07-08-2014

   This is the first time I have celebrated my birthday without mom, Misty, Annie, Matt, and the grand-kids. It was kind of strange, actually sad in many ways. Of the original crew here only me and Mark remain now, all the others have gone home. So this evening me, Denise, and Megan had the cake. I am thankful and blessed to have them here with me. Tina and Charlie stopped in and brought me a present and cards, but they had to get back home, a storm was coming.

  They told me of Charlie's check-up, it has been 3 years since his throat cancer was treated. This one didn't go so well, they have found a spot that don't look good. They will treat him with antibiotics for 3 weeks then recheck, but they think it may be back. I know he is worried, the eyes cannot hide what the truth is, despite what the voice says.

  But tonight, as I lay down and as I do each night I make my peace with God, thanking Him for the blessing He has given me. I have 3 excellent girls that are now excellent women, except I still see them as my little girls. The have excellent guys or men now to partner with, all except Megan. I have 4 excellent grand-kids, each of them are smart and good kids. They say you reap what you sow, thank God I didn't for I never was as good a kid as they were. I thank God for Denise, who has taught me that there is such a thing as a better half. I certainly didn't deserve her either.

  Most people wonder why I smile and I tell you I smile no matter the pain. I have seen Hell on earth at times, days that never end, yet eventually they did. I lay down many nights and I'm not sure if I will awake. That has become a way of life now, the new normal. But I smile. I smile because if it all ends today, I have been blessed to have lived in the company of great people. I smile because I awake each morning and thank Him for another good day, just as I thank Him for a good day each night. Often during the day I have to take time to say thank you. Though storms may come and linger, do damage sometimes, they do pass. One way or the other they pass, for nothing is forever here on earth, neither good nor bad. Each day though something good can be found in even the worse of days. Sometimes it is hard to find, yet something is there. Meanwhile one need only to look and one will see, that He has surrounded us with the cream of the crop of ones around us. I smile because I am thankful for sharing this world with great people, and have memories of ones great that I have been allowed in the company of.

  

07-01-2014

Happy Birthday Misty   

 

I won't mention 35. Oooppps 

06-23-2014 Update

  Still sore but I think mostly it is from the yeast infection in my throat again. I hope this surgery will do away with the Prednisone, at least until I need it done again. I stayed in again today, it was hot and I'm still a bit down, maybe by tomorrow it will be better. I got the stuff filled for the yeast to be worked on too, well, actually Denise got it.

  I called Dr Bushkell and got the meds he prescribed refilled for the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma to give me some peace at night. It actually seems to work and help a lot. I then debated all day if I should call Rathfoot's office, I know he is off this week, and ask about the pain med. The nurse was nice and I explained that I couldn't do the liquid stuff, it has ate my mouth and gums out. I'm not sure why, I used that when the throat cancer first started in 09 with no problem, but I guess things change. I made it this long though with very little for pain so I almost didn't call. I'm glad I did, took a pill and that was the first relief I've had since the surgery. I explained that if they thought it best not to prescribe a pill it was ok too, no big deal. I've seen and lived through much worse pain.

  I expect maybe one more day, course I always say that, just one more day, lol. I learned that a long time ago, never look at how far you have to go, take it in sections, one piece at a time. Baby steps are still steps and steps are still moving forward. As the Bible says, deal with today, live in today and let tomorrow worry for itself, plenty of things today.

  Meanwhile, man have I ever went nuts. I could have watched TV... nope. I could have written some more on the book.... nope. Instead I ordered 2 new type of Bamboo, 2 types of Banana plants, and Denise a Palm and bush. They're all small and cheap but now I wonder what I was thinking, or even if I was thinking, lol. I fried us some Potatoes and Onions tonight, seasoned with herbs. I done ok, Denise loved it. Normally I'm restricted to cooking outside, except when I bake us some bread. I need to get back doing that, having baked any since I almost cut my fingers off.

  So tonight, I'm up and feeling good, or at least not much pain. I should sleep well, especially since I got to go back taking the Relaflen (Arthritis Meds). Denise wouldn't let me take Celebrex, which is what I was taking when I had my heart attack in 2005. They sent me a check from their "settlement", but I didn't cash it. I knew the risks. Once again I get to say thank you in my prayers, but that is every night.      

06-21-2014 The Day After

   Surgery went well, Dr Rathfoot and St Mary's on Broadway done excellent, but we knew they would. I was kind of out of it for a while, a little painful but nothing major. Last night though I got no sleep at all, upset stomach and acid reflux, so I ended up staying up all night long. I'm not sure if it was the anesthesia or pain medicine. A very long night. Probably going in the garden and picking Cucumbers wasn't real smart, I get tough and stupid confused sometimes, lol.

   I had set my sights on a Lodge Cast Iron WOK and after Denise took Megan to work, I pestered her to take me to Sevierville. I'm not suppose to drive for a few days, actually suppose to do what I ended op doing... nothing. My mouth and gums are extremely sore, inside my lips are too. I guess they must have had a chock to hold my mouth open. Throat is raw and tender. My first time taking all my meds again ended up with 1 pill went up the flap in my nose and the other stuck right where it don't need to be, but I got them both back up and swallowed, thats all that counts.

  I took my teeth out early, too painful to leave them in and I hate the pain meds. only used it twice so far today, thats 2 times more than I thought. My breathing is so much better but my swallowing is worse, but that will change in time. He got his first look into the deep and saw no cancer. Rathfoot injected those things and I guess wherever I needed it the Kenna-log (spelling ?). Then he done what he talked about doing, stretched my throat.

