Just two more to go! There were a lot of new faces in radiation today as students were there. They were all nice and chipper. The ones that have had to take a break still aren't back, I pray they are all ok.
I'm down to two small meals now and I think I have it down just how to do it. Oral balance biotene and the spray biotene, Lidocane, and some Morphine. That usually allows me a slow, soft eat... just have to watch getting choked.
After treatment today I met with Dr Green. He looked in my throat and on the outside of my throat. He said that if I weren't as close as I am that he would recommend taking a break, but since I was this close it was my decision. I told him I needed 1 Valium (part of the cocktail) to complete Thursday's treatment. He prescribed me 2. Those are definitely not my favorite but they chill me out and eventually knock me out, lol. With just 2 treatments left more I'm going for it.
After getting choked on a pill this morning, seems like it took miles to get it to release, and then again tonight, I'm going back to the Liquid Morphine. Funny how pain can overcome fear. I'm still doing the Miracle Mouthwash twice a day. Me and Charlie hit Shoney's breakfast bar again. That has become a staple. That will be the only thing I'll miss when this stuff is over, the talks and eating with Charlie.
Denise has kept the maiderm on my neck pretty constant and I am running 2 cool mist humidifiers and 1 warm mist humidifier. Tonight before bed I will take the liquid Morphine, 20 mg so I can get some sleep. That is becoming a rare item. I sleep until I feel the pain in my mouth and throat from the dryness and cracking, wake up and use the biotene spray and oral balance and attempt to go back to sleep. When that fails I resort to the liquid Morphine. That will usually buy me at least a couple of hours.
The swelling inside has left ear referred pain, odd, it was the right, but nowhere near the extent of the right. Then again, I am wearing a pain patch.
I went to start my car today and the battery was dead so I decided to once again drive to Sears, bought a new battery and then it started, lol. I went to Lowes, TSC, a couple of car parts places, right up until I got tired and came home. It was nice to get out. Funny thing was, the cheapest vehicle we have had to boost my everyday car, lol. We looked once again at Denise's Mountaineer, it overheated again. Watched some American Idol and now it's bed time.
Come Friday when Denise and me go to see Dr. Panella, hopefully I can say I am done with radiation.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
1-18-10
Well after another laxative I think I'm cleaned out. Just how much weight this and the soreness of my throat has cost me we will find out tomorrow, when I see Dr Green.
Yesterday's subject wasn't too pleasant to write about and probably not too pleasant to read either, but it had to be wrote to be honest. One pain pills you will get constipated and or impacted if you do not watch out. I learned this when I had my shoulder surgery and that was one reason I avoided pain pills as quick as I could. I should have continued to monitor myself during this but I slipped up and didn't continue to monitor as closely.
I have only three treatments left but it is unclear if I can do them. Between the ones of us in the waiting room we know know that the ones missing are on "vacation" again to heal up. The lady with mouth and throat cancer had another chemo and between that and radiation her white blood cell count bottomed, like mine did a while back. She and the others are in my prayers again tonight.
My inside of my throat is still cracking open due to the lack of saliva and swallowing is all but impossible from the swelling. Drinking cold water or tea is excruciating but then again I have always heard that cold takes the swelling down. I do however drink at room temperature frequently to try and keep hydrated. I'm tempted to ask for another IV.
The skin is already sloughing off on the phone when I talk on it... nasty. We've used the radiation cream religiously but it seems not enough. The left side of my throat is the worse, it has even caused pain in the left ear which I know from the tumor swelling, pain radiates to the ear because of the nerve in there close that the swelling outs pressure on. I tried the Sore Throat Spray that I used before I knew I had cancer, don't even think of doing that, lol.
My gag reflexes have diminished to once again getting choked on my own spit, what little I have of it. The saliva is extremely thick and so I keep, as I always have, an empty water bottle to spit in. This time it has a greenish tinge, not sure what that means if anything. This stuff is so think you can't see through it.
On a positive note, I have had to shave my sideburns twice now, could probably stand another right now, lol. They are 100% correct on my beard though, the hair follicles are burnt out so I will never be able to grow a beard again. Of course that also means not having to shave either, lol.
