Friday, December 4, 2009

An Event That We Saw In The Waiting Room

  This has nothing really to do with me or throat cancer directly, just indirectly. Totally just what is in my mind.

  While we sat and waited to be called back today in the waiting room at UT Cancer Center we watched a lady lose it. It crossed my mind and for some reason I feel like I need to write this.

  We heard someone crying and crying out in pain and fear, not the usual thing in the waiting room. I looked across the room and noticed a lady in a motorized type scooter/wheelchair like this. I know that you have seen them in ads. The lady was heavy set, in her late 20s to mid 30s. Her husband had sat at the end of a row where she could park beside him. They looked to have little money but he had hands that looked like they worked hard.

  For whatever reason he sat facing one way but she kept on going towards the end of the room where 2 couples sat. The couple setting against the wall looked to be in their 60s, and not that you can tell by looking, neither looked sick. they may have even brought someone, who knows. They were dressed well. In the center sat another older couple in the late 60s-70s. they were dressed middle class yet the laddie's red hat looked out of an era long past, yet very new looking. They lady stopped her (we'll call it a buggy) between her husband and the 2 couples setting facing each other.

  You could tell by her voice and her actions that she was frantic. She hurt and was scared. She explained that she had breast cancer and that they had done surgery on her, explaining what was done (I didn't listen too well on the details) and trying not to stare. I looked to my wife and said she was pitiful and how bad I felt for her, she agreed. As I looked around the room I noticed that pretty much everybody was doing the same. Her husband had his head bowed, but rather than in shame, with a look of being lost, beaten down, and so, so sad. The man from the couple to her left was called back, he walked around her and attempted a look of understanding.

  The couple to the right looked her eye to eye, but were at a loss for words. Perhaps we all were. Perhaps we all knew her pain and fears all too well, and those there with someone who is battling knew her husband's look. The lady to the left, now by herself looked to the lady and listened. She softly asked, "Are you a Christian?" The frantic lady suddenly stopped, hesitated at bit and thought. She quietly said yes. The lady to her left outstretched her hand to the frantic lady. The frantic lady slowly pulled her buggy closer and stretched out her hand to the older lady, and they held hands. The older lady began to softly pray and the frantic lady bowed her head and became calm. Again, I didn't listen to the details as they prayed. When it was over the frantic lady asked the older lady about the pain, sickness and facts of what was still ahead of her. At this time I'm wondering what would happen if the older lady answered with the truth... and if she would. She told the lady that she would be very sick and in a lot of pain, but that it was ok, she would get through it. She told her that and other words of encouragement. The once frantic lady was calmed and spoke and was no longer excited but rather calm, even though it was not what she wanted to hear.

  Now your probably wondering what this has to do with throat cancer, my case, or even related to anything. Well, here it is. The lady called out her fears in an emotional and showed it all physically. What she exhibited is what is taking place inside of all of us when we fight a hard battle in an unknown battleground against an enemy that we can't see. We see the effects, we feel them and the cavalry that rides in to save the day shooting blindly. It is like being in a battle, calling in an air strike on the enemy, they bring nukes that do more damage, often killing both sides. She verbally described all our fears. Then she discovered our strength. The older lady showed her compassion, love, kindness, and truth. The biggest thing she showed her, and it was apparently conveyed without words... faith. That all leads up to a big word... HOPE. She showed her that she is not alone.

Meeting with Panella

  I went to radiation today but rather than with Charlie, Denise went since I was meeting with Dr Panella. Found a trick, compliments of Charity and the other lady in radiation. If the mask is too tight, wiggle and place your face different degrees of angle. It's still gonna be tight but not as tight. They have been very nice to me lately. Charity has even been nice, who knows what happened at the start. All that really matters is today, yesterday has gone and tomorrow isn't promised and hinges upon today. Today is all that really matters, it's all we can control.

  The treatments now burn a bit harder and my voice a bit more coarse. The pain in talking grows more each day. By this evening, the Coke I was drinking is painful so I guess it's back to water. Water must be at room temperature to keep from being painful, or I should say less painful. I'm not 1/2 way there yet but I'm getting there, lol. 

  Panella gave me a higher dose of pain meds and prescribed some pot pills to easy the coming sickness from the chemo. At this point, take and do whatever is needed for you to survive this.He decided to go with the same chemo Wed and added more to combat the rejection. how I pray this is the last. 

  Denise brought me home and went to work. I wanted to go to the office but just didn't have the energy. I laid down and me and the dog slept until about 1:15. I finally went about 2pm but wasn't able to stay long. I stopped at Easy In and got a sandwich, boy that was good.

  Now at this time if you are reading this, I am trying to give the information as to how this has been to me, both good and bad. That doesn't mean that you will have the same, it could be better... and I pray it is. It could be worse, and I pray it isn't. I'm not one to push anything on someone else but I'm going to try to place up a couple of quick videos here that help me and hopefully will help you as well.


This one especially: