09-26-2014

  Since the throat surgery it has done better, then again I haven't went out in the heat like I usually do, then again I haven't done a lot of things like I usually do.

  We got a letter in from Dr Bushkell at UT who talked with Dr Zic at Vanderbilt and updated us on what went on. As long as my Non Hodgkins isn't causing tumors, painful plaques, or hits an organ, we continue with the meds he has done. I'm good with what we're doing and what we're not. I know that eventually things will change but until they do we will not cross that bridge. It is one of those inevitable things where you know what is coming, see it coming, but are powerless to stop it, and I'm good with that. A lot of things may beat it here, including old age.

  I broke down and finally got Denise to get me an appointment with Deb to have my heart checked. I usually try and avoid doing that but perhaps I should have done that a long time ago. For that matter probably should have done my check-ups, lol. I've started carrying my nitro with me, something I usually don't do. Denise worked me up and honestly I probably haven't been completely honest with her on all my symptoms, but today I got close. So I went for what seemed to be a check-up that begot more tests.

  My BP was just a tad off, nothing to be concerned with. They done an EKG, which I have no idea how that went. Deb checked me then said I needed a heart cath. I talked her down to a stress test, and all looked good except she wanted a thing done, like the do pregnant women, of my heart. My injection/fraction or whatever thats called was good. I had resolved myself to it being the extra weight I've put on, then it kind of went ploop. Some be name thing so I asked Denise to clarify it. It seems my heart is missing beats every now and then or something with the beats. So we do a stress test next week and she said that will probably lead to a heart cath. Seems Rama had come in and looked at the results and talked with Deb and they see something that needs looked into a bit more. I'd like to say I'm shocked, but that would be a lie. Lately seems more familiar than I'd like, seems like I had these symptoms in 2004 leading up to my heart attack in 2005.

I think the longest intense pain I ever experienced was the cancer treatments, but the most pain at any given time would go to the heart attack. I actually don't want to experience either of those again. 

08-12-2014

Happy 22nd Birthday

Megan Kimmae`.

07-14-2014

  I had a follow-up with Dr. Rathfoot today, he was back this week and the doctor last week thought he would want to see me. It went really well I thought. I lost 2 lbs in a week, probably gained that back eating at Cheddars. Me, Denise, and Megan all went down but Megan stayed in the waiting area, she don't like watching the scope go in my nose, lol.

  He said I would probably always have swelling on those whatever they're called things and the left side is scared from the Tumor and the Radiation, but no evidence of cancer... thank you God. I'll have to probably have to have those injections and maybe even stretching every 6 months to a year, but they are still working on getting a machine where I won't have to be put to sleep. I'll always have to watch small things like small pills or rice, but also things that are larger, things too liquidity or things too dry. It has to be just right. This is the first time he said I have my whole throat to swallow. Now for the great news, I get to come down to 5mg of Prednisone a day!!! Tonight I started that right away.

  The yeast infections will continue it appears, am at the tail end of one right now. With the lower dose though it looks as if they won't be as frequent. Now I am going to drop some weight and try and get this sugar back in line. I know I will never be what I once was but perhaps I can be a little more than I am now. He said the muscle spasms in my neck were getting older. Strange they start now and I've never know anybody to have them.

  We had fun today. We stopped at McCays Books in Knoxville where Denise found several books she had been wanting for a while. Megan even found her some, or at least one book. It is on the Great Depression and I think I know why she wanted it. Mom had talked with Megan about growing up in the depression and she would always break down in tears. That may have been what drove mom to work as she did, they grew up with practically nothing, what little they had was taken from them when the TVA Dam project took their farm. For quite a few years mom and dad were middle to even upper six figures, yet she died with little. She couldn't enjoy without those around her had, her last doctor's visit even making me stop by the roadside to give her last 10.00 to a man holding a sign saying he and his family were hungry. I wasn't surprised, I'd seen her doing stuff like that all my life. I didn't find any books but then again what I read or use as something to reference is seldom found in a used book store, or even a new one. 

  We ate at Cheddars, well, most of it. We were full so we brought back the fish the batter wasn't cooked on and gave it to the cats. What they did cook all the way was good though. Then we hit Costco up and then went to Sams, we have membership to both but if ever Costco gets the dog food and dog bones we feed in, we will only keep Costco. Then finally back home. We've thunder and lightening all around, but no rain yet. That would make it a perfect in to a good day. 



  

07-08-2014

   This is the first time I have celebrated my birthday without mom, Misty, Annie, Matt, and the grand-kids. It was kind of strange, actually sad in many ways. Of the original crew here only me and Mark remain now, all the others have gone home. So this evening me, Denise, and Megan had the cake. I am thankful and blessed to have them here with me. Tina and Charlie stopped in and brought me a present and cards, but they had to get back home, a storm was coming.

  They told me of Charlie's check-up, it has been 3 years since his throat cancer was treated. This one didn't go so well, they have found a spot that don't look good. They will treat him with antibiotics for 3 weeks then recheck, but they think it may be back. I know he is worried, the eyes cannot hide what the truth is, despite what the voice says.

