Wednesday, June 15, 2016


   Well this is 1 month, 10 days since the heart attack. The ladies working in Cardiac Rehab are nice and do a good job building me back. By now, with my Wolfman Jack sounding voice all know I have had throat cancer, but one knows of the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma because she was working that day when they brought me in. She commented on how I seemed unconcerned, but I was, a little. She said first time she has seen a wife watch the surgery. I told her Denise watched the first time too, in 2005. I thought it was a compliment when she said because I was so calm it made their job easier. Somehow, and don't ask me how, I knew this wasn't my time. She commented on how I smiled during the surgery. I told her I'd seen worse, lol. Then I thanked her for the good job they all did that day, and they all did excellent.

  So today, I had blood drawn after a follow up with Deb Gronewall. I love Deb and loved her husband as well, Dr Gronewall, finer people one could not find. I chose to go to Deb since she listens, which Dr Rama doesn't do so well. He is the man you want during a heart attack, and then find another for your follow-ups. I guess we all have our specialties. My hands are and have been swollen as well as my feet. We have stopped the Lipitor, Deb thinks I was having a reaction to it. I did last time too. Then the bomb came, Rheumatoid arthritis. I have arthritis from all the damage I done to my body at UPS, and mild arthritis from the Lyme's Disease many years ago, but neither is this damning. I would rather not be crippled up later on, but that is not my decision. It does seem trivial somewhat looking at William and Charlie. William has to go on Dialysis since his kidneys are pretty much shot to have a decent chance of surviving. Charlie, this time the lungs are confirmed and it is Stage 1, but both lungs. They both prepare for Hell on earth.

   My thoughts went to what's next. The lady in Cardiac Rehab I overheard he saying the speed and incline on the walker I was doing, this far out from a heart attack was unbelievable.  If she only knew how much pain every step was to take on that machine, but I hide it well. I am blessed that my hands also have neuropathy and are numb, so I will and do not feel them much. Still, this has hit me hard. I will not beg for healing but rather than He not leave me here to be a burden on those I love. Sometimes it seems too much, then I remember I am not carrying this alone. So that is what I will ask Him for, the strength and power to be independent, not a burden on those around me. If He wants to heal me that'd be great, but if not, then  help me to overcome it and show others His power and love. Real men aren't "self made", they get their power from God and admit to that fact. It has been a real interesting year so far this year.