I couldn't get to sleep until about 2am then at 5am I was back up. Once again we head into the eye of the storm. I hadn't placed the tank properly back on the humidified last night and it blew dry air. I woke up several times with a dry mouth and pain. I kept using the Biotene and the Lidocaine.
We left and even though I took my cocktail at the regular time, it didn't take effect until I arrived home. I freaked out during treatments but managed to get through it. I'm sure that by now Charity must think I'm a nut because every time she does the treatment is when things go wrong. Although she was nice to me. The stops were long today, longer than I remember them being.
Cindy was already at Easy In this morning so we stopped there and I bought a Cinnamon Bun (something like that) which gave me something on my stomach in order to take the pills. Charlie got his first cup of coffee. Me and Charlie went to Shoney's to eat. I managed to get a plate full ate plus a bowl of biscuits and gravy.
No sooner than I hit the house I was in la-la land. I answered some emails but haven't a clue which ones or what I said. I crashed on the bed for about an hour, then another hour. It took the biggest part of the day to get back online mentally.
My throat is still bleeding inside a little and every once and a while it feels like the cut opens up that sends a pain across my body. It seems hard to get my breath at times and getting choked only takes not noticing where my saliva is... what little I produce these days. It is getting a bit scary again and feels much like when this all started, only this time it is on my left side of my throat and what feels the small opening and where we breath from. It tends to get on ones nerves. Denise had me take one of the nerve pills after a while of debating, I did. It did calm down the anxiety.
We walked up to Misty and Matt's for Brandon's birthday party, but I didn't stay long. Happy birthday Brandon, he is 8 years old.
Today Gatorade is pretty much history again. Now we go back to water and maybe tea for a bit longer. The pain broke through enough tonight that I resorted in taking 1/2 an Endocet even with the patch. Still not much relief. Just finished doing the Miracle Mouth Wash. It does help some, but it too burns. Took two more Previcid, I seem to have a lot of acid reflux again starting up.
I keep telling mysel... just 8 more treatments... 8 more.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
1-10-2010
Man is it cold. I woke up several times last night with my mouth dry. This morning it was dry again and it is still bleeding a little from cracking open inside. The outside though looks great. I used the Blue Emu Oil on it over the weekend and tonight went back to the Miaderm radiation cream.
We went to mom's for lunch. A definite no-no is chicken and dumplings. I got choked pretty back and had to leave the table, thought I'd never get it dislodged. It must have been at least 10 minutes and was embarrassing as it was the first look they had seen at me eating and getting choked. My brother, his wife and daughter kind of didn't know what to make of it. I'm just guessing here but I'd say that eating out and eating what I want to is again a thing of the past for a while. I tried Coke and it was like fire so no more soft drinks. This was to be expected though. I really didn't want the Coke but I knew I could use it for a gauge to see where I am on the raw scale.
I can still (knock on wood) enjoy my Gatorade, milk, tea and water. Unexpected though is the weird taste of food this time. I wonder what I will crave this time, lol. I'll have to go back to soft food, but I have only 9 more treatments left and then it will take a couple or more weeks to go back down the pain scale. I think Green said that what they do this week has an effect next week. Tomorrow should be the last of the long treatments as they finish up the X-rays, then treatments should get shorter. I thought about a friend I had years ago that was a paratrooper in Viet Nam and what he said about parachuting. He said he was scared the first time he jumped out of a plane. I said that he probably was ready the next time and just dove right out. He said that the second time they had to kick him out of the plane. He laughed and said the first time he didn't know what to expect, the second time he knew what was coming.
Denise fed the cows and then the sheep, llamas, and goats. While I miss feeding them, It would be a lie to say I miss it when it's this cold. To remind me just how much fun it is though, Denise made sure when she got back to put her cold face on my bald head. It was cold enough the tractor didn't want to start, sucked the battery too low again so I took Big Ugly and boosted it off and got it started. I've been dieing to drive it since it has the steel bed on it, even if it was just across the driveway, lol. Plus I bought a new tool at TSC and it gave me a chance to use it, lol. I done a quick MMR report for Chase for mom to fax in. If Sandra is reading this, HI, and I'm still making sure everything is ok. Hopefully you will continue to do business with mom and I'll help her learn the way to do your foreclosures.