  But tonight, as I lay down and as I do each night I make my peace with God, thanking Him for the blessing He has given me. I have 3 excellent girls that are now excellent women, except I still see them as my little girls. The have excellent guys or men now to partner with, all except Megan. I have 4 excellent grand-kids, each of them are smart and good kids. They say you reap what you sow, thank God I didn't for I never was as good a kid as they were. I thank God for Denise, who has taught me that there is such a thing as a better half. I certainly didn't deserve her either.

  Most people wonder why I smile and I tell you I smile no matter the pain. I have seen Hell on earth at times, days that never end, yet eventually they did. I lay down many nights and I'm not sure if I will awake. That has become a way of life now, the new normal. But I smile. I smile because if it all ends today, I have been blessed to have lived in the company of great people. I smile because I awake each morning and thank Him for another good day, just as I thank Him for a good day each night. Often during the day I have to take time to say thank you. Though storms may come and linger, do damage sometimes, they do pass. One way or the other they pass, for nothing is forever here on earth, neither good nor bad. Each day though something good can be found in even the worse of days. Sometimes it is hard to find, yet something is there. Meanwhile one need only to look and one will see, that He has surrounded us with the cream of the crop of ones around us. I smile because I am thankful for sharing this world with great people, and have memories of ones great that I have been allowed in the company of.

  

07-01-2014

Happy Birthday Misty   

 

I won't mention 35. Oooppps 

06-23-2014 Update

  Still sore but I think mostly it is from the yeast infection in my throat again. I hope this surgery will do away with the Prednisone, at least until I need it done again. I stayed in again today, it was hot and I'm still a bit down, maybe by tomorrow it will be better. I got the stuff filled for the yeast to be worked on too, well, actually Denise got it.

  I called Dr Bushkell and got the meds he prescribed refilled for the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma to give me some peace at night. It actually seems to work and help a lot. I then debated all day if I should call Rathfoot's office, I know he is off this week, and ask about the pain med. The nurse was nice and I explained that I couldn't do the liquid stuff, it has ate my mouth and gums out. I'm not sure why, I used that when the throat cancer first started in 09 with no problem, but I guess things change. I made it this long though with very little for pain so I almost didn't call. I'm glad I did, took a pill and that was the first relief I've had since the surgery. I explained that if they thought it best not to prescribe a pill it was ok too, no big deal. I've seen and lived through much worse pain.

  I expect maybe one more day, course I always say that, just one more day, lol. I learned that a long time ago, never look at how far you have to go, take it in sections, one piece at a time. Baby steps are still steps and steps are still moving forward. As the Bible says, deal with today, live in today and let tomorrow worry for itself, plenty of things today.

  Meanwhile, man have I ever went nuts. I could have watched TV... nope. I could have written some more on the book.... nope. Instead I ordered 2 new type of Bamboo, 2 types of Banana plants, and Denise a Palm and bush. They're all small and cheap but now I wonder what I was thinking, or even if I was thinking, lol. I fried us some Potatoes and Onions tonight, seasoned with herbs. I done ok, Denise loved it. Normally I'm restricted to cooking outside, except when I bake us some bread. I need to get back doing that, having baked any since I almost cut my fingers off.

  So tonight, I'm up and feeling good, or at least not much pain. I should sleep well, especially since I got to go back taking the Relaflen (Arthritis Meds). Denise wouldn't let me take Celebrex, which is what I was taking when I had my heart attack in 2005. They sent me a check from their "settlement", but I didn't cash it. I knew the risks. Once again I get to say thank you in my prayers, but that is every night.      

06-21-2014 The Day After

   Surgery went well, Dr Rathfoot and St Mary's on Broadway done excellent, but we knew they would. I was kind of out of it for a while, a little painful but nothing major. Last night though I got no sleep at all, upset stomach and acid reflux, so I ended up staying up all night long. I'm not sure if it was the anesthesia or pain medicine. A very long night. Probably going in the garden and picking Cucumbers wasn't real smart, I get tough and stupid confused sometimes, lol.

   I had set my sights on a Lodge Cast Iron WOK and after Denise took Megan to work, I pestered her to take me to Sevierville. I'm not suppose to drive for a few days, actually suppose to do what I ended op doing... nothing. My mouth and gums are extremely sore, inside my lips are too. I guess they must have had a chock to hold my mouth open. Throat is raw and tender. My first time taking all my meds again ended up with 1 pill went up the flap in my nose and the other stuck right where it don't need to be, but I got them both back up and swallowed, thats all that counts.

  I took my teeth out early, too painful to leave them in and I hate the pain meds. only used it twice so far today, thats 2 times more than I thought. My breathing is so much better but my swallowing is worse, but that will change in time. He got his first look into the deep and saw no cancer. Rathfoot injected those things and I guess wherever I needed it the Kenna-log (spelling ?). Then he done what he talked about doing, stretched my throat.

  I passed on this surgery last year, averting it until winter but then mom got sick, so it had to wait. With Denise working it was mostly me and Megan caring for her. I still hold to my belief that I should be the last person on my list I think of, it seems to give life meaning. He said that this should last for 6 months to a year before we do this again. Sometimes there ain't no easy fix, and sometimes there ain't not actual fix. I have learned that time and time again, and I say amen, I will work with what I am given as long as I am given. God is great, He has surrounded me with great people and at the same time never left me. I am thankful.

Now for a picture Denise snapped of me chilling out with a Coke, yea I know, Coke is bad. :) I still smile, even though I was stoned and fresh out of surgery.