Friday, April 30, 2010


Me and Charlie headed of again this morning for the HBOT. I'll have a picture of it to scan and place up, compliments of Dr. Downing. This one went better and it was definitely warmed in the pressurization part of it, even my saliva almost worked a bit for a change. Never though I would want to spit, lol. It got cold depressurizing though, just not as cold as it stayed the other day. Nobody blacked out. One of the people said that the dr was messing with the controls yesterday. 

  I'm not sure if it is helping or just how much. Denise says that the swelling is leaving yet the swallowing is getting worse and so is the pain. One would think that if it comes under control a bit in the swelling that the pain and swallowing would improve. I'm looking forward to the visit with Dr Rathfoot next week and see what he says after scoping me. Then come Dr Panella to see what he thinks and we're gonna see if he is planning a Cat Scan of the lymph nodes anytime soon. I have an appointment with Dr Boyd to extract the four teeth the radiation caused to break and it would be nice to know it is worth the money, time, and trouble.

  Charlie and me went to Grainger county off Lakeshore road and he bought his tomato plants, I got a few more cucumbers, crooked neck squash, and watermelon plants. No banana melons yet. I think I have some seed here somewhere so I'll start my own. We hit a few yard sales on the way back. I bought a few more tools, lol.

  I had gone to sleep tonight and had forgotten to post, really nothing much had changed so I was just going to skip. I am really worn out. I woke up fighting for air again. For whatever reason my throat just closed off again while I was sleeping. The adrenalin is really pumping now, lol. That would be the perfect way to go, in my sleep, as long as I don't wake up and smother to death. I've coughed up some puss looking stuff. maybe that is what it was? I have put ice on my neck and I think I will breath a bit of oxygen then try it again.    

Thursday, April 29, 2010


  Today started out like last night stayed... painful. I took some Morphine to ease it off and slept more than I stayed awake. It was a bit warmer in the chamber today, so that certainly helped. I made it all day without anything, just tolerated the pain until about 8pm, then took 20mg which eased it off a bit. I just then took 10mg for nap time, which is about what it has once again became.It doesn't look like I will be getting a lot of sleep tonight again.  

  All I got done at home was to place cages on all the tomatoes and put two D Links on Big Ugly. I napped on and off after that.

  Next week I meet with Rathfoot to see if the HBOT is going anywhere or nowhere and the follow-up with Panella that was postponed for the national Geographic interview. Maybe we will have a clear understanding of what and just where this thing is leading. One thing is for sure, nothing remains constant.

  My handicapped hanger is up next month so I guess I will renew it. We're debating on a permanent or another temporary one but leaning to permanent. We can always drop it later if we need to.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


  I have been the worse for wear today, mentally, physically, and emotionally. The day started with little pain but to prepare for the Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy I took 1 1/2 Loratab 7.5s. My mouth gets so dry with the absence of saliva glands working it is excruciating. They are good to take the hood off for me to drink a sip of water but that stays but a brief moment and the more I take off the hood the less the treatment I receive, plus the air is frigid in there. The chamber was terribly cold today, unusually so. The treatment seemed to last an eternity even watching the latest Rambo movie. Today though the pain level returned. I gritted and bared it until this evening.

  I finally got the new tail lights wired in and installed in dad's truck, euro styled smoke colored. They had an extra light socket but also a delete plate. I figured why not wire in that extra bulb socket and have three lights in each tail light. I also had Big Ugly's doors re-keyed by Town & Country Lock. Not a lot got done today, but at least something. By evening I had given into the pain and took 20mg of Morphine followed a few hours later by 20 more and just now another 10. It still hasn't eased it off a whole lot.

  Somehow I figured that by now I would be winding down, maybe even stopping the blog, but it isn't looking that way or that it will be anytime soon. Denise says she still sees less swelling but I wonder if that is not just hopeful eyes and hands wishing. We chatted and I told her that what had started out to be a battle, one that had been looking finally favorable, has now began to look more like a slow and painful death. Either way, I will ride this thing out and continue to post until there is nothing to post or nobody to post it. One way or the other it surely will have to end.

  I would delve deeper but it would not be sticking with the topic at hand. Tomorrow comes early and perhaps maybe a better day... I hope.  

