Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I still have an infection in my chest or throat, not sure which. At first I thought that it was stemmed from the ventilator tube but Megan has it as does Missy. From that I assume that it isn't coming from the event. Megan says that lots of kids are sick in school. It makes me wonder what is wrong these days, we didn't stay sick like that back 30 years ago.

I worked outside but had to take breaks fairly often, the last one though I completely pushed myself out of aggravation from not able to get as much done as I needed to without breaks. That one dropped me like a rock. I slept for about 2 hours. It's almost like narcolepsy. Plus I think the heat swelled my throat up, something did and it still is. This gets old after a while. Not much stamina either. I found out today just how much strength I've lost too.

Monday, August 30, 2010

August 31-2010 Dr Green Follow-up

Despite Denise not wanting to keep the appointment with Dr Green, I wanted to go. She is still irritated at him for the over burn. Me, I'm just thankful the cancer was burned out, provided I get to keep my voice box. Marlon Brando isn't so bad, lol. The side effects are debilitating most days though. Still, I needed his opinion. This man does not mince words, yet he is a kind man and a great Radiation doctor. I highly value his opinion.

Before we left, I took all my pills (when these end one day, God willing, there will be massive factory lay-offs lol), then one additional one, a pain pill. The first I've taken in a while. I swear I think I got a buzz, lol. Usually Dr Green scopes me and he uses nothing to numb you with. While he says he is good, and he is good, there are still more pain involved that he knows. Today though, he decided not to. So I got stoned for nothing, lol. He felt around and gave me a good report, except the rattles in my lungs, maybe an infection from the ventilator they used in surgery.

I slept pretty much all weekend from the infection. It must be something catching, Megan and Missy have it too. But it is all good.

My costs to this have been a dead thyroid gland, loads of scare tissue, infections, neuropathy, and at times pain. The Chemo Fog, and with the pills to curb the pain of the neuropathy, my balance is lost. I still have doubts of depression and heavy fatigue.

In spit of all this though, I breathe. I have hair again. I live, just not as full as it was.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


  I've stayed in today pretty much other than disposing of a opossum at Matt & Misty's house. No more sleep than I got I didn't have to brush the blood and puss out of my mouth but man is it ever sore. Still, no pain meds. I think I got this. Plus I ended up at the bookstore here in town and I bought a recipe book and two natural health treatment books. It wasn't as hot but what heat was there caused swelling in my throat. I have had about 2 1/2 hours of sleep. I don't know why I woke up at 4:30am. I got Matt, Charlie, and myself breakfast and delivered each their own. I didn't make it back in time to keep from getting sick from all the medication though. I may have to try something new tomorrow. Then just goofed off on the web. I need to slack off on that a bit. I got a new book in today, the last of four I ordered. Maybe this winter I'll get off my butt and build the new bookcase in the Living Room. there will be two of them that will be about 4 feet wide and 7 feet tall.

  The last Llama we have left is about to be joined with company, we're getting her a mate. It will not be long until time to catch up the calves and sell them and get the hay in which I should have already gotten. I've had a full plate this year though, or that is my excuse anyway, lol. I need to get the Sunroom tile done and I'd like to pour a pad outside the garage door about 29x 29 of concrete. It's hard to get decent concrete people so I will o it myself, I'm not crazy about how the last pour turned out. I've talked with Mark and I'll hire him to help me lay the block inside the basement. If he can bring them to me I'll lay them. I can't remember if I ever taught anybody else that.

  I'm hoping that maybe tomorrow I can at least get started taking the green bean seeds down, the ones that haven't went bad that is. In another month, maybe two, the Garlic will be here and it will need planting. I get to plant it this time. I have so much to do and I've gotten so far behind, but it waits for me, lol. Somehow I feel useful. If it involves dirt or getting dirty and sweaty I'm there... except i know i have to heal a little. That would be tomorrow, lol. It's 11:20 and even with a sleeping pill I am tired but not sleepy. Go figure. But it is a good day.

  By the time most will read this it will be morning, so how about some Morning music. The other is for celebration.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

08-25-2010 The 2nd Biopsy

Well today was one of those high spots in this ride. We went this morning for the 2nd Biopsy, the first biopsy since the initial one that discovered the tumor. Dr Rathfoot told Denise that he didn't take any samples because he sees no evidence of a tumor, just extreme radiation damage. While that sounds bad and is bad it is the lesser of two evils. From what he saw the Chemo and Radiation killed it! It also killed a lot of other things in the process. In a war there is always collateral damage, and this is part of that. While it is depressing to try and do what you once did or spend a day without pain, you are waking up on the green side of the grass, lol.

