Friday, February 26, 2010

Thinking Out Loud - rambling

  The waiting room was full today. I read somewhere last year the odds of getting cancer are now one in one and went on to say that if you live long enough you will have some type or form of cancer. I have two types. Denise told me of a man that had the exact same kind as I have in in the same location as I have only a little larger tumor than I had and an age difference of about 10 years. Its funny, but when people know that someone close has cancer they seek out and find someone else. I asked her last night how the man was, if she had heard anything. Whoever told her had said he died before the treatments started. The man was to do the same treatment and they put a feeding tube in. Before they could start his treatment though, he died. She didn't tell me while I was doing treatments because of the harshness of what I had to take. I thought, here I am griping about the side effects yet this man never got the chance to grip about them. A very humbling experience.

  I don't know why God allows this or how He chooses who to bring home and who leave here. I have no idea at all. I know it has changed me and I think those close to me, I hope for the better. I have always said that I would love to make a difference in the world even if it costs my life. Those words are shallow when the storm comes, easier said than done. As an old Indian Chief once said, "Its easy to be brave from a distance", and so it is. We enter into this life knowing that it is only temporary at best. Sometimes people cloud our vision and make us think that this life is all there is and is the most important thing. We catch phrases like "Just Do It", "Go ahead, You deserve it", and Why me. Mostly though we hear this from cruel corporations just trying to make a sale. Hitler once said that through repetition people can be made to believe anything and that if you lie big enough and long enough people will believe it. Now that is not his exact words but it is what he said and in effect what is taught through media and even now the schools.  This was so important to the ones that rule that in 1959 (I believe, but check for yourself), six million dollars was spent to erase the old religions out of the science books and replaced by a new religion, evolution. I call evolution a religion because nobody has ever actually seen it take place nor is there evidence to support it. School books have many, many errors that they say they can't fix because it would cost to much to amend it. Yet back then, they spent a fortune?  

  This life was never promised to be easy and God knows I pray I don't get what I deserve because I'm just thinking that it will not be anything that can be bought or that is good. As long as we are suckered into believing that life is here and now and that this is all there is, we are at a loss. We judge how good we are by looking at other people, then grade on a curb scale to see where we are using the curb to gain position, but in who's eyes.I tell my children that when we have to compare ourselves to another human, we have already lost. When we have to break down someone else to feel superior we are actually inferior. Bullies are usually nothing more than scared cowards that have a low self esteem. It is so easy to point at someone who has fallen, the real test is can you help them back up.

  The Cherokee said that the day is not guaranteed but granted and one day we will have to account for how we spent the time God allowed us here on earth. Again, not verbatim but the essence of what was told. I can see how younger people today are mislead by the science books which teach evolution, that man was a mistake. Given that being taught it is no wonder so many people are astray. They have no purpose and therefore what they do within reason doesn't matter. As a Christian I sometimes take a slap from those "more learned" than I yet I ask one simple question. If believing is so stupid and not believing is so the world a better place than it was? Are people better than they were? I think anybody with any rationality would say no, we are not better off than we were. We have more conveniences than they did before but we have become dependent and should these conveniences be suddenly taken away, we would probably not live too long. Jesus teaches that we are not mistakes but purposely created by God and that what we do does matter. So those of us that grew up in a time of correct teaching should know better. True that we answer to God who never changes but remains the same but unbelievers answer to the world run by men that change more than the weather.

  So why does God allow suffering? I have no idea but what I do know is that I have yet to see nothing good come out of something bad, there is always something good even in the worse situation. There is a small elite group that you are indoctrinated to with a life ending or life changing disease. Those of us with cancer for instance speak more openly to those who share our disease than even the closest family. Those of us who have had a heart attack speak more frankly with others who have had a heart attack. These are clubs that most, including myself, would not have willing joined. Occasionally there are those that have big mouths and openly share with the nonmembers, knowing that they can not explain what they are going through, but are willing to try. Most of us know that this life isn't forever and what comes next is worth whatever price.

  Sometimes I think we have been brainwashed to think that we ourselves are the most important thing, and I include myself in this group. I have endured some pretty bad things in my life but I never endure them alone. Its sad to think that some walk alone when they don't have to, God is always there, all you have to do is open the lines of communication. I had a doctor once that I said, "Thank God" when I received the good news that they could and have fixed and his response was, "I think the doctors had a hand in it." I smiled and looked at him and said, "True...but there are many doctors that do this but God led me to you who He granted the knowledge to help me." I got the strangest look, he pondered for a moment and replied, "I hadn't thought of it that way." That was a long time ago but I'm told the doctor definitely looked at life differently. It could have been the purpose I was created for or it could have been that God used a bad thing to make a good thing. Either way, does it really matter in the grand scheme.

  Our children spend more waking hours in the schools than with their parents. It makes it hard to compete and then add TV and we have lost even more ground. Yes, we are guilty of that too. For those who have broken the TV addiction they have Internet, something that is my Achilles Heal. In India for instance they wanted to lower the birth rate. This is going on now. They looked at how China handled the problem and it wasn't acceptable. The world might revolt against them. So they went with TV to occupy their time, they knew that would distract people. TV is so important that try and spell TV without capitol letters and an error showing that it is to be capitalized appears.

  I believe that it is important to fight back to live. Equally important is having faith that you are not battling alone. That God is not only there but He has surround you with family and friends, and that should you falter and lose the battle you still win the war. Just as He doesn't give up, neither should we. This physical life is just that... life. Living can come later when this physical battle ends, but that is not our choice to make. What we chose to do with our time that is granted however is, and we will account for that one day. Lets just hope that God judges us less harshly than we do our fellow person. In the end that is all we have and all we are. Our deeds and faith.

Ramble over....

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