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Oops, think I was off a bit on the date last post or two, lol. Today started out pain free but that soon changed. I did start the day with a decent voice that fluctuated back and forth and even tonight it isn't all bad. I had to resort back to Morphine twice today at about 15cc.

  Me and Charlie headed down to my treatment in the cold, damp morning and by the time it was over it wasn't damp anymore... it was soaked. Man was the chamber ever cold today... terribly, terribly cold, and long. We seemed to be in there forever.

  Sidney's office called with a price on the tooth extraction which was acceptable out of pocket but to be put under was almost double since the insurance will not pay anything for that. With four coming out and two below the gum line I was wanting to be put under but not bad enough to pay double so I guess I'll be awake for the whole thing. Green has given the green light but I want Rathfoot's blessing and I would really like for Panella to do the Cat Scan on the lymph nodes to make sure it is gone. I see no use wasting money for that if it is still there. So I have postponed the day for another week after the follow-ups. And the fun just never seems to stop coming, lol.

  Tonight my neuropathy is at full bloom and my energy level is low. I did have Denise look at feel of my throat and she thinks she can visually see some swelling gone down a bit in my throat and she says it feels like it too.     

Monday, April 26, 2010

A Few Pictures

Here is the closer, better picture of the billboard sign that I saw one day coming home that made me keep trying when I had given up. I promised a better picture so here it is.

  While Denise had her interview I took the liberty of taking a few pics outside. The second one shows a streak of light coming down. I will have to place it on my light pictures, lol. 


  Back to HBOT treatments today and all went well. I still can't see much benefit from them though, maybe it just takes a few. Dr Boyd's office called with an all clear for extractions on my 4 teeth that broke off. I still want to put it off for another 2 weeks to have some more HBOT treatments under my belt, plus I would like to know before I spend this money if my lymph nodes are clear... no point in having it done if they are not.

   I'm still wiped out today from the weekend. While I've done without pain meds yesterday and today, tonight I took about 15mg of Morphine. I actually seem to be awake now, lol. I done actually nothing today... nada. I have stayed kind of sick the last two days but a weird sick. Maybe tomorrow will be better.


  It was a windy day today. I spent what time I was awake with Josh & Brandon walking around the yard and fields. I enjoy them so much.

  I fell asleep in the chair, woke up and went to bed, lol. I guess our trip took it out of me a bit. I just awoke at 4am but I am about to go back to sleep again until time to get up and go for my treatment. I woke up with that slim like stuff in my mouth again which is usual, brushed it off. It has some, if not a lot, of blood in it. It may very well be mostly blood filmed over. Thank God I cannot smell it, lol.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


  Saturday we returned from Atlanta, Ga where Denise and I were interviewed Friday. We are exhausted. We took our time coming home, stopping in at the Sweetwater Flea Market. It has been a fun but exhausting last three days.

   Denise took me for the treatment Thursday then we headed down towards Atlanta to meet with Beyond & Back's producers Chris and Supriya at Artisan Picture Works on Friday. In our haste we forgot to take the laptop. I skipped Friday's treatment but will resume on Monday. Chris is also the producer of Deadliest catch and American Loggers. They were accompanied by a very nice man working the cameras and mics from New Zealand. We both loved his accent. National Geographic has the best of the best working for them.   

  The treatment seems to be helping slowly, my voice is getting back a little but the swelling is still there. Funny, we were accommodated with a room with a king sized bed but I slept on the love seat so I could breath. I will probably turn in early tonight. Here I have a lot of pillows, a humidifier, and if all else fails... my chair.

  After a meal coming home and making the mistake of attempting to eat a very spicy steak and crab cake, I am about two steps away from taking some Morphine. No more treatments than I have had I should be pleased with my results but somehow it just isn't moving fast enough for me. I noticed going down there, while riding, that the swelling is also about my Adam's apple. I think that must be where that flap thing resides because I played around with it and got it to stop sticking. Maybe if the swelling was down the saliva glands would begin to work again and then it would be better?

  I've gotten headaches lately... not sure why.    

Monday, April 19, 2010

04-19-2010 Full Circle

I've been up a few minutes again as the pain meds wear off I awake, just like at the beginning. I take some more and wait until they kick in so I can go back to sleep for a while. I'll post more later if I'm able.