A big thanks to Kim for her friendship and help tonight. I can't tell you what a positive difference you have made throughout this.
We went to mom's for lunch. A definite no-no is chicken and dumplings. I got choked pretty back and had to leave the table, thought I'd never get it dislodged. It must have been at least 10 minutes and was embarrassing as it was the first look they had seen at me eating and getting choked. My brother, his wife and daughter kind of didn't know what to make of it. I'm just guessing here but I'd say that eating out and eating what I want to is again a thing of the past for a while. I tried Coke and it was like fire so no more soft drinks. This was to be expected though. I really didn't want the Coke but I knew I could use it for a gauge to see where I am on the raw scale.
I can still (knock on wood) enjoy my Gatorade, milk, tea and water. Unexpected though is the weird taste of food this time. I wonder what I will crave this time, lol. I'll have to go back to soft food, but I have only 9 more treatments left and then it will take a couple or more weeks to go back down the pain scale. I think Green said that what they do this week has an effect next week. Tomorrow should be the last of the long treatments as they finish up the X-rays, then treatments should get shorter. I thought about a friend I had years ago that was a paratrooper in Viet Nam and what he said about parachuting. He said he was scared the first time he jumped out of a plane. I said that he probably was ready the next time and just dove right out. He said that the second time they had to kick him out of the plane. He laughed and said the first time he didn't know what to expect, the second time he knew what was coming.
Denise fed the cows and then the sheep, llamas, and goats. While I miss feeding them, It would be a lie to say I miss it when it's this cold. To remind me just how much fun it is though, Denise made sure when she got back to put her cold face on my bald head. It was cold enough the tractor didn't want to start, sucked the battery too low again so I took Big Ugly and boosted it off and got it started. I've been dieing to drive it since it has the steel bed on it, even if it was just across the driveway, lol. Plus I bought a new tool at TSC and it gave me a chance to use it, lol. I done a quick MMR report for Chase for mom to fax in. If Sandra is reading this, HI, and I'm still making sure everything is ok. Hopefully you will continue to do business with mom and I'll help her learn the way to do your foreclosures.
A big thanks to Kim for her friendship and help tonight. I can't tell you what a positive difference you have made throughout this.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
1-9-10
I woke up late this morning with Denise asking me where the log chain was and that Bill was waiting. I took a sup of water which I didn't swash around well enough trying to hurry and answer. I cracked both sides of the inside of my throat open. It bled for a while and is still sore but not bleeding. Lesson learned. No matter how much someone is rushing for an answer in the morning, wait until you get your mouth and throat lubricated. I usually start out every morning with water, swishing it around and slowly swallowing, three or four times and if it isn't lubricated enough then I use biotene mouth spray. This is an over the counter product and if your pharmacy doesn't stock it, ask them to get it.
My throat is swollen up again and coke or anything like that, including Chili is again, out of the question. Baby food may be yet back on the menu, definitely soft, bland foods. I also used for the first time in a while Lidocaine 2% Viscous.
We went to town to deposit a check that was due me last year but the closing company forgot to send it, then forgot that they forgot it. We ate Japanese which was good but the radiation and or chemo changed the taste of the shrimp sauce. The rice kept getting stuck in my throat too. That use to scare me and freak me out but after months of it, you learn to keep calm and work it back up. We started for Walmart but they were too busy, too much chance of infection. We went to Newport to get cat food then came back and found we needed chicken food, so off to Tractor Supply we went, lol. It was nice to g out and go somewhere other than UT for a change.
Now Annie and Megan are sick, but like flu sick. I've felt so-so and just in case, I'm staying in my end of the house. I've only 9 more treatments! Then on the 22nd we go see Dr Panella again. I'll run out of these pain patches in a few more days but I have Endocets left and hopefully can ween off them. Kim, if you are still reading please let me know how many days I need to do the Endocets so that it will lessen the chance of DTs. I will be so glad to be off pain medicine, yet I know I couldn't have tolerated all this without it. I think the worse is the Morphine and the patch though. I pray I never have to use these again.
