08-12-2012

Happy Birthday Megan!!!

  Where your name came from. We originally picked out Megan, as a honor to Margaret. Mae from your mom's grandmother. Her eyes were blue like yours. All was picked out and well into the normal stage, no problems were shown on the monitors. Suddenly I heard the words double nucal (spelling ?) and people started to rush around. The doctor who was young at the time had also delivered Annie and this was the first time I'd seen him get excited. He and the nurses worked hard to cut away the umbilical cord and get you resuscitated. His name, Kim Collinson. So naturally we wanted to honor him too.

  We knew that you would be our last, ones of us was getting fixed to make sure, but we now had three people we wanted to honor. Mae is a short name, so is Kim. So we went back and forth and what sounded good while honoring all three was Kimmae, actually I think we spelled it this way, Kimmae'. Now you know the name origination, we created it. So when one day whoever thinks name meanings up, you can say it means "honor, respect, love." Created special for someone special, unique for someone unique, just as we all are. I Love You, Dad    

08-04-12

  It's been a wild week. Right after we got the good news and stayed on the road all day Annie called late that night worried that mom's BP was high along with her pulse. I asked Denise to go and check so off she went. Denise called back and between us three we talked mom into letting us take her to the hospital, which took some doing. We took her to Ft Sanders in Knoxville and while mom was in there Denise said she had A Fib. I actually think they'd let you die in ER, oh wait, they did two days later let a man code. It amazed me that probably only a few people actually needed medical care there, most seemed to need a fix. It was more like Springer meets the side show. One guy I wanted to knock out just to shut him up, I think everybody did. I keep thinking there has to be something that could be done for somebody other than feed an addiction.

  They ended up sticking her on the eighth floor, the cancer floor where you go when you have people extremely sick. At this point I'd like to thank UT, you all done a great job when I was there, and I saw just how excellent the care was now. Annie spent the night with mom and we came home and caught about 3 hours sleep at best. I was quite surprised and impressed with Annie. Her devotion and knowledge, especially being a new nurse. Charts were not filled out, orders not sent, they even took her BP by placing the cuff upside down and taking temperatures by sticking the thermometer in her mouth as she swallowed iced tea. To beat it all, the other RN lied like a dog, which didn't last too long as Denise and Annie both caught and confronted her and the other RN. Funny how they'd change their summation then go right to the next lie. We finally got her transferred to the cardiac floor after the main RN on the oncology floor stated they were a cancer floor, not a heart floor and they weren't prepared and didn't know how to care for a patient with heart issues. That lead me to say, wanna know a secret, you not only suck at heart care, but you suck with cancer care too. The Cardiac nurse told mom that if she had went to UT she would have been home in 24 hours or less, we're now working on day three. They were day and night on that floor difference. The nurse's station actually looked like a nurse's station. No charts strung out and it didn't look like prat girls gone wild. They actually were watching the monitors, organized, and working. Covenant Health Care has a long ways to go, and that includes doctors there too. Might want to curb those advertising dollars for quality, I expect better care for my animals.  

  It's taken until now to get back on track from all the excitement and lack of sleep, Denise is still wiped. Despite all of that, the week has been good overall. I pulled the biggest Banana Melon out of the garden I've ever seen or heard tell of, weighing in at 10.5 lbs. The biggest and best I always give to Denise's mom and dad, especially her dad since he is confined to a wheel chair and cannot raise them anymore. The look on his face is enough to make this year's heat and aggravation of the dry and wet season worth it. We took them some other stuff like Tomatoes and pears. Mom wanted some Nitro, which the doctors failed to prescribe. I'm of sure if she needs it after a successful stress, but I think it makes her more at ease knowing she has it, so I gave her mine. I forget to carry it most of the time anyway, plus it's mom. It did ease her off that night and her BP is still high, but no A Fib, I think thats what Denise said it was. Heart out of rhythm, like mine did the first few days after the heart attack. Misty and the kids came in to see her. I miss them.

  So that brings us to today. Yesterday I picked about a bushel of pears and this morning I thought I'd surprise Denise by peeling, coring, and cooking one. Had the recipe and it was simple. It was like saute in a pan with butter and some Cinnamon, poached I think it was called. It ended up being more perched than poached, lol. I remembered the great taste when Granny would cook them... that wasn't it, lol. I think Denise ate what she did to save my feelings, but her taste buds got the best of her. She had that look, I probably did too, of a mule eatin' briars. I watched what appeared to be a smile as she took the first bite, didn't take until my bite it wasn't a smile, more like a snarl. Me and Megan tried to make Ketchup and made some great Grilling Sauce, except we don't know what all we used. I can grill, make cookies, and pizza good and that is about the extent of it. I'll probably try that again as soon as our taste buds heal. :) It's all good, except when I cook it.        

