Sunday, March 2, 2014


  It has been a few days since mom's funeral, which was Friday. Mom is in Heaven now but it still hurts, especially at night when I would call. The day I can keep busy but even then it isn't without pain since it involves going through mom's stuff to try and find her Insurance papers, and make sure the food is gone. We gave the items that Hospice left behind to the Senior Center, got some Ensure too. In this world it leaves no time for grief, and that is sad. Mom made millions in her life yet died with debt where she gave most of it away, actually all of it. Bills have to be paid, which we can do for a while, but not forever. Mom looked at me the day before she died and asked why we worked all the time. Why did we buy all this stuff. Why didn't we slow down and enjoy each other more and appreciate what we had rather than working all the time to buy more. I don't know is about all I could come up with, well that, and we seemed to enjoy working all the time. I came to that realization the night I felt my heart beating out of my chest while I smothered and grew cold. I again went through that for almost a year while I fought once again for my life from the throat cancer and the medicine (aka Poison).

  At night I called her... every night. We would talk throughout the day on and off but at night at least once, usually more. I miss though brief calls. I remains strong so that the rest will and when I break I go off alone to do it. Megan has really taken it hard, she worked so hard to take care of mom. Funny, mom didn't have a lot to do with Megan when she was small, I guess she just didn't know how or was afraid of her with her hearing loss. She clung to Annie yet stayed at a distance to Megan, but dad didn't. Yet in the end it wasn't Annie who took care of mom it was Megan, Annie helped twice but Megan would not leave her side. Megan stayed the nights and the last week she wouldn't leave during the days either, and barely slept. Needless to say, she is sick physically too. I swear she sounds like she has Pneumonia too.

  Tomorrow I go for my blood work, a week late but the doctor should have it in time for Friday's appointment, he will just have to look it over a bit quicker. The creams seems to be helping with the patches of CTCL, the shampoo and stuff for the stress related infection on my scalp... not so much. I go soon to Rathfoot too for a follow-up.