We just got back from Panella who went over the scan. He was called out of the room before he could go over it with us. The report said that the disease has progressed. It shows something like 4.7mm, much larger than the 2.5mm I started with. Panella said I had a lot of damage inside from the radiation and that it might be what it is. He also went over removing the larynx, which I declined. He wants Rathfoot to take a better look inside once again, which I will let him do.
Denise and I had a chat om the way back, she cried. Sometimes the answer is no. I asked her as I do the ones that know me to not let this shake their faith in God, He knows best. We pray and He hears us, so please pray. But if the answer He gives is no, while we don't always understand why, He does know best. I also asked her to not ask me to fight anymore if cancer is still here, I really don't think I can.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
08-10-2010
I've paid today for yesterday's activity. I'm getting use to that. Today my neuropathy has been a little worse for wear and my throat has been painful, but not so bad as to take anything until tonight. I'd like to sleep as good as i did last night. usually I get up in the morning and still, my mouth is covered, if I'm lucky, with a thick coating. I think this may be where the saliva glands aren't working but maybe a bit. Once I get that crap brushed off and get my throat clear of that and blood, I'm good to go. Warm water helps get that done faster. At night I drink some tea because it helps to coat the mouth and throat. Biotene will but wears off quickly.
Tomorrow I will get the results from the scan that was done Monday. That was the first scan done since the scan that revealed it was in the lymph node. It is one of those things where you want to know and you don't want to know. This should be my last doctor's visit until the end of the month when I see that radiation doctor again.
The doctor I went to called and my levels are still within range even though the TSH is a bit high. She wants to wait until all are in line to start meds. In 6 weeks I need the blood work repeated on my thyroid. Thank you Kim for the referral. She is great.
Tomorrow I will get the results from the scan that was done Monday. That was the first scan done since the scan that revealed it was in the lymph node. It is one of those things where you want to know and you don't want to know. This should be my last doctor's visit until the end of the month when I see that radiation doctor again.
The doctor I went to called and my levels are still within range even though the TSH is a bit high. She wants to wait until all are in line to start meds. In 6 weeks I need the blood work repeated on my thyroid. Thank you Kim for the referral. She is great.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
08-07-10
I think I'm backing up these days. This is day three and I got 2 hours of sleep last night. That means that within the last 3 days I have had about 6 hours of sleep. There is a lot of pain lately and swelling too. It has been almost a week now since my Rip Van Winkle episode of sleeping all day and still my tongue and mouth are sore. That extended sleep, while everybody said I needed it caused a lot of pain. Without being awake to constantly take in fluids my mouth and tongue dried out. I have a rumble and I've had it now for some time in my chest, maybe it is in my throat, who knows. I can make some of the weirdest noises when i breathe once again.
I stay tired the last few days and haven't gotten much done. In a word, damn. Me and Megan yesterday though, did have fun. We shot between 50-100 rounds of ammo back in the woods. Megan is pretty good at shooting. William came back thinking something was up with his 44. Megan shot it and it kicked like a mule, lol. Well, it is almost 5am. Lets see what today brings.
3:39pm:
Me and Matt went to the Newport Bargain House to get some cat food. He had never been and I kept telling them about you can get good deals on food wholesale there a lot of times. I use it to feed the little kittens that their mother died. How they ended up in one of the carports I have no idea. Not that I'm a cat person per say but I hate to see anything go hungry. We hit a few yard sales coming back and at one he had some old cars, really cool. He showed them to us. Our little trip went almost 3 hours, lol. We both came back with some tools and I got a cute small oil lantern. I figured that I would finish repairing the roof over the tool room then wire the new starter switch in the boat... not gonna happen though. While we were looking at the old cars I kept needing to spit and started spitting up blood. My throat is killing me. All I've eaten is a sandwich so I know it's not that. I feel run down all the sudden. I will have to wait until I gather enough energy to unload the tools. I will not mention it to Denise or the doctors and see if it quits. It must be placing pressure on the left ear nerve because it feels like a poker is sticking into my ear drum. I took a Lortab, it isn't helping much but it at least lessens the pain. I really don't want to do the Morphine again so I'm taking that option off the table. Makes me wonder when this will end. It has been over a year now and it is wearing me down physiologically.
I stay tired the last few days and haven't gotten much done. In a word, damn. Me and Megan yesterday though, did have fun. We shot between 50-100 rounds of ammo back in the woods. Megan is pretty good at shooting. William came back thinking something was up with his 44. Megan shot it and it kicked like a mule, lol. Well, it is almost 5am. Lets see what today brings.