   It's 7:48pm now, so I guess its later, lol. The Hyperbolic Oxygen Therapy went well again today. They will let me signal when I need a drink to moisten my mouth and throat, I try and wait until it is severe. We watched Wild Hogs today, great movie. When you come out you have a burst of energy but it is soon replaced by fatigue again. If it is working I don't see it, my throat is swelled all the way around. My voice is getting stronger though. If I could just get the swelling down it would make eating, breathing, and swallowing easier. Swallowing is way down from what it was. I could however drink a Coke with less pain.

  I'm not sure what or if this is working but it is my best chance I am told to survive it. Isn't that weird? I thought that was what was said about the chemo and radiation, lol. I'll see this through just the same though.

  I got most of the part where the new carport will go leveled, another day should do it. The signs are right to plant the next two days and I intend on planting the rest of what we will grow. We've already got out tomatoes, garlic, cabbage, peppers, asparagus, cucumbers, and a few strawberries. Still to be planted is 1/2 white runners, Peanut beans, Turkey Crawl, and Greasy Backs. I also want to plant those black beans we grew last year along with Tender-heart. Also to be planted is Okra, Pumpkin, Watermelon, and Mush Mellon.  Yea I know... no getting in the garden yet, lol.      

Sunday, April 18, 2010


  I've had an excessive amount of pain and fatigue the last few days and while my voice has bettered itself a little, very little, the pain has doubled if not tripled. My neuropathy seems to be backing off finally.

  Friday, I'm still getting over it. I actually feel asleep at the wheel. I almost ran into a yellow Mustang stopped at a red light. I missed by averting to the emergency lane. Maybe it is one of the two new pills? Loratab has not touched the pain lately, only Morphine will suffice.The swallowing has increasingly been harder and harder to do with less and less working for me. At times I feel like I'm on fire inside yet I don't run a fever.

   It seems that I have stayed either zoned out or asleep lately. The things I have gotten accomplished have been done so either with Megan or Denise actually doing most of it. I feel like I'm going backwards again.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


  What a trip, what a day. Me and Charlie went to my first treatment in the Hyperbolic Oxygen Chamber. A few times I felt pressure in my chest and in my throat, the chest part was a bit worrisome. You set in a pretty comfortable chair, blankets are offered, and entertainment is given. They place two cushions under your feet where it will take the load off your legs, thus reducing the chance of blood clots from forming. I'm not sure if that is possible side effect three or the causes of the first two side effects, lol. The hardest thing is going 45 minutes without moisture in my mouth. If you ever wondered what the worse side effect of chemo is, it is dry mouth. It isn't the dry mouth that most think, very, very, painful.

  I had a partially drank bottle of water with the cap screwed on firmly. As we pressurized the bottle began to collapse, I truly believe that it would have imploded if had I not had taken the pressure off it several times. There is a blue plastic ring with a latex type stuff in the center of it which they trim for a very firm and tight fit around the neck. They do make sure it isn't choking you. two plastic hoses are attached to the bottom of the ring. Then there is the hood which is clear plastic, thick plastic. It attaches to the ring and oddly enough it goes from limber to firm. While I was awaiting the attachment of the hood to the ring it reminded me of Darth Vader when he took his helmet off so naturally I couldn't resist saying a line from Star wars. "Luke... I'm your father". It got a good laugh.

  I'm not too sure just how this will go but so far I do believe in it, I have no idea why. I'm not sure but I felt rather energized leaving and ran completely out of gas this evening. Thanks to a truck carrying a load of lumber and a fork lift that apparently was getting paid by the hour instead of the mile, we were late getting home. This idiot was flying down I-40 when he lost a plank about 6 inches long. It barely missed the windshield... guess who's side, lol. It did hit Charlie's truck in the fender then bounced off taking the mirror with it. This jerk was doing t one time over 80 mph. We know this because we had to keep up with him long enough to get his truck number and again to get the tag number. He was dangling another piece a little longer. Hopefully nobody else got hit by his rockets. ProBuilders should be tickled to have such a job scared moron working for them.    

  Hopefully they can reverse this radiation effect before it closes off my throat completely, not exactly the way I want to go. We got a call from NG today and we will be going to the studio soon to do the interview with a month or so for Beyond and Back.     

