Friday, October 23, 2015


  Well the extra 10mg of Prednisone is finally over so now I go back to 10mg. Thank God. Taking 20mg of it I gained even more weight plus was getting a little hateful and short fused. A good example of that was when I was leaving Lowe's and came to the red light. The car in front started quickly when it turned to green, then slammed on his brakes. Thankfully UPS driver training you wait a second or two before starting after the car in front starts, just in case. I threw up my hands, no words, no horn, just tossed my hands in the air like I was saying what... Apparently the guy in front saw that and we ended up side by side at the next red light. My windows was down, a/c quit on the truck, so the guy rolls his window down, looks angry and says, "Hey... you gotta a problem?"  I looked over and said, "Actually I do. I'm wondering, did you just not like that shade of green or did you wake up stupid."  I think it caught him off guard and he quickly turned his head and rolled his window back up. We were about the same age, he maybe was a little younger, and I think he was playing with his cell phone. Normally I wouldn't have done that.

  Another side effect of Prednisone (according to Denise), besides weight gain and irritability is thin paper like skin. I get cut and bruise over practically nothing. It is so common that while everybody freaks out I pay it little attention. I wear camo a lot and can wipe the blood on my pants or shirts and what doesn't come out blends in, lol. People ask me if I'm going hunting and usually are puzzled when I tell them I don't hunt. I get dirty and bloody and this hides it, looks like it is just part of the design, lol.

  I almost made Denise proud a few days ago, Big Ugly I waved good-bye to as it went to the new owners. I told her I could part with stuff, just not as she imagined. Matthew (long time friend) needed a truck to haul scrap in plus pull things. He has an old 1968 Massey Ferguson tractor he don't need. It needs a few things but is fine as it is. I don't really need another tractor but he needs a truck and Big Ugly has mostly sit for the last 2 years. It was a little hard to see her go but now she can do what she was meant to do. I bought the truck when I was selling real estate off Craigslist for 550.00, to pull the hay float. Blackie (F150) just was having a hard time and overheating bad. It wasn't long before I got sick with the throat cancer. While taking chemo you have days you feel better than others, but not really good days, just not as bad days. I found a steel flatbed on Craigslist and William took his trailer and me and I bought it. Cody (now Megan's boyfriend) came and I paid him to fabricate it to fit and make a headache rack. Later I found a seat and William installed it. After the treatments Big Ugly was the first thing I worked on, taking the top of the engine off plus distributor down and replacing the electronic parts and hand cleaning the Plentium.  Denise went with me to look at it and when I bought it dad followed me back. A lot of good memories. I'm not sure I can work on stuff that much anymore. So far he has Big Ugly but I haven't seen the tractor yet. The last 2 days he was suppose to bring it but something came up and he couldn't. He will bring it when he can, I have faith he will.

 (note to Denise) I know you will read this. You look at the cars and trucks I once collected and I know you see junk, but I see potential. JFK once said, "Some sees things as they are and ask why. I see things as they could be and ask why not." Will I live or my health last long enough to even fix one more? I don't know, probably not. They give me hope and something to aspire to be able to do again. The proverbial carrot in front of the horse thing. If you remember back, they told me to walk in the Mall after my heat attack. I did walk as they suggested only I went to junk yards and walked. I done that so much that the guys at Romines and Sonny's sent people to me to ask if they had a certain car or part, lol. It was nice of them since they knew I couldn't afford to buy anything and still allowed me to walk. I thank them for that. My whole thought process is, what if I can. They continue to be worth more so if I can't you can do as you need to do with them. I have lived my life reaching for the stars, knowing I will never touch one, but also knowing I won't end up with a hand full of dirt while reaching up. I had to adopt that growing up. You were blessed with a "normal family", your mom and dad. I grew up living between houses and with 8 different people, each great, each different, plus my parents who visited from time to time. They were young and dumb, so I don't fault them for leaving. You had stability, rock hard and firmly planted... I did not, but I was loved. Funny, all 8 were poor, honest, hard working people, and when you have nothing you have everything you need. Faith and hope abide with those who have little material junk. All we own, all we can touch, is fleeting at best and in time is gone from moths or rust. This stuff serves me now and when I am gone if it does not serve you then get rid of it.    

  Also I read on the Lymphoma Board, then went to the article, a new treatment is being experimented with to treat T Cell Lymphomas and similar blood cancers. For a moment I saw light at the end of the tunnel, then  I saw price. If it is approved, it will be years before it is released. I saw and read how it works and it sounds a lot like Robert (Bob) Beck's way except the take out the blood, just as he said they wanted to years ago. Still, it is hope. I have sores in my head and my skin looks like I've took a bath in battery acid in many places. It has advanced lately, and that is ok too I suppose. None of us get out of this life without dying. We are dying with that first breath, each breath brings us closer. Some of us are fortunate to know this, but the real blessing is something else that we know. It isn't the breaths we should count but the moments that happen between breaths. There, the miracles are found, we just have to notice. People come back from death with some profound knowledge and while I didn't have all this many things, one thing I did and remember well. "Be it good or bad, no moment lasts forever. Therefore endure the bad and cherish the good... knowing this too shall pass."  That simple things was a life raft when I was in the battle with the Throat Cancer.             

That was long... now I got to do some chores. :)