Sunday, August 11, 2013

Happy Birthday Megan

Happy 21st Birthday Megan Kimmae`. 

 You almost had the name Megan Mae, Mae from your mom's grandmother Mae. On the night you were born though, things changed, and fast too. You gave no sign that it was anything more than a regular child birth until you started out. You were what they called a double nucal, or something like that. The Umbilical Chord was wrapped around your neck twice so they had to stop you and cut it from around your neck first. Then they resuscitated you. It was a hard, scary birthing and they all worked hard that night.

  So we wanted to honor the doctor that delivered you, his name is Kim. So later that night we talked about it and put the Kim along with the Mae, which made the name Kimmae. This is what I intended on calling you but dad started out calling you Megan, then the rest of the family did too.

  You were that .01% that birth control pills make an error on. If anything even tells the worth of someone or wants proof that God intended on them being here it is you. .01% chance, so I'm guessing God wanted you here a lot, and He put you with us. My memory comes and goes during that time from the Lymes Disease I guess, but I remember the strength your mom had and still has.

  I think you were about 3 when we discovered your hearing loss, but when you were born we didn't notice. Denise taught you how to form your letters using percussion, holding your hand up to her mouth and pronouncing a letter, then holding it to your mouth to imitate it. Night after night, day after day, year after year. She took you to UT Speech & Hearing, who also taught you how to use your hearing aides and learn words and sounds. It didn't take us long to figure out though that it wasn't you who were born with a handicap, it was us. You hear watching expressions and body language and, you hear someone's heart, a rare gift.

You have no idea how much you changed our world... for the better. From you I have learned much and you probably didn't know that, but it is true. I've learned from all 3 of you but perhaps you the most. You took teasing and cruelty and yet didn't hold a grudge and have always been quick to forgive. Gentle in nature and though you are physically strong, your inner strength amazes me to this day. You went to school where some teachers said you didn't belong, put up with their sarcasm and sometimes cruel words knocked you down, and yet you got back up. I will say that with a lot of them when you were in school you didn't fit in, you were above that. I also remember you seeing if I needed anything when I was so sick, and even to this day when bad days come, you help. Me and Denise are both extremely proud of you, as we are your sisters. Now if we can just get you to drive. :)               

Saturday, August 3, 2013


  Imagine that, no posts for a while and then suddenly here we go again. Mom got her tests back on her place on her nose and it is cancer, a different kind and completely treatable. Then she got back the results of a swab they done in her nose. Seems that when she had surgery at Ft Sanders she brought home a present, MRSA, since back in the spring! They noticed her WBC count was low, Nutrifils were low, yet of all the doctors that came into the room, nobody caught it. I'm sure she wasn't their only case, it had to start from somewhere. So she is taking meds for the MRSA and maybe that will get her blood building back along with a new Dr added, Dr Hanna, which Denise said she has heard good things about. I remember hearing that name when I took chemo. Now that she is at UT I think things will go better if they can get her on track.

  So come Monday I go see Dr Boyd to get the 2 teeth out I have left, but this is for a consult. I got 2 teeth, want to be knocked out... should be an easy one. :) I have to go and get checked for MRSA too since I was with mom. Maybe thats been my sinuses and stuff, but maybe not. My blood work came back and the Thyroid is officially dead, RIP. They expected this a lot earlier but we all knew it was going to happen. That would explain irritability, sleepless nights, yet staying tired. Hair falling out and dry as a desert, nails breaking off, weight gain (I think the extra Prednisone has a lot to do with that though), and hard to focus (good excuse on that, usually I'm just scatter brained, or ADD). Dr Rathfoot is out until Tuesday, so meds won't be until then at the earliest. The nurse asked if that was ok and I figured sure. As hard as that man works he deserves some peace and quiet, and this isn't life threatening. I think Denise said 4.5 on something level and mine is 5.777.   

Thursday, August 1, 2013


  The hay is up and hopefully enough to last through the winter, 152 rolls all total. I broke the tractor again in the process though, one more thing to do... again. That is one worry off my mind and one less pressing thing so when Sept comes the surgery will be ok to do and next week or two getting the remaining teeth out and a plate made. I'm so past this hole in my jar and sticking the tooth back in each morning, plus getting sore. I've fought infections constantly from the tooth and the mold from the ground with all this rain. I had blood work done today to see if I am needing the Thyroid medicine yet. Given all this I'm in a bad and depressed mood.

  I promised to hold silent and thus far have, but this blog has always been a blessing and at times a place to refuge. I say stuff I would not otherwise say here. I have a big mouth but I actually say little of importance in person, and that is done purposefully. Tonight though I need to release, and so I shall, yet still holding back on some things. Mom has cancer, which is bad enough but having two myself now that in and of itself shouldn't bother me. I know most of the time it is treatable. She had a Hysterectomy back in the late winter at Ft Sanders by a Dr Morgan, and I use the title Dr extremely loosely, just as I omitted the word Hospital from Covenant Health Care, or lack there of. He said he "got it all", even though he had no PET Scans done before or after, said they were a waste of money. Things went sour and again she wanted me to remain silent, and so I have. Denise got her in with Dr Kilgore at UT after Morgan wanting to start Radiation Therapy, again with no PET Scan at his new building. When mom declined he even sent out a registered letter saying it would be dangerous if she doesn't start along with phone calls. Where were they radiating? How did they know where and how much to radiate? They didn't! May God forgive me but I have a searing hate developing for Morgan. Dress lightly, it will be warm where you go one day.

  So today mom was to start chemotherapy, except it didn't happen. When the blood work was draw it showed her white cells and Nutrifils were all but absent. Dr Kilgore said that it would probably kill her if she had it done within a week, and Radiation was off the table for now too. Her blood must be built up in order to withstand it and fast, the cancer is aggressive and in multiple places. Mom is scared and her first words were that it was a death sentence. It does seem a bit bleak yet I showed no fear to her and tried to give hope, after all, it is up to God to call the shots. Whatever the outcome His decisions are just, yet I pray for a little longer, provided quality of life is good. I think there is always hope. So there, I've relinquished my silence. We would appreciate your prayers for her. I have called a few family members to tell them the last week or two, some I reached and some not, but some read this blog... or at least they use to. If you want to get updates or details just call me, save one who has not returned my calls. I have a lot of confidence in UT, so if it is His will, it will be.