9-11-2013 Check Up

We went to see Dr Rathfoot today. It was good and a possible not so good. This was the first visit this year where surgery wasn't on the table, the larger dose of Prednisone has appeared to work on the swelling. The down side is that it appears that it may be causing Diabetes. I never knew it could do that and I'm sure the Mt Dews and sweet Tea ain't helping. Limited Saliva glands means keeping liquid on hand at all times, but I should do more water. Normally I don't eat a lot of starches like Potatoes, except lately. Funny how limited one is after dental surgery and no teeth. I've eaten more scrambled eggs, so much so I'm ashamed to look at a hen. :) More mashed potatoes than I eat in a year.

  He explained that I was fortunate, that it looks as though I will get to keep my voice box. (He didn't call it that). The Radiation burns all the cartilage and if it is burnt bad (most are) then the body attacks it. Eventually it can harden and stop working. Mine seems to have stopped finally and now the hardening. I've learned to use my diaphragm to push out tones and loudness, even though shouting is impossible. Sometimes though, certain sounds come out louder than I intend to and some sounds are harder to make. I figure though if Megan can make sounds that she has never heard, surely I can do what I have heard. Only what we say is impossible is impossible.

  So the next step now is to have a test to see what my blood sugar is. I figure since it is diet and probably lifestyle I need to change. I will, even though Denise says no, cut the Prednisone in 1/2 as soon as the swelling from today goes down. It shouldn't be too bad by weeks end. If it works great and if not, well... we can always go back unless my throat closes off in my sleep. Who knows, maybe by December I can come off it all the way. I haven't discussed it with Rathfoot, easier to ask forgiveness than permission. I will say this though. Dr Rathfoot is a credit to the doctors and medical profession and I am blessed that he is my doctor. The world could use more doctors like him and a step more, he is a man to be inspired to be like.

  So tomorrow I get my impression made and within a week I will once again have lower teeth. I can't wait. I think we will celebrate with a grilling, steak and whatever else hits.

  We loaded and took off eight calves to the market. Me, Denise, Megan, and Mark caught and loaded them up. We have about ten more to take later one and one that sometime this winter we will eat, saved him for us. So far Megan hasn't lost any more ducks to the animal that got a few of them. I took one shot at it and missed but we watch and have a more accurate rifle waiting. I think though we found an even better way, dog hair the dogs shed placed about the field.    

09-10-2013

Check up again tomorrow and after that I'm not sure if I have a dental appointment or its the next day. I skipped a little though on events.

  The tooth that kept breaking off, well, cap and post anyway, finally broke one too many times. I talked with Dr Steltzman who tried to put it back on and it didn't even last a day. The last break went deep enough under the gum line it just wasn't salvageable. I set up an appointment with Dr Sidney Boyd and he done surgery to remove the last two from my mouth. I thought losing the last two would bother me but it didn't. So I go and have my impression made for a full plate, probably what I should have done in the beginning, would have saved a ton of money. But we tried.

  I think maybe my Thyroid will be rechecked this visit or he will order it to be checked. I'm hoping surgery will be off the table but if it ain't then so be it. The hay is in and tomorrow evening we load calves for the market. I guess I'll give in this time.

  Mom meanwhile, things have been one right after the other. They can't give her chemo or radiation due to her blood being low and Nutrifils being low. She has had this problem before but apparently nobody ever bothered to test it properly. Well, UT to the rescue again. Dr Hana done tests and mom has Leukemia too, which is preventing the treatment for the other cancer which is aggressive. In between those two findings yet another cancer on her nose, but it was fixed.

  I think at this stage I'm just tired but calm now. I figure God will do what He will and whatever He decides for any of us, though it may not be what we wanted, will be whatever is best. Me and Denise went on a bike ride Sunday for a few hours, something I had said we'd do more of this year. This was however our first real ride, despite the lack of gardening. After my lawnmower lesson it took a while to heal up enough to use the hand, then I seem to head downhill, then mom went downhill, then all the rain. The day was nice and I think we both needed that, I know I did. For a few hours the world seemed to be at peace. Denise is already planning next year's Anniversary trip, somewhere in the Caribbean. I've been engrossed in Pintrest. I guess we've all got our ways of escape, even if only for a moment.   

Happy Birthday Megan

Happy 21st Birthday Megan Kimmae`. 

 You almost had the name Megan Mae, Mae from your mom's grandmother Mae. On the night you were born though, things changed, and fast too. You gave no sign that it was anything more than a regular child birth until you started out. You were what they called a double nucal, or something like that. The Umbilical Chord was wrapped around your neck twice so they had to stop you and cut it from around your neck first. Then they resuscitated you. It was a hard, scary birthing and they all worked hard that night.

  So we wanted to honor the doctor that delivered you, his name is Kim. So later that night we talked about it and put the Kim along with the Mae, which made the name Kimmae. This is what I intended on calling you but dad started out calling you Megan, then the rest of the family did too.

