Saturday, December 26, 2009

Videos I like Page 2

videos I like -Page 1

Keeping track a bit of videos I listen to: I'll add as found.

The first 4 are what I listened to each night. Before I knew I had throat cancer, I listened to every night and made my peace with God. I really didn't expect to wake up each morning. This went on for weeks. I would fight to stay awake and just as I would give out, I had these copied on my computer.  


12-26 late post

  Well we definitely now know that the tooth is live and abscessing. The right side of my lower jar is swelled. Hopefully this will have no impact on my radiation. I am so past ready for this thing to be over. Hopefully we can find a dentist that is open and willing to do a root canal and that way the pressure and puss can get out. When I was attending my family physician we still thought it was a sore throat and I was instructed to stop taking the antibiotics I was on. Guess what, I found them and started taking them for this along with Ibuprofen. My jaw is still swelled and who knows, it may be painful but with the pain patch on and the Morphine if I need it, it doesn't hurt.

  I slept on and off all day, even watched a movie. At one time I gain back to 199 but I've since dropped back to 198.5 lbs. I was even able to eat apple pie! I'm not making the same mistake of drinking a Coke tonight and I've only drank 1 small glass of Pepsi. These are things that I will not be able to do very soon when radiation starts and I imagine that my throat will be back like it was in a couple of weeks. Even water hurts then.

  I watered the plants in the Sunroom. I've got three banana plants that have pups, two have two each. Mark came back and got their presents, he said he liked his. William came back and we talked about a steel flat bed I've found on My fight is coming back in me. I think sometimes we just hit a wall, or at least I did. Denise and Matt took two trucks loads o trash from both houses to the dump in Big Ugly. That is who the bed is for. It ran well for them.

  Denise doctored the bottom of my feet again, probably the last place left with pain from the chemo. Most of the scars are healed on the rest of my body. I noticed that the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma has even took a hit in all but a few places. I'll ask Dr Green in our next visit if I should hit the rest with the Narrow Band UVB machine, but that be a bit much. If it is then I'll just ignore it. Since I have my own machine to give myself treatments it's no big deal. even the patches left of it aren't painful right now.

  Today, except for the tooth has been a great day compared to the last few weeks. Now if  just could ever get warm again. I'm about ready for bed.

  Cody. I didn't know how to respond back to your message on Facebook. I'm still learning a lot on it, so I will place it here. I'm not smart or I would not have stayed on the road I was on, but thank you for the compliment. Your mom loves you and cares about you and your brother. You can quit. There is nothing about quitting that is easy and if you fail, try again. I have tried many times and if I fall again, I will get right back up again and try. You are young and strong minded and strong willed. Strength is not measured by life's fall or failures but rather by getting back up and trying again. Falling does not define a man, a man is defined by what he does after he falls. If you even need to talk just call me or email me. I looked for a certain video I found last night but couldn't find it for you. This one is second to that one. One of the most powerful words ever created is BELIEVE. Believe in yourself and believe in God.    


It's 2:34am. I watched a couple of movies... lost track of the time watching Avatar. I ate a little more each time and attempted to strengthen the tooth, but I failed to. The Morphine doesn't do a thing for it but Ibuprofen seemed to help. I tried to coat the sides that are exposed with temporary dental fill, even tried Gorilla glue, neither worked. If it will just hold out until a dentist can be found I can get a root canal. They say that pulling a tooth during radiation is a lengthy process so it can be extracted after the radiation is finished, just can't fight or need the infection with my blood count this low. The pain is all I remember it to be. A different pain than all of this, but pain all the same. I weighed and got back to 197.5 lbs.  Now if I can eat like this today and gain again I will be happy. I'm crossing my fingers that Green will know of somebody Monday or that we can find somebody. Most dentist offices are closed until Jan 4th.

  Yesterday was one of the few times Denise has ever seen me cry. Over 20 years of marriage she could probably count them on one hand and still have fingers left. I have no doubts where I will go when I die, but somehow it saddened me because I know how close I am to winning, yet how close I am to losing this battle as well. I think all the pressure just built up. I have no idea where that came from or for that matter why I would even admit that I did it on this blog. I have fought hard battles before but none like this, and none with this much that just keeps coming against me. It is like seeing the finish line on the horizon but your body giving out before you get there.

  My limbs and trunk have all scabbed over and many of the scabs are even healed from the chemo backfire. My throat jumped again today in healing and Monday looks better than before.


  My tooth has hurt now for days and I even skipped and skimped eating trying to keep it from breaking off, at least until a dentist could be located. I still haven't slept. I got tired of hurting and worrying about it so I pulled and twisted it until it popped off. The pain isn't as of yet any stronger and maybe just a bit less. I'm still not sure if this tooth had a root canal done to it yet but if it hasn't, the nerve is covered from the air. It could have just been just putting pressure on my gum. Guess we'll see in the next few hours or days.