I watered the plants in the Sunroom today and moved a couple of the banana plants that weren't ding so well around. While I was out there I took a few breaths of oxygen from the tank I brought back here from the old pet store I had. Physically it may or may not help, but mentally it does. I looked at the tail lights that Bill wired up for me yesterday on Big Ugly, he done a good job. Other than that though, I've slept. That could have been in part the Morphine. Funny how enough pain will get you over your fears.
Being this close to done I hope Green will allow me to finish and maybe give me some tips on breathing and swallowing. I know from what I was told that what they do today continues to work for one to two weeks later, so I maybe in trouble. When I first started this blog I had hoped to be able to write all good stuff and for it to have a happy ending, I'm still hopeful of the happy ending.
Yesterday's subject wasn't too pleasant to write about and probably not too pleasant to read either, but it had to be wrote to be honest. One pain pills you will get constipated and or impacted if you do not watch out. I learned this when I had my shoulder surgery and that was one reason I avoided pain pills as quick as I could. I should have continued to monitor myself during this but I slipped up and didn't continue to monitor as closely.
I have only three treatments left but it is unclear if I can do them. Between the ones of us in the waiting room we know know that the ones missing are on "vacation" again to heal up. The lady with mouth and throat cancer had another chemo and between that and radiation her white blood cell count bottomed, like mine did a while back. She and the others are in my prayers again tonight.
My inside of my throat is still cracking open due to the lack of saliva and swallowing is all but impossible from the swelling. Drinking cold water or tea is excruciating but then again I have always heard that cold takes the swelling down. I do however drink at room temperature frequently to try and keep hydrated. I'm tempted to ask for another IV.
The skin is already sloughing off on the phone when I talk on it... nasty. We've used the radiation cream religiously but it seems not enough. The left side of my throat is the worse, it has even caused pain in the left ear which I know from the tumor swelling, pain radiates to the ear because of the nerve in there close that the swelling outs pressure on. I tried the Sore Throat Spray that I used before I knew I had cancer, don't even think of doing that, lol.
My gag reflexes have diminished to once again getting choked on my own spit, what little I have of it. The saliva is extremely thick and so I keep, as I always have, an empty water bottle to spit in. This time it has a greenish tinge, not sure what that means if anything. This stuff is so think you can't see through it.
On a positive note, I have had to shave my sideburns twice now, could probably stand another right now, lol. They are 100% correct on my beard though, the hair follicles are burnt out so I will never be able to grow a beard again. Of course that also means not having to shave either, lol.
I watered the plants in the Sunroom today and moved a couple of the banana plants that weren't ding so well around. While I was out there I took a few breaths of oxygen from the tank I brought back here from the old pet store I had. Physically it may or may not help, but mentally it does. I looked at the tail lights that Bill wired up for me yesterday on Big Ugly, he done a good job. Other than that though, I've slept. That could have been in part the Morphine. Funny how enough pain will get you over your fears.
Being this close to done I hope Green will allow me to finish and maybe give me some tips on breathing and swallowing. I know from what I was told that what they do today continues to work for one to two weeks later, so I maybe in trouble. When I first started this blog I had hoped to be able to write all good stuff and for it to have a happy ending, I'm still hopeful of the happy ending.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
1-16-17 - 10
I'm trying to tell this and at the same time be tactful and not gross. This will be hard to do.
For the last few days I've been hurting in my back and hip area. Saturday we headed out to a man who was suppose to have a 16 ft garage door for sale. We got there and he didn't have it. We went to Sams and bought some supplies and from there went to Shoney's. It was getting late by then and we come on home. All the while I kept this pain in y back and hips that I had for the last few days.
I felt the need to use the bathroom but again to no avail only this time unbelievable pain and pressure set in. I had taken some things that were suppose to make your bowels move with no results, so I tried them again. Denise suggested a suppository but I was so impacted it would not go in. By now I was bleeding out my rear end and in some bad pain plus sick at my stomach. The pressure had built so great that setting up was painful.
There was enough pain that I overcame my fear old the Morphine and took some. I manually dug out what I could, a slow process but it seemed to be getting nowhere. By this time though I was bleeding out my rectum. I was able to use the suppository but it didn't work, actually I tried a couple. I asked Denise to get me an Enema from Food City. I remembered a friend telling me his mom had to use these on his dad when he had cancer and was on the pain meds.
