Friday, December 11, 2009

Chemo 4 Day 2

  Charlie and I went to radiation again today. We ate Hardees biscuit and gravy again.  Everything looked normal and the day went well. When we got back home I decided to sleep off the cocktail and maybe go to the office a bit later and get some stuff done. I awoke to an incredible pain in my throat but rather than on the tumor side, the opposite side as well. Actually the left side was worse than the right side. That is a first.

  The Lidocaine and the endocet did nothing to back off the pain. I laid back down and went back to sleep eventually and slept until Rocksie barked. Apparently I had taken the phone off the hook and even slept through my cell phone ringing too. Dad had came back to check on me and when he left, I went back to bed again. Megan came in when she got home from school and woke me briefly before I went back out. Once I answered the phone and made 1 call, both brief. Then Denise came home and checked on me.

  My throat is blood red, but it is like that all around which don't make sense and very, very, dry on the outside. I'm guessing but the inside is probably the same way. It is like everything moved from the right side to the left side. I eventually ate part of a pancake Denise made me.

  I have yet to throw up but it churns. A thick mucus keeps coming up yet when I sleep I awake to a horrible dry mouth pain. I've stayed kind of numb all over this time and extremely weak. My neck is burnt 360 degrees, all around. Why? We put Aloe Vern on my neck which helped a little. There isn't a single bone that doesn't hurt.

   The CTCL (Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma) has went wild, looks like it's been fed on my arms and legs. Running a small temperature of about 100F.   


  I see and understand why people call those with afflictions heroes, and it most cases they are. Here is the thing though, most of us aren't, we're just sick. But sick with the knowledge that God cares and should we win or lose the physical battle, we win the war because we believe in Jesus. You see, we win either way.

  We watch TV movies and heroes are usually people with super powers or super powerful toys that just simply doesn't exist. When they do make one about a common person, it shows them saving large numbers of people or doing some major or almost non human event. That kind of cheats the world of the real heroes that are here and now.  Many people sit back awaiting this huge moment to arise while watching other moments pass them by thinking it's just not enough. So sad though.

  After a while people lose faith that there are any real heroes in the world left. The few that do a large task are usually the first to say that they were scared and knew nothing else to do in humility. There is so much focus on inhumanity that humanity goes unnoticed. It makes me sad. That is partly why I don't watch much TV.  I would rather watch people.

  I've seen several heroes and been in the company of them by the Grace of God... let me tell you of a few. I'll start with the health-care worker who gives of him or her self completely when working with those that may be dieing. They place self last, knowing they will suffer pain when and if these people passes... yet they do it anyway. They invest themselves in someone that can't invest back, be it kinfolk or strangers. They pour out their heart knowing the recipient may die, leaving a hole in the hero's heart, yet they press on. I saw this in the hospitals I have been in, not all health care workers, but many. These people are the real heroes, yet we never really see them.

  I have a few heroes in my family, and I ain't one of them. My wife Denise is one of my biggest heroes.She sat with me for 3 days non stop in CCU after my heart attack and then after everybody finally talked her into going home, within the hour she was back and remained with me until days later I was released. She is always hovering about me, making sure which pills I take and feeding me. Least we forget griping at me when I do wrong. She provides me with warmth and love, then heads off to her doctor's office to help o Charlie Allen, my step dad has taken me to and fro for the treatments daily all the way to UT, even providing breakfast. My grandfather (I call dad) brings me food no matter if I'm hungry or not, and while his health is failing at 86, walks the food back here. Mark Hill, my cousin who all I need do is ask to feed the cows, etc...and he is there. Cindy that opens up Easy Inn 30 minutes early for us so that Charlie can buy his Coffey and me my water. My mother who bought me Ensure and  has brought me food and shakes, then goes off to work in her hospital. My mom who sees to it the business I have is done, if she is able at the office. She is always calling tio see if I have need of anything. My brother who will go where ever I need to and help. Megan who offers a smile and helped clean out my gardens. My friends that call or email and ask what they can do. The many people who have prayed for me and gave me encouragement. The doctors that have been honest and worked around my fears and cared. The nurses who are so attentive in the Chemo Hut, I'll call one by name, Ruth. They are all heroes. The ladies that work in radiation that have worked with my phobias and overcome them. 

  I just mentioned a few, but there are so many more that are real life heroes. None of them wear a cape, save the whole planet, or even want to be seen as a hero... but they are. They actually do save the world, their part of the world.

  I'd just bet you reading this are surrounded by them too. They may be hiding, but they will be here when you need them, all you gotta do is ask...and that includes asking Jesus.