December 16th

  Another sleepless night. I may have gotten 3 hours or so all together. I asked Denise this morning if she would call and talk with Ruth at Dr Panella's office since my voice is all but gone. Meanwhile Charlie came back here to check on me and brought me a biscuit/gravy from Hardees, I could only get a few bites before the pain and choking got too bad to continue. Denise finally got a hold of Ruth who said to come on down to the Chemo Hut and they would give me fluids and meds. Charlie was going to take me but Denise insisted on taking me so they could get this thing figured out. A big thank you goes out to Dr Ramaprasad (Rama) and Kathy at Morristown Heart Consultants where Denise works. They have been the kind, caring, and helpful in letting Denise take off and take care of me.

  We get down there and they took me right on back. I've never seen it that full. Then again, usually I'm out of it most of the time, lol. They checked me out and I think even they were surprised to see what it looked like. we sat down by a lady and chatted for a while, she has advanced lung cancer and one lung has collapsed, but they are shrinking the tumor. She asked what happened to my throat and I told her Radiation. She immediately freaked out and said they wanted her to do radiation but after seeing what I looked like, decided not to do it. I and Denise both told her that hers would probably go easier and better, that head & neck radiation was suppose to be the worse one. I'm not sure we changed her mind though. She was terrified from the sight of my throat.

  We were down there a little over 5 hours. 2 bags of fluids (saline), Benedryl, an Antibiotic, and  Morphine. There may have been other stuff but I'm not sure. I got a few winks after a while and Denise would wake me whenever I started gurgling sounds so I could spit it up. The lack of gag reflexes and I think an infection starting is making it worse. I would have awaken anyway like I did all night, usually in extreme pain and choking. Denise kept the lotion applied to my throat which helped. I also want to thank Ruth, Panella, and all the ladies at the Chemo Hut. I would recommend them to anybody going through this. They are just great there and I have never seen anybody work as hard as these ladies do. That is saying a lot when you consider I worked at UPS for 24.5 years. I got back re-hydrated and tonight my weight is actually up to 204.5 lbs.

  We stopped on the way home at Wendy's and got a small vanilla Frosty, I ate 3/4 of it after taking another dose of Morphine. We stopped at McDonalds and got some fries, God knows that everything there is fattening, but I wasn't able to eat but about 7 or 8 of them. But every little bit counts. After we got home Ruth called to see how I was. I don't think anybody there has a clue that I write this blog, but should they ever find out, I hope and pray they know just how thankful I am for them in the Chemo Hut, especially Ruth.

  Denise soft scrambled 2 eggs and I ate pretty much all of them. She made a pancake but I was only about to eat a few bites, still, that is better than nothing. I tried to drink an Ensure Plus but it was a bit too painful. Eating is not only painful but to make matters worse, part goes the right way and part the wrong way. You have to constantly pretty much eat slow, focus on swallowing, then be prepared to take a big sup of water and regurgitate it back and forth, plus cough... until it either heads the right way or you spit it out.

  They gave me a prescription to a pain killer that goes on your arm? It is a patch thing that lasts for 3 days. They also upped my Morphine dose to 2 mls every 1 hour if needed. You mix that with water. The Morphine seems weak against this pain. Also there is something about and Morphine respiratory, don't remember what, but I have heart problems from a heart attack in 2005, and COPD. .

  It is now after 10pm and Denise just got back from Food City. She bought some Benedryl  cream and an assortment of baby food. I'm not sure how that stuff will taste or go down, but we're running out of options and I really, really don't want a feeding tube. My mouth is also broke out from the use of Lidocaine, must be a side effect or something.

  I seriously doubt that we will be able to restart the radiation come Monday. Green said it takes time and we'd see, it may take longer. A friend of mine, Sally, asked who checks me after each treatment. I told her nobody, we get checked once a week by the doctor. It puzzled her somewhat and considering Sally is a retired nurse and her husband was a retired doctor, I value her opinion. We share the same Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

  I had Megan take a picture of me, Denise says the picture looks better than seeing me in person on my throat. So far, unless wearing a Do-Rag or Toboggan, I haven't let anybody take my picture. Megan placed it on her Blog site, I stole it, lol. I decided to place it up once and only once here on this page. Some have asked to see what I look like and some have said they didn't want to see it. I know I don't look like myself, I kinda have the little hair thing going on my head that favors an Orangutan, lol. They say it will grow back though, maybe even thicker! If I can just make it that far. Lost most of my mustache too.