Tuesday, March 1, 2011

03-01-2011

   I goofed off a bit more today getting little done. I didn't do what I was suppose to do which was call Rathfoot and give a report if the new meds are working. I think I'm procrastinating. The meds show no effect on the swelling which seem to be increasing. It may have been getting out yesterday in that rain, who knows? Sounds good though. :). I'm kind of tired and breathing is hard to do lately, so I goofed off. Drug some of Mark's driveway and mine with the tractor. It equated to flying a 747 into the Grand Canyon and trying to fill the hole, lol. 

  Charlie was gone when I went over but when he came back he stopped in and we talked. He is scared. He remembers taking me back and forth and what I went through. I told him that he would be like Michael Douglas who never lost any hair or got over burned. We know how to watch the radiation thing this time so he will be fine. He said he gained about 25lbs making me eat by taking me to Shoney's where we would eat to keep my weight from dropping too low. I told him now he would be able to pay me back as I would be taking him there. I manage to make him laugh and smile a little and for a moment his worries were gone.

  He talked about what and how I ate without aspirating and how I kept from smothering which is good, he is already figuring angles. His fears and mental anguish though come from the same as mine. We have both always been active physically and now can't do what we want to do, plus be independent like we have always been.  Even a small chore can wear you out. Other than Mark, Charlie and I are the last two who can do whatever needs to be done.I told him that is why we both needed to be here, if nothing else to teach at least one, if they are willing to learn. It is still depressing though, not being able to do what you know how to do. Charlie loves to work with wood, and he is good at it too. Me, him, dad, my father, and Joe all built my house, Denise helped me add on later on. She knows a lot, but not how to wire, plumb, lay block, work on cars. Of the ones that initially built our house only me and Charlie are left. Mark's health isn't good and so we worry who will do all this stuff when we're gone, even scarier is can we still do it. Will we be of any use? I have confidence that maybe he will. He is going to do better than I did, I just feel it.