Wednesday, June 15, 2016

06-15-2016

   Well this is 1 month, 10 days since the heart attack. The ladies working in Cardiac Rehab are nice and do a good job building me back. By now, with my Wolfman Jack sounding voice all know I have had throat cancer, but one knows of the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma because she was working that day when they brought me in. She commented on how I seemed unconcerned, but I was, a little. She said first time she has seen a wife watch the surgery. I told her Denise watched the first time too, in 2005. I thought it was a compliment when she said because I was so calm it made their job easier. Somehow, and don't ask me how, I knew this wasn't my time. She commented on how I smiled during the surgery. I told her I'd seen worse, lol. Then I thanked her for the good job they all did that day, and they all did excellent.

  So today, I had blood drawn after a follow up with Deb Gronewall. I love Deb and loved her husband as well, Dr Gronewall, finer people one could not find. I chose to go to Deb since she listens, which Dr Rama doesn't do so well. He is the man you want during a heart attack, and then find another for your follow-ups. I guess we all have our specialties. My hands are and have been swollen as well as my feet. We have stopped the Lipitor, Deb thinks I was having a reaction to it. I did last time too. Then the bomb came, Rheumatoid arthritis. I have arthritis from all the damage I done to my body at UPS, and mild arthritis from the Lyme's Disease many years ago, but neither is this damning. I would rather not be crippled up later on, but that is not my decision. It does seem trivial somewhat looking at William and Charlie. William has to go on Dialysis since his kidneys are pretty much shot to have a decent chance of surviving. Charlie, this time the lungs are confirmed and it is Stage 1, but both lungs. They both prepare for Hell on earth.

   My thoughts went to what's next. The lady in Cardiac Rehab I overheard he saying the speed and incline on the walker I was doing, this far out from a heart attack was unbelievable.  If she only knew how much pain every step was to take on that machine, but I hide it well. I am blessed that my hands also have neuropathy and are numb, so I will and do not feel them much. Still, this has hit me hard. I will not beg for healing but rather than He not leave me here to be a burden on those I love. Sometimes it seems too much, then I remember I am not carrying this alone. So that is what I will ask Him for, the strength and power to be independent, not a burden on those around me. If He wants to heal me that'd be great, but if not, then  help me to overcome it and show others His power and love. Real men aren't "self made", they get their power from God and admit to that fact. It has been a real interesting year so far this year.

  

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

05-12-2016

Well it just occurred to me tonight that Dr Rama may send a report to Dr Rathfoot. I see Dr Rathfoot the 17th, Denise's birthday. I have to go have a check up with Rama, Town, or Deb next week. Hopefully Denise won't tell on me. The day I got out of the hospital I finished taking the starter off the lawn tractor. Monday and Tuesday the signs were right for planting stuff that is above ground, so Megan, Denise, and me all planted one of the gardens. Funny, I fired up the tractor Monday and I think everybody hear it, any other time nobody would have paid attention, lol. Today I am tired and have a little pain so I took it easy, plus it was raining, lol.

  This time they confirmed it, Charlie's cancer has followed that tree into his lungs. He will begin treatments in June after a surgery to implant gold somethings in his lungs. They will be using the Cyber Knife, I probably spelled that wrong. I think chemo too, but not sure. He has it in both lungs but they caught it at Stage 1. We spoke between us, me, him, and Tina, openly in words not shared usually unless people are survivors. He teared up and said he didn't want to die but dying isn't the worse of it, it is the uncertainty, the not knowing. That is the hardest part and I will have to agree. People who have lived so close to death that dying is easier than living realize this. This is not the "I'm so sick I could die" or that could have been fatal but rather the part where dying is easier than living for real. The part where you know you really have little to no control, and those working on you don't have much more either. The part where you are afraid to close your eyes knowing that one second of letting your guard down will cost you your life. Where seconds feel like minutes and minutes like hours and hours like days and days like years, and it seems to never end.

