I haven't published in quite a while, well, actually haven't written much lately. I've spent some time on Pintrest, making some pins and browsing. I've actually watched more TV than I usually do. I don't want to make that a habit but it kind of takes my mind off things somewhat, but that is what TV does. Usually when I hurt of think I work, only these days that don't work either. This last yeast infection has went on for weeks and I stay tired from the sleep apnea, or who knows, maybe the weight gain.
We put a garden out this year, but a small one, still bigger than last years which were just a few peppers and garlic. It got in the high 80s today and already that closed my throat off, so we shall see how this small one goes. With Misty and the kids gone, Annie gone, mom and dad gone... well there just isn't reason to put out a lot. Some of it may be depression, I catch myself starting to call mom at night and through the day, even catch myself heading up there. It all seems, well, strange and empty. Already I have people asking to buy this or that, God forgive me but I resent it. None of that stuff means nothing and yet I can't yet bring myself to touch it, save for the stuff the kids want and the stuff that could be needed by others that I gave to the Senior Center. I went by the Lawyer who is probating the estate today. I hired him for his honesty and intelligence, hopefully he will listen to what I intend on doing though. I get that sometimes, people mistake my niceness for weakness, by the time they figure out the two are very different it usually is a bit late.
So I went yesterday to get blood work ran, the blood work that I was suppose to have done before mom went down hill. I took Megan to have her blood work run for her Thyroid levels to be checked and Kim at Dr Schindler's office remembered and reminded me about it. Megan's had to be increased but mine aren't back in yet. Next month starts the follow-up visits and possible surgery. I will not turn the surgery down this time if it will get me off the Prednisone. I always fear getting another hole added in my throat when I awake, I do not fear not awakening.
Megan did get a job and she loves it. Gordon hired her to make sandwiches and stock at his store at Easy In Market. They have been good to her. Gordon talked with me before he hired her to make sure what I thought. He knew full on that Megan's hearing isn't good but he said he thought she could do the job, and I agreed. Megan has worked out great they said, she works hard, friendly, and learns fast. She now sees that the world isn't the same as it was in high school, where she was told what she couldn't do. She has discovered that out here she is no longer treated as an outcast or teased about her hearing. Megan finally sees what I always told her, nobody notices someone's deficits because we all have something we're lacking on. Most people are just trying to get from one day to the next as best they can.
We put a garden out this year, but a small one, still bigger than last years which were just a few peppers and garlic. It got in the high 80s today and already that closed my throat off, so we shall see how this small one goes. With Misty and the kids gone, Annie gone, mom and dad gone... well there just isn't reason to put out a lot. Some of it may be depression, I catch myself starting to call mom at night and through the day, even catch myself heading up there. It all seems, well, strange and empty. Already I have people asking to buy this or that, God forgive me but I resent it. None of that stuff means nothing and yet I can't yet bring myself to touch it, save for the stuff the kids want and the stuff that could be needed by others that I gave to the Senior Center. I went by the Lawyer who is probating the estate today. I hired him for his honesty and intelligence, hopefully he will listen to what I intend on doing though. I get that sometimes, people mistake my niceness for weakness, by the time they figure out the two are very different it usually is a bit late.
So I went yesterday to get blood work ran, the blood work that I was suppose to have done before mom went down hill. I took Megan to have her blood work run for her Thyroid levels to be checked and Kim at Dr Schindler's office remembered and reminded me about it. Megan's had to be increased but mine aren't back in yet. Next month starts the follow-up visits and possible surgery. I will not turn the surgery down this time if it will get me off the Prednisone. I always fear getting another hole added in my throat when I awake, I do not fear not awakening.
Megan did get a job and she loves it. Gordon hired her to make sandwiches and stock at his store at Easy In Market. They have been good to her. Gordon talked with me before he hired her to make sure what I thought. He knew full on that Megan's hearing isn't good but he said he thought she could do the job, and I agreed. Megan has worked out great they said, she works hard, friendly, and learns fast. She now sees that the world isn't the same as it was in high school, where she was told what she couldn't do. She has discovered that out here she is no longer treated as an outcast or teased about her hearing. Megan finally sees what I always told her, nobody notices someone's deficits because we all have something we're lacking on. Most people are just trying to get from one day to the next as best they can.
2 comments:
"Most people are just trying to get from one day to the next as best they can."
Very wise and very true, Anthony. Your experiences in life have given you excellent insight into the "human condition" as it were. You should be proud of yourself for the things you've done and actions you have taken since your heart attack those years ago.
It's obvious to all who read your blog that you do not fear death. It is, to be honest, refreshing to read and I for one and very glad to hear it.
That being said, and if I may say so, the passing of your mother (justifiably of course) seems to have really taken a great toll on you. And while that is VERY understandable, please remember the good you still give. You have a wonderful family, and you have readers like myself who, while we may not comment on every post, take great happiness from reading your blog.
Like always, I will pray for you and your family Anthony. Not because I think you are "down" or sad, but because God has given you a gift of wisdom through hardship; and I for one am grateful. While your hardships, undoubtedly, are extremely difficult to live with at times, it has made you who you are. Someone, as I said before, you should be very proud of.
Thanks David for the kind words and prayers. I cannot take credit for any strengths I may appear to have, nor wisdom, to that I must give God all the credit. I use to look at the "Footprints in the Sand" picture and poem and thought how nice. What I had not thought is that the person is so weak and tired that Jesus carries them because they needed to be carried for a while. I have learned much but of all I have learned nothing is as important as knowing we never have to walk alone.
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