Thursday, February 25, 2016

Follow-up results from Feb 2016

  I fully intended on writing this but it seems things get in the way. The follow up went ok. We are still battling the after effects of the radiation. For now though no surgery or HBOT. Denise asked Dr Rathfoot if it would ever heal. He said some do and some don't, one guy he is battling it 18 years later.  While I have made no progress I have lost no ground, I'm holding my own. I get to drop back to 7mg of Prednisone from 10 a day. I guess I get to keep the Wolfman Jack sounding voice but hey, it could be worse. 

Friday, February 5, 2016


  Well I'm sitting here in my bedroom again, brings back not so easy times memories. I don't write a lot on here these days, just noticed the people following have dropped  to the 70s from over 100. Eventually I will cease all together on this blog, but it has helped me greatly. I am able to say things I could never say face to face, things felt but seldom if ever spoken. I write as if nobody will read it and oddly enough it helps me get out suppressed feelings, an effect I never considered when I started.

  I got an intestinal bug and I think maybe pneumonia. This high dose of Prednisone has several drawbacks but also advantages. I at least can breathe semi normal and for now HBOT and surgery is off the table. I go for a follow-up with Rathfoot next week and it scares me that I actually feel good about the results. Usually I worry about the results, so hopefully I'm not just feeling good wrongly.

  The Prednisone has several drawbacks. I have gained a lot of weight, and I mean a lot of weight. If we went to the beach they'd probably try to push me back in thinking I beached myself. lol. I have skin like rice paper so if I bump something I either bruise or bleed. We work on something I usually have the oh no you've cut yourself bad comment. I've gotten to where I pay little to no attention to the blood. The cows got out the other day and me and Denise had to get them in, easy done, then repair the fence, not so easy done. They went through briers, so I looked like I have been in a slasher money. It also brings about aggression. Do a lot of prayer and Bible study, but the good parts. Maybe the weight gain but fatigue seems to be a side effect. Keep in your mind though the benefits over the drawbacks.

  We watched the movie "90 Minutes In Heaven". It was a hard movie to watch, I think it hit way to close to home. I think Don had it worse physically than I have had, but those long days of what seemed to never end and pain that can't be described. I looked from time to time and Denise was in tears, honesty I wasn't until Don talked about his experience, then I lost it. For the first time it shows what one really goes through spiritually and emotionally. If I get to speak with him again I will ask if he was able to go through the gate, but it seems he was stopped. I wasn't allowed to cross the river. In some ways I think it would be good for all to experience and yet in some ways I pray nobody has to experience it. All I can say is it will show you that what you do, especially for or to others, matters greatly. It also shows you you are loved, even when you and the world don't love, you are loved. I try and keep that part of my life separate from the cancer blog, but in truth, they are together. It makes a difference knowing you do not lose, you win, no matter the outcome. In those darkest hours, when you are alone and without strength to set up. Those times that hours seem like days and day like years, and your spouse has to work and nobody is there to catch you if you fall. It helps to know that someone is there, even if you don't see them, He sends ones there. That is one reason I declined talking with TED, who wanted just the cancer part without faith. I'm not saying one cannot do this battle without faith, but it does make it easier, a light in a dark space in one's life sometimes is all we need to find out way out.