Saturday, May 29, 2010

05-29-2010

HBOT went well today and kind of fast. The pain in my throat was and has been pretty sever on the left side with the right side occasionally, reminding me it is still there. Me and Megan went out to the garden and tied the last of the strings for the runners in the green beans, but the pain eased only a little. We worked until the storm came in which was a relief, I was so tired, plus the gardens needed watered. I laid down on the couch and fell asleep about 4:30 and with the exception of brief moments and going to the bathroom, I didn't wake up until I heard the phone ringing this morning at about 10:30.

It took until 2:00pm until me and Denise went outside to work, it took that long to get going. Once I started though it was like the pain slowly went away and tonight, even though I sound bad, the pain is at a halt. There is a constant hissing and ringing in both ears, but nothing really bad though. I'm wiped out again and awake only long enough to log this in.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

05-27-2010

  I've had many questions answered this week so it has been an informative week, but so many still remain. HBOT went well today, I skipped the Prednisone and Sipro until after the treatment. John told me yesterday that Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy sped up the body's system and that may have caused me to get sick... it worked. I just changed the time I took it. My vision changing is part of the HBOT and hopefully will return to normal. Like many side effects in I have acquired throughout Chemo, radiation, and now this one, it isn't a constant thing. It may be and ok all day, maybe even for days, but usually not. It isn't a constant and it gives no warning of when it is starting to fail. It just does. 


  Tonight a major headache. I use to never get headaches but they are pretty frequent these days. From what I read on the sinus polyps that is one of the things they cause, along with dizziness. Tonight Denise explained how they formed according to Dr Rathfoot, I didn't remember what he said. I wonder if the traumas done weren't related to the swelling and that affected the swallowing. I still, when I swallow. It still takes concentration and a spot of luck as to which way things go. Sometimes when I swallow it goes right and that is getting better each day. Sometimes it heads back up in my nose and sometimes into my airways. Some still get stuck frequently and I have learned to do a short burst or cough... just a quieter one. Where most people freak out, I done the same, when things go wrong it has become such a common occurrence that I remain calm now. It is pretty much expected with any food or drink. I can almost guess by the texture and thickness if it is going to be a pain and which way if any it will travel. God knows I had enough junk come out of my nose when I took chemo or when I dehydrated during radiation while throwing up.  I really hope the medication works, I'm really not wanting to have surgery but if that is what it would take then so be it... as long as the cancer is gone. This also causes a constant drip or running in the back of my throat which would explain the rawness.


  It would also appear that I am granted a certain number of steps each day to take. I actually start out not too bad then each evening the neuropathy increases to the level that walking across the house or even applying my weight bring excruciating pain. I have learned that wearing socks all the time helps a little, especially keeping my feet warm. My hands are slowly returning back. I guess we gotta start somewhere, lol. Sally and I talk every night and she has neuropathy for quite some time now. Like mine, hers is at a fluctuating level, not a constant. There has to be a common thing that triggers it.

  There is a part of me that once again changed throughout all of this. I will still rate the heart attack as the most pain at a given time but the treatments for and the actual pyriform sinus cancer (throat cancer) has to get the ribbon for pain. The heart attack will soon end one way or the other, it doesn't drag on and on. This has been a living Hell on earth and seems to never end, yet it will one day one way or the other. After the heart attack I knew what comes next and the fear of death was taken away. As a good friend once said (PMH Atwater), people pray that their loved ones will not die or come back, yet when we do, we are rewired. This isn't always a good thing and what people get is the new updated version back. It is however a good version, one that doesn't really fit here, but not ready for there either.

  The cancer and all it's treatments has had the reverse effect in many ways. I find I am short tempered, something I detest in a person. Even though I still am me and am physically alive there is a part of me that is already dead. There is something about living in that much pain for so long, being that dependent of so many people, and not knowing when if indeed it will end that one changes inside. The looks with faces that smile yet hold back the tears when they look at what is left of you or look and judge you thinking you brought it upon yourself. I have been fortunate with having family and most of the medical staffs that were compassionate and worked hard for me to go through this. There have been a few though that felt nothing or if anything, superiority and been bullies. Thank God they were few. Dad didn't quite have it that lucky until he hit Knoxville. Those that haven't been so decent I look at and smile knowing they will answer to God for that and take it the best way I can.


  I can't see things like I use to and wonder, sometimes laughing at and sometimes feeling sorry for most I see. People who wrap themselves up in their job or company and think that is actually getting them somewhere. A huge part of me came back looking at things like that and now with this it has intensified. I sat and looked around the other day, man the things I have built. The things I have repaired. The things I have acquired. The key word is things, that is all they are, just things. They wear with time and age with time slowly returning back to where they come from unless one works their butt off to make them last and even then it is a struggle to make them them last just a bit longer, maybe until you die. I went to an auction the other weekend where all he things the people had were sold to people, people collecting things that would one day be sold, just as those people had done.

   Being in real estate I looked at many houses... how small they were back years ago, how plain and different. Houses now-a-days are massive in comparison and it is funny but true happiness has went the other direction. Family and friends meant a lot. People had time to rest, even though they worked hard, they still had time. Aspirations of true wealth were not measured by things or job titles, rather by family time and joy. Jobs were a way to make money and one job is just an important as the other as long as the person was happy doing that job. People are so consumed with what is in fashion, what make-up to wear, car to drive, biggest house with the finest linens and furniture. Most make it to church on time and get their I'm doing great things going on inside me. Almost all in debt themselves heavily with 30 year mortgages, new cars, new medicines/// but are they truly happy? I was there once. The employer sees his employees in debt and instantly know that this is a man or woman ready to serve the company and place them first.The TV gives them an idea just what they want and want to be. But it is all an illusion, an illusion of track one in.

  I have feelings of despair that I cannot do what I once did yet with this rest time that my body makes me take I have time to reflect and prioritize what is real and what has true value and meaning. Then I look at these who aren't bad people, just misguided people. I would venture to say about 90%. The lies are believable, these aren't stupid people for the most part, just misguided. Working with Fannie Mae for a while and some banks one comes to the realism that it is full of these stressed, sad, little people who bleed for their company. the question is though, would the company bleed for them? While people may make big money, have power and authority granted them-- what does it really prosper them, nothing. The biggest questions should be how will God view my life? Will God be that same ti me as I was to those I was in charge of? There are no percentages or excuses accepted there.

  We watch shows like Hell's Kitchen, Trump, and so, so many more where people want to get ahead, so much so they allow a bully to take them there? We have been led to believe that the money money, the more honor. The more power, the more prestige. The more pride we have the more we have become. The more money we have the more fancy things like cars and big houses and cars must mean we have made it. Somehow I just can't believe the lies anymore. These are all just things. Worse of all these are things Jesus warned us about. Many churches play this same game. While physically I can't do it even more, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I just can't continue to believe the lies let loose upon this earth in this time. Covet, lust, greed, hoarding, pride... no matter how you look at it, that is what it is. They are endorsed by words that sound good like Free Market, when there is actually nothing free about it. Slogans like it's nothing personal ring out yet... it is personal, it is personal to God.

   I think going through this Hell has been the worse best thing of my life for it may very well save me from Hell one day. God doesn't want people like Free Market people when their job swings on a pendulum, full of stress and pride. God wants humble people, caring people, people content to do what job He created them too do. This cancer has made me see, even if it costs my physical life, for I was one of those. While I pray for recovery I also pray that if this has placed me where I needed to be, closer to what He wants, it will be the right time for me to go home. This life here on this planet is not what we were created to do forever, and it is so short, but rather to prepare us for the day we account for the things we said, felt, acted to and reacted to, and if we done it well. I can't answer for you no more than you can answer for me. All I can do is say I am sorry and change, and this has changed me dramatically.

   I pray the next time you are driving you remember this by not being a bully. I pray that you learn to be humble. I pray that you look at who is your god. Then I pray you live accordingly by knowing the difference between earthly things and things that have true worth. They are all around you and they are freely given you. 