Cody brought back Big Ugly with the new bed he installed and made for me.... it looks great. I may even have to change it's name now, lol. It ain't as ugly as it was. He done an excellent job on it. The headache rack he made and he had to re-fabricate the size of the floor and the rear of the bed to the bumper. He even put recessed tail lights in it! Mood lifter. He charged a reasonable price too for all that work. Charlie found one of the old bottles that Denise used to put my cocktail in, it had 2 pain pills (I usually carry them there just in case). He thought I needed it so he brought it back here in the cold.
The man in his 60s is still on my mind. Charlie had talked with him and his wife while I was in treatment Friday. He has had 9 so far and he said he couldn't do it. His wife said that he was giving up. He told them about my blog and if they are reading this, please don't give up. It will get worse... a lot worse, but then it will get better. The brief talk we had, you are looking at me at my best I have been in months. I probably look like I've been rode hard and put up wet, and seemed energetic, but I started out where you are. You can do this thing but not alone. You've a great teams of doctors and family and more importantly... God. Just remember to P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. It will not be easy but it will be worth it. Just look at where you were, where you are, and where you will be. If you ever need a shoulder then call me. Denise gave you my card. 24/7, anytime you need to talk.
My throat is swollen up again and coke or anything like that, including Chili is again, out of the question. Baby food may be yet back on the menu, definitely soft, bland foods. I also used for the first time in a while Lidocaine 2% Viscous.
We went to town to deposit a check that was due me last year but the closing company forgot to send it, then forgot that they forgot it. We ate Japanese which was good but the radiation and or chemo changed the taste of the shrimp sauce. The rice kept getting stuck in my throat too. That use to scare me and freak me out but after months of it, you learn to keep calm and work it back up. We started for Walmart but they were too busy, too much chance of infection. We went to Newport to get cat food then came back and found we needed chicken food, so off to Tractor Supply we went, lol. It was nice to g out and go somewhere other than UT for a change.
Now Annie and Megan are sick, but like flu sick. I've felt so-so and just in case, I'm staying in my end of the house. I've only 9 more treatments! Then on the 22nd we go see Dr Panella again. I'll run out of these pain patches in a few more days but I have Endocets left and hopefully can ween off them. Kim, if you are still reading please let me know how many days I need to do the Endocets so that it will lessen the chance of DTs. I will be so glad to be off pain medicine, yet I know I couldn't have tolerated all this without it. I think the worse is the Morphine and the patch though. I pray I never have to use these again.
Cody brought back Big Ugly with the new bed he installed and made for me.... it looks great. I may even have to change it's name now, lol. It ain't as ugly as it was. He done an excellent job on it. The headache rack he made and he had to re-fabricate the size of the floor and the rear of the bed to the bumper. He even put recessed tail lights in it! Mood lifter. He charged a reasonable price too for all that work. Charlie found one of the old bottles that Denise used to put my cocktail in, it had 2 pain pills (I usually carry them there just in case). He thought I needed it so he brought it back here in the cold.
The man in his 60s is still on my mind. Charlie had talked with him and his wife while I was in treatment Friday. He has had 9 so far and he said he couldn't do it. His wife said that he was giving up. He told them about my blog and if they are reading this, please don't give up. It will get worse... a lot worse, but then it will get better. The brief talk we had, you are looking at me at my best I have been in months. I probably look like I've been rode hard and put up wet, and seemed energetic, but I started out where you are. You can do this thing but not alone. You've a great teams of doctors and family and more importantly... God. Just remember to P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. It will not be easy but it will be worth it. Just look at where you were, where you are, and where you will be. If you ever need a shoulder then call me. Denise gave you my card. 24/7, anytime you need to talk.
Friday, January 8, 2010
1-8-10
With the snow last night we decided to leave late, maybe 7:30ish, that way it would be light enough to see the road condition. We got down there and the waiting room was empty. We waited maybe 10 minutes before I got called back. I timed my cocktail just right.The snow was beautiful.
The ladies there said that I would have one more session like the other ones and eight more shorter ones as they focus the beam even more concise. Today's session took about 45 minutes. I told them about Dr Rathfoot looking into my throat and while swollen three times the regular size, no tumor. They were tickled for me.
