02-26-2010

  Went to the check-up with Panella today. We talked quit extensively which was good. With a light and a tongue depressor he visually looked into my throat and saw a lot of damage from the radiation. He wasn't able to go into my throat like Dr Rathfoot did so he didn't see the infection. He thought most of it will reverse in 3-6 months and most of the other side effects from the chemo in the next two to three months. White and Red blood cells are within normal range as were all the ones the tested for.
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   We discussed the Neuropathy in my hands and especially my feet. I told him the Dr Rathfoot had already given me medicine to help with that and discussed some of its side effects. The side effect so far was exactly as Dr Rathfoot had described, loss of balance. I think I'm dealing with that though pretty well so far. Dr Panella said unless it is bad that he usually does not prescribe anything and that pain killers have little effect on the pain. That part I knew. I think my request was misunderstood the other day and that is why I got Loratabs instead of the medicine I needed. Today there is still a lot of pain in my feet but its manageable. the balance loss is like learning to walk again but I've been there before with the Pernicious Anemia at the start. With some effort, I can do this again. I'll up my shots of B-12 to two, maybe three a week and the sub-lingual B vitamins twice a day. I know you urinate out the B-12 you don't need but I have to check on the other B vitamins. I don't want to cause any more damage to my system.     

  He discussed the main game plan to get rid of the patch which was to drop to 25mg for a week then stop all together. Hopefully that will work without withdraw symptoms, if not, I have some Loratabs and a few Endocets that should stop that from happening. I'm hoping Kim reads this and gives me her opinion which I value a lot. We then end all pills, maybe even the one for neuropathy within the next couple of months. The one that helps with the anxiety attacks Denise said was habit forming. Dr Panella said it was part a side effect of the chemo and part the way I am, type A, lol. He suggested that I walk it off or dig a ditch or anything to ward them off and that I probably would have had them before this had I not kept busy. I really don't want and fear becoming a pill head. We discussed this at the beginning and Panella knows and respects that and I believe he will see to it that doesn't happen.  

  In about 3 months and again in six months he expects my thyroid to quit and they will be watching for that. I didn't tell him that we already had one test run which came out good. That was one of the sacrifices that is made and a small one at that. They couldn't kill the tumor without hitting and killing the thyroid gland. That should be a pill that manages the loss, no big deal compared to buying a casket.

  When we got there I went into the bathroom, I drink lots of water these days, lol. I heard a woman crying in the stall next to where I was which was kind of weird. I even looked around to make sure I hadn't walked into the wrong bathroom. I heard her murmuring in a low tone but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I think there was someone else in there with her. I started once to ask if she was ok, but something inside said not to, she just needed some time either to herself or whoever she was with. She sounded so sad and pitiful, I still question as to whether I should have or shouldn't have. I watched as people came in but nobody with signs of crying came in the waiting room so she must have been leaving. You don't see that a lot in there. You see a lot of worry, fear, confusion, and sometimes anger that is usually hidden with a smile or a straight face.