3:39pm:
Me and Matt went to the Newport Bargain House to get some cat food. He had never been and I kept telling them about you can get good deals on food wholesale there a lot of times. I use it to feed the little kittens that their mother died. How they ended up in one of the carports I have no idea. Not that I'm a cat person per say but I hate to see anything go hungry. We hit a few yard sales coming back and at one he had some old cars, really cool. He showed them to us. Our little trip went almost 3 hours, lol. We both came back with some tools and I got a cute small oil lantern. I figured that I would finish repairing the roof over the tool room then wire the new starter switch in the boat... not gonna happen though. While we were looking at the old cars I kept needing to spit and started spitting up blood. My throat is killing me. All I've eaten is a sandwich so I know it's not that. I feel run down all the sudden. I will have to wait until I gather enough energy to unload the tools. I will not mention it to Denise or the doctors and see if it quits. It must be placing pressure on the left ear nerve because it feels like a poker is sticking into my ear drum. I took a Lortab, it isn't helping much but it at least lessens the pain. I really don't want to do the Morphine again so I'm taking that option off the table. Makes me wonder when this will end. It has been over a year now and it is wearing me down physiologically.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
08-05-2010
A new doc today, she seems ok so far. Smart and complete and nice for a change. Thank you Kim. She ordered some more blood work which I got drawn today. You would think I would be use to needles by now, I feel like a Porcupine, a fat one too, 209lbs! I gotta quit this gain.
My voice is some better, at least improving now since I don't have the patches. I think I was doing a lot and getting away with it pain wise. I attempted to eat a Chili Pup yesterday, got 1/2 of it eaten and then tossed it out and tossed in some pain meds. I use to could eat them without any pain or at least little pain. Amazing what Morphine will allow one to do, lol. Tonight we had Spaghetti, no stomach pills either. can you say acid reflux? After a Loratab failed, I did end up taking for the first time some Morphine after a few hours. I will assume that diet isn't taught to nurses, lol.
Not much sleep again last night and today getting up early plus working a little in this ridiculous heat, I am exhausted. Still though, not sleepy. Thyroid? It chimed in at 4.6 (I think)
Annie got her test back today and she has this rare disease that is treatable but not curable. At 20 years old. People, have you been noticing the young kids sick these days with crap that isn't or wasn't heard of before? Have you read the obituaries lately? We are concerned with so much these days yet we don't pay attention to what really matters. No worries though, I'm not going to go off on a long rant but I do remember reading back some years ago that children today will not outlive their parents. Read that again. It does not say not live as long as, not out live them.
All this has once again gotten me out of my willingly ignorant state. We eat something that foreign third world countries won't even allow to their slaves, GM Foods. So do this for not me, not you, but for them. Google these few things separately: GM Food, Codex Alimentarius, vaccines. Now on the last one do that on http://www.DrMercola.com. For a better view of Codex look for the videos and by all means visit http://www.morphcity.com. There are reasons for all this sickness and death. There are reasons that everything is happening. For those who know God, the last site should be looked at close.
My voice is some better, at least improving now since I don't have the patches. I think I was doing a lot and getting away with it pain wise. I attempted to eat a Chili Pup yesterday, got 1/2 of it eaten and then tossed it out and tossed in some pain meds. I use to could eat them without any pain or at least little pain. Amazing what Morphine will allow one to do, lol. Tonight we had Spaghetti, no stomach pills either. can you say acid reflux? After a Loratab failed, I did end up taking for the first time some Morphine after a few hours. I will assume that diet isn't taught to nurses, lol.
Not much sleep again last night and today getting up early plus working a little in this ridiculous heat, I am exhausted. Still though, not sleepy. Thyroid? It chimed in at 4.6 (I think)
Annie got her test back today and she has this rare disease that is treatable but not curable. At 20 years old. People, have you been noticing the young kids sick these days with crap that isn't or wasn't heard of before? Have you read the obituaries lately? We are concerned with so much these days yet we don't pay attention to what really matters. No worries though, I'm not going to go off on a long rant but I do remember reading back some years ago that children today will not outlive their parents. Read that again. It does not say not live as long as, not out live them.