She brought me one back and I read it and asked her to help, it said two people were better than one at it. She refused to help so I was on my own. I done the directions as best I could and fell asleep on the floor in the bathroom from exhaustion of the whole ordeal which had gone on for hours prior to this. I laid 2 old towels down on the tile which I took a blow dryer that did heat the tile up enough to not be as uncomfortable. About an hour later I awoke and a little moved. So after that I repeated the process, fell asleep again and more moved very painfully. The instruction said most if not all of the liquid in the bottle should be placed inside yet both time I was only able to place about 1/8 in.
I went back to the cabinet and took yet another dose of Morphine, ran a hot tub of water and soaked. I also got some kind of pill that is suppose to relax you (one of the ones I take for the treatment). When I got out I took and done a 3rd one this time getting maybe 1/4 or a little more in. I laid there prepared for the wait and it came fast. It was one of those pains that make you want to throw up, but out came a lot. Once it was over, the pain lessened, but I was exhausted. I took a bath and went to bed.
Later this morning Denise fixed me a pancake, I ate about 1/2, and mixed some of the laxative later on. More came out then than last night. I believe I had become impacted from days of not being able to use the bathroom.
I've slept on and off all day today and kept on the Morphine. I'm still sore and it is still hard to set up or place any pressure on my rear end. I still think there are more left, but maybe I'm wrong... sure hope so. I am almost tempted to try another enema but doing these on your own are very hard to do.
The outside of my throat is showing the same attributes as the last time when I ended up in the hospital. It will be a race to see if 4 more treatments can be done without another break. this could explain where the ones missing are.
For the last few days I've been hurting in my back and hip area. Saturday we headed out to a man who was suppose to have a 16 ft garage door for sale. We got there and he didn't have it. We went to Sams and bought some supplies and from there went to Shoney's. It was getting late by then and we come on home. All the while I kept this pain in y back and hips that I had for the last few days.
I felt the need to use the bathroom but again to no avail only this time unbelievable pain and pressure set in. I had taken some things that were suppose to make your bowels move with no results, so I tried them again. Denise suggested a suppository but I was so impacted it would not go in. By now I was bleeding out my rear end and in some bad pain plus sick at my stomach. The pressure had built so great that setting up was painful.
There was enough pain that I overcame my fear old the Morphine and took some. I manually dug out what I could, a slow process but it seemed to be getting nowhere. By this time though I was bleeding out my rectum. I was able to use the suppository but it didn't work, actually I tried a couple. I asked Denise to get me an Enema from Food City. I remembered a friend telling me his mom had to use these on his dad when he had cancer and was on the pain meds.
She brought me one back and I read it and asked her to help, it said two people were better than one at it. She refused to help so I was on my own. I done the directions as best I could and fell asleep on the floor in the bathroom from exhaustion of the whole ordeal which had gone on for hours prior to this. I laid 2 old towels down on the tile which I took a blow dryer that did heat the tile up enough to not be as uncomfortable. About an hour later I awoke and a little moved. So after that I repeated the process, fell asleep again and more moved very painfully. The instruction said most if not all of the liquid in the bottle should be placed inside yet both time I was only able to place about 1/8 in.
I went back to the cabinet and took yet another dose of Morphine, ran a hot tub of water and soaked. I also got some kind of pill that is suppose to relax you (one of the ones I take for the treatment). When I got out I took and done a 3rd one this time getting maybe 1/4 or a little more in. I laid there prepared for the wait and it came fast. It was one of those pains that make you want to throw up, but out came a lot. Once it was over, the pain lessened, but I was exhausted. I took a bath and went to bed.
Later this morning Denise fixed me a pancake, I ate about 1/2, and mixed some of the laxative later on. More came out then than last night. I believe I had become impacted from days of not being able to use the bathroom.
I've slept on and off all day today and kept on the Morphine. I'm still sore and it is still hard to set up or place any pressure on my rear end. I still think there are more left, but maybe I'm wrong... sure hope so. I am almost tempted to try another enema but doing these on your own are very hard to do.
The outside of my throat is showing the same attributes as the last time when I ended up in the hospital. It will be a race to see if 4 more treatments can be done without another break. this could explain where the ones missing are.
Friday, January 15, 2010
1-15-10
Slept so-so last night, started to post but didn't. It got late quicker than I thought and I was worn out. My throat felt like it was swollen inside but nothing like tonight. Over the last few days too I've encountered a few people with throat cancer that they thought were cured only to find out they wasn't. That is just a bit depressing so I didn't write.