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

05-26-2010

   The HBOT went poorly today. It was all I could do it keep from throwing up. Maybe it was the extra pills, maybe not...who knows.

  My throat has killed me today, all day. I made it through without any additional painkillers until tonight.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dr Rathfoot Visit today

  We visited Dr Rathfoot today, a visit that came up before our next visit. I have so, so very much faith in this man. I am so fortunate that God allowed me to be his patient. His nurse prepped me by numbing my right nostril since it is the straight one that he prefers to use.  She decided that the left didn't need it... and usually it don't. He found a polyp in there so he decided to check out the left side. He found another one there (if I understood him correctly) it could have been the same one different view but I understood there are a total of two. Dr Rathfoot is so gentle that I didn't have the heart to tell him the left side wasn't numb. It wasn't all that bad, or should I say... I've had worse. He prescribed Prednisome and Cpro (spelling?) and Dyfluken (spelling).

  I did look it up and here is a link that tells about sinus polyps.  http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-sinus-polyps.htm

  I ran errands all day and finally resolved back to stringing the poles for the bean to grow on and a little watering. I stayed extremely tired all day.With the exception of Krystals getting my order wrong, Coke instead of Tea, I stayed away from carbonated drinks. I did take a sip and that is when I found out they done a boo-boo. 

  So pretty here. I want so bad to ride the bike. I want so bad to gain my strength and stamina back. I am though enjoying curly hair, lol.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

05-23-2010

  Yesterday we went to an auction but didn't stay long and in the process of coming home we stopped and I bought a Mt Dew. Surprisingly enough I could drink it with little pain, more of a discomfort, that went away as I got towards the end of the bottle which took all day. Later that evening we went to Hardees to get food since we had both been working hard and it was getting late and I bought a Coke with my meal, not a smart move. It hurt pretty bad but since the Mt Dew eased as i drank it I figured the Coke would too... it didn't. This morning I woke up with my mouth bonded together again and in extreme pain. The swelling is back up again inside and out. I finally gave in this evening and took 15mg of Morphine which didn't completely stop the pain but it eased it off. The swallowing action is back hard again to do without choking.

  We , or I should say Denise, worked outside today. I have noticed that even with sunscreen I cannot tolerate the sun on my neck. While the outside does burn and feel hot, the inside is a burning that I cannot describe properly and brings about a weird feeling and pain. It is a draining type of feeling as well. It also feels like radiation treatments all over again when the sun blares down on the neck. Usually it is the evening and after 1-2 pm the rays that come through are UVA and not UVB, UVB stimulate Vitamin D and is beneficial while UVA are the deadly rays that cause cancer. I did manage to get the baby tiller out and till the pepper plants, but not as they should have been. It is now apparent that I have bitten off more that I can chew with the gardens.

  My sinuses flare up at night and in the morning but hopefully Rathfoot can fix that.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

05-22-2010

  No real changes today that I noticed. My eyesight is still so-so. I was able though to drink a Mountain Dew!

Friday, May 21, 2010

05-21-2010

   Only two of us dove today, Dennis and me. We were offered the chance to dive deeper and for a shorter time... we jumped on it. It all went well.

  I got a call from Rathfoot's office today by mistake and I used that opportunity to tell them about the yellowish florescent looking phlegm that comes up after HBOT, but usually only on the first spit. I asked for antibiotics but they thought I need see Rathfoot, which is cool. I see him next week.

  Me and Charlie ate at Shoney's coming back. I am already about to eat anything except crunchy stuff, the HBOT forced that fast of healing on my gums. The hurt but it is just a sore hurt... hardly worth paying attention to. This has set some kind of record time for me. Now if only my throat would do the same.

  My patch ran out a day or two ago and man was today ever painful. Three times I resorted to Morphine, 10mg twice and 20 mg once. Tonight I done another 15mg.

  We went to ChinaMart, formly WalMart, lol, where I got a good understanding on just how much vision I had lost. Much more and I will be non functional. My neuropathy raged today, maybe the damp conditions bring it on? Denise got her arbor for her roses, I got my Jeremy Camp CD, and Megan got her new printer.