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

04-14-2010 First Look, Hyperbolic Oxygen Chamber

  We got our first look at the Hyperbolic Oxygen Chamber... pretty cool looking. There can be I believe the guys said 10 people at a time and it has a TV in it where they show movies, today's was President John Quincy Adams. Dr Patrick Downing is the doctor and there are two guys and a lady we met with... all extremely nice. The Dr has a great sense of humor. Once again St Mary's has my complete respect.

   Downing gave me the once over in an exam to see if I was truly a candidate, and I was. He explained into depth every aspect including the history of the chamber. He also went into depth also on the possibilities of the side effects which are stroke and seizure. Ok, that isn't very good side effects but they are rare. That is funny since I believe it is my middle name, lol. Tonight, Denise and I go over the what if this or that happens and what my wishes are. That is, if I can't do life as I enjoy it, let me go home with dignity... no artificial life support of any kind. I'm placing that up here so no hassle will come to her or argument as to what should be done. According to what we were previously told it could also trigger the cancer back.

  I will have to wear scrubs and socks and no metal, especially titanium. Funny, I think that is what my stints and anchors are made of. Hopefully I won't go BOOM, lol. No glasses since that is what my eyeglasses are made from. The sessions last about 2 hours from start to finish. That is making ready and decompressing included. I was under the impression that it would last for two weeks but Downing says about 33 sessions. I'm not sure i can do that much TV, lol. 

   Denise said my TSH levels are still normal at 2.9, whatever that is, lol. Today has been a fair day, loads of pain and bleeding so I have stayed pilled up a bit. My voice has been as usual, Downing said it sounded like The Godfather, lol. I like this guy. He is straight up yet funny. Brutally honest and blunt. This is what I need. So far, I have been blessed with the best doctors and nurses out there.  Downing said that he had the only medicine that could help me now. It is either do it or let my voice leave as my throat closes off and I smother to death. A rock and a hard place???

  Denise talked the lady at National Geographic's Beyond and Back. She was interviewed over the phone. The lady said either her or Robin would be calling soon with the travel dates and arrangements. Bill and me went to pick up our metal we both bought, not together but separately, but we went and picked them both up. On the way back, man did we ever hit a great yard sale full of tools. The back of his truck was getting full, lol. We were going to pull the float with Big Ugly but they guy that put the bed together and on apparently had no concept of gravity when it came to the fuel spouts. I repaired one and I have one to go. That leads us to now... bedtime.         


Tuesday, April 13, 2010


  I am dreading tomorrow. Denise has all the details on how the treatment should go and it doesn't sound too bad. We shall see. Its longer than radiation yet shorter than chemo, lol.

  Today I've kept fairly active until the afternoon and I ran out of fuel, lol. These sudden bouts of extreme fatigue that come about out of nowhere are annoying at the least. I'm wondering if it is not due to the effort it takes to breathe and the pain level. The two seem to be connected.

  This day has also been a day of balance issues which has been rough. Usually I have a few episodes but today has seemed like one big episode. I did sneak in an additional pill for the neuropathy last night which has seemed to help a little today, but its not worth that price. Today is the first time I even got off balance sitting down. What I have personally noticed s don't look up high or down low. No quick twisting of the head or body and not getting up fast.

  My pain level has soared today and I did take measures to keep it manageable. It wasn't all day but most of the day.

Monday, April 12, 2010

04-12-2010 Visit with Dr Green

  I had a follow-up with Dr Green today, the first since my radiation was completed. Dr Green said that the burning of my cartilage in my throat was intentional because the cancer had invaded it. Now it is dying and time to stop it from dying out. He prescribed 400 Trental three times a day and 1000 iu of Vitamin E to increase the blood flow in the capillaries. Green scoped me today without numbing again only this time there was no pain in doing so. I think I am getting use to it plus Rathfoot discovered that my left nostril is crooked and harder to pass through, we stay to the right one.

  In addition he also recommended that I stay on the pain patch and keep break through meds in addition. He said that I would be in a lot of pain should I quit right now due to the swelling in my throat and the damage done to the capillaries.Green is pretty much straight forward and honest which I admire for that as are the other two doctors. None of them sugar coat anything. I didn't care for Green at first but after the over burn that was done and when he came to my room at the hospital I saw the man actually cared and then it all changed.    

