Up at 5:30 to clean the lotion off my neck and at 5:45 me and Charlie headed out. radiation went good. Just in case I took a phenergan this morning just in case. Still a bit cramped but not too bad. Denise woke up about 2am throwing up and sick as a dog. One of the few times she ever called in sick at work. Annie is back to normal, only Megan thus far has escaped it. I bought a Mountain Dew and was able to drink it. Before we hit Knoxville I had drank the whole bottle, lol.
It was nice to wake in a nice warm house for a change. It was also nice staying in it, lol. I researched and found our commission check owed us from last month, the title company had forgotten to mail it last month. It should be here by Thursday.
I've felt pretty darn good today. Man how I love these days like this. Perhaps that is why we have bad days, so that we will appreciate the good ones when we get them. I am so looking forward, yet scared at the same time to meeting with Rathfoot this Thursday. I pray he looks in my throat and says he sees nothing. Then I pray that the next Cat Scan, whenever that will be shows the Lymph Nodes clean. I hope it's just a ghost pain but it seems like I can feel the tumor in there. Green checked me today and said he didn't feel anything. I'm back to 199lbs! One more Shoney's Breakfast Bar and I'll top 200 lbs, lol. That will be a little cushion for wat this will turn into in the coming weeks, hopefully though not as bad.
The radiation has burnt the hair follicles on my neck so shaving should never be a problem again, at least on my neck.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
1-4-10
Eddie Brooks came today just as he promised and while the house still feels cold, it appears to be working. He charged a very reasonable fee too. Seems that when it was installed the installers failed to place a jumper downstairs. I guess it will take a while to warm this house back up.
Annie and I both are still cramping but mine is subsiding somewhat. It looks as if tomorrow is on for radiation. They called from radiation early this morning, apparently they hadn't received the message the Denise left last night. I told her that I know that there are several people there still doing chemo, plus the staff there and I didn't want to take a chance and give it to anybody. We will Lysol everything down just to make sure. I've lost back to 194 lbs so maybe some heavier shoes tomorrow to get me back to the magical number 195. Some of my pain today was very much like when I ripped off the pain patch, I know this one is due to change. Just in case it has expired, I took an Endocet. It seems to have smoothed the pain a bit. In addition to the pain, I was exhibiting all the symptoms a new friend that reads the blog warned me of, sweating, racing heart, pain by the buckets, especially in the kidneys. As a precaution, I will take another, one every 4 hours. God I can't wait to be done with all this pain medication. Megan made me some tea... her first ever and she done quit well at it.
I filled out 2 MMR reports for Fannie Mae for mom, Matt is suppose to go to the office and upload them tonight. I also called to see about our commission check from a closing that happened on 12-23-09. No word yet but the check was cut. There are parts of this job I will miss. I also called the board and asked what all I needed to do to retire my license and thanked them for all the great years of support. My voice has changed such that Marylin or Nancy didn't recognize me for the first time. That was discussed though and we knew it would be a possibility. At least for now I get to keep it, and that is better than none at all.
I'm anxious to see Dr Rathfoot Wednesday. I pray that he will say I'm clean. I'm not sure when I will see Dr. Panella and see the next CAT scan to see if it is out of the lymph node. It would be bad to have went through this Hell and it not get it gone.
Maybe more later...
Annie and I both are still cramping but mine is subsiding somewhat. It looks as if tomorrow is on for radiation. They called from radiation early this morning, apparently they hadn't received the message the Denise left last night. I told her that I know that there are several people there still doing chemo, plus the staff there and I didn't want to take a chance and give it to anybody. We will Lysol everything down just to make sure. I've lost back to 194 lbs so maybe some heavier shoes tomorrow to get me back to the magical number 195. Some of my pain today was very much like when I ripped off the pain patch, I know this one is due to change. Just in case it has expired, I took an Endocet. It seems to have smoothed the pain a bit. In addition to the pain, I was exhibiting all the symptoms a new friend that reads the blog warned me of, sweating, racing heart, pain by the buckets, especially in the kidneys. As a precaution, I will take another, one every 4 hours. God I can't wait to be done with all this pain medication. Megan made me some tea... her first ever and she done quit well at it.