   I was a bit disappointing that the lady who came to pray with me, or rather for, didn't show up. As they injected the drug to put me under I managed to say the Lord's Prayer silently to God. Not out of fear but out of love.

He injected directly into several places a steroid called Kennalog (spelling?). Rathfoot prescribed more Prednisone (5mgx2 for 5 days), Cipro (500mgx1 for 10 days). At the next visit he was access if this has helped, I'm guessing.

If this does not work there is another option. To remove and repair the throat that he could do laser surgery and cut the scared tissue out. I'm not sure what all that entails. Hopefully not bad but it isn't a death sentence so again, it beats the alternative.

When I woke up I had an Endotracheal Tube in my throat breathing for me. It looked like dad's. I worried up until now if dad felt pain with this thing in his mouth, it has consumed my thoughts. Denise said they used this the first time but pulled it out before I awoke. The nurse was standing over me like lightening, asking questions. I couldn't speak but tried to and nodded, much like dad did. She told me that Dr Rathfoot had instructed them to wait until I woke up and make sure that I was breathing well before taking it out. It was confusing, scary, and I am thankful for this experience. I went to talk with mom and told her, she said she had the same worries. He answered two people today. I now know that it did not hurt him and when it was pulled there was no pain. Or at least, not that I experienced. I thank God for showing me that through this. God answers questions that he knows you need an answer to. Be careful what you ask God to know, least you find it out through experience. I am however, thankful He showed me.

Rather than take the pain meds as instructed I wanted to know what was sore, where it hurts. So I waited until the pain meds left my system before taking anything else. Not that I am into pain but I wanted to know where and just how bad. Plus I wanted to add no damage when I ate. My gum is sore on the lower part, like the skin has been stretch and tore a bit. The roof of the back of my mouth hurt, perhaps the equipment used going down? Then along the throat there are pin areas, I assume that is where the injections took place. Fatigue and weak plus the neuropathy, while the pain level is about the same, raising and lowering the feet and legs is an effort at best, clumsy at worse. My throat is a bit swelled and breathing is labored. All in all though, a tolerable pain to a certain extent and manageable with 10mg Lortab. The best part is that none of these are said to last hopefully and minuscule as to what it could have been.

So for now this hellish ride has a high spot once again. We ride the wave towards the beach, fully knowing that this ride is suppose to be rough and when we hit the beach the journey begins. Today we live and enjoy for yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. We have enough to ponder today's events without borrowing troubles from tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Daugher and dad go around the block on a Vulcan 1600 FI


I got the yard mowed, Okra cut, and worked again on the boat with Matt. We have success on the switch, now the rest of it, lol. Then enjoyed a few Pears with the Llama. She is like her mom and dad. I ate Pears every year with them. I really need to get her a buddy. Everything is laid out for my biopsy. I dread it yet look forward to it. It would have been nice if it didn't need done. The pain has just now become tolerable without anything being used for the last couple of weeks.

  The neuropathy hasn't changed but the loud hissing in the ears have become less frequent now. After a heavy dose of predisone the swelling is less now, easier to breathe. I'm not sure what the answer is to the swelling and I don't think they do either. Balance has been off for a change more than usual. My hair is thinning and beginning to straighten out.

  This is an emotional roller coaster ride for all of us. I imagine just enjoy the high points and pray it ends soon. Oh yes, and me and Megan went around the block on the bike. I actually think the bike's vibration helps the neuropathy.


Thursday, August 19, 2010


I got a call from St Mary's Hospital getting all the info down and ready. We went over all the drugs and supplements I take, bet she got writers cramp, lol. They put me on high dosage or predisome (and I can't spell that word) which has taken the swelling down and the pain along with it, for the most part.  Not near as much blood to get up in the morning, love that.

  The neuropathy is bad tonight and wasn't much better today. Sally said hers was worse too tonight. I keep wondering about the barometric pressure. There has to be something in common. If we just had more.

   I canceled the sleep study after talking with Kim. Rathfoot said he had not considered that my throat would not withstand the pressure and thought it was a good idea. Thank you once again Kim. And by the way, I am jealous. You and your husband rode the dragon. ME and Denise haven't gotten to do that yet.

  I have Megan lined up for a meeting with Art for her evaluation and then he will tell us what needs to be done. More importantly, he will tel the school. Thank you Dale. I dropped your name and he says you are THE BEST Interpreter there is. But we all knew that now didn't we. Megan and Terry talk on the web. Meeting Terry was good for her too, thank you. Megan sees now that she can function normally, well, as normal as she can. I think she likes him but he is a bit old for her. Nice boy though. You get time Dale I want a family picture made while there is still 5 generations left.