All this has once again gotten me out of my willingly ignorant state. We eat something that foreign third world countries won't even allow to their slaves, GM Foods. So do this for not me, not you, but for them. Google these few things separately: GM Food, Codex Alimentarius, vaccines. Now on the last one do that on http://www.DrMercola.com. For a better view of Codex look for the videos and by all means visit http://www.morphcity.com. There are reasons for all this sickness and death. There are reasons that everything is happening. For those who know God, the last site should be looked at close.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
08-04-2010
It's after 12pm and I'm still awake despite taking a sleeping pill. I'm worn out but not sleepy. Strange. It was hot today so I stayed in. The heat makes it hard to breathe these days. Part of the fatigue maybe be where I have ended the Morphine patches. I hate to admit it but apparently my body had become addicted to it. Though I've not used the Loratabs like I should have, taking them regularly for the first few days, it seems to be easing off a bit. The first 2 days are the hardest. I have Morphine left but I dare not touch it.
Not that I'm into pain but really this is better. I know now that there was no way to have endured the pain without it, it is better when the pain level drops to feel the pain. It limits how much I talk, what I drink and eat, and how I swallow. Maybe this will make the healing go better since I feel the pain from things I shouldn't be doing immediately. Still, tonight my throat feels like it's closing inside... but that's every night.
Soon I will have the Cat Scan and it worries me. I pray that all this has not been for nothing. I have seen and lived Hell on Earth for a long time now. It goes through my mind all the time what I have seen and relate it to what I have felt. I wonder what happened to the lady who had mouth cancer and radiation had disfigured her. How the lady crying in the men's bathroom was doing or the lady in the wheelchair that was scared and calling out to everybody. I see the faces of those in the chemo hut and radiation waiting area and wonder where they are now and how they are doing. They have all lived Hell on Earth too. I pray they are well and enjoying life now.
When people meet that have never had cancer and are told someone had or has cancer they talk, but never in depth. When people who have or had cancer meet we go into depth as to what kind, where, what kind of therapy or medicine... there are no strangers. There is a connection, perhaps it is the hellish period that connects us, perhaps it is that they too know they were not alone. I have yet to meet an Atheist who has cancer. Maybe it is because we have known or learned that we never walk alone, unless we so chose. This is not a walk to be done alone. Between the fear, pain, sorrow, hate, depression, loss of pride, loss of independence, humiliation, being bullied, and all that goes along with this... we connect with another who knows this.
Not that I'm into pain but really this is better. I know now that there was no way to have endured the pain without it, it is better when the pain level drops to feel the pain. It limits how much I talk, what I drink and eat, and how I swallow. Maybe this will make the healing go better since I feel the pain from things I shouldn't be doing immediately. Still, tonight my throat feels like it's closing inside... but that's every night.
Soon I will have the Cat Scan and it worries me. I pray that all this has not been for nothing. I have seen and lived Hell on Earth for a long time now. It goes through my mind all the time what I have seen and relate it to what I have felt. I wonder what happened to the lady who had mouth cancer and radiation had disfigured her. How the lady crying in the men's bathroom was doing or the lady in the wheelchair that was scared and calling out to everybody. I see the faces of those in the chemo hut and radiation waiting area and wonder where they are now and how they are doing. They have all lived Hell on Earth too. I pray they are well and enjoying life now.
When people meet that have never had cancer and are told someone had or has cancer they talk, but never in depth. When people who have or had cancer meet we go into depth as to what kind, where, what kind of therapy or medicine... there are no strangers. There is a connection, perhaps it is the hellish period that connects us, perhaps it is that they too know they were not alone. I have yet to meet an Atheist who has cancer. Maybe it is because we have known or learned that we never walk alone, unless we so chose. This is not a walk to be done alone. Between the fear, pain, sorrow, hate, depression, loss of pride, loss of independence, humiliation, being bullied, and all that goes along with this... we connect with another who knows this.
Monday, August 2, 2010
08-02-2010
After spending yesterday mostly sleeping, I stayed awake all last night, still I'm not sleepy. We got the blood work back on my Thyroid and it is gone. That was one of the known causalities of war. Now I have to find a doctor to go to for that. I'm open to suggestions. (Hint Kim).
The neuropathy is still as it was and the hissing sound is still in my ears. The time finally draws nigh to see if it is all gone. Oh yea, I also get to have a sleep study done. Fun, Fun, Fun.
The one good thing though is that there are no more pain patches, just pills and I'm not doing much of them.
The neuropathy is still as it was and the hissing sound is still in my ears. The time finally draws nigh to see if it is all gone. Oh yea, I also get to have a sleep study done. Fun, Fun, Fun.
The one good thing though is that there are no more pain patches, just pills and I'm not doing much of them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)