Thursday, March 17, 2016

Happy Anniversary


Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

I Love You.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Happy Birthday "Baby"




Monday, March 7, 2016


Finally a day without rain, and a beautiful day. I wore short sleeves and exposed my arms to the sunlight, and it felt good. Tonight, not so much. The sunlight is like the Narrow Band UVB light, well that is actually in reverse. It pulls the CTCL to the surface and kills it. It does regenerate but at least those are dead. Tonight my arms feel like I have road burn on them, tender even to the air, but that will change. As my skin darkens it will be less noticeable. So steroidal cream and Excedrin to ease the pain.

 Throat wise I am doing good. I can swallow much easier, breathing is still a bit tough at times, but one gets use to that. The boat is ready to hit the water once the freeze period is past and the lakes are up. I will do as I intended 40 years ago, I will go fishing. My poles were in bad shape so I have already bought a pole, now I need to get my license. I'll do a smaller garden this year to allow me some time to enjoy. I told Denise the days I can't ride the bike, we can ride the boat. It requires no balance and I think she will enjoy it. Next week is our 27th anniversary.   

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Follow-up results from Feb 2016

  I fully intended on writing this but it seems things get in the way. The follow up went ok. We are still battling the after effects of the radiation. For now though no surgery or HBOT. Denise asked Dr Rathfoot if it would ever heal. He said some do and some don't, one guy he is battling it 18 years later.  While I have made no progress I have lost no ground, I'm holding my own. I get to drop back to 7mg of Prednisone from 10 a day. I guess I get to keep the Wolfman Jack sounding voice but hey, it could be worse. 

Friday, February 5, 2016


  Well I'm sitting here in my bedroom again, brings back not so easy times memories. I don't write a lot on here these days, just noticed the people following have dropped  to the 70s from over 100. Eventually I will cease all together on this blog, but it has helped me greatly. I am able to say things I could never say face to face, things felt but seldom if ever spoken. I write as if nobody will read it and oddly enough it helps me get out suppressed feelings, an effect I never considered when I started.

  I got an intestinal bug and I think maybe pneumonia. This high dose of Prednisone has several drawbacks but also advantages. I at least can breathe semi normal and for now HBOT and surgery is off the table. I go for a follow-up with Rathfoot next week and it scares me that I actually feel good about the results. Usually I worry about the results, so hopefully I'm not just feeling good wrongly.

  The Prednisone has several drawbacks. I have gained a lot of weight, and I mean a lot of weight. If we went to the beach they'd probably try to push me back in thinking I beached myself. lol. I have skin like rice paper so if I bump something I either bruise or bleed. We work on something I usually have the oh no you've cut yourself bad comment. I've gotten to where I pay little to no attention to the blood. The cows got out the other day and me and Denise had to get them in, easy done, then repair the fence, not so easy done. They went through briers, so I looked like I have been in a slasher money. It also brings about aggression. Do a lot of prayer and Bible study, but the good parts. Maybe the weight gain but fatigue seems to be a side effect. Keep in your mind though the benefits over the drawbacks.

  We watched the movie "90 Minutes In Heaven". It was a hard movie to watch, I think it hit way to close to home. I think Don had it worse physically than I have had, but those long days of what seemed to never end and pain that can't be described. I looked from time to time and Denise was in tears, honesty I wasn't until Don talked about his experience, then I lost it. For the first time it shows what one really goes through spiritually and emotionally. If I get to speak with him again I will ask if he was able to go through the gate, but it seems he was stopped. I wasn't allowed to cross the river. In some ways I think it would be good for all to experience and yet in some ways I pray nobody has to experience it. All I can say is it will show you that what you do, especially for or to others, matters greatly. It also shows you you are loved, even when you and the world don't love, you are loved. I try and keep that part of my life separate from the cancer blog, but in truth, they are together. It makes a difference knowing you do not lose, you win, no matter the outcome. In those darkest hours, when you are alone and without strength to set up. Those times that hours seem like days and day like years, and your spouse has to work and nobody is there to catch you if you fall. It helps to know that someone is there, even if you don't see them, He sends ones there. That is one reason I declined talking with TED, who wanted just the cancer part without faith. I'm not saying one cannot do this battle without faith, but it does make it easier, a light in a dark space in one's life sometimes is all we need to find out way out.      

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Year

Happy New Year !!!

  2016, man it don't seem like it should be that. I figured that 2009 would be my last one but here I am, guess I ain't done yet. I thought some while putting meds on my scalp to treat the Non Hodgkin's about the past.

  When I was young we'd all watch the "ball drop", counting down along with the TV to the final second, then scream Happy New Year. We'd call and wish other family members the same, even if it meant waking them up, lol. There was no cell phones or answering machines back then, so it would ring until either we stopped or someone answer. The next day mom would fix stuff we'd, or at least I would not eat again until the next year rolled around. Black eyed Peas, Greens, and other stuff that were suppose to do certain things for you throughout the year. I remember greens being money, I guess because we had so little of it. Walk uphill so that one would make advances upon the first walk. Blue eyed people were considered bad luck, and most of us had blue eyes. Keith, and probably some other of mom's siblings had brown eyes, some had green. Hey those were consider good luck if they came to visit during New Year's Day. We would wait until Keith, Dorthy, and their kids would come visit, and they always did so we'd all have good luck. Man were we ever blessed, not because of eye color, or what we ate, but because we had each other. 

   Skip ahead and when I was a teenager, dad had landed a good paying job, so we thought we would  up the tradition by adding a new one to the line up. We had watched people on TV drinking and Champagne seemed to be the "in" thing they drank. Mom bought some Champagne and fancy glasses in preparation of the celebration. I was a young teenager back then and thought this would add something new. We all gathered around and watched the ball drop, counting the last seconds countdown along with them. We all had our glasses, a bit awkward to hold but we'd do as we saw on TV. The glasses were poured and when the ball dropped we all screamed Happy New Year. We raised our glasses, even clinking them together, and preceded to drink. You could see us looking at each other as we held the glasses over our mouth. Some swallowed it while other spit it out into the glass or the sink. Nobody liked the taste, guess we just wasn't cut out for it. So we grabbed our soft drinks, milk, or Eggnog, and refilled our washed out glasses, lol. Thus began and ended this new tradition, lol. 

   Some decades have passed since then, some people have passed since then. even as an adult I always called mom and dad when that ball dropped. Dad would wake up to watch it, mom watched it all. Misty and Annie live away now and Megan is at her boyfriends  (and yes, she has to come home by 12:10). The older ones who once kept us all together have since gone and the younger ones became the older ones over time. We haven't kept the traditions like our predecessors did, and that is a shame. So tonight it will be just me and Denise, watching the ball drop and doing one tradition that mom and dad did, the New Years first kiss, as we have done for 27 years now. Then we will hit the bed, not wanting to disturb our girls.I'll probably at least send a text, which seems a bit impersonal. I see what those who came before me saw, that these times may never come again so be thankful for who and what you have. For a moment I wondered if they considered as they aged if it may be their last one. Then I remember how they lived, oh how they did live, making the most of every minute, every person, everything in their life each day. That makes me say, I want to live like that. 

God Bless and Happy New Year