   I was in hopes that by now I would be winding down this blog as things went back to normal but it just isn't to be. Every word I speak brings on pain and breathing itself many times does as well, and breaths sometimes are hard to come by. The referred pain in my ear comes and goes, just as before when it all started. I thought I was getting use to the pain but then after speaking with Green, I think it is the pain patch that helps more than I know or give credit to. Having Loratabs today I did use them twice. I'm not as afraid of them like I am the Morphine.

  Denise and me ate at Shoneys in Dandridge where the ladies are just great, best service anywhere. It was good to see them again. We don't go there like we once did as I am trying to keep the weight down, I weighed in at 204.5lbs. I thought as I ate how at one time I couldn't swallow and while my swallowing has become more restrictive lately, I can still swallow most things I try to. Sometimes with a lot of liquid and I still get choked easily but at one time I couldn't even do that. In some ways I have come so far yet in other ways I have regressed.

  I start the treatments this week but these do not sound as bad as the other ones, we shall see. I took a moment to say high to the ladies in the Chemo Hut but I didn't get to say hi to the ladies at the Radiation Dept except for one. Charity saw that we were in the waiting room and came out to say hi and talk a bit. It was nice to see them all, especially since I wasn't being worked on, lol. If I don't make it through this it will not be from the lack of excellent work, even though there has been a mistake or two along the way.


 Nothing much happened today so we'll see what tomorrow holds, which is actually today as I write. It caught up with me and I got nothing much accomplished today. I'll be calling Panella today and see which way we are headed and request a scan on my throat. The pain has been intense today but I refrained from taking anything until now, when I awoke at 4am with intense pain. The fatigue has been unreal. The swelling in my throat has led to more difficulty in swallowing, that is also probably what has led to compromised breathing as well. I've began a few days ago using Ibuprofen which helps some I think along with Morphine when the pain gets too bad.

  Tomorrow, which is now today, I'll call Panella to see what besides Morphine I can take. I have 2 more patches left which I would love to come off of but we will see. It will be another week before I see Panella but this week I see Green. I'm sure that by now Panella has seen Rathfoot's report, Schindler has already received it. Thing is, Panella doesn't seen to read it like Schindler does. My voice gets a bit weaker each day from the swelling and dying of the cartilage in my throat. Now we see what failure is looking like.    

Saturday, April 10, 2010

04- 10- 10102

  We all kept busy but min wasn't a productive one. They.  actually done most of it of it. I will type more in maybe tomorrow.

Friday, April 9, 2010


  Another beautiful day again. As usual I started this morning out a mute and slowly got it to break up enough to semi speak. My voice was weak today but we got a laugh outta it. At Easy In Snooks said to hollar at Lisa to come ring me up that she was busy. I turned to look at her and smiled and she laughed and said to clap or make a noise or something, she forgot I couldn't yell. We all had a good laugh out of that one.

  I read tonight on Dr Mercola's site something I had forgotten. Curcumin has properties that reduced swelling, so I took a couple of capsules. I'm still careful with those. It was those, before this whole thing started, that I got choked on and exploded the veins in my face and eyes. Still, if they will slow down the swelling tonight it will have been worth it.

   I got my oxygen tank refilled today, not a script but a tank I used at the pet store back when I had it. It helps, maybe just mentally, when I breath it in at night and sometimes during the day when I feel I'm smothering. When the sun is down seems to be when my throat swells the worse. It seems that night is when many things happen. It was about 12 pm in 2005 when I had my heart attack. It was 5am when dad's stroke hit.

  I went visiting yard sales today, or at least 3 of them, mostly I just drove. I ended up having lunch with Denise then stopping by the office to check on and help mom. I ended up in a junkyard with Matt & Misty and ended the day with watching a Tv show, my kind of day. I am worn out. Tonight I hear the hissing in my right ear and I cannot for the life of me remember what Dr Rathfoot said about that.

 I've left off the blood thinners for the last few days until the bleeding stops. Tonight I have taken the Curcumin and Ibuprofen for swelling and breathed oxygen for about five to ten minutes. I have drank ice water and also have the biotene spray ready in case I wake up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth. I may try and sleep in the bed tonight. I usually end up there somehow, lol. Somehow I thought all this junk would be over by now, one way or the other. I probably shouldn't think so much, lol.

