birthday Denise

Happy Birthday Denise. 

I love you.

05-13-2014

  My blood work came back a while ago, I kinda forgot about posting again, should have already done that. I am at the top of normal, right on the borderline of being Diabetic. Prednisone is one of those things that sometimes has the side effect of becoming Diabetic, probably this weight I've gained has a lot to do with it too. :)  I gotta lose some weight. I constantly have to have fluid with the burnt up Saliva Glands (but one works a little), but I need to do something besides Mt Dew. I'm hoping that this summer I can tolerate some garden time and start back taking water again. My Thyroid levels are good, so that medicine is the correct amount. Dr Rathfoot done an excellent job on dosage when it finally gave out. Next month I will start again the follow-ups and I guess we will discuss surgery at that point.

  I still am struggling with mom's affairs. I hired Kelly Hinsley to probate the estate and his secretary Kerri does an excellent job. I am a fish out of water and at times I get a little urked at the way things are done legally, but I do them. So far I have stood my ground on a few things like her cars. The Will says they all come to me but she asked that I give Misty her Mountaineer and Megan her Mustang, and that is exactly what I intend on doing. Her bills far exceed her insurance but I intend on seeing they are paid and not by selling the cars like some have suggested. The stuff she asked that someone get I have followed her wishes. It is still so hard to go inside for any length of time. I gave away the food she had and the equipment that Hospice left, and some things the family asked for. I know all things material here are moth and rust, that is, falls prey to one of the other... but they meant something to them.

 I have found a way to sleep a little. In the change of seasons, especially before a rain, I hurt. Shoulders, knees, and neck, sometimes just all my joints. Some due to a mild arthritis left behind years ago from the Lymes Disease, mostly though from the injuries. I take 2 Advil or Tylenol PM pills, a blow dryer, 2 pillows, and a body pillow. I head for the floor and sleep there. I don't know what, how, or why, but it helps. If I can get 5 hours sleep that helps a lot. I have a long tubing for the O2 machine and take that to where I am. If I had known I was going to last this long I'd taken better care of myself, lol.

05-07-2014

   I haven't published in quite a while, well, actually haven't written much lately. I've spent some time on Pintrest, making some pins and browsing. I've actually watched more TV than I usually do. I don't want to make that a habit but it kind of takes my mind off things somewhat, but that is what TV does. Usually when I hurt of think I work, only these days that don't work either. This last yeast infection has went on for weeks and I stay tired from the sleep apnea, or who knows, maybe the weight gain.

  We put a garden out this year, but a small one, still bigger than last years which were just a few peppers and garlic. It got in the high 80s today and already that closed my throat off, so we shall see how this small one goes. With Misty and the kids gone, Annie gone, mom and dad gone... well there just isn't reason to put out a lot. Some of it may be depression, I catch myself starting to call mom at night and through the day, even catch myself heading up there. It all seems, well, strange and empty. Already I have people asking to buy this or that, God forgive me but I resent it. None of that stuff means nothing and yet I can't yet bring myself to touch it, save for the stuff the kids want and the stuff that could be needed by others that I gave to the Senior Center. I went by the Lawyer who is probating the estate today. I hired him for his honesty and intelligence, hopefully he will listen to what I intend on doing though. I get that sometimes, people mistake my niceness for weakness, by the time they figure out the two are very different it usually is a bit late.

  So I went yesterday to get blood work ran, the blood work that I was suppose to have done before mom went down hill. I took Megan to have her blood work run for her Thyroid levels to be checked and Kim at Dr Schindler's office remembered and reminded me about it. Megan's had to be increased but mine aren't back in yet. Next month starts the follow-up visits and possible surgery. I will not turn the surgery down this time if it will get me off the Prednisone. I always fear getting another hole added in my throat when I awake, I do not fear not awakening.

  Megan did get a job and she loves it. Gordon hired her to make sandwiches and stock at his store at Easy In Market. They have been good to her. Gordon talked with me before he hired her to make sure what I thought. He knew full on that Megan's hearing isn't good but he said he thought she could do the job, and I agreed. Megan has worked out great they said, she works hard, friendly, and learns fast. She now sees that the world isn't the same as it was in high school, where she was told what she couldn't do. She has discovered that out here she is no longer treated as an outcast or teased about her hearing. Megan finally sees what I always told her, nobody notices someone's deficits because we all have something we're lacking on. Most people are just trying to get from one day to the next as best they can.           