  To the lighter side, they saved off my chest hair and hair in places I will refrain for mentioning. Boy is this going to itch when it starts back. The chest one can scratch, the lower parts... not so much in public. It kind of looks funny, lol. If you want people to let you in front of them at a line, that'll do it, lol.     

Saturday, May 7, 2016

05-07-2016

Well not related directly to the cancer but definitely worth recording is the events that happened Thursday 05-04-2016. It started about 4-4:30, chest pain and numb lips. I must have looked the part because Megan was worried about how I looked. I came in and grabbed the nitro, rested a bit, then headed back outside to help Megan feed the chickens and ducks.

  It hit yet again and a tad harder this time. I went back inside, probably looking worse than the first time (according to Megan), and once again started with Nitro. It started to work but then I was in a hurry to get back outside and boom, it hit with a vengeance. I still figured I could beat it, I'd beat it a few times in the past months, but this time it wasn't letting up, at least not a total reset.

  Denise gets home and I have laid flat in the flood, a trick that had worked before. This time I couldn't get up. I have a pretty high threshold to pain but once crossed I am at a loss, and it leaped across all at once. My lips went numb, the pain was as hard between my shoulder blades as it was in my chest. Denise had asked me a time or two if I wanted her to drive me to the ER and I declined. This time though I looked at Megan and said, "Go get you mamma". Denise came back with her and I said "Dial 911". My first Ambulance ride and hopefully my last. They crew done good, especially the neighbor's son.

  So anyway I get there and Dr Rama again worked on me with the procedure then Dr Town closed me back with some kind of plug like thing in my groin. I spent 1 day in CCU and 1 day on the regular heart floor room, then home. Other than a hospital doctor named Smith, MHH done a great job. Dr Smith, though his intentions were good, his delivery isn't. Then again it is hard to think so highly of yourself and so low of others and expect to be productive. (Hint to doctors, don't feel too above the rest that you look down and talk down to people, least your message be missed or received wrong.) 

  Other than that though it was a good experience, given what it was. Misty on the other hand for the 3rd time she was put in the hospital in a Johnson City for Kidney Stones. She almost went septic this last time from their blunderings. They must have a thing with a mortician out there. (Hint to Dr Smith, this that has been done to Misty by pompous, arrogant, ignorant, doctors who apparently think higher of themselves then they preform.) So that might be a place to consider working at with those Delusions of Grandeur you have.     

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Happy Anniversary

HAPPY 27TH ANNIVERSARY DENISE. 

Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

I Love You.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Happy Birthday "Baby"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 


BABY


aka  ALEXANDRA

Monday, March 7, 2016

03-08-2016

Finally a day without rain, and a beautiful day. I wore short sleeves and exposed my arms to the sunlight, and it felt good. Tonight, not so much. The sunlight is like the Narrow Band UVB light, well that is actually in reverse. It pulls the CTCL to the surface and kills it. It does regenerate but at least those are dead. Tonight my arms feel like I have road burn on them, tender even to the air, but that will change. As my skin darkens it will be less noticeable. So steroidal cream and Excedrin to ease the pain.

 Throat wise I am doing good. I can swallow much easier, breathing is still a bit tough at times, but one gets use to that. The boat is ready to hit the water once the freeze period is past and the lakes are up. I will do as I intended 40 years ago, I will go fishing. My poles were in bad shape so I have already bought a pole, now I need to get my license. I'll do a smaller garden this year to allow me some time to enjoy. I told Denise the days I can't ride the bike, we can ride the boat. It requires no balance and I think she will enjoy it. Next week is our 27th anniversary.   

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Follow-up results from Feb 2016

  I fully intended on writing this but it seems things get in the way. The follow up went ok. We are still battling the after effects of the radiation. For now though no surgery or HBOT. Denise asked Dr Rathfoot if it would ever heal. He said some do and some don't, one guy he is battling it 18 years later.  While I have made no progress I have lost no ground, I'm holding my own. I get to drop back to 7mg of Prednisone from 10 a day. I guess I get to keep the Wolfman Jack sounding voice but hey, it could be worse.