Thursday, April 8, 2010


  Just before bedtime...ok, after bedtime, lol. I finally broke and took some pain meds to ease it off enough to sleep. It's been a good day today despite the news, could have been worse and seen worse. There are small pieces of meat, scab... who knows, that comes up occasionally tonight. I believe I have gotten into poison ivy yesterday. I know that some of it isn't the NHL, it's weeping. I'll have to fix that tomorrow. I think its even in my eyes. Tonight, I'll sleep in that chair again. Breathing is easier that way.

  I did order some Graviola I found at Pure Prescriptions. This stuff works wonders, especially with Curcumin and high doses of Vitamin C to know cancer in the head. Now if I can just swallow them when they get here.   

04-08-2010 - Dr. Rathfoot Follow-Up

   I had a follow-up with Dr Rathfoot today, not quite what I expected or wanted to hear. I got to hear the word "rare" once again. A rare side effect from the radiation is that it can damage the cartilage in the voice box area. From what I understood it is hardening or dying from the radiation. He said that my throat was the worse he had saw it, including during the radiation. Due to the infections and swelling I have been bleeding and that is where the blood comes from in the mornings. During the day I keep the blood from collecting but at night, with drinking nothing, it accumulates. In the mornings, except this morning, I am completely mute until I get it broke loose.

  He is getting me set up for Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy at Saint Mary's Hospital. He said at least 2 weeks, maybe longer. He thinks that it should turn around by then but like us he would like to see a Cat Scan, there is a possibility of a new tumor under all the swelling. Both sides are swelled around the larynx very bad, he explained as he drew the swelled area on a pad that had a picture of the area. I would have to set in a room for about a hour each day which doesn't sound real bad.

    When we meet with Panella I will insist on the Cat Scan to know if this junk is back. I am glad that Rathfoot insists on keeping close tabs on his patients rather than waiting like Panella wanted. If we had done it Panella's way I'd be dead right now. I have completed my "bucket list" with the fridge, the last item to be done. More treatments would have to look awfully good to go any farther than I have already went, and that is doubtful. I know I will not and cannot go through another round like the last time. I kept my promise to Denise and fought and fought hard.

  The neuropathy though today has not been bad, it ha actually backed off a bit. While I think of it, if someone goes through this and notices a band on the fingernails that is also a side effect from the chemo. We learned that today. I don't think it is painful but you have to remember that this is coming from the man that closed his fingers in a door and tried to walk off, lol. It actually looks pretty wild.     

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

04-07-2010 Evening

I got a little busy today and I know I'll pay tomorrow but I sure did have fun today. I mowed our yard, mom's yard and tilled where the green beans are going. I'll do some other stuff there like Okra and whatever Denise doesn't want in her gardens. I did cheap though. I hooked the rotovator up to the tractors and took it out 5 feet at a time, it may be 6 but we'll say five just to be safe. Fixed the power steering on the tractor, installed a fan in Big Ugly, unloaded the rest of the sand for the grandkids, the Megan and me planted an apple and a cherry tree. Me and Denise carried the wrought iron table and chairs on the back porch.

   I couldn't help but remember so many memories wile doing mom & dad's yard, it took a little longer than it should. I miss him. 

  The vibration of both the tractor and riding lawnmower eased the neuropathy while I was riding but when I got off, another story. I was taking a break with National Geographic called to say they would not be using me this time but maybe next time. I think my voice and health may have played a part in their decision. She said maybe next month. That is really good though as it will allow me time to heal. The show will be called Beyond and Back and should be good. I'll be watching to see if any of my friends are on it, especially Lou.

  Tonight I am again tired. Slowly each day I get a little farther along. I've been getting into trouble for doing yet if I do get back up I must do so attempting. Today has been a no pain med day again. In part to where I remembered the sunblock on my neck the I took my shirt off, rolled it up, and used it as a scarf. It still swelled but not as bad and the pain is lower.

  Tonight has been quiet so far. Last night someone knocked at her door 3 times and then came back here. It was late but I was up fairly late but both were around the same time frame. I really don't think they got what they expected when I walked out with a Carbine rifle, so they decided to move on.  


  I thought I had posted last night but I see I didn't. It is so weird how this stuff effect the brain.  