I filled out 2 MMR reports for Fannie Mae for mom, Matt is suppose to go to the office and upload them tonight. I also called to see about our commission check from a closing that happened on 12-23-09. No word yet but the check was cut. There are parts of this job I will miss. I also called the board and asked what all I needed to do to retire my license and thanked them for all the great years of support. My voice has changed such that Marylin or Nancy didn't recognize me for the first time. That was discussed though and we knew it would be a possibility. At least for now I get to keep it, and that is better than none at all.
I'm anxious to see Dr Rathfoot Wednesday. I pray that he will say I'm clean. I'm not sure when I will see Dr. Panella and see the next CAT scan to see if it is out of the lymph node. It would be bad to have went through this Hell and it not get it gone.
Maybe more later...
Sunday, January 3, 2010
1-3-10
Megan started getting sick with me but soon got better. Last night Annie started throwing up and had diarrhea just shortly after I did.
We awoke today to a 66 degree house! We had a new heat pump put in 1 1/2 years ago and already it stays torn up. We got hold of a Brooks man Charlie recommended that is coming in the morning. Denise has kept a fire going which has been our only source of heat.
I've kept a fever of 101 today, not sure what that is coming from. I had Denise call radiation dept and tell then I wouldn't be in tomorrow. I don't think I have the energy but even more importantly, many there are doing Chemo and don't need this.
Update:
It's 3:01 and I'm still awake. I guess all that sleep in the last 2 days has amounted up. My saliva is still super consolidated, almost most like a paste. Dehydration? I'm still cramping and weak. Annie said hers had passed but she is still cramping and her muscles ache. I've checked and placed more wood in the wood stove twice now in order to keep the temperature up. My fever has went down the last 2 checks. So far I have kept down 2 Ensures and 2 Gatorades and I have no idea how much water. While this stuff is bad, it doesn't hold a candle to Chemo sickness. Went into the Kitchen to get some ice cream and Annie came walking in, so she is still up too. This end of the house ain't warm but warmer than last night when I put a toboggan on and fully dressed.
We awoke today to a 66 degree house! We had a new heat pump put in 1 1/2 years ago and already it stays torn up. We got hold of a Brooks man Charlie recommended that is coming in the morning. Denise has kept a fire going which has been our only source of heat.
I've kept a fever of 101 today, not sure what that is coming from. I had Denise call radiation dept and tell then I wouldn't be in tomorrow. I don't think I have the energy but even more importantly, many there are doing Chemo and don't need this.
Update:
It's 3:01 and I'm still awake. I guess all that sleep in the last 2 days has amounted up. My saliva is still super consolidated, almost most like a paste. Dehydration? I'm still cramping and weak. Annie said hers had passed but she is still cramping and her muscles ache. I've checked and placed more wood in the wood stove twice now in order to keep the temperature up. My fever has went down the last 2 checks. So far I have kept down 2 Ensures and 2 Gatorades and I have no idea how much water. While this stuff is bad, it doesn't hold a candle to Chemo sickness. Went into the Kitchen to get some ice cream and Annie came walking in, so she is still up too. This end of the house ain't warm but warmer than last night when I put a toboggan on and fully dressed.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
1-2-10
I woke up about 5:30am, then went back to bed, lol. I've once again slept on and off all day long. dale visited us today, a very enjoyable visit. Megan didn't remember him, she was young the first times.
Today, both me and Megan have had indigestion problems, almost like a bug or something. That equates to a quick posting as I head back to bed again. I must be competing with Rip Van Winkle these last few days.
Today, both me and Megan have had indigestion problems, almost like a bug or something. That equates to a quick posting as I head back to bed again. I must be competing with Rip Van Winkle these last few days.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Years Day
First off... Happy New Year!
I slept most of the day getting up just for bathroom breaks until about 1pm. Denise talked me into weighing and I am back to 196 lbs. I noticed that urinating was not as productive and painful again and the sweating came back so I asked Denise when the patch was due a change. It was due yesterday. We changed the patch and over a period of time everything slowly went back to normal.
I bragged that I may have to not take my blood pressure medicine anymore but I kept getting these headaches. We checked my blood pressure and it was way high. The Morphine seemed to lower it and now that I'm not on Morphine anymore my blood pressure has gone back up, so tonight I took my pills. We went to mom and dad's and I ate quite a lot, especially mashed potatoes. I have 2 more doses of the Augmentin left to take for the abscesses ad while my face is still a little swollen, very little pain is left. Denise's blood pressure was high too. I'm going to talk with some of her coworkers and get them to keep an eye out on her.