 I talked with Johnny today briefly at the funeral home just in case. That will keep Denise from spending a lot of money on it. Hopefully it will not come to that but it is better to be prepared. It would make it easier on her. Got April's seeds packed up and ready to go. She is such an inspiration.

We laughed over my name in the paper where I spoke at the county commission meeting. It feel on deaf ears though. I did get a long round of applause and some calls. I am considering a petition. people get the government they deserve. Hopefully our people will stand their ground.   

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I went this morning and had an EKG and was checked out, which was ok. It is faxed along with clearance for the upcoming surgery next week. I can't remember how long I was out or how long I was down. Maybe they will tell me. Just so long as I don't wake up with an extra hole.

  I rode Denise then Megan on the bike Sunday, it was so much fun. I rode it today briefly. Just in case, I really need to get some stuff done outside, actual work done. Some pain today, but not too bad. Neuropathy though has been bad. 

  Pretty snazzy look now eh? I changed the skin on the Blogger. 

Friday, August 13, 2010


  An appointment with Dr Rathfoot turned out much better today. While he isn't sure if cancer is in there, he says that he believes that it is just inflammation from the radiation. He said that my cartilage was lighting up from all the damage the radiation has done. He said that it looked like water balloons in my throat from the swelling. He mostly talked with Denise and I listened but I got lost. I knew that Denise could interpret to me what was said. Rathfoot took his time to explain and used a mirror instead of the scope, he said it gave him a panoramic view where the scope is better at specific views. I have no idea how he stuck that thing back in my throat without me gagging or throwing up, but he did. 

  This is a relief, almost like a vacation. It is the first time that Denise has had dry eyes in days. So we breathe a sign of relief for now. A biopsy is scheduled where he can take multiple samples. I asked for St Mary's because the lady that comes into the room and prays with and for you puts me at ease more. I think all hospitals should have this. I like UT but I don't think they do that there.

  I have had good doctors, save one. Panella, Rathfoot, and Green I would recommend to anybody no matter how this turns out. Behind the scenes though is one that has been a blessing, Kim. This lady is probably the smartest person I have met and if she ever decides to open an office I will be there begging for her to take me.

  So for now, we wait and take more prednisone and diflucan, plus the other junk. I think that makes me a total of about 11 pills. Most say not to take on an empty stomach, but after I take all that I'm pretty full, lol.       

Thursday, August 12, 2010


Tomorrow we go back to Rathfoot for a scope. I'm assuming that he will set a date for another biopsy... we will see. It has been a food of emotions, a mixture too. So far I remain opposed to any surgery that will take the quality of life from me. I intended on putting up something that has the things I have taken, but Denise is fast asleep. Her eyes are puffy and she has felt the weight of this, so I will not wake her.

  Saliva: During the radiation and chemo I used Biotene for the lack of saliva. There are some other products but they just didn't quite work for me, have no idea why. It comes in a spray which I liked. A liquid which I wasn't crazy about. Toothpaste which I also wasn't crazy about. The stuff tastes like crap, lol. But it did not burn, as some of the others did.  I also ran two humidifiers in my room, I still run one.

  Sickness: I was prescribed Marinol, which is a pill that is medical marijuana. This was for sickness from the Chemo. The Phenergan stopped some of the sickness for a while, bt it couldn't stop it all. The radiation also made me sick. Before they prescribed it though I bought a Vaporizer and some marijuana. This is well worth looking into. I really didn't care what law says this is bad, it got me through it. I destroyed what was left after I made it through the radiation and chemo. But it helps.

  Pain: They kept me on a Morphine patch eventually along with 10mg Endocets for break through pain. Once again, Marijuana will help with the pain too. It also helps with depression. This illegal herb is just that, a herb. Those that have known me all my life knows that I never really cared for pot. This stuff is like anything else. It can be abused or used. It is not an evil weed. I changed my perspective on this stuff real fast. I later read that cooking it in certain foods helps. Problem with that is it can get stuck in the throat. Smoking it causes as much pain as it cures so a Vaporizer is the trick. You don't have to do it until you are stupidly high, just until the pain level and sickness leaves.

  I drank Ensure to keep my weight up, but it burnt like Hell. Anything with any Sodium does. I'll go back and edit when I think of more stuff. I loved how the Nutritionist kept on pushing fruit juice. News Flash: Anything with fruit hurts. It still does. Carbonated drinks hurt. Just do water and maybe some tea, but watch the tea, it is a diuretic and you don't need that. Still, tea has a smooth effect.