I woke up this morning then went right back out...twice, lol. Yesterday they delivered the frige and it did fit through the door with some work. Two different guys plus the owner of the company. They worked hard to get it through.

 I stayed outside all but the time they delivered the fridge. I've started carrying a pad to help me remember what I wanted to do in my pocket. I think it's called Chemo Fog. Why I get the things that should have come in December or earlier I have no idea. One note I have left myself is to wear sunblock on my neck. I burnt it pretty bad yesterday and it swelled and throbbed, and still is this morning. The pain is pretty rough but not enough to warrant pain meds. It is local and isolated so I can ignore that if I am preoccupied.

 My neuropahthy was bad yesterday, and that was remembering to take my pills. I did however have to ride the bike to the hardware while they delivered the fridge because my driveway was block so I now know I can ride no matter how bad it is. The only thing would be my balance. I don't think my ignorance of jumping off the tractor helped any, lol. It felt like 120 volts went through each leg when I landed. I done that several times. There just isn't any easy way to dismount the tractor.

  I woke up this morning with the same film and pain that I do every morning but this time I noticed and watched what I spit up and hacked to get up. It is dried blood and some puss later. I'm not sure what the film in my mouth is but the stuff in my throat that prohibits me from speaking and causes a lot of pain is dried blood. I go to Rathfoot tomorrow and I hope he can see what is going on. Not that I really like a scope up my nose and down my throat but he numbs it, and I'm getting use to it. I keep remembering what Lone Wolf told Denise  many years ago, "Never say never rather say I'd rather not, we may just have to one day do what we said we would never do".

  I'll post later if something  


Monday, April 5, 2010


  I fell back asleep and slept late today after crashing early yesterday. I woke up rested about 10am and knowing that the new fridge was one it's way by 11:15, except it was 30 minutes late. I think they looked at the sidewalk and decided not, but they are to return, they're boss said, lol.

  My mouth has remained painfully dry and my voice strong then going weak and it is still difficult to swallow. The neuropathy went down today in pain on this beautiful day. I finished repairing Spot, actually I got serious and repaired Spot's IACV, now he purrs like a kitten. I worked some on Big Ugly's primer and painted part of the picnic table. The rest of the time was spent with Sears. I also got dad's front end aligned on his pick up while I was there. Helped mom on a Fannie Mae contract. In all the commotion I forgot to eat until tonight. That brings us to here... bedtime.  

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

  Happy Easter, what a beautiful day today. We didn't go to church this morning, I slept in. I don't remember many times being that tired and tonight is almost matching yesterday. I woke up in pain but went right back out, Denise said she tried to wake me with no success. Today has been a less painful day. The neuropathy let up a little and the throat, though feeling hot, didn't hurt enough to take anything. Days like today bring my hopes up.

  My balance has improve a bit but lacks a lot yet. The last 2-3 days have proven to be pretty hard to keep balanced and pretty painful . After we ate at mom's I came back home, I finished painting the 2 wrought iron towers she gave us last year plus the iron arbor, ran out and primed Big Ugly black. I still lack a little. It has bugged me wondering if I could ride again, so I finally figured what the heck. I backed the bike out and I rode! I really needed to know that I could. It will take some extra effort and focus but I rode it to town and it has lifted my hopes. Denise panicked a bit but knew I wouldn't listen. If if fell I knew it would crush me but stopping and starting is the only way that should happen. I used the same method as I walk, a stomping method, feeling the vibration in my legs. I did notice that the pain increases which turns out to be a blessing when riding. The new fridge comes tomorrow but the first pretty day they can get to it I'll take it to the Harley Shop and get the wheels balanced or at least checked and a tune up.

   Tonight the extreme fatigue is back though but even still, I am excited at the progress. Happy Easter...

Saturday, April 3, 2010


   Today I started with painkillers from the left side of my throat. I awoke about 6:30 then after about an hour went back to sleep. The rest of the day I tolerated the pain until tonight. Denise was off so I attempted to get some more stuff done but while the spirit was willing the flesh wasn't, I know understand that saying. Me and Megan did get the strawberries planted along with the cabbage. She enjoyed picking out the flowers and planting them in the baskets and planters, she done an excellent job.