I've mixed feeling about officially being disabled, I think I may be the first in the family to do so. I've 14 treatments left and I know that based on the first 17 and with what the last 4 have done I will be back into the flames again. They say it takes at least 6 months to recover from this after treatments stop. I have lost a lot of muscle in all this, probably more muscle than hair, lol. I have learned to not be so independent and learned to be humble. I have lost a lot of pride in the things I shouldn't have had and grateful for the people and things that count.
I guess that will be my New Year's resolution, try and recover the muscle I've lost and learn to cope with the numbness and the muscle spasms that I seem to have been left with. God has been good to me and surrounded me with the best family, friends, doctors, nurses, and techs one could ever ask or want for. Certainly better than I deserve. I've laid out in my mind a lot of things that need to be done to the house, some of which I know I can't do, all of which I know have to be done. I will slowly build back my strength doing what I can do. I probably won't be able to get them all done but at least I will do what I can and slowly build back muscle. the one thing I will miss is my gardens and even though I will not get to plant them, maybe I will be able to maintain them later in the year as my immunity builds. I haven't had the heart to look at my seeds catalogs. Here is a plug for the places I get them from. Southern Exposure Seed and my favorite, Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds. I also get plants and seeds from Allen-Surrette hardware and plants from a place in Grainger county.
We go Wednesday, and I pray that Denise can take me to radiation, then Dr Rathfoot, then to the dentist get my tooth fixed. If she does good then I think I will switch dentists. That should be a full day. It's kinda ironic, my tooth will enable me to eat just as my treatment will take the ability away. Funny how things work.
I keep seeing the older man in the waiting room that first day back. His wife told Denise that he has tongue cancer and that day will be his first treatment. I say a prayer for him every night even though I don't know his name, but I'm sure that God does. Radiation is worse on head and neck cancer and I imagine that the mouth is far worse than what I have experienced. I pray that he and others will know that you don't have to go through this alone, Jesus is always there, all you gotta do is ask. That doesn't mean the pain will go away or that it will be easy but rather that He will help you and surround you with loving kind people. Miracles do happen, many are right before our eyes, we just have to look.
I slept most of the day getting up just for bathroom breaks until about 1pm. Denise talked me into weighing and I am back to 196 lbs. I noticed that urinating was not as productive and painful again and the sweating came back so I asked Denise when the patch was due a change. It was due yesterday. We changed the patch and over a period of time everything slowly went back to normal.
I bragged that I may have to not take my blood pressure medicine anymore but I kept getting these headaches. We checked my blood pressure and it was way high. The Morphine seemed to lower it and now that I'm not on Morphine anymore my blood pressure has gone back up, so tonight I took my pills. We went to mom and dad's and I ate quite a lot, especially mashed potatoes. I have 2 more doses of the Augmentin left to take for the abscesses ad while my face is still a little swollen, very little pain is left. Denise's blood pressure was high too. I'm going to talk with some of her coworkers and get them to keep an eye out on her.
I've mixed feeling about officially being disabled, I think I may be the first in the family to do so. I've 14 treatments left and I know that based on the first 17 and with what the last 4 have done I will be back into the flames again. They say it takes at least 6 months to recover from this after treatments stop. I have lost a lot of muscle in all this, probably more muscle than hair, lol. I have learned to not be so independent and learned to be humble. I have lost a lot of pride in the things I shouldn't have had and grateful for the people and things that count.
I guess that will be my New Year's resolution, try and recover the muscle I've lost and learn to cope with the numbness and the muscle spasms that I seem to have been left with. God has been good to me and surrounded me with the best family, friends, doctors, nurses, and techs one could ever ask or want for. Certainly better than I deserve. I've laid out in my mind a lot of things that need to be done to the house, some of which I know I can't do, all of which I know have to be done. I will slowly build back my strength doing what I can do. I probably won't be able to get them all done but at least I will do what I can and slowly build back muscle. the one thing I will miss is my gardens and even though I will not get to plant them, maybe I will be able to maintain them later in the year as my immunity builds. I haven't had the heart to look at my seeds catalogs. Here is a plug for the places I get them from. Southern Exposure Seed and my favorite, Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds. I also get plants and seeds from Allen-Surrette hardware and plants from a place in Grainger county.
