Thursday, December 24, 2009

12-25 - 130 am Christmas

  I started another fever again, but so far it has been low grade. I was here by myself and called my step dad that I may need him and told him what was going on. As always, he was there and willing to go then if I wanted to but I wanted to wait until the magic 101.5. I don't want to go if it is not 100% necessary. Denise got back home and I stayed up and ate some pudding and waited it out. It went back to normal but the sweating and shaking continued.

  Denise awoke me at about 1:05am. She could hear me "mouth breathing" from the Living Room. My throat felt like it was closing completely off and my tongue was sticking to it, almost like I was swallowing it. We checked the temperature, normal. With enough water it began to go back... that and coughing. Then I started doing something I usually only have happen in the day, shaking like I was freezing and my hands became numb. If I get under the cover during this I sweat. I've only had these episodes since the 4th Chemo treatment. This usually lasts about 20 minutes to an hour. The fever is usual but the little episodes aren't... just not this time of day (or night). During the day I lay still and they eventually go away.

   I'm glad Denise heard and woke me up though... this weird throat closing part hasn't happened since I was in the hospital. We try to deduce what is what, no conclusions so far but she thinks it is one of the many possible side effects of one of the chemo drugs that she read somewhere. maybe they may have even mentioned it in the hospital. I debated on placing this up but w both agreed that if I am going to record this stuff, it should be one of the things that someone else might have an answer for or someone going through this should know. I don't freak out as bad if I see someone else had something I'm experiencing. 

12-24 Thursday Christmas Eve

  I woke up as usual this morning early, about 7am. Done my usual one cough of puss and blood and felt pretty decent. Now that I put a new filter in the cool mist humidifier and the warm mist humidifier ran all night, not nearly as painful or dry in the throat area. I brushed my teeth. I do that several times a day and even with that it has taken it's toll on my gums, even my bridges are beginning to loosen. The tooth I broke yesterday is still hanging on and I am pretty sure it is alive because there is some pain coming from it. Now I find it funny that I am afraid of the pain after going through this so far, but God help me I am. I guess I'm just so tired of hurting. I've got the preps.

  Me and Denise finished our Christmas shopping today. Not exactly in the conventional way, but we got it done right up until the last present, her cell phone went dead. It still turned out good. She knew what she wanted to get her family and I shopped online at local stores telling her what I was looking at. I'm still neutropenic, that is the word I have probably misspelled many times, lol. I'm not sure since I left the hospital how mine is right now, but I will assume since I feel better, better. I can write this now since Denise has already got it, but that is the way I got her present. It wasn't the exact watch I was looking at, but it was one of the two. Me and Annie worked like that yesterday as a team to get Denise's and Beulah's, plus the new filter for the humidifier. It, in spite of the slight difference on 1 item worked so well that me and Denise done it that way.

  My hat's off to Denise. She has done everything and has done it so great. She is reading this right now and said she didn't see me in that car today, where'd the we come from, lol. Then again... it was my brainstorm to do it like this, lol. 

  One thing I didn't put yesterday was that I tried some of the Blue Emu oil throughout the day. It lasts longer, burns about the same on the application, yet I don't know if it heals the same. We are low on the radiation creme and I think the only place to get it is at the radiologist's office, so I thought it worth a try. I had read some pretty good comments on a throat radiation board about it and a couple of other things. When my bath is done tonight Denise will clean and dress my throat with the radiation creme. I'm a bit worried still about it being ready by Monday but it seems to be healing fast, just hope it is fast enough.

  No Morphine so far today, the pain patch have kept it under control. Before the bath though I'll take a 15 mg and by the time I'm done it should have kicked in. That is less than 1/2 we used at the hospital and while the healing is responsible mostly for the drop, there is still a lot of pain associated with the treatment. I don't like the effects at 15 and definitely don't at a higher dose, I can take the 10-15 minutes of pain better.  Plus with higher dose I get those blank moments or crazy thoughts and moments, even afterward not knowing what I said or was saying in the middle of a sentence. I call them brain farts, lol. 

  I woke up and kept my 197 lbs! No loss last night. Today I have ate 4 sugar cookies, 2 Ensures, and I'm on my 4th Coke. I also ate 1/2 Pimento sandwich and 1/2 a Chicken Salad sandwich. If I can stay awake I'll add to that so maybe I can slowly turn this stuff around. The hardest thing to do is drink the Coke, I hate then taste of soft drinks. I know that can't last though as with 17-18 more treatments left my throat will become too raw again. My preference these days is water and some tea.

  Last few day a weird thing that is getting more frequent is taking place. I get those fast, out of nowhere tired spells. I couldn't fight them off for a long time but as chemo went farther away I could, and still can. Now a strange muscle jerk occurs usually in my arms, hands, feet, or neck. The longer I fight the fatigue the worse they get and I kinda like dose off for a second, maybe zone out is a better term. I've decided to lay still and not fight them too much. It isn't painful... just weird. I could have probably gotten more eaten today if I could stay awake. If the fatigue hits with a chill, when I lay down I go back out like a light and unless I do one of those muscle jerks, I'm asleep. One of my cousins came to visit and one of my friends and both times I was out of it. Such a pretty day too, not that I could do anything, it's just nice to look out.  I've spoken with both BB and Andy and they understood. Thanks guys.

   I'll probably blog tomorrow since I can't be around everybody. It sounds kind of sad in a way because it is one of the few times we get together. Then again... it could have been worse. Maybe next year. All thosen who are reading this. I wish you a Merry Christmas.