  You were that .01% that birth control pills make an error on. If anything even tells the worth of someone or wants proof that God intended on them being here it is you. .01% chance, so I'm guessing God wanted you here a lot, and He put you with us. My memory comes and goes during that time from the Lymes Disease I guess, but I remember the strength your mom had and still has.

  I think you were about 3 when we discovered your hearing loss, but when you were born we didn't notice. Denise taught you how to form your letters using percussion, holding your hand up to her mouth and pronouncing a letter, then holding it to your mouth to imitate it. Night after night, day after day, year after year. She took you to UT Speech & Hearing, who also taught you how to use your hearing aides and learn words and sounds. It didn't take us long to figure out though that it wasn't you who were born with a handicap, it was us. You hear watching expressions and body language and, you hear someone's heart, a rare gift.

You have no idea how much you changed our world... for the better. From you I have learned much and you probably didn't know that, but it is true. I've learned from all 3 of you but perhaps you the most. You took teasing and cruelty and yet didn't hold a grudge and have always been quick to forgive. Gentle in nature and though you are physically strong, your inner strength amazes me to this day. You went to school where some teachers said you didn't belong, put up with their sarcasm and sometimes cruel words knocked you down, and yet you got back up. I will say that with a lot of them when you were in school you didn't fit in, you were above that. I also remember you seeing if I needed anything when I was so sick, and even to this day when bad days come, you help. Me and Denise are both extremely proud of you, as we are your sisters. Now if we can just get you to drive. :)               
 

08-05-2013

  Imagine that, no posts for a while and then suddenly here we go again. Mom got her tests back on her place on her nose and it is cancer, a different kind and completely treatable. Then she got back the results of a swab they done in her nose. Seems that when she had surgery at Ft Sanders she brought home a present, MRSA, since back in the spring! They noticed her WBC count was low, Nutrifils were low, yet of all the doctors that came into the room, nobody caught it. I'm sure she wasn't their only case, it had to start from somewhere. So she is taking meds for the MRSA and maybe that will get her blood building back along with a new Dr added, Dr Hanna, which Denise said she has heard good things about. I remember hearing that name when I took chemo. Now that she is at UT I think things will go better if they can get her on track.

  So come Monday I go see Dr Boyd to get the 2 teeth out I have left, but this is for a consult. I got 2 teeth, want to be knocked out... should be an easy one. :) I have to go and get checked for MRSA too since I was with mom. Maybe thats been my sinuses and stuff, but maybe not. My blood work came back and the Thyroid is officially dead, RIP. They expected this a lot earlier but we all knew it was going to happen. That would explain irritability, sleepless nights, yet staying tired. Hair falling out and dry as a desert, nails breaking off, weight gain (I think the extra Prednisone has a lot to do with that though), and hard to focus (good excuse on that, usually I'm just scatter brained, or ADD). Dr Rathfoot is out until Tuesday, so meds won't be until then at the earliest. The nurse asked if that was ok and I figured sure. As hard as that man works he deserves some peace and quiet, and this isn't life threatening. I think Denise said 4.5 on something level and mine is 5.777.   

08-01-2013

  The hay is up and hopefully enough to last through the winter, 152 rolls all total. I broke the tractor again in the process though, one more thing to do... again. That is one worry off my mind and one less pressing thing so when Sept comes the surgery will be ok to do and next week or two getting the remaining teeth out and a plate made. I'm so past this hole in my jar and sticking the tooth back in each morning, plus getting sore. I've fought infections constantly from the tooth and the mold from the ground with all this rain. I had blood work done today to see if I am needing the Thyroid medicine yet. Given all this I'm in a bad and depressed mood.

  I promised to hold silent and thus far have, but this blog has always been a blessing and at times a place to refuge. I say stuff I would not otherwise say here. I have a big mouth but I actually say little of importance in person, and that is done purposefully. Tonight though I need to release, and so I shall, yet still holding back on some things. Mom has cancer, which is bad enough but having two myself now that in and of itself shouldn't bother me. I know most of the time it is treatable. She had a Hysterectomy back in the late winter at Ft Sanders by a Dr Morgan, and I use the title Dr extremely loosely, just as I omitted the word Hospital from Covenant Health Care, or lack there of. He said he "got it all", even though he had no PET Scans done before or after, said they were a waste of money. Things went sour and again she wanted me to remain silent, and so I have. Denise got her in with Dr Kilgore at UT after Morgan wanting to start Radiation Therapy, again with no PET Scan at his new building. When mom declined he even sent out a registered letter saying it would be dangerous if she doesn't start along with phone calls. Where were they radiating? How did they know where and how much to radiate? They didn't! May God forgive me but I have a searing hate developing for Morgan. Dress lightly, it will be warm where you go one day.

