We went Monday for another follow-up with Dr. Rathfoot. I told him how sorry we were about his wife and mom. He said he knew I had lost mom this year and I told him about Denise's dad. He hugged her and the me and I told him he and his family were in our prayers, and I remember him every night. He is such a good man. I respect him as a man and as a doctor.
He had a doctor in training following him. He scoped my nose and then let the man in training look in the scope. If that man follows Dr Rathfoot and does as he does he will be a great doctor. The guy seemed to know what he was looking at, either that or just agreed, lol. The last few times haven't went as well as planned, each one a little worse, but I remained optimistic. I know things are falling apart and I could feel it pain and all. Some things I guess we just go into denial with, but eventually though we run we can't hide from what is there. Dr Rathfoot was rather blunt with me, which I do appreciate. Usually Denise hears things that I don't and understands things I don't, and she corrects me on our trip back. This time, she didn't.
The area on the side opposite where the tumor was has still major damage and my vocal chords and pretty much the rest of the throat is dying. Breathing, sleeping, and swallowing have gotten increasingly harder each week. I am use to food going the wrong way down or even going up my nose, but lately it just gets stuck and it is hard to get unstuck. Many people panic and I use to but slowly over time one learns to remain calm as long as possible. Go figure, somehow I thought it would not be noticeable when he looked, lol. He asked how I was doing and I said good, but looked over at Denise and she was shaking her head.
He discussed another surgery, which I knew he said I would probably end up having at least one more in the future, so I wasn't shocked. Then the bomb came. He said he could probably do another surgery and buy me some time, but it would not correct it permanently, and was on a temporary patch. That wasn't the bomb yet, it was dropped when he said he wasn't sure that I could have it done without ending up with a Trach. When they operate the put a tube down your throat and a machine breathes for you and as soon as it is done and you appear to be breathing on your own they pull it out. The only other option was to go to HBOT (Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy). I don't know how many treatments it will take and I dread the drive to Knoxville to do them. I figured maybe like after Christmas it would start, but I go Friday to see the doctor and probably get fitted for the hood and clothes, plus a physical. I got lucky there, I just had a stress test and stuff ran about a month ago. It is moving fast so I guess he must have saw what I have felt.
I will go to what was St Mary's, now Tennova, where it looks like 1/2 a Submarine is there. I'm claustrophobic so the coffin sized lay down in one is out. It worked before and would have probably worked completely but I quit before I was done. The doctor they had was a nutcase and a complete A hole. They say this new doctor is nice... we will see. I still remember the hateful one getting pissed off and trying to knock everybody in there out adding pressure. 2 of us stayed alert... semi, and we watched the rest go down one by one. One of the guys on the outside made him stop, not sure what would have happened if he had continued. That was the straw that broke the Camel's back though. This is it though, my last resort once again. I think we all draw a line in the sand and mine is having my voice box cut out and breathing through a hole. It is not that I don't want to live but I want to live with some quality and with no burden on those I love. I should fear death but I don't. I figure I will be here as long as God wants, then I will go. My chances increase at night while I sleep so I always make peace with Him every night, just in case. Death comes to us all eventually and after that, life forever, and I'm counting on a lot of Grace for that one. It is well.
He had a doctor in training following him. He scoped my nose and then let the man in training look in the scope. If that man follows Dr Rathfoot and does as he does he will be a great doctor. The guy seemed to know what he was looking at, either that or just agreed, lol. The last few times haven't went as well as planned, each one a little worse, but I remained optimistic. I know things are falling apart and I could feel it pain and all. Some things I guess we just go into denial with, but eventually though we run we can't hide from what is there. Dr Rathfoot was rather blunt with me, which I do appreciate. Usually Denise hears things that I don't and understands things I don't, and she corrects me on our trip back. This time, she didn't.
The area on the side opposite where the tumor was has still major damage and my vocal chords and pretty much the rest of the throat is dying. Breathing, sleeping, and swallowing have gotten increasingly harder each week. I am use to food going the wrong way down or even going up my nose, but lately it just gets stuck and it is hard to get unstuck. Many people panic and I use to but slowly over time one learns to remain calm as long as possible. Go figure, somehow I thought it would not be noticeable when he looked, lol. He asked how I was doing and I said good, but looked over at Denise and she was shaking her head.
He discussed another surgery, which I knew he said I would probably end up having at least one more in the future, so I wasn't shocked. Then the bomb came. He said he could probably do another surgery and buy me some time, but it would not correct it permanently, and was on a temporary patch. That wasn't the bomb yet, it was dropped when he said he wasn't sure that I could have it done without ending up with a Trach. When they operate the put a tube down your throat and a machine breathes for you and as soon as it is done and you appear to be breathing on your own they pull it out. The only other option was to go to HBOT (Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy). I don't know how many treatments it will take and I dread the drive to Knoxville to do them. I figured maybe like after Christmas it would start, but I go Friday to see the doctor and probably get fitted for the hood and clothes, plus a physical. I got lucky there, I just had a stress test and stuff ran about a month ago. It is moving fast so I guess he must have saw what I have felt.
I will go to what was St Mary's, now Tennova, where it looks like 1/2 a Submarine is there. I'm claustrophobic so the coffin sized lay down in one is out. It worked before and would have probably worked completely but I quit before I was done. The doctor they had was a nutcase and a complete A hole. They say this new doctor is nice... we will see. I still remember the hateful one getting pissed off and trying to knock everybody in there out adding pressure. 2 of us stayed alert... semi, and we watched the rest go down one by one. One of the guys on the outside made him stop, not sure what would have happened if he had continued. That was the straw that broke the Camel's back though. This is it though, my last resort once again. I think we all draw a line in the sand and mine is having my voice box cut out and breathing through a hole. It is not that I don't want to live but I want to live with some quality and with no burden on those I love. I should fear death but I don't. I figure I will be here as long as God wants, then I will go. My chances increase at night while I sleep so I always make peace with Him every night, just in case. Death comes to us all eventually and after that, life forever, and I'm counting on a lot of Grace for that one. It is well.