  I worked on the stringing for the beans to climb on but very little  was accomplished. I fixed Denise's lawnmower... other than that, nada.For some reason this week has left me drained. I think I may have a cold. My sinuses are infected and I have sneezed a bunch of times. Maybe Rathfoot can get that out of me. I plan to ask him about my recent loss of vision. It is getting soooo bad.     

Thursday, May 20, 2010

05-20-2010

  HBOT went well today, quick and easy for a change. My sinuses though have given me a fit. I started several times ti the garden but just didn't have the strength to go today. I did call the Property Assessor's office today and complain about the jump in taxes. Property has lost 15-30% market value the last two years and they go up? I'm not sure why everybody hasn't called and complained, I even called Nashville. Thomas Jefferson once said, "When People fear their government there is Tyranny. When Government fears the people there is Liberty." Personally I think we need some liberty these days.

  I'm crashing early tonight because I don't feel well. Cold maybe?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

05-19-2010

  It has been a long day yet I got little done. I worked a bit more stringing the poles for the green beans to run on after therapy. Therapy went a bit sour again today. I began to get very sick feeling again. After  came out I cleared my nose and spit, out came the yellowish florescent junk again. Funny, after one of two spits it clears up. My tatse buds aren't back enough yet to tell if it tastes bad or not.

  I came home to string the lines on the poles I've placed for the green beans to grow on but I wore out fast and my break turned into a few hours nap time.

  My teeth are still tender (gums actually) but not bad at all really. My throat is still sore, about like having strip throat. The swelling is slowly going down but the swallowing isn't much better. Mom tells me of her getting choked from it going the wrong way and I tell her welcome to my world.

For the first time I've considering selling a few of the old cars... hopefully that will pass, lol.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

05-18-2010

  Got the HBOT done... another one. Today went well. After the treatment I once again spit up, this time I made a mental note to see where from, a yellowish/greenish florescent looking Flem from my sinuses. It is so strange looking. I've had sinus infections before but nothing like this. My sinuses were clear this morning so where did this junk come from?

   Me and Charlie ate a Shoneys on the way back and then after we got home I went to the garden and drove tobacco sticks, staking the green beans and building trellises for them to climb. I didn't get even close to finished but I got a good start. I stopped long enough to go for the follow-up with Dr Boyd. Sidney finished taking out the stitches in my gums where two teeth were in 1 area, the other two had been pulled out already, lol. I wondered how I would feel, if it would hurt but instead it took away the pain that was left. Sidney was very pleased with the outcome of them.

   My eyesight has changed yet again. It gets worse and worse. If I were a betting man I'd about bet it is a side effect, or should I say... another side effect. I could go get glass now but they haven't seem to have stabilized yet which would be a wast of money. So for now, I wait. Cancer is the hurry up and wait sickness.

  After I got through there I helped mom at the office briefly then returned to the garden. Now here is the funny part. I start off fairly decent with the neuropathy and by day's end I am almost crippled sometimes, most days. It is almost like God gives you just so many steps and after that they get painful. I noticed that riding in my car hurts worse and inflames them more that in my truck.

  My hair looks like it will be curly. I have never had anything other than straight hair before. That would be a nice surprise. I'm just tickled I have any hair, lol. It is growing ever so slowly. I escape pain pills most days but then there are days that I don't.

   Writing this I attempted to take a herbal capsule. I took 3 and no problem... this one is stuck. Right in the place you don't want it stuck. It seems to have went up my nose and is just sitting there. That means if I can't get it up I will have to stay awake until it dissolves and try and make it go the right way and not down my airway. I tried taking it with water... should have used milk or a Yoohoo. Man I hate when this happens but at least it is less frequent than it use to be. Really soft food like mask potatoes does this too. Small pills are like that too.

   My stamina and strength seem to be just as hard to build. It just ain't happening or maybe it is and I just want it sooner.  

  Denise still says the swelling is leaving my throat, but that my lymph system is damaged.

