Friday, January 1, 2010

New Years Day

First off... Happy New Year!

I slept most of the day getting up just for bathroom breaks until about 1pm. Denise talked me into weighing and I am back to 196 lbs. I noticed that urinating was not as productive and painful again and the sweating came back so I asked Denise when the patch was due a change. It was due yesterday. We changed the patch and over a period of time everything slowly went back to normal.

   I bragged that I may have to not take my blood pressure medicine anymore but I kept getting these headaches. We checked my blood pressure and it was way high. The Morphine seemed to lower it and now that I'm not on Morphine anymore my blood pressure has gone back up, so tonight I took my pills. We went to mom and dad's and I ate quite a lot, especially mashed potatoes. I have 2 more doses of the Augmentin left to take for the abscesses ad while my face is still a little swollen, very little pain is left. Denise's blood pressure was high too. I'm going to talk with some of her coworkers and get them to keep an eye out on her.

  I've mixed feeling about officially being disabled, I think I may be the first in the family to do so. I've 14 treatments left and I know that based on the first 17 and with what the last 4 have done I will be back into the flames again. They say it takes at least 6 months to recover from this after treatments stop. I have lost a lot of muscle in all this, probably more muscle than hair, lol. I have learned to not be so independent and learned to be humble. I have lost a lot of pride in the things I shouldn't have had and grateful for the people and things  that count. 

  I guess that will be my New Year's resolution, try and recover the muscle I've lost and learn to cope with the numbness and the muscle spasms that I seem to have been left with. God has been good to me and surrounded me with the best family, friends, doctors, nurses, and techs one could ever ask or want for. Certainly better than I deserve. I've laid out in my mind a lot of things that need to be done to the house, some of which I know I can't do, all of which I know have to be done. I will slowly build back my strength doing what I can do. I probably won't be able to get them all done but at least I will do what I can and slowly build back muscle. the one thing I will miss is my gardens and even though I will not get to plant them, maybe I will be able to maintain them later in the year as my immunity builds. I haven't had the heart to look at my seeds catalogs. Here is a plug for the places I get them from. Southern Exposure Seed and my favorite, Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds. I also get plants and seeds from Allen-Surrette hardware and plants from a place in Grainger county.  

   We go Wednesday, and I pray that Denise can take me to radiation, then Dr Rathfoot, then to the dentist get my tooth fixed. If she does good then I think I will switch dentists. That should be a full day. It's kinda ironic, my tooth will enable me to eat just as my treatment will take the ability away. Funny how things work.

  I keep seeing the older man in the waiting room that first day back. His wife told Denise that he has tongue cancer and that day will be his first treatment. I say a prayer for him every night even though I don't know his name, but I'm sure that God does. Radiation is worse on head and neck cancer and I imagine that the mouth is far worse than what I have experienced. I pray that he and others will know that you don't have to go through this alone, Jesus is always there, all you gotta do is ask. That doesn't mean the pain will go away or that it will be easy but rather that He will help you and surround you with loving kind people. Miracles do happen, many are right before our eyes, we just have to look.