       

7-30-2012 Rathfoot Follow-Up

  We went this morning to Dr Rathfoot for a follow visit. He scoped me, which oddly enough I look forward to, well maybe not the actual scoping, but to see what he finds. Whatever the outcome it's good to know what he sees.

  He saw the right side of the throat has gone down a lot, pretty much miraculously a lot and he was more than pleased, hardly any swelling left. The left side where the tumor was still has a lot of swelling, but it shows progress. The color was good too. Denise handed him the blood work result from the Thyroid levels. Surgery for now is off the table! Oh yeaaaaa. He also noticed that at least one Saliva gland is trying. With the dentures it seems to fire that thing up a bit, wish I could sleep with them in.

  Denise addressed my fingernails being more brittle, fatigue, and I asked about the numbness that I have from time to time in the left side and sometimes the right. He thought that it could be my B levels and in particular B12. He also though maybe the throat numbness might be Neuropathy, I didn't know you could have that there. I have it in my feet, hands, and face and it fluctuates from day to day how bad. When I was at UPS I took 1cc per week injection of B12, I have Pernicious Anemia. Since I'm not there and as active we went to the regular dose of 1cc per month. I was diagnosed about 20 years ago about a year, give or take, after Lyme's Disease. Be it the Lymes or the heavy medication over that year, I developed it back then. I done the Shillings part 1 and later part 2 which confirmed that I don't make Intrinsic Factor and was 100% unable to absorb or make it. I hate needles, slight phobia of them so I was all for whatever don't sick me.

  We finished the day celebrating. Went shopping at Earth Fare, followed by a Salvage Store (to see if they had a door we wanted). Went from there to Pigeon Forge and stopped in at the Lodge Store, headed over to Corning wear store to buy a Food Colander and a few small items (?). Ate at 5 Guys and went to Old Time Pottery. Then headed home to grocery shop and cut some Okra, Peppers, and a Banana Melon from the garden. The only thing lacking this perfect day would be the German lady from North Myrtle Beach at Scoops making a Banana Split. :) I dream about those.    

7-27-12 Bloodwork

  We got the results back from my blood work to see if my Thyroid has quit and  I need to start medicine for that. Dr Green was up front that the thyroid would be burnt up where it was located, causalities of war sort of thing. It was unfortunate but at the same time worth the sacrifice, so we were expecting it to give way. At first they said 6 months, then a year, then 2 years. The levels dropped but have maintained at the lower end of a normal range, even though the activity shows it's gone. My nails started being brittle, I get cold sometimes, and my hair is falling out some, so Denise said it was time again to have them checked, so I did Thursday. How she keeps up with dates and times is beyond me, but I'll bet the heart patients love that, I know I do.

   So it's been just slightly past 3 years and today (well actually yesterday now) we got the results back. I have no idea why but by the grace of God I'm still within normal. Once again another hurtle has been passed. Monday I go back to Dr Rathfoot, which I always fear and look forward to at the same time, bittersweet. I pray each time he will say normal. This time maybe my throat will have expanded, but from the feel of it lately I seriously doubt that. I think maybe the dampness and heat and weeds growing are taking their toll.

  So the gardens have pretty much grown up, kind of like I had feared, I couldn't keep up physically. Then again we had 3 out this year, and with the unbelievable heat, I don't feel like I failed. I tried and the gardens done excellent, especially considering the weather and my lack of attentiveness. I'm not sure what or how but heat and cold both aren't very easy on the throat, and I've finally learned to not get disgusted and push, but not like I once did. This is for sure one time when I'm shown just who grows the garden and who don't, I just happen to tend it but God makes it produce. The last few days I've either stayed inside or worked on BUD (bigger, uglier, dump) as Denise calls it, lol. I need to get it working right and like I want asaic (as soon as I can). :) I'm rewiring the lights all around, fuel tank, replacing the key switch, adding extra tail lights and a towing connector, and replacing the speedometer cable. I already put a new instrument cluster in. Nothing wrong with the old one except it didn't have a Tach, and I like having that. When it cools down comes the (gulp) exhaust manifold.  

  Tonight Megan worked on a banner like thing we made for a new website http://pinterest.com . She done a great job. I'll have to show it on here. Megan calls it Faith. She designed this whole thing.

  Also something I think most would benefit from, not only laughter wise but also to see the glimpse of a deaf person, I'm placing a link of a show. Megan connected heavily with her, so did me and Denise, but Megan, on a different level. Don't let the title fool ya.

