Monday the 14th

I've kept a low grade fever all weekend on and off, but it always stayed 100F +/-. My hands are broken out as are my arms, legs, and ankles, swelled too. I thought it was the NHL but after going to the Chemo Hut today, they say it is a reaction to the Taxitere.

  My mother drove me down, she took off work to take me. We had a pleasant trip and exchanged what conversation my voice is capable of. I had already talked with her about skipping radiation if my throat was no better... and it wasn't, neither was my skin. We parked at the parking lot for Panella, we knew they weren't open yet and walked over to Green's office. The young lady came to get me but I told her I was going to skip today's radiation. She said I'd need to see Green first, which I agreed, then she said Green was in surgery. I talked with Green's partner. I wish I could recall his name. Both I and mom liked him. Mom asked twice about a jell or cream to lessen the pain from the burns, the second time the lady went and got us a tube.

  The doctor looked my skin over on my hands and arms and thought I may be having a reaction and was dehydrated. I told them I'd be back tomorrow but that the ladies at the Chemo Hut said if I needed anything to stop in. When we walked past the restaurant mom insisted that we eat, Panella's office wasn't open yet anyways. At first I refused but then gave in. I ate most of my eggs and almost a whole piece of sausage, by then I was full.

  We started out 1/4 mile journey back to Panella's office. Mom was worried about my being weak but I really needed the exercise, I just went about it a bit slower. They drew blood work and it was better than the last time. They also saw that I was dehydrated and like the doctor at the radiation dept, was having a bad reaction to the Taxitere. They put I think 1,000 cc or something like that of saline and a bunch of other drugs to attempt to counter the reaction.

  They sent a Dietitian over to talk with me and I remember 2 other people, just don't recall who, about a feeding tube. All 3 got the same answer, no.  

  Having mom there (she is an RN) and me being half whacked from pills (just in case I went through with the radiation) was a huge plus. She described the pain and how Endcet wasn't touching it. They prescribed Prednisone for the allergic reaction and Liquid Morphine for the throat pain. The Morphine doesn't help the pain.

  My saliva glands have thinned on the secretions now but the ripping effect seems to have messed with my gag reflexes. Talk about taking 2 steps back. I can sleep on my side but what scares me is when the radiation is given I will be on my back, strapped down. Somehow drowning in one's own spit just isn't appealing.

  We stopped in Shoney's and ate the bar there. I managed to get down a piece of chicken, 2 pieces of fish, and a piece of steak. 

  I'm not sure just how much weight I've lost, but according to my scales here I now weight 203, almost a 30lb loss. From what I can tell, most of it is muscle that I've lost. I'm beginning to wear down on all of this. It seems we have come almost back to where I was at the start of the whole thing, plus extra soreness. I pray I and my family haven't endured this for nothing.