Monday, May 17, 2010

05-17-2010

  Happy Birthday Denise. We had a small party for her tonight.

  Yesterday I probably wasn't awake over 3-4 hours. I have no idea what hit me but today has been a struggle as well. I skipped therapy today. Saturday I wasn't feeling the greatest but I pushed to keep active, maybe I'm paying for that. Saturday evening and all day Sunday I slept, waking up only a few times for a few minutes. I am just exhausted. If this is normal I would love to know. My teeth finally have backed off a bit today in pain but not enough to eat much on yet.

  The neuropathy has been bad the last few days. I keep looking at the gardens and wonder if I will be able to manage them. It seems I have a limited number of steps before excruciating pain takes hold. The balance issue isn't as bad as I had at first or even was told it would be. There are definite things to watch out for like quick head turns or looking up. No fast movements to one side or the other or watching things zoom by from side to side.

  I finally lost enough to wear old pants that actually aren't all that old, I had outgrown them before they wore out. That gives me a whole new wardrobe to wear.

  My sinuses have given me a fit lately, maybe that was and is the problem. I'm not sure if that is the florescent yellow or greenish yellow crap I began spitting up after HBOT. I couldn't tell if it came from my throat or sinuses. Sidney gave me some strong antibiotics after pulling the teeth so it should have or be taking care of things.   

Saturday, May 15, 2010

05-15-2010

  It has been a couple of days since I wrote, mainly nothing has changed. Two of the teeth that were extracted on the right side are dry sockets as best as I can tell. Sucking through a straw I knew wasn't the right thing to do so now two are dry, all the pain I remembered.

  I haven't been very up on time at taking my medicine so the neuropathy gets bad in the evenings. Today I had to figure out if I should climb the ladder and fix the gutter, the company that installed them has a cut off number... go figure. Denise didn't know how so we got Mark to repair it. The ladder came down and Mark got skinned on his chest, legs, wrist and hurt his shoulder. It was scary seeing him fall but despite that fall he still insisted on finishing the job. He saw the same shoddy work on the hangars that I did.

  Me and Denise went on a wild goose chase from a craigslist item I got directions from. They led us to an empty, foreclosed house. It makes me wonder now just how much of that goes on and the purpose behind doing something like that.

  Yesterday Cody cut out the place for the back-up lights to go into Big Ugly... looks good. The guy that I bought it from however has disconnected them. After chasing down the problem and where I got them fixed, along with a new wire for towing.

  We got some rain today... thank God. That was about the extent of it all and I got and am extremely worn out.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

05-13-2010

  Therapy went pretty hard today and I don't know why. I got very nauseous and had some chest pressure. I think the nauseous is one of the possible side effects. It's not the first time but by far the worse I have experienced. My blood pressure was 145 and tonight it is 145/84, apparently I need some form of blood pressure meds, just not what I needed before. My weight has dropped to 199. I would guess it is from the teeth extractions and not eating like I did.

   The swelling in my throat has went down significantly, partly from the Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy and in part to the teeth extractions. One of them was abscessing and i believe the reason for the swelling under my chin. I've used some pain pills today in order to try and eat, then afterward because I did eat, lol.

   It is so easy to get down with this crap. It seems like I will never get a decent life back. I helped mom with a contract and concreted a post I dug out a while back, planted two flowers and watered the garden a bit. Really nothing compared to what I use to do.

  Matt had his surgery today and is doing quite well. He is already moving about which is a good thing. The gas from the inflation they use laves the body quicker. I noticed they do it differently than when I had my Gall Bladder out. They had all four incisions on the same side.   

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

05-12-2010

  I woke up this morning and got ready for the HBOT but I was still bleeding some, especially the one that was abscessed that I tore most of the stitches out of. We thought it best to not do it. Funny thing though is that we went all the way there and backed out. I ate some soft scrambled eggs this morning and some pudding later in the day. Definitely these were smarter choices that the peanut better, lol. This morning it took a while to get the blood out of my throat as I had expected, actually a few hours. I took pain pills in the morning but by mid day I was fine and didn't have to take any until after I ate a pancake, I haven't needed them since then. This is a minor pain, actually more sore than anything. I did get a bit hot today planting mom's roses and some plants back here that activated some bleeding, but after a cooling period in the house it stopped.