03-18-2014

Happy 25th Anniversary Denise

I love you.

03-10-2014

Well I missed Friday's telling of that appointment with Dr Bushkell at UT. It went well. He hasn't had time to speak with Dr Zic at Vanderbilt on my case yet, but he said he wants me back in 6 months and by then he will examine me and he and Zic will have something figured out. I told him Dr Zic probably wouldn't remember me but he said he bet he does. I like Zic but he is just too far away, and also I like Dr Bushkell. His staff is nice just like him. His treatment was to drive 3 times to Knoxville for treatments on a machine I hadn't heard of. After we told him how far he asked if we could get to a NBUVB Machine and do treatments easier. I have one the insurance company years ago along with us went in and bought. He briefly mentioned Targetin and I briefly ignored that, lol. Same goes with Interferon. I even was able to keep the stitch(s) in my leg and they got to take it out, didn't tear that one out, lol.

So today we went for a follow-up with Dr Rathfoot who was quite impressed with the swelling in my throat. He had a hard time getting the scope through my nasal passage and into my throat, and that was all me, I just couldn't seem to swallow and breathe at the right time. But we got there, lol. I just came off 30mg of Prednisone so the swelling is lower. I go back in 3 months and he said he wants to to consider surgery to do injections again. I will do it this time, no excuses.

  We discussed the Sleep Apnea problem which we are at a stand still, nothing else can be done. The pills he prescribed for the Narcoleptic events didn't work, and I apologized for not calling him in 30 days. He understood when I told him about mom. The next step would be a stronger medicine like Riddlen and he doesn't think my heart would take that, given the past Cardiac problems. So we hit a wall there too. Maybe something will come out eventually.

   Meanwhile the stress still builds, I wish I had have left mom discuss her final business with me. I'm dog paddling and it feels like over a massive waterfall. Real Estate I know, Estate handling I don't. I got so use to saying I'll ask mom. That doesn't work these days, neither does getting the phone to call her at night like I use to. I wrote a piece on the last week she was alive, one night's conversation we had and put in on the My Musing Blog. For now that is how I will have to release stress, remain strong in appearance.        

03-02-2014

  It has been a few days since mom's funeral, which was Friday. Mom is in Heaven now but it still hurts, especially at night when I would call. The day I can keep busy but even then it isn't without pain since it involves going through mom's stuff to try and find her Insurance papers, and make sure the food is gone. We gave the items that Hospice left behind to the Senior Center, got some Ensure too. In this world it leaves no time for grief, and that is sad. Mom made millions in her life yet died with debt where she gave most of it away, actually all of it. Bills have to be paid, which we can do for a while, but not forever. Mom looked at me the day before she died and asked why we worked all the time. Why did we buy all this stuff. Why didn't we slow down and enjoy each other more and appreciate what we had rather than working all the time to buy more. I don't know is about all I could come up with, well that, and we seemed to enjoy working all the time. I came to that realization the night I felt my heart beating out of my chest while I smothered and grew cold. I again went through that for almost a year while I fought once again for my life from the throat cancer and the medicine (aka Poison).

  At night I called her... every night. We would talk throughout the day on and off but at night at least once, usually more. I miss though brief calls. I remains strong so that the rest will and when I break I go off alone to do it. Megan has really taken it hard, she worked so hard to take care of mom. Funny, mom didn't have a lot to do with Megan when she was small, I guess she just didn't know how or was afraid of her with her hearing loss. She clung to Annie yet stayed at a distance to Megan, but dad didn't. Yet in the end it wasn't Annie who took care of mom it was Megan, Annie helped twice but Megan would not leave her side. Megan stayed the nights and the last week she wouldn't leave during the days either, and barely slept. Needless to say, she is sick physically too. I swear she sounds like she has Pneumonia too.

  Tomorrow I go for my blood work, a week late but the doctor should have it in time for Friday's appointment, he will just have to look it over a bit quicker. The creams seems to be helping with the patches of CTCL, the shampoo and stuff for the stress related infection on my scalp... not so much. I go soon to Rathfoot too for a follow-up.