Friday, December 25, 2009

12-25 Christmas Day

 I slept on and off until 1pm. A very rough night last night. I ran a fever on and off all night long and mouth breathed (Denise woke me up on occasion several times). I weighed in at 194 this morning. Surely I didn't sweat 3 1/2 pounds off over night! That is 1 pound under the limit. Denise gave me some slices of ham and Ritz crackers to eat and I am washing it down with Ensure. God, what I would give to have refused that last Chemo. Things have went to pieces after that. I am so tired of fighting. It seems pointless to continue. This ham... these crackers.. nothing tastes good anymore. 2 Deviled eggs.. nope, still the same. 

Later On

It's 5pm and I'm trying to get the will to fight back. Charlie and mom came back, Charlie came first. He gave me a pep talk. Normally I don't respond well to them but somehow his works. He is a good man. It made me realize just how fortunate I have been my whole life. Some people have a mom and dad... I have a few moms and dads... and they are all good people. After they left I had enough spirit built up to grab a mask, get dressed and start so that I could eat and be with everybody. I made it to the creek and though I wanted to keep going my body was just too weak so I came back to the house. I was so tired that I drifted off in a nap. Denise called UT since a dentist office is located there, but they are closed to the 4th of January too. Down I went again until Mat & Misty and the grand-kids came to open their presents. That again lifted my moods and I ate several bites of turkey & dressing. Amazing what just having the people you love can do just being there. They got me 10th Avenue North's new CD. Me and Misty cam back here to my bedroom and watched some of the music videos I listen to sometimes. Some of those are found on this blog. I think I will listen some more. I may record some more on this day later. Right now though, I'll listen to some more. The main thing in this is to keeping fighting... and that is hard to do.