  I have noticed that my vision has changed lately. It has gotten worse for some reason, maybe the chemo. I've noticed it for a while but dismissed it to being old glasses. It still seems worse now than before.

 Tonight I had another very weak spell and Denise checked my blood pressure and it was 107 / 70. At the HBOT therapy they always check blood pressure and mine has been low lately, the lowest was 102 so far. I think this may be due to losing weight. Tomorrow I will skip the blood pressure pills and see if that helps any. That may also help with the vision. Tonight I have managed to get it to 116, but I am still light headed. I have managed to stay around 200lbs give or take, the same weight I was at UPS. The difference being that there is no stress like there was there. How many speeches did I hear about how stress was good for you at UPS, talk about full of it. 

   Tomorrow Matt has his Gall Bladder surgery so I am remembering him in my prayers. I think he will find that he will feel a whole lot better once it is taken out... after a few days. I think mine took about two or three days then I started to feel better. He has been pretty sick with his so he will be much better off.     

   

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

05-11-2010

  It has been a long day, a good day but a long day. The treatment went slow today and for whatever reason I got a bit sick. That happens sometimes. The Colonel says he gets sick sometimes too. Me and Charlie stopped at Shoney's as usual but this time I ate a lot. I knew it would be the last decent meal for a while.

  After a short break we went to Dr Boyd to get the teeth extracted. Sidney and his staff are excellent. There is always one though. Did you ever notice that? One lug nut, one screw, one bolt... always one, lol. The last one on the bottom right didn't numb much, actually pretty much didn't numb. The first three went well with very little if any pain. Then came the last one, the one I felt like it was abscessing. I must have sucked a tank of gas on that one and it didn't want to come out, but eventually it did. All but one were below the gum line so I got stitches in all four.

  I bled a lot but thankfully I had come off the blood thinner late last week. I'm still bleeding some and I expect that I will wake up with a sore throat...lol, like that would be unusual. Tonight I had extremely runny mashed potatoes Denise made. They were easy on my teeth but hard to swallow. It is weird, too hard and it hurts and too soft and it gets stuck even worse. For whatever reason I craved a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not the smartest move I've made. The peanut butter removed some of the stitches in you guessed it, the worse one.

  I dread going to sleep because in the morning it is going to hurt and will take extra work to speak and ease the pain, more so than usual. I've decided that I will go tomorrow and do the HBOT without missing. I planted some flowers today the dogs broke the pots they were in and started some seeds so this should be a walk in the park, lol. Nothing like planting, cursing the dogs, and spitting out blood, lol. I think that is called multitasking. I even helped Megan with some of her homework. Actually it isn't as bad as I had feared and that goes mostly due to a great doctor and staff, Dr Sidney Boyd and crew. Thank you all.         

Monday, May 10, 2010

05-10-2010

  Ha, went prepared today to HBOT. 2 pairs of socks and a shirt that I could wear under my scrubs in preparation for the cold. It went pretty fast considering I slept through most of it. They even had to wake me up from snoring, lol. Dennis had a hard time. He started coughing and couldn't stop but I don't think it was related.

  The energy level was brief, I came home and napped. I did get some more plants put out, back door lock changed, and mom's yard mowed. I do believe that it is helping.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

05-09-2010

 Happy Mother's Day.

  So far so good, no pain pills. The neuropathy seems to be backing off a bit this evening again. My voice isn't too awfully bad either. Denise and I planted 9 rows of beans, not big rows though. No more than 40-50 ft long. We had 2 more marked off but we decided not to plant them.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

05-08-2010

   Beautiful day today, a bit cooler, but beautiful. We started out early going to yard sales and later to an auction. I spoke too quickly on the neurapathy though, today has been the worse day in a while. I'm wondering if missing two therapies could have triggered it or perhaps the colder damp temperatures. The day started out very painful and stayed that way all day long even unto the night. Tonight my mouth has stayed a little wetter but all day long it has remained painfully dry. I've had to use the Loratabs all day today and tonight. It feels like it is cracking open. I long for the day that I will not need anything again.