We arrived at UT at the regular time but the waiting room had a few in it already. We sat for a while and waited as the computer had to be shut down and restarted. I still haven't seen the lady that has throat and mouth cancer, I know she wasn't through yet. The other lady that comes with her husband asked if we had seen her or the young man that has throat cancer in a while. They are there before we get there. The guy with a beard who goes after me said he hasn't seen either this week, except maybe Monday. I know the lady with throat and mouth cancer had to take a 2 week break at the same time that I did and I know she lacked as many if not more treatments than I did.
After we were done with the treatment I took Ruth up on her offer for an IV for fluids. Me and Charlie walked over to the Chemo Hut and then Charlie went back and moved the truck from the parking lot where we park for radiation to the parking lot where the chemo is. I took 1 bag, maybe should have done 2 but I decided not to. I felt a lot better after the one. I believe that I was getting dehydrated. It's pretty common for me to have night sweats. Funny, this is the first time I've bruised from the IV. Ruth gave me a prescription for more pain patches. We will get them filled tomorrow.
While in the Chemo Hut I met a man who was doing his first Chemo with his wife at his side. He has throat cancer too yet he never smoked, no acid reflux, and no alcohol. Charlie and I told him what those who told us to use. gave him tips on lotions, drugs, numbing agents, moisturizing mouth sprays, and staying away from eating with anything metal. He was fast asleep when we left. The guy was in good spirits and a good sense of humor, I think he will do fine. He was like me when I first started this, a bit on the heavy side. He said he loved to eat. I didn't tell him that eating would soon be a chore and not a pleasure.
Charlie and I went out shopping, but we didn't buy anything, lol. Harbor freight and Northern Tools. Then since we missed breakfast we hit Shoney's buffet bar. While food has very little taste, I still remember when it did have taste. It is hard to explain to someone that everything either tastes bad or not at all. Eating is just merely something you do to survive. I love the "what do you feel like eating?" or the "what would you like to eat?" question.
Denise noticed that my outside throat, especially on my left side is almost like it was when I went to the hospital. For the last 2 nights I've been dressing my neck myself so this was her first close up look at it in a couple of days. The treatment is quicker but focuses maybe even more intense on just a fewer areas. Tonight, even more so than last night I'm having difficulty breathing from the swelling inside my throat. There is a lot of mucus and or thick saliva coming out I have to spit up. Tea is still acceptable and water, but not too cold with pain. It takes that third swallow from a sip to get past the gag reflexes, least you get choked. One sip, two swallows then a third.
Anything that is below room temperature is like fire when it goes down yet Denise says cold will take down the swelling. The outside pain is not too bad and the pain patch is managing it fairly well, the inside however is another story. I've been having to take 1/2 the Endocet every 4-5 hours to manage it. It's hard to sleep because you feel like your throat is going to shut off. The bleeding from where I cracked my throat open however has finally stopped. Swallowing is still fairly manageable. I've taken some Benadryl and biotene, occasionally using the Lidocaine, especially if it's a very cold drink. The outside of my throat is throwing off quite a lot of heat, not to mention the skin is once again coming off. These are deep burns again, a bit deeper than I expected.
I have 4 treatments left, surely I can finish the 4. Talk about coming full circle again. Before I was diagnosed I fought sleep from fear I wouldn't awake, now I do the same thing. I've got an oxygen tank out in the Sunroom and I use to sneak out a catch a few breaths of it. I think tonight I will do it again. It's almost as if you are smothering even though you are breathing. Like breathing through a collapsed straw. I've tried nose and mouth breathing, still the same. Thank God I have a two day break yet it does make me wonder. If what the do today I get the effects the next two weeks, I am about to be in for a rough month.
Me and Bill went out later this evening and I bought another camper top. The cold air felt so good on my throat. I'm wondering if maybe a cold compress should be applied to the outside of the throat to reduce the swelling of the inside.
