11-10-2012 Barb

  I got a text yesterday that Barbra died, for her the fight is over. I cannot imagine, nor would I want to even try, what Don is going through. Barbra made Don's lunch everyday and put a little love note in it, I can't remember seeing two people in love like they are. I say are for a few things never die. Truth, Love, and the Spirit. So once again this year Heaven gets a little brighter and the world a bit dimmer. I haven't contacted Don, Denise's dad has been very sick and Josh's birthday. Honestly though, I would not know what to say. Nothing really comforts a person during that time and no words really comfort, it just takes time. Don is without a doubt the best husband I think I've ever met. Don and Barb inspired me and everyone they encounter along their life. 

  I think back to the last time me and Don talked and he asked how much I knew about the Bible. I told him a little, but not much. The more I learn the more I know I don't know and need to learn. What I didn't say is that I know about death and about God, not by reading but by first hand knowledge, yet how does one describe what no words can. You can't. Words terribly fail and truly one is left with a knowledge one cannot accurately explain or share, and that makes it hard knowing. It is not that you ask for it. That changes my views on death and what comes next. So for Don I pray and mourn, yet for Barbra I rejoice, for she is experiencing something greater that words can tell, more alive than we are in this world. She fought valiantly, and though she lost the battle, she won the war. That however will do little to numb his pain.          

11-9-2012

  I went and got my blood work done and last night I took his blood work order and Googled what that was and what it is for. The blood work will check for Acetylcholine receptor antibodies, I'm hoping to rule out Myasthenia gravis, which I can't even pronounce. For that matter I haven't even heard of it. It spurs from the Thymus Gland, I had to Google that too. :) Other than Thymus & Louise, I've not much knowledge on that. Not sure it's accurate to doctor's knowledge of it but here this is  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001731  I did notice some things that looked familiar. Rare, Incurable, Treatable. There is also cancer in that gland that would need be ruled out. Rare and Incurable I know oh too well, they seem to like me. Once rare, Lymes Disease, Pernicious Anemia, CTCL. The Brown Recluse just left scars... both times. I seem to collect rare like a rare magnet. But we will cross that bridge if we come to it. The results may be back as early as Monday. It'd be nice to just have a nice, smooth life. 

  Denise's dad blacked out today and had to be looked at. Test results so far so he was in A Fib. He is doing good now though. Please remember him in your prayers. Her parents are good God loving people.

   And tonight it seems we have a visitor again, go figure. The neighbor's dog was shot with a pellet or bb gun and ours were turned loose last night. I've done been out once tonight and tonight will stay alert.    
      

11-08-2-12

  The Blood Work ordered is to check for antibodies and I'm hoping ruling out Myasthenia gravis, which until now I'd never heard of.

11-9-2012

Happy Birthday 12th Josh!!!

You're this close to being a Teenager.

11-7-2012

  I got a call from the eye doctor's office today at UT Eye Surgeons, said he wanted some blood work. I'll pick up the orders tomorrow and take to the lab where Denise works to have it drawn. We will see whats up on that. Other than that the neuropathy hasn't changed, still here. I think the wet weather/cold has something to do with it because it seems to get worse, Sally says hers is too. Denise and Megan have bought caught Misty's cold, so far I've been spared. I got a call from Rod, his wife Nora had breast cancer, they put her in remission, now it's back and 13 chemo treatments later, it's not responding. Please remember them in your prayers, they are good people. We made friends when I worked in Real Estate with them. 

  I've stayed in the last 2 days, cold and wet outside. Me and Megan baked some Gluten Free French Bread... not quite the size I was after but the taste is excellent. Today I researched a little more on gluten free flours and what is good and what mixes with what well. I have 2 recipes but didn't go by either one, lol. God willing, I plan to try and grow some of these plants the flour derives from next year, so study will be needed on that too. I have no idea how to grow that stuff, harvest it, or clean it to turn into flour. :) I do know that Denise has now lost 15lbs, Megan has lost about 10, and I've lost about 10 (I keep falling off the wagon). Denise will from time to time but seldom. Megan will not eat Gluten anything. Already her sinuses are better, bloating gone, and acid reflux is gone too. I'll have to say that after a week or so my acid reflux is gone as well, and sinuses are not as bad.

  Megan's duck hatched out 8 babies so far which was an unbelievable feat when one considers they live on a wire floor pen. She has done a great job. The cows are eating like pigs. We put out 3 rolls and they were down to one today. The rolls are so-so quality, save for 2 that just weren't eatable and I replaced them, so that is 5 rolls down now. Not bad for the second week of November, but we only bought 120. It'll be tight. Now here was a funny thing. We were watching Duck Commanded on TV tonight and Megan and Denise think I act a lot like Phil, Willie's dad, with a touch of Willie's brother added in. I'll take that as a compliment. That came after Phil caught the grandchildren playing video games and gave them a lecture and took them fishing. Except I don't fish, I'd like to but don't. I play in dirt and animals and fix things, but I don't understand texting or video games... at all. Thought that was pretty cool of him making taking them fishing. The dirtier I am the happier I am. :) That justifies I can set in the tub a long time and read. Well, prowlers again tonight, either 4 or 2 legged, which means I have to go outside in this crappy weather and see.

  It's been a good day, and I thank God for that.      

10-31-2012

  We went to the Ophthalmologist today at UT Eye Surgeons. Dr Rouse was nice but either I'm getting old or doctors are getting younger. I don't think I've ever had that complete of an eye exam. He even looked in the back of my eye ball, which I'm still trying to figure that out. I come out with a Ray Charles looking eye wear on my glasses, took until about 3 o'clock until I could stand seeing the daylight. All that and I still have no idea what is next or if anything is next, but he was complete in the exam and took his time. I had never heard that kind of doctor before now, thought all eye doctors were the same. The term sounds like it is a positive person, lol. Optimist.