  Today's stool had a lot of blood in it but it was dark blood. Maybe I should mention it but I will not. The last thing I need is to be poked and prodded even more.  

  Tomorrow, God willing, I will plant the green beans. I'm not sure just how long or what effect the teeth extraction will be and have. Only one tooth is above the gum line now. It is so strange, with all I have endured so far in my life this bothers and scares me. At times throat cancer is Hell on earth, a living nightmare. So why should this be such a bother? I've had at most two teeth extracted at the same time and it didn't slow me down a bit yet... I'm already slower. Plus the teeth are located to where I will not have a side or position to chew on. I am certain that I will lose some weight.

   I know that I will miss Tuesday's treatment and it worries me that I may have to miss a few more. I do believe that these treatments work. Who would have thought that just getting pressurized and breathing oxygen would do that. It must be a nightmare for Big Pharma. I can actually see my goosel now. 

  I'll feel better about things when the garden is planted then I will once again be worried that I will not be able to keep them up, already I'm behind.

  Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I have already handed out my Mother's Day cards and gifts. For Denise, she has a new kid to care for... me. I thank God that He gave her to me and gave me to her. On the 17th she will turn 42, and already she has led a hard life, yet she doesn't complain. The last 10 years it seems that I have had to often stop and count my blessings just to keep my sanity and my very will to live. She is one of those blessings... a big one. The fact that she is beautiful even amazes me more for she doesn't have to settle. Yet she does.  

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Rathfoot Follow-up 05-07-2010

  Rathfoot stopped what I counted 3 times in my throat on the way in looking around. He said that the HBOT had helped by 50%! I've skipped two treatments and since then I have noticed the neuropathy is worse and the fatigue is worse too. Apparently this stuff has a lot of effect on a lot of things. It is a long session and is sometimes trying with the compression and decompression along with the dry mouth, but it is worth it. He also said that my throat may still yet need stretching. We also discussed the saliva glands which he said usually come back within six months to a year and sometimes they don't come back at all. It has also helped with my arthritis I have in my joints. 

  I'll have my teeth extracted next week and I wonder if and how long I will miss for that. I hope I will not miss too many if at all but I am guessing it will not be a pretty extraction since 3 are broke off under the gum line.

  I really didn't get much of anything done today but at least I managed to stay awake.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

05-06-2010

  We had a follow-up with Panella today. He will not issue and order for the Cat Scan for at least another 6 weeks, said he was going off what Rathfoot sees. I have a lot of confidence in Rathfoot yet he cannot see into the lymph nodes and blood cells. Somehow I can't help but think this is a bad move, then again, it wouldn't be the first bad move now would it.

  I woke up with extreme fatigue today, slept almost all the way to Knoxville. I piddled around the house, dug a hole for a corner post by hand, planted some watermellon plants in a bale of straw I bought, and was about to weed a bit in the garden when I got slapped even harder by fatigue. For whatever reason I just couldn't keep myself going so I came into the house and sat down about 3pm and dosed off. The next thing I knew was Megan sitting on the couch doing her homework and she said Denise was home... it was 6:30pm. I figured that I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight but that isn't the case, I'll have no problem tonight.

  The neuropathy I thought was better, but today I see I spoke way too soon. Tonight it is as bad as it has ever been. I've made it all day with not enough pain to take pain pills until I awoke at 6:30, I had to take one. I just took another one right now. I cannot figure out what sparks these terrible bouts of fatigue but when they come they drop me like a rock. They remind me of when I took chemo or was in the middle of radiation... intense and out of the blue.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

05-05-2010

  It has been a tolerable day on pain. I started off with a Loratab but haven't used anything since. The pain has went from 1-5 but nowhere needing anything for pain. Me and Megan moved an old swing set that I netted last year to use for Okra that grows on a vine one of Denise's coworkers gave us last year that I kept for seed. I looked around again for the seeds I bought for this year but still don't have a clue what I done with them. There are some white tomato seeds that are suppose to be an old heirloom type with low acid that I wanted to grow for mom. Her gout is brought on by acid and she loves tomatoes.  I also copied Pacific parts 3 and 4 for the movies to watch.