We go Wednesday, and I pray that Denise can take me to radiation, then Dr Rathfoot, then to the dentist get my tooth fixed. If she does good then I think I will switch dentists. That should be a full day. It's kinda ironic, my tooth will enable me to eat just as my treatment will take the ability away. Funny how things work.
I keep seeing the older man in the waiting room that first day back. His wife told Denise that he has tongue cancer and that day will be his first treatment. I say a prayer for him every night even though I don't know his name, but I'm sure that God does. Radiation is worse on head and neck cancer and I imagine that the mouth is far worse than what I have experienced. I pray that he and others will know that you don't have to go through this alone, Jesus is always there, all you gotta do is ask. That doesn't mean the pain will go away or that it will be easy but rather that He will help you and surround you with loving kind people. Miracles do happen, many are right before our eyes, we just have to look.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
12-31-2009
I woke up at 5:30am this morning feeling decent but tired. Urinating is still hard to do and I feel a bit dehydrated. We soon headed off to UT, treatment #4 this go around or # 21 total. I only have 14 more left. My saliva has once again thickened and my throat is sore inside and burnt outside. I would have thought I had 2 weeks before this started again. I make sure that my neck is washed clean of any lotions and as soon as we are done, radiation lotion is quickly reapplied. We also redress it later in the day or evening too. I restarted using the Miracle Mouth Wash yesterday.
I feel asleep coming home and woke up only once to ask Denise if she wanted to eat at Shoneys. She laughed and said to look out... it was a little late for that. we were going down the driveway, lol. I told her i was going to sleep off the cocktail and boy did I ever. I woke up about 1pm and called Bill to see if he wanted to go look at the trailer, which we did. Piece of junk so we came back home and I feel asleep again. When I got home I may have woke up maybe twice from phone calls only to go back out.
My hands and pretty much my whole body feels numb. No temperature. Extreme thirst. Swallowing is getting harder to do again. Hopefully I can meet the buffer and surely a feeding tube will not be installed this late in the game. Denise said that the numbness is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs, I think Taxotere.
Today Megan's benefit explanations came in. I was approved for disability yesterday and Megan also gets to draw because she is under 18. We've decided to open a savings account and place it there for Megan's college. Funny, I never thought I would ever apply let alone draw disability.
As this year draws to a close I will retire my license for real estate. Something I should have already done but since I'd paid for the year and I kept the hope up of coming out of this a bit better than I am. I guess the main thing is I am coming out of this, or at least I pray I am.
My abscess tooth is going down and I pretty much have a jaw line again. Thursday they will do the root canal.Also Thursday I go and see Dr Rathfoot. I'm trying to stay awake long enough to eat and write this, then back off to bed again.
Happy New Year.
I feel asleep coming home and woke up only once to ask Denise if she wanted to eat at Shoneys. She laughed and said to look out... it was a little late for that. we were going down the driveway, lol. I told her i was going to sleep off the cocktail and boy did I ever. I woke up about 1pm and called Bill to see if he wanted to go look at the trailer, which we did. Piece of junk so we came back home and I feel asleep again. When I got home I may have woke up maybe twice from phone calls only to go back out.
My hands and pretty much my whole body feels numb. No temperature. Extreme thirst. Swallowing is getting harder to do again. Hopefully I can meet the buffer and surely a feeding tube will not be installed this late in the game. Denise said that the numbness is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs, I think Taxotere.
Today Megan's benefit explanations came in. I was approved for disability yesterday and Megan also gets to draw because she is under 18. We've decided to open a savings account and place it there for Megan's college. Funny, I never thought I would ever apply let alone draw disability.
As this year draws to a close I will retire my license for real estate. Something I should have already done but since I'd paid for the year and I kept the hope up of coming out of this a bit better than I am. I guess the main thing is I am coming out of this, or at least I pray I am.
My abscess tooth is going down and I pretty much have a jaw line again. Thursday they will do the root canal.Also Thursday I go and see Dr Rathfoot. I'm trying to stay awake long enough to eat and write this, then back off to bed again.