  So today mom was to start chemotherapy, except it didn't happen. When the blood work was draw it showed her white cells and Nutrifils were all but absent. Dr Kilgore said that it would probably kill her if she had it done within a week, and Radiation was off the table for now too. Her blood must be built up in order to withstand it and fast, the cancer is aggressive and in multiple places. Mom is scared and her first words were that it was a death sentence. It does seem a bit bleak yet I showed no fear to her and tried to give hope, after all, it is up to God to call the shots. Whatever the outcome His decisions are just, yet I pray for a little longer, provided quality of life is good. I think there is always hope. So there, I've relinquished my silence. We would appreciate your prayers for her. I have called a few family members to tell them the last week or two, some I reached and some not, but some read this blog... or at least they use to. If you want to get updates or details just call me, save one who has not returned my calls. I have a lot of confidence in UT, so if it is His will, it will be.

7-8-2013 Rathfoot Visit

  We went to the follow-up appointment with Dr. Rathfoot today and I think it went fairly well. He scoped me and saw no evidence of tumor but did see the radiation aftermath still fighting. He showed us on a drawing what he saw and the swelling that has finally quit but not gotten any better either, so we're at a standstill for now. The odds though are good that I dodged the Trach being put in temporarily, less chance of that happening now, so the increase in Prednisone worked. He explained that it also kept my immune system down so that maybe my body would cease attacking the damaged part. His biggest concern is that at night while I am asleep that my throat will close off and I'll not wake up. So, the surgery is a definite to inject the Kennalog (spelling ?) in there, maybe even stretch it a bit. I was able to talk him into waiting until Sept so I could get some stuff done, and let him know I know the risks of waiting. He said that one of two possible outcomes would occur now as the end result, and I can't remember them, lol. Since the trach is pretty much off, as long as all goes well, I don't mind the surgery.

  He also noticed that I make some saliva and said that I was making more than he had ever seen any neck cancer victim make. When I have me teeth in they help one of the glands halfway work. It takes some time since I can't sleep with them in to start to work again each day. I broke off the same tooth again, this time below the gum line, so we will see what comes of this tomorrow.  It would be good if it would hold off until my insurance resets and I'm not sure just how long I've had the bottom one. I'll probably get those 2 pulled and just go with a regular denture, that way I can sleep with them in and make spit. Nothing quite like waking up each morning with your mouth and throat feeling like its cracking open.

  So I will do as I have done. Nights when I feel my throat is tight I sleep up in a chair, and other nights on the couch, still some in the bed. Eat nothing dry without a lot of liquid. Nothing too large or nothing too small when I eat, and eat slow and focus on swallowing.

  Today was a good day, quite excellent. I got the surgery postponed, me and Denise went to Victoria's Secret, Sams, Earth Fare, and Lowes. We had fun together, despite the incident at Victoria's Secret, lol. I discovered the secret. Don't stick your hand in a vase that looks like it has a mirror suspended 1/2 inside, it's smelly oil. I'll assume the candle at the bottom was to heat that stuff, why I don't know, I thought it stunk. Denise however liked the smell. I felt like it appeared I had given a Pole Cat an enema. That stuff don't wash off easily either. One of these days I'll grow out of having to touch everything, lol. I was better at SAMS, especially after I turned on that weird thing with lights and a siren that time and couldn't make it stop. That was embarrassing. It has been a good birthday. 

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy Birthday Misty

The night you were born started odd. Cathy woke me up and said "It's time". We were living with mom and dad then and I woke up mom and repeated just what Cathy had said. "It's time". Mom rose up and said, "Time for what", kinda pissed. I filled her in so she woke up and called Charlie, which he came right over. There we sat in the Kitchen, mom and Charlie drinking Coffee and I was sitting with them. Around the corner come your mom, carrying a suit case and asked for help and said we needed to go... so we left, lol. Once in the car and backing out we noticed her standing there, we'd forgotten her, lol. Off we went. 

  We got there and rushed her right in. Back then a man had to go through some classes before he was allowed in the delivery room. We didn't have the money or time for me to take them, so I waited in the waiting area. At one time I had 3 cigarettes going and was about to light a 4th. We heard a woman scream curse words out and the guy sitting next to me says, "Thats my wife, I know her voice and tone." We had barely gotten her there in time and I thought maybe it was Cathy. The doctor was heading out to get me when you started crowing. 

  The time I sat there I thought of all the people I had said things to about must have a boy. I finally got up, went into the Bathroom, and prayed that whatever God gave us would be healthy. My craving for a boy ended and humility started. :). When they wheeled you out I fell in love with you when we locked eyes. So much so that I went and bought bubble gum and cigars to pass out. I gave up on a boy that night, had no idea there would be 2 more added years later. All of this you have heard before, but this part is new. I went back in the bathroom after they took you down the Hall and thanked Him for such a beautiful baby. 

  Now you turn 34, have your own family, and raise them well. I am very proud of the woman you have grown into. I know it was hard to grow up with just a dad for a while, but it sure was good. I swore that I would never leave my kids like I was left, and though I've made some mistakes, I remained. I see that look of duty in your face today with your kids. So, happy birthday to a great daughter, mother, wife, and sister. If I never do anything else right, there are at least 3 things I see that I was a part of doing right... plus Denise, though she came to us right, we just done some tweaking, lol. Now you see your kids like I have always seen you, Annie, and Megan. If you live to be 100 you will still be one of my little girls. You inspired me as a child, and even more so as an adult.