  Denise never ceases to amaze me. He and her talked what sounded like a foreign language, I listened but didn't understand a lot of it. He is going to talk with whoever read the CT Scan and maybe order blood work. I did read the report from Dr. Panella on interrogating the CT Scan. One thing on the report that wasn't a shocker is that I'm overweight, or under tall, depending on the perspective. Some loss of hearing and I think that is blamed on the chemo, but I believe it's also a possible side effect of the H Bot Therapy. It seems I'm losing and have lost some control of a muscle in the left eye which is causing the episodes of double vision. He saw a muscle curled? The fix seems to be placing a Prism in my left lens, which takes away clear vision. I have no idea what I do now. See Dr Panella, call Dr Rouse, get blood work done, or wait. I know I have to go back in 4 months.

  Now this is weird. There is a possibility it could be Thyroid problems. It was understood that the Thyroid was in the line of fire with the radiation and would get burned up. Last check levels were within normal range and it's almost been 3 years. Thank God for that. It was expected to be dead a long time ago. I ended up at a little after 3 picking about 1/2 bushel of Chili Peppers for Denise to take to Jo, Rama, and the girls. Picked about 1/2 bushel of sweet peppers. Probably the last of the peppers this year, its suppose to frost tonight. The garden is one place I can go and the world looks better, my escape. I checked the cows while I was out too and took them some salt blocks, counted and petted a few. I love to watch the calves run and play. I think maybe when winter hits I'll play with one of the cars, maybe put the bug back together and put the new top on it. If it ain't a bad winter we have the old lumber from the front porch. Me and Megan could build a me Peacock Aviary and a Duck Aviary for her. I think the new term is re-purpose the lumber, but I call it using what you have and not wasting it.          

   

10-26-2012 CT Scan Results

  I got a call from Ruth today at UT on the CT Scans on my head, neck, and lungs. All Clear!!! Thank God. I had not heard Ruth's voice in a while and hearing her talk was like music to my ears. Ruth is stern and even though she shows strength she has a big heart and an excellent nurse. But lets face it, all the ones who worked on me are excellent. I have some excellent support from family and friends (especially Kim), who was and is a life saver. With all of this though I'll have to say prayers and well wishes are the strongest medicine. So that was good. I still go to the Optometrist (think I got that right) next week for the double vision and sometimes dizzy spells. I've had my arteries checked in my neck and they're pretty clear, I think one had 20% blockage, not enough to worry about. I'm still wondering about sinuses.

  Today me and Megan took off the trash and burned some piles of old wood and weeds, plus a few leaves. I took the lawnmower and vacuumed up the leaves here. I got it running but something just ain't quite right. I tilled the ground again where the Garlic will go, it still needs tilled with the sphagnum moss in it. Nov 3rd the signs will be in the breast so Denise is wanting to do it then. Me and Megan took a roll of hay to the cows. They didn't seem to interested in it. We were there about 30 minutes counting, kept coming up with different numbers, lol. Finally we both come up with 32 twice each. I transplanted a cactus tonight using the roll it in newspaper method, aka splinters. I read that somewhere, must have missed some major point. Knowledge is what you obtain from reading, observing, or listening. Wisdom is what you obtain right after you needed it. I also figured out real fast that cactus needles must shed in the soil. Found that out poking my fingers to tighten the soil in the new pot. :)

  Despite the lack of sun exposure, my Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma is staying fairly stable. I got one tumor in my arm, had it quite a while now. I may get it took out one day. I've a few patches, but nothing unusual. Denise has Apples again... more Apple Butter coming up. She done good the last batch.

  We also started burning out a spot for all those tiny trees I bought, they were cheap. Mostly Almond and Pecan Trees. Funny, I wasn't sure I would ever taste a nut from them but now it looks promising. I bought them like I did all the other fruit trees, bamboo, and plants knowing that if I never get to use them hopefully those left behind will enjoy them.

  I'm not sure if Panella reads this anymore, or the ladies and gentlemen at UT who have worked on me. Or Rathfoot or Smith and their crew. I'm sorry I'm not a good patient but please know that I do listen. I have you all, UT, and St Mary's held at the highest esteem, the greatest respect. You all have been great to me, and I thank you. I didn't expect to get this far and through you God has gotten me way beyond my expectations. I think over time you figured out I don't fear death, at the same time though I don't fear life either. God has allowed me more time through your care, and I thank Him and you all for that. I get to badger my kids, grandkids, and especially Denise, whom I would not be without her.

  As for many more, some say I've seen a lot, and I have, but some see more everyday. I have a residual of Lyme's Disease, Heart problems, high BP, 2 cancers (1- I still have), arthritis (from Lymes and ignorance), Pernicious Anemia, COPD (coughing up phlegm dammit),  neuropathy, sleep apnea, and just plain ignorance... just for starters. Filling out those forms to see a doctor is like writing a Biography. :) I still say I am the most blessed man alive. I have a great wife, my kids are clean and good, grandchildren that are wonderful and fun, mom that has a massive heart and an optimist. I have so many friends, some I've met face to face and some not... and some I don't know yet. Like most I have ways I'd rather not die, but at the same time I would rather not live any other way that I have, for through that I am surrounded by great people. In my lifetime so far, God has provided me far better than I deserve. Just wanted you all to know that.