Happy New Year.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
12-30
Got up again this morning and felt pretty good. Left hand is still numb but that is about it. The pain in my jaw is slowly fading. I almost have a jaw line again. The hardest thing is getting all the lotion off my neck in the mornings before heading out. They want the neck clean and dry or else the radiation will increase in strength, we don't want that.
Tomorrow is the last day for this week, thank God. Already with just the first three I can feel the burn and my voice is back getting gruffly. No real pain yet though. I have not a hint of a beard and I am so thankful for that, shaving is painful. The session was a quick one today but again, two places where it seems to drill into my throat.
The lady that has throat and mouth cancer was back again today. She too had been burnt to a crisp and took two weeks off the same time that I did. Somebody graduated today and now my time moves up to 7:15am. I haven't seen the older man that is going through mouth cancer... God love him, he hasn't a clue what is in store. Even when you are told, it just doesn't sink in just how bad is bad.
Afterward, Denise wanted to go to Bass Pro for some tops she saw advertised, they were closed that early though. We went to Shoney's and ate. Get this, I have only ate there twice before, today was the third time and not consecutively. When I unrolled my silverware they remember and placed plastic in it instead of metal. That blew my mind. They remembered. Now that is service and pride in what you do. When we were done we went back to Bass Pro. Denise notices everything, included my shaky walk and exhaustion. She wanted to quit but hey, gotta build my strength somehow. I'll have to admit, I did come home and take a nap. Fatigue seems to be a large part of this.
I had mom send me a link to Fannie Mae's site and I went in and done a BPO tonight for her. Now that Rosie is there the two can learn to do them. I did enjoy doing it though. That is the reason for my late post tonight. I'll help them but it has to be from here for now as my health will allow until they get the hang of it... and I know they will. I always liked working with Chase and Fannie Mae. They aren't easy but they aren't hard once you learn what they want. If Sandra at Chase is reading this, hello, I miss talking with you.
I go to bed tonight at 203lbs. My goal will be 210 so that when the pain comes back again I will have a buffer.
Tomorrow, God willing, the weather will be favorable and Bill and I will go look at a car hauler that needs some work. Of course it will set for quite a while before I can work on it. I think maybe I'm trying to keep something lined up to do to build my strength back. Maybe it is a dream, but it's not a give up yet.
Tomorrow is the last day for this week, thank God. Already with just the first three I can feel the burn and my voice is back getting gruffly. No real pain yet though. I have not a hint of a beard and I am so thankful for that, shaving is painful. The session was a quick one today but again, two places where it seems to drill into my throat.
The lady that has throat and mouth cancer was back again today. She too had been burnt to a crisp and took two weeks off the same time that I did. Somebody graduated today and now my time moves up to 7:15am. I haven't seen the older man that is going through mouth cancer... God love him, he hasn't a clue what is in store. Even when you are told, it just doesn't sink in just how bad is bad.
Afterward, Denise wanted to go to Bass Pro for some tops she saw advertised, they were closed that early though. We went to Shoney's and ate. Get this, I have only ate there twice before, today was the third time and not consecutively. When I unrolled my silverware they remember and placed plastic in it instead of metal. That blew my mind. They remembered. Now that is service and pride in what you do. When we were done we went back to Bass Pro. Denise notices everything, included my shaky walk and exhaustion. She wanted to quit but hey, gotta build my strength somehow. I'll have to admit, I did come home and take a nap. Fatigue seems to be a large part of this.
I had mom send me a link to Fannie Mae's site and I went in and done a BPO tonight for her. Now that Rosie is there the two can learn to do them. I did enjoy doing it though. That is the reason for my late post tonight. I'll help them but it has to be from here for now as my health will allow until they get the hang of it... and I know they will. I always liked working with Chase and Fannie Mae. They aren't easy but they aren't hard once you learn what they want. If Sandra at Chase is reading this, hello, I miss talking with you.
I go to bed tonight at 203lbs. My goal will be 210 so that when the pain comes back again I will have a buffer.
Tomorrow, God willing, the weather will be favorable and Bill and I will go look at a car hauler that needs some work. Of course it will set for quite a while before I can work on it. I think maybe I'm trying to keep something lined up to do to build my strength back. Maybe it is a dream, but it's not a give up yet.
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