  Now on this here and now. I will wait and see what is what. I do know that something is impeding my airways, it has been for a while now. It could be an infection, it could be the cancer. If it is the cancer I will ask about a treatment I saw from France using medical grade baking soda. The doctor was fired when he was caught but it was well documented by the hospital he was working at. He obtained 100% cure. In this country though I doubt that it would be done.   

  I have wondered when this will end. Now it appears that it will end, just not that way I wanted. If it is a false positive reading then I will continue with spread out updates. If this is not and it is the cancer then I will continue to post until I am unable. So far those who have followed have seen me fight and attempt to be cured, if a cure isn't feasible then you will see what it is like to slowly die with this. Either way, I fight. I've too much stuff left to get done.   


Happy Birthday Megan... 18 years old.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


  We just got back from Panella who went over the scan. He was called out of the room before he could go over it with us. The report said that the disease has progressed. It shows something like 4.7mm, much larger than the 2.5mm I started with. Panella said I had a lot of damage inside from the radiation and that it might be what it is. He also went over removing the larynx, which I declined. He wants Rathfoot to take a better look inside once again, which I will let him do.

  Denise and I had a chat om the way back, she cried. Sometimes the answer is no. I asked her as I do the ones that know me to not let this shake their faith in God, He knows best. We pray and He hears us, so please pray. But if the answer He gives is no, while we don't always understand why, He does know best. I also asked her to not ask me to fight anymore if cancer is still here, I really don't think I can.  

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


  I've paid today for yesterday's activity. I'm getting use to that. Today my neuropathy has been a little worse for wear and my throat has been painful, but not so bad as to take anything until tonight. I'd like to sleep as good as i did last night. usually I get up in the morning and still, my mouth is covered, if I'm lucky, with a thick coating. I think this may be where the saliva glands aren't working but maybe a bit. Once I get that crap brushed off and get my throat clear of that and blood, I'm good to go. Warm water helps get that done faster. At night I drink some tea because it helps to coat the mouth and throat. Biotene will but wears off quickly.

  Tomorrow I will get the results from the scan that was done Monday. That was the first scan done since the scan that revealed it was in the lymph node. It is one of those things where you want to know and you don't want to know. This should be my last doctor's visit until the end of the month when I see that radiation doctor again.

   The doctor I went to called and my levels are still within range even though the TSH is a bit high. She wants to wait until all are in line to start meds. In 6 weeks I need the blood work repeated on my thyroid. Thank you Kim for the referral. She is great. 

Saturday, August 7, 2010


  I think I'm backing up these days. This is day three and I got 2 hours of sleep last night. That means that within the last 3 days I have had about 6 hours of sleep. There is a lot of pain lately and swelling too. It has been almost a week now since my Rip Van Winkle episode of sleeping all day and still my tongue and mouth are sore. That extended sleep, while everybody said I needed it caused a lot of pain. Without being awake to constantly take in fluids my mouth and tongue dried out. I have a rumble and I've had it now for some time in my chest, maybe it is in my throat, who knows. I can make some of the weirdest noises when i breathe once again.

  I stay tired the last few days and haven't gotten much done. In a word, damn. Me and Megan yesterday though, did have fun. We shot between 50-100 rounds of ammo back in the woods. Megan is pretty good at shooting. William came back thinking something was up with his 44. Megan shot it and it kicked like a mule, lol. Well, it is almost 5am. Lets see what today brings.


  Me and Matt went to the Newport Bargain House to get some cat food. He had never been and I kept telling them about you can get good deals on food wholesale there a lot of times. I use it to feed the little kittens that their mother died. How they ended up in one of the carports I have no idea. Not that I'm a cat person per say but I hate to see anything go hungry. We hit a few yard sales coming back and at one he had some old cars, really cool. He showed them to us. Our little trip went almost 3 hours, lol. We both came back with some tools and I got a cute small oil lantern. I figured that I would finish repairing the roof over the tool room then wire the new starter switch in the boat... not gonna happen though. While we were looking at the old cars I kept needing to spit and started spitting up blood. My throat is killing me. All I've eaten is a sandwich so I know it's not that. I feel run down all the sudden. I will have to wait until I gather enough energy to unload the tools. I will not mention it to Denise or the doctors and see if it quits. It must be placing pressure on the left ear nerve because it feels like a poker is sticking into my ear drum. I took a Lortab, it isn't helping much but it at least lessens the pain. I really don't want to do the Morphine again so I'm taking that option off the table. Makes me wonder when this will end. It has been over a year now and it is wearing me down physiologically.  

