Saturday, October 31, 2009

Mega Dose 2 - Day 3

One of the things I may not have mentioned is the "Cotton Mouth" effect chemo has. This round has been more frequent and sever than the last. We're talking dry to the point of feeling like your mouth is cracking open. Dry to the point it will wake you often. Dr Panella had warned us of this as a side effect. Usually it's not permanent but sometimes it becomes permanent. Still... a small price to pay for another day.

  Anyhow, I woke up again throughout the night, my last post being after 2 am. I finally went back to sleep about 4:30am. My throat felt like it was closing off and I postponed going to sleep as long as I could as I feared not awakening. There is this animal survival instinct that takes over that we fight as long as we can. Now as will be answered in a previous post I don't fear death, I have seen what comes next and it is great. What I do fear is the path to get to death. Religion does not play a part in fearing the pathway to death, anybody with any sense will dread the pain. Ready of not, we fight to breathe just one more breath. I think that is the way God has made us. Add that with a world that teaches us that quantity is better than quality and an ever unbelieving in God world, and we fight.

  I awoke to the pain of Cotton Mouth and the damage suffered from the uncontrolled throwing up 3 days ago. I took 2 - 10 mg Loratabs and I'm feeling a bit stronger despite the pain. I actually believe I can stay up for a while, maybe even walk out in the yard this morning. For now though my bones ache and muscles crap. I'm not being negative or ungrateful I'm being honest, so that should someone go through this they might know what to expect. I am lucky to have an honest doctor that cares enough to be brutally honest, some might not.

  A quick trip out the door and it's raining again and 7:16am. The brief walk does however get rid of the muscle crap, to an extent. Moving about though brings back the sick feeling, so the rain may well be a blessing in disguise. I'm normally an active person so I expect this looks like a rat in a cage.