Today I had a follow-up with Dr Rathfoot, just a regular one, yet different. He explained from the Radiation damage is the throat was suppose to be one inch in diameter, the scar tissue makes it about a half an inch, or roughly 1/2 the size opening it should be. He wants me to double the dosage of Prednisone until we get back to where we were before the surgery then surgery will have to be done again. How long is anybody's guess. He said the main goal was to not open my throat up with a Trach. I said that sounded good. I set limits as to what I would and would not do and that is beyond what I am willing to do, but I remained silent. Meanwhile Roxie, our house dog undergoes surgery for cancer.
Call it weird or whatever, I seldom actually look into someone's eyes, though I will appear to. I think in part why I seldom go into crowds. I feel whatever they feel, maybe not to a exact extent, but close. Rathfoot's nurse had told us not to mention his wife's passing, that it caused him great pain and that someone did and he went to pieces. I got use to looking in his eyes, such kindness, compassion, and hope, so I mistakenly looked as he entered. All the good qualities are still there, but there is so very much pain. He has a necklace on that had a cross and what looked to be his wife's wedding ban on. We knew about his wife but not that his mom had passed just 2 weeks prior. I know I still miss mom after months, I could not imagine missing her and Denise. I talk a lot and I talk even more when I am trying not to say something, so I had diarrhea of the mouth. Looking over Denise 's eyes were teared up and she talked more than usual too. Neither she nor I wanted to cause any more pain for him. Those who read this please keep him and their children in your prayers.
I know at one time he read some of these posts, in time this is just for you:
We didn't know your wife but we do, in a way know you. I looked into your eyes from the very beginning and saw nothing but good, and that would not be so without you were with someone good. My heart has broken for you and your family, yet I have no idea what words would make it better. All I can say is in time it will be better, never completely healed, but better. No, it isn't fair for those who have been left behind to heal, but to the one taken it is a blessing. It doesn't seem fair that good people die while other good people suffer. I use to wonder why we called it death yet Jesus called it life. The body dies but with that body all pain and suffering does too. All the trials and tribulations are dead. It is then when real life starts, life free of those afflictions be they physical, mental, emotional that holds these spirits in bondage. Here up can seem like down and down up, yet there all things are known, all things are clear, protected from all harm. We are free.
We are here just as long as need be to accomplish what we were created for, and then return home. I do not believe that those of faith ever leave without accomplishing God's purpose. We may take upon ourselves other purposes that may or may not be accomplished, yet His purpose is. That we leave and are missed, shows we have fulfilled what Jesus said to do, live in truth and love. That we have lived it well and complete, and knowing there are no good-byes. If we have those people 100 years it would still not be enough. It always hurts to see those go before us, and that in our sufferings they might be lifted up to those who knew them not. That in our sufferings we can make His Light shine out of our darkest days so others may see and wish to know Whom it is we serve, and how to they can find what we have. Anybody can be happy when all goes well and all is well. This is what I believe.
Where she is now no bad can ever approach her, no harm can befall her. No questions are left unanswered. Imagine your best day, you best moment of that day, and it would be only a drop in the ocean to what it is like there. Nothing hidden and all in the light for all to see. Nothing negative period. No sadness, no sorrow, no guilt. No hunger, no thirst, no needs, no wants. No blemishes, no sins, no fatigue, no wars, no sense of time. A place where you know everybody and everybody knows you, and you welcome and are welcomed by all. Everything is perfect, everything. This is what I know.
If I can ever help you or your family in any way just ask. In the meanwhile you all are still in our prayers each night.
Call it weird or whatever, I seldom actually look into someone's eyes, though I will appear to. I think in part why I seldom go into crowds. I feel whatever they feel, maybe not to a exact extent, but close. Rathfoot's nurse had told us not to mention his wife's passing, that it caused him great pain and that someone did and he went to pieces. I got use to looking in his eyes, such kindness, compassion, and hope, so I mistakenly looked as he entered. All the good qualities are still there, but there is so very much pain. He has a necklace on that had a cross and what looked to be his wife's wedding ban on. We knew about his wife but not that his mom had passed just 2 weeks prior. I know I still miss mom after months, I could not imagine missing her and Denise. I talk a lot and I talk even more when I am trying not to say something, so I had diarrhea of the mouth. Looking over Denise 's eyes were teared up and she talked more than usual too. Neither she nor I wanted to cause any more pain for him. Those who read this please keep him and their children in your prayers.
I know at one time he read some of these posts, in time this is just for you:
We didn't know your wife but we do, in a way know you. I looked into your eyes from the very beginning and saw nothing but good, and that would not be so without you were with someone good. My heart has broken for you and your family, yet I have no idea what words would make it better. All I can say is in time it will be better, never completely healed, but better. No, it isn't fair for those who have been left behind to heal, but to the one taken it is a blessing. It doesn't seem fair that good people die while other good people suffer. I use to wonder why we called it death yet Jesus called it life. The body dies but with that body all pain and suffering does too. All the trials and tribulations are dead. It is then when real life starts, life free of those afflictions be they physical, mental, emotional that holds these spirits in bondage. Here up can seem like down and down up, yet there all things are known, all things are clear, protected from all harm. We are free.
We are here just as long as need be to accomplish what we were created for, and then return home. I do not believe that those of faith ever leave without accomplishing God's purpose. We may take upon ourselves other purposes that may or may not be accomplished, yet His purpose is. That we leave and are missed, shows we have fulfilled what Jesus said to do, live in truth and love. That we have lived it well and complete, and knowing there are no good-byes. If we have those people 100 years it would still not be enough. It always hurts to see those go before us, and that in our sufferings they might be lifted up to those who knew them not. That in our sufferings we can make His Light shine out of our darkest days so others may see and wish to know Whom it is we serve, and how to they can find what we have. Anybody can be happy when all goes well and all is well. This is what I believe.
Where she is now no bad can ever approach her, no harm can befall her. No questions are left unanswered. Imagine your best day, you best moment of that day, and it would be only a drop in the ocean to what it is like there. Nothing hidden and all in the light for all to see. Nothing negative period. No sadness, no sorrow, no guilt. No hunger, no thirst, no needs, no wants. No blemishes, no sins, no fatigue, no wars, no sense of time. A place where you know everybody and everybody knows you, and you welcome and are welcomed by all. Everything is perfect, everything. This is what I know.
If I can ever help you or your family in any way just ask. In the meanwhile you all are still in our prayers each night.
1 comment:
Beautifully written. Dr. Rathfoot will absolutely be in my prayers.
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