I've got both humidifiers running wide open as usual. Keep a chair pushed up to my bed that has water and an empty water bottle to spit in, along with the biotene. I'll be up and down through the night spitting, drinking and warding off the pain of waking up with a dry mouth and throat. Panella was quick to explain that the dry mouth was one of the worse side effects often overlooked when doctors or people tell about their experience. It is one of the worse side effects there are. This isn't a I'm thirsty dryness, it is an extremely painful dryness. Usually it isn't lasting but for some, it never goes away. I pray that it will not be permanent. Since I've lost most of my muscle I can see the damage and scars from my shoulder surgery. It's kinda freaky seeing how much difference there is between the two arms. Now I know why my left hand stays numb and my arm only works in certain ways. The muscles that had developed to compensate for the damage are wasted and fat that was around it.
I've had a lot of fatigue this week going in and out of it. For the first time in a while some depression. I still get these nervous jerks, muscle twitch, or whatever you call it. My body is beginning to break out again like it did with the last chemo and it's getting hard to tell the break out from the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma patches. I drove to the office for the first time yesterday but probably won't do that again for a while. These sudden sleepy spells comes over me and then there are sometimes double vision. I've learned mostly how to deal with the double vision, I've had that hit over the last 5 years so that I have a lot of practice at getting through them. We've never quite yet figured out where that comes from.
I can see and feel my threat of not waking, similar to what happen to my father, just as he knew it. That is why I try and make sure that my last words are kind and I tell those I'm talking with I love you every night. I end my conversations with my kids and parents with I love you. I've come to realize the meaning of what my great grandmother use to say about not letting the sun set down on you with hard feelings. To always make peace before you go to bed, and never go to bed angry. Thing is, that holds true for all of us. The difference is that I have a physical condition that make that very real and reminds me, but the sad truth is that we are all subject to not having tomorrow to make peace, to not make amends, to not say what we needed to say. Hopefully we all go to bed and end our conversations with family and loved ones with I love you, just in case tomorrow never comes.
We arrived at UT at the regular time but the waiting room had a few in it already. We sat for a while and waited as the computer had to be shut down and restarted. I still haven't seen the lady that has throat and mouth cancer, I know she wasn't through yet. The other lady that comes with her husband asked if we had seen her or the young man that has throat cancer in a while. They are there before we get there. The guy with a beard who goes after me said he hasn't seen either this week, except maybe Monday. I know the lady with throat and mouth cancer had to take a 2 week break at the same time that I did and I know she lacked as many if not more treatments than I did.
After we were done with the treatment I took Ruth up on her offer for an IV for fluids. Me and Charlie walked over to the Chemo Hut and then Charlie went back and moved the truck from the parking lot where we park for radiation to the parking lot where the chemo is. I took 1 bag, maybe should have done 2 but I decided not to. I felt a lot better after the one. I believe that I was getting dehydrated. It's pretty common for me to have night sweats. Funny, this is the first time I've bruised from the IV. Ruth gave me a prescription for more pain patches. We will get them filled tomorrow.
While in the Chemo Hut I met a man who was doing his first Chemo with his wife at his side. He has throat cancer too yet he never smoked, no acid reflux, and no alcohol. Charlie and I told him what those who told us to use. gave him tips on lotions, drugs, numbing agents, moisturizing mouth sprays, and staying away from eating with anything metal. He was fast asleep when we left. The guy was in good spirits and a good sense of humor, I think he will do fine. He was like me when I first started this, a bit on the heavy side. He said he loved to eat. I didn't tell him that eating would soon be a chore and not a pleasure.
Charlie and I went out shopping, but we didn't buy anything, lol. Harbor freight and Northern Tools. Then since we missed breakfast we hit Shoney's buffet bar. While food has very little taste, I still remember when it did have taste. It is hard to explain to someone that everything either tastes bad or not at all. Eating is just merely something you do to survive. I love the "what do you feel like eating?" or the "what would you like to eat?" question.
Denise noticed that my outside throat, especially on my left side is almost like it was when I went to the hospital. For the last 2 nights I've been dressing my neck myself so this was her first close up look at it in a couple of days. The treatment is quicker but focuses maybe even more intense on just a fewer areas. Tonight, even more so than last night I'm having difficulty breathing from the swelling inside my throat. There is a lot of mucus and or thick saliva coming out I have to spit up. Tea is still acceptable and water, but not too cold with pain. It takes that third swallow from a sip to get past the gag reflexes, least you get choked. One sip, two swallows then a third.