  I passed on this surgery last year, averting it until winter but then mom got sick, so it had to wait. With Denise working it was mostly me and Megan caring for her. I still hold to my belief that I should be the last person on my list I think of, it seems to give life meaning. He said that this should last for 6 months to a year before we do this again. Sometimes there ain't no easy fix, and sometimes there ain't not actual fix. I have learned that time and time again, and I say amen, I will work with what I am given as long as I am given. God is great, He has surrounded me with great people and at the same time never left me. I am thankful.

Now for a picture Denise snapped of me chilling out with a Coke, yea I know, Coke is bad. :) I still smile, even though I was stoned and fresh out of surgery.

   

  

06-19-2014 The Day Of Surgery.

   We left at 4:15am, got there before 5:30am, and all was well. Got checked in and headed upstairs where we got signed in, and all was still well. I met the Anesthesiologist, nice guy, seemed to be completely with everything, very methodical. The 2 RNs, extremely nice and knowledgeable. So we have an EKG ran, they let Denise see it and she saw it looked good to her too, still that marker that you always have compliments of a past heart attack. All was well.

   They brought the Peace Pipe through, actually something that you take a breathing treatment with to open you up or something, I have COPD and Emphysema (thank God I also have spell check). It opens but then leaves me sort of nervous and agitated, not to worry though, they have more. Then came an injection of Prednisone in my IV, guess I forgot to mention that part. They took samples of my blood then left the thing in, think it was hooked to a bag of IV fluids, that is also what they inject in. Then they said they had something to relax me. The Peace Pipe or extra Prednisone or something had me agitated and restless, sounded like a plan to me. That was about all the memory I had that stayed in tact, lol.  All was better than well, because I had no clue.

   I remember the ladies telling us I was about to head for surgery, took my belongings to the recovery room. We were waiting on Dr Rathfoot to come in, they said he would speak to us before I left for surgery. He came in and for the first time ever I saw him in a not so good mood. Most doctors can have attitudes, but not him or Dr Schindler for that matter, these are great guys who seem to have no button to push. Seems Tennova 2 had forgotten to get the tool he needed to do the surgery! How does one forget that? I remember bits and pieces of Rathfoot and Denise talking, and caught the main parts of his anger, which by the way was very much a gentlemen, but once again it confirmed that I had the best doctor there was. His anger was to me an outpouring of his compassion and care.

  Soooo, tomorrow we do it all again, except at the old Tennova, (aka old St Mary's) in Knoxville. I've had the other throat surgeries done there along with a shoulder surgery. I slept coming home, fell asleep and slept most of the day. Denise said I wasn't allowed to drive for 2 days and that kinda comes under the duh category. That "relaxing stuff" is more a knock out stuff for me, which ain't bad I guess since I'm headed for surgery. It was the 1st time since leaving off the arthritis medication that I actually don't hurt, and as great as that is, I'll deal with some pain as opposed to feeling like that. Still, it was and still is like a vacation.

  Tomorrow we try this again. I don't think I'll have to do anther EKG or blood work, and know I'm not paying another copay. We were all ready, all that is except the hospital person who orders the equipment. Denise said it is a tool that is about 1 1/2 feet long, I could have probably been fine without that added bit of information, lol. I got a little more with it this evening and grilled us steak, onions, potatoes, and squash. Now it is bedtime again, try this one more time.       

      

06-19-2014 Here We Go Again

   Everything looks a go for today, everything in place. Hopefully this will come off as smooth as the other surgeries have went, Rathfoot is an excellent Doctor. As long as I don't wake up with an extra hole I'll be happy, well, that and good news. I am at peace with this tonight, nothing will happen that isn't allowed to happen by God. Hopefully it will go well and if not then I trust He has His reasons, either way, I'm good to go.

  They were very accommodating getting me scheduled early. The little bit my saliva glands work isn't enough to stop the pain of the dryness. I do an EKG, Blood Work, then off we go. If all goes well I should be back home within a few hours. It takes a day or two for the stuff to wear off, maybe down time a week, give or take. During that time I will write more on the book, so if they're reading this at Amazon, I'm slow but I'll get there... eventually. I should be able to come off, or at least down, on the Prednisone. Maybe then I will loose some of this extra weight, then again late night cookies and milk will probably have to be ceased too, lol.

  A part of me can't wait. If this brings the pain threshold down that will be great. If it helps my breathing and swallowing that will be great too. Less Swish & Swallow. One thing I miss though that I will get to go back on is the arthritis meds. No sleep last night at all, my built in Doppler kicked in again.   

06-09-2014 Proceeding

  Step 1, get Dr Rama to approve me for surgery and today that is complete. It could have been scheduled this week, except I haven't enough time to double up on the Prednisone to lessen the chances of a temporary trach, that and there is already a nurse off where Denise works. Now we look at his schedule and another date looked at soon. I won't publish it prior though just to be on the safe side.

  I'm not sure on how it will go this time, I have some reservations on the outcome. One thing is for sure, doing nothing is not working though. One of the few times though I have a bad feeling about this. At best, this should buy me 6 months to a year, if I understood correctly, before we look again for a solution. The continued yeast infections in my throat though make it hard to swallow and even harder to breathe. That is also cutting back on sleep time and rest and creating more of the Narcoleptic type episodes. Plus I'm fat and borderline diabetic, which ain't helping none. The Prednisone even makes me not like myself these days.