 

07-18-2012

   I have until the end of the month before my next check-up, I always get nervous. Seems strange but I think it is always in the back of one's mind and yet seems like the past wasn't even real. I think maybe we mentally distance ourselves as far as we can, and yet that fear of pain stays with us. Loads of side effects we slowly work through and around each day bear in mind the hell we experienced. There is that fine line of a slow death that changes people, some for the good and some for the bad, that is about the only real thing we have power over. It is a fine line of not wanting to be treated by loved ones as sick while also needing to be understood that we are changed forever physically, mentally, and spiritually. One thing is for sure, we can't go back and can only go forward, maybe in some ways worse and in some ways better. Forever changed.

  This year I put out three of the four gardens, I lost control of two. I had to try. Really for the first time, it's not that disappointing that I couldn't do it, given the extreme heat, yet I'm not sure I could have otherwise. I kind of like the extreme heat thing as an excuse though. I had two 600 ft rows of beans that never got picked, plus the backside of another 100 ft. Maybe they weren't suppose to be, I needed seeds since I didn't keep many last year. Thing is, a hundred years from now will it even matter? No. It won't matter in even ten years. What does matter is that I tried. It took me a few days though to figure that out and come to terms with it. I finally quit and worked on the dump truck, changed the starter switch on it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, dissembled the steering wheel and clean the contacts in it. Next year I may not put out a garden, if I do it will be a small one. My mom and Denise's parents got to enjoy fresh beans, cucumbers, garlic, and beans. That itself makes it worth the effort.

  Me and Megan attempted homemade Ketchup yesterday, we worked all day on making it. We started with a recipe in a book that didn't work too well. Made it by the book and the seasoning didn't work, burnt the pan up, lol. From there it became a taste test. Megan wanted to add more sugar and lemon, I got hooked on the Cinnamon, this thing ended with 3 lbs of brown and 3lbs of white sugar, 2 lemons, loads of Cinnamon, and I have no idea what other spices we tossed in, at least 8. Denise came home and we already had most everything cleaned up. She tasted it and hated it, said it was too spicy and sweet. It hit me that all the Grilling Sauce we've ever tried was either full of bad stuff and the healthy stuff sucked... and this tasted a lot like the bad stuff that tasted good. We ran to the store and bought some chicken, smothered it in it and grilled it. Denise still wouldn't admit she liked it but she ate enough of it and later said it was "OK". Took mom some and she loved it, not to mention Megan and me loved it. We had chicken and potato chip like things we made covered. Someone said we could make it and sell it, except neither one of us knows exactly what we put in it, lol.

  These are the things that matter, maybe not in a hundred years, but when I'm gone one day, these are the things that will go on mattering and live on with Megan. Memories, happy times, and the love. Cancer and the side effects from treatments can take away damn near everything we have... if we let it. When we don't, it cannot. When allowed, though we be changed forever, we can have and bring joy. Though we may not have power over everything, God grants us the power over the things that matter. And though we may fail at some things, we can always succeed at the important ones. The real ones that matter.    

   

7-12-2012

Nothing really today, but I found this, and it seems to fit well.

My Birthday

   My birthday was last weekend. Me and Misty are exactly 18 years and 51 weeks apart. Matt, Misty and the kids came down. Mom, Denise, Megan, Annie & TC were all here and we done the cake thing. I can't figure out what would make Denise think I could blow out 52 candles, lol, but I tried.They watched Madea on the TV, I came in and watched a lot of it. Funny stuff there. Josh got his cast off, except for his wrist and Brandon puts one on today. Kaden got hurt in between and Baby has come out so far, uninjured. I think they have a little Papaw in 'em, lol.

  Monday and today rain, thank you God. I went a little overboard with the gardens and lost control of them, couldn't pick the beans fast enough. I needed seed anyway I guess. Denise has canned, I've picked, and Megan has broke and stringed them. I've kept in today, kinda pushed the throat thing in the heat and beans several times so far. Plus I was invited as a guest on Vickie Monroe's web TV and I needed enough voice to be heard, plus I didn't need to show up sweaty and rough, lol.  Starla was the host tonight, Vickie was sick. It was fun. Starla done an excellent job and I talked to her the other night, the lady is impressive on knowledge and I think has a good heart.

  Slowly losing some weight and come the end of the month when I go back for my check-up with Rathfoot, hopefully I'll has lost some. Water during the day when in the garden, then Mt Dews, which I need to leave off entirely at night. My throat is swelled inside, hopefully it will be back down before I go.  Something in the Tomatoe garden that don't like me... and I don't care too much for it either, lol. I wonder if it don't like Denise, her eye is swollen and red today after picking tomatoes.