Anything that is below room temperature is like fire when it goes down yet Denise says cold will take down the swelling. The outside pain is not too bad and the pain patch is managing it fairly well, the inside however is another story. I've been having to take 1/2 the Endocet every 4-5 hours to manage it. It's hard to sleep because you feel like your throat is going to shut off. The bleeding from where I cracked my throat open however has finally stopped. Swallowing is still fairly manageable. I've taken some Benadryl and biotene, occasionally using the Lidocaine, especially if it's a very cold drink. The outside of my throat is throwing off quite a lot of heat, not to mention the skin is once again coming off. These are deep burns again, a bit deeper than I expected.
I have 4 treatments left, surely I can finish the 4. Talk about coming full circle again. Before I was diagnosed I fought sleep from fear I wouldn't awake, now I do the same thing. I've got an oxygen tank out in the Sunroom and I use to sneak out a catch a few breaths of it. I think tonight I will do it again. It's almost as if you are smothering even though you are breathing. Like breathing through a collapsed straw. I've tried nose and mouth breathing, still the same. Thank God I have a two day break yet it does make me wonder. If what the do today I get the effects the next two weeks, I am about to be in for a rough month.
Me and Bill went out later this evening and I bought another camper top. The cold air felt so good on my throat. I'm wondering if maybe a cold compress should be applied to the outside of the throat to reduce the swelling of the inside.
I've got both humidifiers running wide open as usual. Keep a chair pushed up to my bed that has water and an empty water bottle to spit in, along with the biotene. I'll be up and down through the night spitting, drinking and warding off the pain of waking up with a dry mouth and throat. Panella was quick to explain that the dry mouth was one of the worse side effects often overlooked when doctors or people tell about their experience. It is one of the worse side effects there are. This isn't a I'm thirsty dryness, it is an extremely painful dryness. Usually it isn't lasting but for some, it never goes away. I pray that it will not be permanent. Since I've lost most of my muscle I can see the damage and scars from my shoulder surgery. It's kinda freaky seeing how much difference there is between the two arms. Now I know why my left hand stays numb and my arm only works in certain ways. The muscles that had developed to compensate for the damage are wasted and fat that was around it.
I've had a lot of fatigue this week going in and out of it. For the first time in a while some depression. I still get these nervous jerks, muscle twitch, or whatever you call it. My body is beginning to break out again like it did with the last chemo and it's getting hard to tell the break out from the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma patches. I drove to the office for the first time yesterday but probably won't do that again for a while. These sudden sleepy spells comes over me and then there are sometimes double vision. I've learned mostly how to deal with the double vision, I've had that hit over the last 5 years so that I have a lot of practice at getting through them. We've never quite yet figured out where that comes from.
I can see and feel my threat of not waking, similar to what happen to my father, just as he knew it. That is why I try and make sure that my last words are kind and I tell those I'm talking with I love you every night. I end my conversations with my kids and parents with I love you. I've come to realize the meaning of what my great grandmother use to say about not letting the sun set down on you with hard feelings. To always make peace before you go to bed, and never go to bed angry. Thing is, that holds true for all of us. The difference is that I have a physical condition that make that very real and reminds me, but the sad truth is that we are all subject to not having tomorrow to make peace, to not make amends, to not say what we needed to say. Hopefully we all go to bed and end our conversations with family and loved ones with I love you, just in case tomorrow never comes.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
1-13- 10
I apparently set my alarm clock on daylight savings time and at 4:45am I awoke and freaked out because it said 5:45am. I ran into Denise's room headed for the closet and went and brushed my teeth. Denise pointed out my clock was wrong and after checking other clocks in the house... it was, lol.
Today was suppose to be the start of the short ones yet one of the other girls said yesterday was. Funny but they don't seem any shorter. On the outside my throat looks a lot better than the last time but on the inside, it is horrible again. It feels like my throat is closing off again and where I cracked it open it is very painful. It did finally stop bleeding though. I've went from worrying about this pain patch to adding 1/2 an Endocet to my day 3 times a day. Kim has relieved my fear on the patch and I believe she is correct, I'm benefiting more than I know from wearing it. If all goes well, the Thursday after this one will be my last treatments... Thank God.
Picture Strep throat, now multiply that. That is what this feels like. Each day gets a little worse. The cracks are getting better though as Kim suggested that I go back to doing the Miracle Mouth Wash regularly. It does burn a bit but maybe that shows it's helping.