Charlie meanwhile sat in the waiting room where the older man that Denise had talked with him and her husband and gave them some tips on stuff to use. The man's wife told Charlie that he was about to give up after just nine treatments. That is how rough head and neck radiation is. Charlie gave them a pep talk and believe me, Charlie is good at that, they have worked for me. He told them that I had almost given up several times but they wouldn't let me. His appointments are later than mine so I may never see him again. That made me think of like an outline form of things I've used that have helped me. Head and neck radiation is suppose to be the worse places to get it.
Again today I didn't shave. I have hairs starting back on my face but where the beard was, it is doubtful that I will ever be able to grow any hair there again... and that is ok.
I've slept on and off all day. I think I may have over eaten at Shoney's. I ate pretty much a whole plate and then I messed up and ate extra bacon. I still love bacon but it don't love me back. 9 more to go. It seems like an eternity yet the light is getting a bit brighter at the end of the tunnel.
My throat is closed up a bit more tonight and it is getting back hard to swallow water, breathing takes effort as well. I'm using Lidocane 2% Viscous to numb it. The biggest draw back with it is it compromises your gag reflex when it numbs. Probably getting on the tractor and loading the flat bed didn't help any yesterday either.
I'm listening to my body today and crashing early.
The ladies there said that I would have one more session like the other ones and eight more shorter ones as they focus the beam even more concise. Today's session took about 45 minutes. I told them about Dr Rathfoot looking into my throat and while swollen three times the regular size, no tumor. They were tickled for me.
Charlie meanwhile sat in the waiting room where the older man that Denise had talked with him and her husband and gave them some tips on stuff to use. The man's wife told Charlie that he was about to give up after just nine treatments. That is how rough head and neck radiation is. Charlie gave them a pep talk and believe me, Charlie is good at that, they have worked for me. He told them that I had almost given up several times but they wouldn't let me. His appointments are later than mine so I may never see him again. That made me think of like an outline form of things I've used that have helped me. Head and neck radiation is suppose to be the worse places to get it.
Again today I didn't shave. I have hairs starting back on my face but where the beard was, it is doubtful that I will ever be able to grow any hair there again... and that is ok.
I've slept on and off all day. I think I may have over eaten at Shoney's. I ate pretty much a whole plate and then I messed up and ate extra bacon. I still love bacon but it don't love me back. 9 more to go. It seems like an eternity yet the light is getting a bit brighter at the end of the tunnel.
My throat is closed up a bit more tonight and it is getting back hard to swallow water, breathing takes effort as well. I'm using Lidocane 2% Viscous to numb it. The biggest draw back with it is it compromises your gag reflex when it numbs. Probably getting on the tractor and loading the flat bed didn't help any yesterday either.
I'm listening to my body today and crashing early.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
1-7-2010
Happy Birthday Annie, today she is 19.
Denise & I headed to UT this morning, we left a little later than me and Charlie but were still 15 minutes too early. Today they started the first of a series of x-rays as it is once again time to reset their aim. They said that the last 10 treatments would be directed even more concisely than before. Certain tissue, bone, and whatever else can't take but so much. With the snow, Charlie has decided that it's too bad to try and keep the appointment tomorrow, but we may try later though.
From there we went to see Dr Rathfoot. He ran the scope up my nose and into my throat. looking around he said that (called them by name) while he showed us a picture, were swollen three times their normal size. This is 2 muscles that to me look like lips that are at you voice box. This could also be very well the reason that I'm back with thick saliva and having a hard time swallowing. There is another lady that I talk with at radiation that has the same experience. Good news though.... no tumor. This is a doctor that I highly recommend. A good man, a good doctor. He takes time to answer your questions and he cares. Then again, all of my doctors have been that way.
I asked him if that meant I was clean completely and he said no. After a period of time passes they will CAT Scan me again and look for lymph node activity. Soooo we ain't there yet.
Denise went to work while Charlie later on took me to the dentist. I think that was Ruth that called from Dr Panella's office wanting to know if I had fallen off the world, lol. I kept telling Denise we needed to set the appointment, she kept wanting to wait. Ruth set up an appointment for the 22nd.