   Later this evening we grilled, nothing fancy, just hot dogs and hamburgers along with carrots, asparagus (steamed), potatoes, and sweet onions. Matt, Misty, Josh, Brandon, Alex, Kaden, Megan, Denise, mom, Denise, and Annie. I done so-so, not use to the grill yet but I'm impressed with it. I forgot my sunblock again today. It was nice. By tonight through my energy just ran out and I fell asleep until now. We've still two trees to plant but I really want Megan, Josh, and Brandon to plant them. That is the on thing one can always look back on that remains other than memories.

  My saliva glands has tried to work today better yesterday. The neuropathy didn't give way today at all though. My breathing is slowly becoming impaired with the swelling, even a little blood spit out. I think tonight I'll sleep in a chair to see if that helps. Other than tonight, I've not eaten as much late at night as Kim has said to do. That has helped somewhat but the acid reflux is still breaking through. Tomorrow we just rest and enjoy in observation of Easter.  Happy Easter.

Megan is the far right doing her hanging baskets. 


Friday, April 2, 2010


  I've kept busy the last two days finishing what I'll call my Patio Grill area, lol. It is just 6x9, somewhere new to grill with the new grill. Yesterday I kept busy from the get go. Today, I had to keep hitting the starter button, lol. It's funny though how the definition of busy has changed. Tomorrow, if pretty, I hope to get the Strawberry plants planted and use the grill.

  I made it until last night not using the pain meds then ended up using them after a heated argument. It reminded me why I walk away and pay no attention usually. Predisome didn't do me any favors on keeping my mouth shut. The acid reflux went through the ceiling and I'm not sure why but lately it has been. I ate a Sausage, Egg, Cheese biscuit yesterday and that was it for the whole day. Food couldn't have played a part in the evening  beating my throat took. Lack of it? I have no idea. I woke up last night twice needing the Nitro too. The first time one dose took care of the problem, the second time I had to do two. I've been having some chest pressure and pain lately. I went back to sleep the second time still hurting a little. The flap thing swelled up again last night and the ability to swallow went down as well. I'm not even sure I wrote last night. Have you ever noticed that when night falls so does the level of feeling good? Breathing became a labor again so Denise found me in my chair asleep this morning.

  Dr Rathfoot's nurse called today to inform me that she had finally got the insurance company to approve a second acid reflux pill so now I am approved to take one in the morning and one at night. GURD may seem trivial to many, I know I didn't take mine seriously until now. After all the radiation it is extremely painful and damaging because the throat is already burnt up and attempting to heal. We went by Zaxby's and ate tonight and I didn't get a bite chewed up properly, just 5 teeth left on the bottom now. It felt like a dagger going down, so tonight I take Morphine yet again. It seems I take two steps up and one back... bt I'm at least one step better than I was.

  I wore sunblock today on my neck. It still hurt for the sun to shine on it, but that was a welcome pain. I took my shirt off and Megan noticed the "red places" that emerged. When we went to town I wore long sleeves so to hide the "red spots" on my arms too. For the most part I'm use to the stares but ever now and again its nice just to be looked at as normal, so I hide the places. People aren't afraid to touch you and that ever popular question of did you catch something and can I catch it doesn't have to be followed by no, its cancer and if you do catch it we'll both be rich, lol. At one time Megan said my neck was swollen and touched where it was, on the left side. It is so weird that it would be my left side, the side that hurts the most now, the opposite side the tumor was on. The neuropathy seems to intensify as the day goes on when I'm active. Tonight it rages and at the same time the CTCL itches on my back. I don't really want to go to four pills (2400mg) a day, I plan on riding the bike. We went by and saw Missy and Richards' bike they just traded for, a Vulcan 1500, black to boot. I have to get a little more strength built back and more balance we can ride. I can hold it up now though.

   This month I will see all three doctors and hopefully someone will order a CAT scan to see if it is all gone from my lymph nodes, I pray it is. When it was first discovered I would freak out waiting on an answer and over time I have learned to be patient. I really don't think I could handle anymore should it turn sour, then again, I swore I would not do it this time either, lol. Megan and me burnt one of the garden spots off and if it stays dry, I'll till it so we can get out the cabbage and onions.  We've also prepped for the strawberry plants I want desperately to get out. 

  But here we are tonight. I have conversed well because it doesn't hurt to talk. My fatigue is more that I can fight tonight so I am about to crash, provided that the dogs aren't barking at prowlers.