I have went back to room temperature water rather than cold. Cold water is producing too much pain. Smaller foods like rice are off the list again until these cracks heal. They are big enough to harbor some of the small grains which leads to coughing them up.
I've used a tom of Biotene lately as the saliva glands have all but quit with regular secretions and have gone back to a thick mucus like secretion. Especially before treatment. While you are strapped down the last thing you want is a dry mouth and suddenly want to swallow, and there is nothing there to swallow to moisten the throat. I read on another throat cancer blog that sometimes they have to stretch your throat again and remove scar tissue. Hopefully that will not be the case here.
We've broken the ice with the man with a beard in the waiting room now. It's took a while but between Charlie and me he now speaks and smiles. No more long faces and silence. I believe he is going to be alright now.
Today was suppose to be the start of the short ones yet one of the other girls said yesterday was. Funny but they don't seem any shorter. On the outside my throat looks a lot better than the last time but on the inside, it is horrible again. It feels like my throat is closing off again and where I cracked it open it is very painful. It did finally stop bleeding though. I've went from worrying about this pain patch to adding 1/2 an Endocet to my day 3 times a day. Kim has relieved my fear on the patch and I believe she is correct, I'm benefiting more than I know from wearing it. If all goes well, the Thursday after this one will be my last treatments... Thank God.
Picture Strep throat, now multiply that. That is what this feels like. Each day gets a little worse. The cracks are getting better though as Kim suggested that I go back to doing the Miracle Mouth Wash regularly. It does burn a bit but maybe that shows it's helping.
I have went back to room temperature water rather than cold. Cold water is producing too much pain. Smaller foods like rice are off the list again until these cracks heal. They are big enough to harbor some of the small grains which leads to coughing them up.
I've used a tom of Biotene lately as the saliva glands have all but quit with regular secretions and have gone back to a thick mucus like secretion. Especially before treatment. While you are strapped down the last thing you want is a dry mouth and suddenly want to swallow, and there is nothing there to swallow to moisten the throat. I read on another throat cancer blog that sometimes they have to stretch your throat again and remove scar tissue. Hopefully that will not be the case here.
We've broken the ice with the man with a beard in the waiting room now. It's took a while but between Charlie and me he now speaks and smiles. No more long faces and silence. I believe he is going to be alright now.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
1-12-10
Early again but not as cold. Charlie and me went got to UT in plenty of time again today even though we killed a little time this morning.
It was a short treatment and went well. I met today with Dr Green and asked about the feeling I had cracked open two places in my throat and told him it bled, not a lot, but still bleeds some. He said it wasn't unusual for that to occur since my saliva glands aren't working as they should. He wasn't too concerned so I guess that it will be ok.
My throat is getting tighter and tighter inside and more foods and drinks are taken off the do list each day again. It's painful to eat and talk again, but I knew this was coming this time. Me and Charlie still managed to eat a big breakfast afterward at Shoneys while I still can. They always remember my plastic silverware to eat with.
Coming back home, the cocktail was in full swing and as I got warm in Charlie's truck I began to get sleepy, think it was the drugs and a full belly. I slept until the phone rang today until 1:30pm, lol. Now approaching 11pm, I'm ready for sleep again. Must be the radiation.
I thought I'd post and I looked for an email from Sally, but didn't see the email. I always look forward to getting emails from Sally. We made friends a few years back from the Lymphoma board. Sally is a great lady and has been an excellent friend. Denise always looks for her email too. Even though we've never met face to face I consider her to be one of my best friends. She is very tough to have gone through what she has gone through and remain so positive and caring.
There still wasn't many that were there early this morning which was a shocker.
It was a short treatment and went well. I met today with Dr Green and asked about the feeling I had cracked open two places in my throat and told him it bled, not a lot, but still bleeds some. He said it wasn't unusual for that to occur since my saliva glands aren't working as they should. He wasn't too concerned so I guess that it will be ok.
My throat is getting tighter and tighter inside and more foods and drinks are taken off the do list each day again. It's painful to eat and talk again, but I knew this was coming this time. Me and Charlie still managed to eat a big breakfast afterward at Shoneys while I still can. They always remember my plastic silverware to eat with.
Coming back home, the cocktail was in full swing and as I got warm in Charlie's truck I began to get sleepy, think it was the drugs and a full belly. I slept until the phone rang today until 1:30pm, lol. Now approaching 11pm, I'm ready for sleep again. Must be the radiation.