Riding The Throat Cancer Road: The Beginnings and Forenotes

Riding The Throat Cancer Road: The Beginnings and Forenotes

Thursday, August 5, 2010


A new doc today, she seems ok so far. Smart and complete and nice for a change. Thank you Kim. She ordered some more blood work which I got drawn today. You would think I would be use to needles by now, I feel like a Porcupine, a fat one too, 209lbs! I gotta quit this gain.

My voice is some better, at least improving now since I don't have the patches. I think I was doing a lot and getting away with it pain wise. I attempted to eat a Chili Pup yesterday, got 1/2 of it eaten and then tossed it out and tossed in some pain meds. I use to could eat them without any pain or at least little pain. Amazing what Morphine will allow one to do, lol. Tonight we had Spaghetti, no stomach pills either. can you say acid reflux? After a Loratab failed, I did end up taking for the first time some Morphine after a few hours. I will assume that diet isn't taught to nurses, lol.

Not much sleep again last night and today getting up early plus working a little in this ridiculous heat, I am exhausted. Still though, not sleepy. Thyroid? It chimed in at 4.6 (I think)

Annie got her test back today and she has this rare disease that is treatable but not curable. At 20 years old. People, have you been noticing the young kids sick these days with crap that isn't or wasn't heard of before? Have you read the obituaries lately? We are concerned with so much these days yet we don't pay attention to what really matters. No worries though, I'm not going to go off on a long rant but I do remember reading back some years ago that children today will not outlive their parents. Read that again. It does not say not live as long as, not out live them.

All this has once again gotten me out of my willingly ignorant state. We eat something that foreign third world countries won't even allow to their slaves, GM Foods. So do this for not me, not you, but for them. Google these few things separately: GM Food, Codex Alimentarius, vaccines. Now on the last one do that on http://www.DrMercola.com. For a better view of Codex look for the videos and by all means visit http://www.morphcity.com. There are reasons for all this sickness and death. There are reasons that everything is happening. For those who know God, the last site should be looked at close.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


It's after 12pm and I'm still awake despite taking a sleeping pill. I'm worn out but not sleepy. Strange. It was hot today so I stayed in. The heat makes it hard to breathe these days. Part of the fatigue maybe be where I have ended the Morphine patches. I hate to admit it but apparently my body had become addicted to it. Though I've not used the Loratabs like I should have, taking them regularly for the first few days, it seems to be easing off a bit. The first 2 days are the hardest. I have Morphine left but I dare not touch it.

Not that I'm into pain but really this is better. I know now that there was no way to have endured the pain without it, it is better when the pain level drops to feel the pain. It limits how much I talk, what I drink and eat, and how I swallow. Maybe this will make the healing go better since I feel the pain from things I shouldn't be doing immediately. Still, tonight my throat feels like it's closing inside... but that's every night.

Soon I will have the Cat Scan and it worries me. I pray that all this has not been for nothing. I have seen and lived Hell on Earth for a long time now. It goes through my mind all the time what I have seen and relate it to what I have felt. I wonder what happened to the lady who had mouth cancer and radiation had disfigured her. How the lady crying in the men's bathroom was doing or the lady in the wheelchair that was scared and calling out to everybody. I see the faces of those in the chemo hut and radiation waiting area and wonder where they are now and how they are doing. They have all lived Hell on Earth too. I pray they are well and enjoying life now.

When people meet that have never had cancer and are told someone had or has cancer they talk, but never in depth. When people who have or had cancer meet we go into depth as to what kind, where, what kind of therapy or medicine... there are no strangers. There is a connection, perhaps it is the hellish period that connects us, perhaps it is that they too know they were not alone. I have yet to meet an Atheist who has cancer. Maybe it is because we have known or learned that we never walk alone, unless we so chose. This is not a walk to be done alone. Between the fear, pain, sorrow, hate, depression, loss of pride, loss of independence, humiliation, being bullied, and all that goes along with this... we connect with another who knows this.

Monday, August 2, 2010


After spending yesterday mostly sleeping, I stayed awake all last night, still I'm not sleepy. We got the blood work back on my Thyroid and it is gone. That was one of the known causalities of war. Now I have to find a doctor to go to for that. I'm open to suggestions. (Hint Kim).

The neuropathy is still as it was and the hissing sound is still in my ears. The time finally draws nigh to see if it is all gone. Oh yea, I also get to have a sleep study done. Fun, Fun, Fun.

The one good thing though is that there are no more pain patches, just pills and I'm not doing much of them.