I got to the dentist and she began to work on me. The tooth is a loss, which I kinda expected. She was unable to even do a root canal due to calcification. I wasn't surprised as I've had a lot of teeth problems in the past. To extract it will take 4-6 weeks after all radiation and chemo has been finished. She prescribed prescribed an antibiotic which I haven't yet filled. So I will see her when the time comes that it is safe to have work done. Amanda Campbell is a very impressive and honest dentist.
Denise is still quirky in her stomach from where she caught the stomach flu, for that matter, so are me and Annie.
Denise & I headed to UT this morning, we left a little later than me and Charlie but were still 15 minutes too early. Today they started the first of a series of x-rays as it is once again time to reset their aim. They said that the last 10 treatments would be directed even more concisely than before. Certain tissue, bone, and whatever else can't take but so much. With the snow, Charlie has decided that it's too bad to try and keep the appointment tomorrow, but we may try later though.
From there we went to see Dr Rathfoot. He ran the scope up my nose and into my throat. looking around he said that (called them by name) while he showed us a picture, were swollen three times their normal size. This is 2 muscles that to me look like lips that are at you voice box. This could also be very well the reason that I'm back with thick saliva and having a hard time swallowing. There is another lady that I talk with at radiation that has the same experience. Good news though.... no tumor. This is a doctor that I highly recommend. A good man, a good doctor. He takes time to answer your questions and he cares. Then again, all of my doctors have been that way.
I asked him if that meant I was clean completely and he said no. After a period of time passes they will CAT Scan me again and look for lymph node activity. Soooo we ain't there yet.
Denise went to work while Charlie later on took me to the dentist. I think that was Ruth that called from Dr Panella's office wanting to know if I had fallen off the world, lol. I kept telling Denise we needed to set the appointment, she kept wanting to wait. Ruth set up an appointment for the 22nd.
I got to the dentist and she began to work on me. The tooth is a loss, which I kinda expected. She was unable to even do a root canal due to calcification. I wasn't surprised as I've had a lot of teeth problems in the past. To extract it will take 4-6 weeks after all radiation and chemo has been finished. She prescribed prescribed an antibiotic which I haven't yet filled. So I will see her when the time comes that it is safe to have work done. Amanda Campbell is a very impressive and honest dentist.
Denise is still quirky in her stomach from where she caught the stomach flu, for that matter, so are me and Annie.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
1-5-10
Up at 5:30 to clean the lotion off my neck and at 5:45 me and Charlie headed out. radiation went good. Just in case I took a phenergan this morning just in case. Still a bit cramped but not too bad. Denise woke up about 2am throwing up and sick as a dog. One of the few times she ever called in sick at work. Annie is back to normal, only Megan thus far has escaped it. I bought a Mountain Dew and was able to drink it. Before we hit Knoxville I had drank the whole bottle, lol.
It was nice to wake in a nice warm house for a change. It was also nice staying in it, lol. I researched and found our commission check owed us from last month, the title company had forgotten to mail it last month. It should be here by Thursday.
I've felt pretty darn good today. Man how I love these days like this. Perhaps that is why we have bad days, so that we will appreciate the good ones when we get them. I am so looking forward, yet scared at the same time to meeting with Rathfoot this Thursday. I pray he looks in my throat and says he sees nothing. Then I pray that the next Cat Scan, whenever that will be shows the Lymph Nodes clean. I hope it's just a ghost pain but it seems like I can feel the tumor in there. Green checked me today and said he didn't feel anything. I'm back to 199lbs! One more Shoney's Breakfast Bar and I'll top 200 lbs, lol. That will be a little cushion for wat this will turn into in the coming weeks, hopefully though not as bad.
The radiation has burnt the hair follicles on my neck so shaving should never be a problem again, at least on my neck.
It was nice to wake in a nice warm house for a change. It was also nice staying in it, lol. I researched and found our commission check owed us from last month, the title company had forgotten to mail it last month. It should be here by Thursday.