I thought I'd post and I looked for an email from Sally, but didn't see the email. I always look forward to getting emails from Sally. We made friends a few years back from the Lymphoma board. Sally is a great lady and has been an excellent friend. Denise always looks for her email too. Even though we've never met face to face I consider her to be one of my best friends. She is very tough to have gone through what she has gone through and remain so positive and caring.
There still wasn't many that were there early this morning which was a shocker.
Monday, January 11, 2010
1- 11- 10
I couldn't get to sleep until about 2am then at 5am I was back up. Once again we head into the eye of the storm. I hadn't placed the tank properly back on the humidified last night and it blew dry air. I woke up several times with a dry mouth and pain. I kept using the Biotene and the Lidocaine.
We left and even though I took my cocktail at the regular time, it didn't take effect until I arrived home. I freaked out during treatments but managed to get through it. I'm sure that by now Charity must think I'm a nut because every time she does the treatment is when things go wrong. Although she was nice to me. The stops were long today, longer than I remember them being.
Cindy was already at Easy In this morning so we stopped there and I bought a Cinnamon Bun (something like that) which gave me something on my stomach in order to take the pills. Charlie got his first cup of coffee. Me and Charlie went to Shoney's to eat. I managed to get a plate full ate plus a bowl of biscuits and gravy.
No sooner than I hit the house I was in la-la land. I answered some emails but haven't a clue which ones or what I said. I crashed on the bed for about an hour, then another hour. It took the biggest part of the day to get back online mentally.
My throat is still bleeding inside a little and every once and a while it feels like the cut opens up that sends a pain across my body. It seems hard to get my breath at times and getting choked only takes not noticing where my saliva is... what little I produce these days. It is getting a bit scary again and feels much like when this all started, only this time it is on my left side of my throat and what feels the small opening and where we breath from. It tends to get on ones nerves. Denise had me take one of the nerve pills after a while of debating, I did. It did calm down the anxiety.
We walked up to Misty and Matt's for Brandon's birthday party, but I didn't stay long. Happy birthday Brandon, he is 8 years old.
Today Gatorade is pretty much history again. Now we go back to water and maybe tea for a bit longer. The pain broke through enough tonight that I resorted in taking 1/2 an Endocet even with the patch. Still not much relief. Just finished doing the Miracle Mouth Wash. It does help some, but it too burns. Took two more Previcid, I seem to have a lot of acid reflux again starting up.
I keep telling mysel... just 8 more treatments... 8 more.
We left and even though I took my cocktail at the regular time, it didn't take effect until I arrived home. I freaked out during treatments but managed to get through it. I'm sure that by now Charity must think I'm a nut because every time she does the treatment is when things go wrong. Although she was nice to me. The stops were long today, longer than I remember them being.
Cindy was already at Easy In this morning so we stopped there and I bought a Cinnamon Bun (something like that) which gave me something on my stomach in order to take the pills. Charlie got his first cup of coffee. Me and Charlie went to Shoney's to eat. I managed to get a plate full ate plus a bowl of biscuits and gravy.
No sooner than I hit the house I was in la-la land. I answered some emails but haven't a clue which ones or what I said. I crashed on the bed for about an hour, then another hour. It took the biggest part of the day to get back online mentally.
My throat is still bleeding inside a little and every once and a while it feels like the cut opens up that sends a pain across my body. It seems hard to get my breath at times and getting choked only takes not noticing where my saliva is... what little I produce these days. It is getting a bit scary again and feels much like when this all started, only this time it is on my left side of my throat and what feels the small opening and where we breath from. It tends to get on ones nerves. Denise had me take one of the nerve pills after a while of debating, I did. It did calm down the anxiety.
We walked up to Misty and Matt's for Brandon's birthday party, but I didn't stay long. Happy birthday Brandon, he is 8 years old.
Today Gatorade is pretty much history again. Now we go back to water and maybe tea for a bit longer. The pain broke through enough tonight that I resorted in taking 1/2 an Endocet even with the patch. Still not much relief. Just finished doing the Miracle Mouth Wash. It does help some, but it too burns. Took two more Previcid, I seem to have a lot of acid reflux again starting up.
I keep telling mysel... just 8 more treatments... 8 more.
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