Wednesday, May 11, 2016

05-12-2016

Well it just occurred to me tonight that Dr Rama may send a report to Dr Rathfoot. I see Dr Rathfoot the 17th, Denise's birthday. I have to go have a check up with Rama, Town, or Deb next week. Hopefully Denise won't tell on me. The day I got out of the hospital I finished taking the starter off the lawn tractor. Monday and Tuesday the signs were right for planting stuff that is above ground, so Megan, Denise, and me all planted one of the gardens. Funny, I fired up the tractor Monday and I think everybody hear it, any other time nobody would have paid attention, lol. Today I am tired and have a little pain so I took it easy, plus it was raining, lol.

  This time they confirmed it, Charlie's cancer has followed that tree into his lungs. He will begin treatments in June after a surgery to implant gold somethings in his lungs. They will be using the Cyber Knife, I probably spelled that wrong. I think chemo too, but not sure. He has it in both lungs but they caught it at Stage 1. We spoke between us, me, him, and Tina, openly in words not shared usually unless people are survivors. He teared up and said he didn't want to die but dying isn't the worse of it, it is the uncertainty, the not knowing. That is the hardest part and I will have to agree. People who have lived so close to death that dying is easier than living realize this. This is not the "I'm so sick I could die" or that could have been fatal but rather the part where dying is easier than living for real. The part where you know you really have little to no control, and those working on you don't have much more either. The part where you are afraid to close your eyes knowing that one second of letting your guard down will cost you your life. Where seconds feel like minutes and minutes like hours and hours like days and days like years, and it seems to never end.

  To the lighter side, they saved off my chest hair and hair in places I will refrain for mentioning. Boy is this going to itch when it starts back. The chest one can scratch, the lower parts... not so much in public. It kind of looks funny, lol. If you want people to let you in front of them at a line, that'll do it, lol.     

Saturday, May 7, 2016

05-07-2016

Well not related directly to the cancer but definitely worth recording is the events that happened Thursday 05-04-2016. It started about 4-4:30, chest pain and numb lips. I must have looked the part because Megan was worried about how I looked. I came in and grabbed the nitro, rested a bit, then headed back outside to help Megan feed the chickens and ducks.

  It hit yet again and a tad harder this time. I went back inside, probably looking worse than the first time (according to Megan), and once again started with Nitro. It started to work but then I was in a hurry to get back outside and boom, it hit with a vengeance. I still figured I could beat it, I'd beat it a few times in the past months, but this time it wasn't letting up, at least not a total reset.

  Denise gets home and I have laid flat in the flood, a trick that had worked before. This time I couldn't get up. I have a pretty high threshold to pain but once crossed I am at a loss, and it leaped across all at once. My lips went numb, the pain was as hard between my shoulder blades as it was in my chest. Denise had asked me a time or two if I wanted her to drive me to the ER and I declined. This time though I looked at Megan and said, "Go get you mamma". Denise came back with her and I said "Dial 911". My first Ambulance ride and hopefully my last. They crew done good, especially the neighbor's son.

  So anyway I get there and Dr Rama again worked on me with the procedure then Dr Town closed me back with some kind of plug like thing in my groin. I spent 1 day in CCU and 1 day on the regular heart floor room, then home. Other than a hospital doctor named Smith, MHH done a great job. Dr Smith, though his intentions were good, his delivery isn't. Then again it is hard to think so highly of yourself and so low of others and expect to be productive. (Hint to doctors, don't feel too above the rest that you look down and talk down to people, least your message be missed or received wrong.) 

  Other than that though it was a good experience, given what it was. Misty on the other hand for the 3rd time she was put in the hospital in a Johnson City for Kidney Stones. She almost went septic this last time from their blunderings. They must have a thing with a mortician out there. (Hint to Dr Smith, this that has been done to Misty by pompous, arrogant, ignorant, doctors who apparently think higher of themselves then they preform.) So that might be a place to consider working at with those Delusions of Grandeur you have.     

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Happy Anniversary

HAPPY 27TH ANNIVERSARY DENISE. 

Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

I Love You.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Happy Birthday "Baby"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 


BABY


aka  ALEXANDRA

Monday, March 7, 2016

03-08-2016

Finally a day without rain, and a beautiful day. I wore short sleeves and exposed my arms to the sunlight, and it felt good. Tonight, not so much. The sunlight is like the Narrow Band UVB light, well that is actually in reverse. It pulls the CTCL to the surface and kills it. It does regenerate but at least those are dead. Tonight my arms feel like I have road burn on them, tender even to the air, but that will change. As my skin darkens it will be less noticeable. So steroidal cream and Excedrin to ease the pain.

 Throat wise I am doing good. I can swallow much easier, breathing is still a bit tough at times, but one gets use to that. The boat is ready to hit the water once the freeze period is past and the lakes are up. I will do as I intended 40 years ago, I will go fishing. My poles were in bad shape so I have already bought a pole, now I need to get my license. I'll do a smaller garden this year to allow me some time to enjoy. I told Denise the days I can't ride the bike, we can ride the boat. It requires no balance and I think she will enjoy it. Next week is our 27th anniversary.   

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Follow-up results from Feb 2016

  I fully intended on writing this but it seems things get in the way. The follow up went ok. We are still battling the after effects of the radiation. For now though no surgery or HBOT. Denise asked Dr Rathfoot if it would ever heal. He said some do and some don't, one guy he is battling it 18 years later.  While I have made no progress I have lost no ground, I'm holding my own. I get to drop back to 7mg of Prednisone from 10 a day. I guess I get to keep the Wolfman Jack sounding voice but hey, it could be worse. 

Friday, February 5, 2016

2-6-2016

  Well I'm sitting here in my bedroom again, brings back not so easy times memories. I don't write a lot on here these days, just noticed the people following have dropped  to the 70s from over 100. Eventually I will cease all together on this blog, but it has helped me greatly. I am able to say things I could never say face to face, things felt but seldom if ever spoken. I write as if nobody will read it and oddly enough it helps me get out suppressed feelings, an effect I never considered when I started.

  I got an intestinal bug and I think maybe pneumonia. This high dose of Prednisone has several drawbacks but also advantages. I at least can breathe semi normal and for now HBOT and surgery is off the table. I go for a follow-up with Rathfoot next week and it scares me that I actually feel good about the results. Usually I worry about the results, so hopefully I'm not just feeling good wrongly.

  The Prednisone has several drawbacks. I have gained a lot of weight, and I mean a lot of weight. If we went to the beach they'd probably try to push me back in thinking I beached myself. lol. I have skin like rice paper so if I bump something I either bruise or bleed. We work on something I usually have the oh no you've cut yourself bad comment. I've gotten to where I pay little to no attention to the blood. The cows got out the other day and me and Denise had to get them in, easy done, then repair the fence, not so easy done. They went through briers, so I looked like I have been in a slasher money. It also brings about aggression. Do a lot of prayer and Bible study, but the good parts. Maybe the weight gain but fatigue seems to be a side effect. Keep in your mind though the benefits over the drawbacks.

  We watched the movie "90 Minutes In Heaven". It was a hard movie to watch, I think it hit way to close to home. I think Don had it worse physically than I have had, but those long days of what seemed to never end and pain that can't be described. I looked from time to time and Denise was in tears, honesty I wasn't until Don talked about his experience, then I lost it. For the first time it shows what one really goes through spiritually and emotionally. If I get to speak with him again I will ask if he was able to go through the gate, but it seems he was stopped. I wasn't allowed to cross the river. In some ways I think it would be good for all to experience and yet in some ways I pray nobody has to experience it. All I can say is it will show you that what you do, especially for or to others, matters greatly. It also shows you you are loved, even when you and the world don't love, you are loved. I try and keep that part of my life separate from the cancer blog, but in truth, they are together. It makes a difference knowing you do not lose, you win, no matter the outcome. In those darkest hours, when you are alone and without strength to set up. Those times that hours seem like days and day like years, and your spouse has to work and nobody is there to catch you if you fall. It helps to know that someone is there, even if you don't see them, He sends ones there. That is one reason I declined talking with TED, who wanted just the cancer part without faith. I'm not saying one cannot do this battle without faith, but it does make it easier, a light in a dark space in one's life sometimes is all we need to find out way out.