  I tried just a biscuit and jelly this morning and it worked, no acid reflux in the HBOT. It was enough to keep me from getting sick taking all the meds in the morning yet not so much that I got sick from too much on my stomach in the chamber. We didn't dive all the way today, the lady that dives with us had a problem getting her ears to pop so we decompressed to a lesser depth. We also got a new lady today. She is there for a lesion that will not heal from her diabetes, same as the kernel. The other lady and the Army guy has both had radiation years ago. She had tonsil cancer and he had cancer somewhere in his jaw or throat area. She is losing some jaw bone while he has to do 2 weeks to have his teeth pulled.

  I've talked with a few people now both face to face and email that have had radiation to their throat and or mouth area. It would seem that there will always be trouble no matter what. Life never goes back the same. I am almost convinced that I should have all my teeth pulled now while I am in this therapy. They all say that they still have trouble afterward only... after a while, nobody listens. There has to be a better way other than to almost kill someone and cripple them to cure this crap. I am still of mind that it is in the food we eat, the math just doesn't add up to genetics unless our genetics are changed. In rats they can change the DNA with food, ever look at what is in our food these days? It is mathematically impossible that a disease that was documented as rare in the early 1900s is now 1 in 1, there haven't been enough generations for that to make any sense. Anyway, most can't tolerate acidic juices anymore and have a lot of problems from their teeth.

  Tomorrow we go to Panella. I will ask him about the Cat Scan once again. I'll also ask him how long before the radiation stops "working".  

  I about forgot. The HBOT or something seems to be helping with my neuropathy too. At night it gets bad but usually during the day it backs off a bit. The jury is still out on that one though. 

Monday, May 3, 2010

05-03-2010

  First day in a while with no pain meds... it felt good. There was some pain but not enough to warrant taking meds. I keep getting acid reflux in the HBOT very bad. Maybe it is all the pills I take in the morning, maybe it is the food I'm eating. I will try just a biscuit tomorrow. Tonight I have acid reflux again.

  Thank God, an event-less day for a change. I really needed this day.    

Sunday, May 2, 2010

05-02-2010

  It has been a painful day today. It seems like it hasn't let up and the swallowing isn't any better. I get tired of writing negative stuff but then again I write the truth and it actually came in handy looking back a few days ago. I've used Morphine on and off all day. pretty much all day.

  Me and Denise sat and watch The Pacific on HBO most of the day. Not the way I chose to spend the day but I was tired still from running all day Saturday at yard sales. It makes me wonder how I ran all those year carrying packages at UPS. I bet I wouldn't make it over an hour or two now at best.

  This is the week we go back to Rathfoot and then Panella, or is it the other way around. I am so glad that Rathfoot doesn't do as Panella likes to be done, not seeing the patient for the first three months. If he had of I would not be writing this now. Hopefully Panella will learn from that, then again, I'd just be counted as one of the failed ones and the word NEXT would be said.

  I attempted to tint Spot's windows today. There is a talent for that and I ain't got it, lol. Went to the office tonight and done some stuff for mom. It should have been a simple trip but the neighbor up the street runs the stop sign and cuts me off then stops the car in the road in front of his house abruptly, again cutting me off. I didn't know it was him so when he pulled into his driveway and stopped I also stopped and we exchanged a few words. I called him to finish it out. We did reach a mutual understanding.

  Here is a picture of St Mary's Hyberbaric Oxygen Chamber. Pretty cool. Click to enlarge...

Saturday, May 1, 2010

05-01-2010

  We have kept busy today and this evening, even mowing mom's yard. There is a storm coming, I hear it in the distance. I am worn out yet I hate to go to sleep. I keep dosing off so I guess I had better try.