I've felt pretty darn good today. Man how I love these days like this. Perhaps that is why we have bad days, so that we will appreciate the good ones when we get them. I am so looking forward, yet scared at the same time to meeting with Rathfoot this Thursday. I pray he looks in my throat and says he sees nothing. Then I pray that the next Cat Scan, whenever that will be shows the Lymph Nodes clean. I hope it's just a ghost pain but it seems like I can feel the tumor in there. Green checked me today and said he didn't feel anything. I'm back to 199lbs! One more Shoney's Breakfast Bar and I'll top 200 lbs, lol. That will be a little cushion for wat this will turn into in the coming weeks, hopefully though not as bad.
The radiation has burnt the hair follicles on my neck so shaving should never be a problem again, at least on my neck.
Monday, January 4, 2010
1-4-10
Eddie Brooks came today just as he promised and while the house still feels cold, it appears to be working. He charged a very reasonable fee too. Seems that when it was installed the installers failed to place a jumper downstairs. I guess it will take a while to warm this house back up.
Annie and I both are still cramping but mine is subsiding somewhat. It looks as if tomorrow is on for radiation. They called from radiation early this morning, apparently they hadn't received the message the Denise left last night. I told her that I know that there are several people there still doing chemo, plus the staff there and I didn't want to take a chance and give it to anybody. We will Lysol everything down just to make sure. I've lost back to 194 lbs so maybe some heavier shoes tomorrow to get me back to the magical number 195. Some of my pain today was very much like when I ripped off the pain patch, I know this one is due to change. Just in case it has expired, I took an Endocet. It seems to have smoothed the pain a bit. In addition to the pain, I was exhibiting all the symptoms a new friend that reads the blog warned me of, sweating, racing heart, pain by the buckets, especially in the kidneys. As a precaution, I will take another, one every 4 hours. God I can't wait to be done with all this pain medication. Megan made me some tea... her first ever and she done quit well at it.
I filled out 2 MMR reports for Fannie Mae for mom, Matt is suppose to go to the office and upload them tonight. I also called to see about our commission check from a closing that happened on 12-23-09. No word yet but the check was cut. There are parts of this job I will miss. I also called the board and asked what all I needed to do to retire my license and thanked them for all the great years of support. My voice has changed such that Marylin or Nancy didn't recognize me for the first time. That was discussed though and we knew it would be a possibility. At least for now I get to keep it, and that is better than none at all.
I'm anxious to see Dr Rathfoot Wednesday. I pray that he will say I'm clean. I'm not sure when I will see Dr. Panella and see the next CAT scan to see if it is out of the lymph node. It would be bad to have went through this Hell and it not get it gone.
Maybe more later...
Annie and I both are still cramping but mine is subsiding somewhat. It looks as if tomorrow is on for radiation. They called from radiation early this morning, apparently they hadn't received the message the Denise left last night. I told her that I know that there are several people there still doing chemo, plus the staff there and I didn't want to take a chance and give it to anybody. We will Lysol everything down just to make sure. I've lost back to 194 lbs so maybe some heavier shoes tomorrow to get me back to the magical number 195. Some of my pain today was very much like when I ripped off the pain patch, I know this one is due to change. Just in case it has expired, I took an Endocet. It seems to have smoothed the pain a bit. In addition to the pain, I was exhibiting all the symptoms a new friend that reads the blog warned me of, sweating, racing heart, pain by the buckets, especially in the kidneys. As a precaution, I will take another, one every 4 hours. God I can't wait to be done with all this pain medication. Megan made me some tea... her first ever and she done quit well at it.
I filled out 2 MMR reports for Fannie Mae for mom, Matt is suppose to go to the office and upload them tonight. I also called to see about our commission check from a closing that happened on 12-23-09. No word yet but the check was cut. There are parts of this job I will miss. I also called the board and asked what all I needed to do to retire my license and thanked them for all the great years of support. My voice has changed such that Marylin or Nancy didn't recognize me for the first time. That was discussed though and we knew it would be a possibility. At least for now I get to keep it, and that is better than none at all.
I'm anxious to see Dr Rathfoot Wednesday. I pray that he will say I'm clean. I'm not sure when I will see Dr. Panella and see the next CAT scan to see if it is out of the lymph node. It would be bad to have went through this Hell and it not get it gone.
Maybe more later...
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