Sunday, April 3, 2011


  I haven't been on much lately. This computer is like me, slightly challenged at times and a bit outdated. :) Matt fixed it enough to get me by and even went one step more, talked me out of buying another one. I thought oh great, another thing popped up. Between a beginning of tests and doctor visits with meeting a deductible again, the flood damaging the fences and even worse, the foundation, driveway, medications, teeth, we watch what we spend. He gave me a board, suggested we use the old case, then looked on Ebay and other places for the right components to build one that I normally couldn't afford pretty dang cheap. The parts are ordered and he will put it together when they get here. We were up until 1:11am last night and he worked on it until 3am the night before. I knew Matt was smart on this stuff, especially after getting certified, but I guess I didn't know just how smart. I've got a degree in electronics repair from 1982 but got behind on all the technology. He memorizes all this stuff like Denise does medications. How I have no idea, I ran off the other day and had to come back to get my teeth, lol. I never thought I'd say that. :)

  So today me and Matt went to Office Max and he got some card stock to make him some cards. He is going to open a computer repair business in the office where mom has American Homes and Realty here in town. Matt is smart but also kind hearted, so I think he will do good. I think it will be great. Mom and him will be there to keep each other company, I know since I left she gets lonely up there. She doesn't have a lot of down time but after dad's passing, with dad not coming in and out and me gone, I know she likes company. He still isn't sure what he will call it, but I think he will do fine. Matt also fixed Denise's heater on her car.

  I done a boo-boo again and even a few people noticed the swelling. I think maybe I am eating some stuff I shouldn't since I have the teeth. Tomorrow Dr. Steltzman will adjust them. They are tight but get a little bit of food under in a few spots. My gums are a bit sore in places and I've not been wearing them when I'm home unless I'm eating. I think I know why horses don't like bridles now, lol. I'll get use to them though over time. A lot of times already I don't notice they are in there. I have some saliva glands at least trying to work. Funny, it's been so long I get chocked a lot of times from having spit. I still have to carry liquid with me but can go longer without it.

  I rode the bike around the block myself and up town. I'm still not quite back up to snuff yet and in part it was to see how I did. Not that I would want to wreck, but I don't want to endanger Denise. I done good but just a little more I think.

  My new scans are this month, so hopefully they will show all clear. I've thought about that a lot lately. Either way, I think I will have won. I use to say I wouldn't go this far for treatments but it has been well worth all the Hell I went through to have just a bit more time. Translated that is an endorsement for fight and seek help.

  Charlie is coming to terms with his and he has tests that start this month too. At first he seemed defeated and that worried me, but now he is ready to fight. I've given him some of those lectures he gave me. I think for those who first hear the word cancer, or that something can't be cured, it is a shock. That is natural. The first time I hear that was Pernicious Anemia. We were the same way. It's about the same grieving process as death or divorce. His worries and fears are the same as mine were about getting choked in public. It's not that one will die from aspiration, it's the embarrassment of being in public. Like I told him though, after a while one learns to quietly dislodge the stuff and control the panic. Funny what a person can get use to and overcome. Normal is just a term that allows for adjustment.



Kimberly said...

Laughing at you for forgetting your teeth :) thanks for being so transparent and real.

David said...

Great post, Anthony. Especially loved your last few sentences.

I also completely agree with what you mentioned. No matter what you have won a great victory. You are enjoying every moment of your life. That is more than many of us can say that we do. :)

Keep us updated and congrats on the upcoming semi-new computer!

Angelia said...

Anthony, I just saw your "I Survived ...Beyond and Back". Literally, I turned the dvr off less than five minutes ago. I am not often moved to write to people, but something you said connected with me. You said that you know you survived for a reason, that there was something you were supposed to do. I want you to know that you have done something. I've made mistakes in my life. Some big, some small. I've sinned in ways that I believed I could never be forgiven. For some reason, despite my deep faith, I couldn't forgive myself and therefore believed God could also not forgive me. But then I heard your story and you talked about how you knew you were forgiven. I have never heard a survivor say that before. I needed to hear someone say it. Thank you. Thank you for your story and thank you for reminding me that His plan for us is so much more than we could ever imagine and that He loves us when we can't even love ourselves.

anthony7 said...

Angelia, I'm honored and humbled that my story has helped you and made a connection with it. I think, from what you said, that we have a few things in common. I have a few things that I've told only a select 2 or 3 that I've done that I thought were unforgivable. To date I still haven't forgiven myself for them, but God did. It's funny but not only does He forgive them they are wiped clean. The feeling one has when in His presence is nothing short of... well, actually there isn't a word for it. I'll say perfect though for lack of a better word. He heals all wounds and makes us new again. Funny, all I had to do is ask, which applies to any of us.

I thought over time about that. If I, being imperfect here in this world, can love my kids no matter what they say or do, the how much greater is He than I, for He is perfect. I got good kids though. Perhaps I could be more accurate saying that about my parents loving me. A bit better analogy. You are going to be good. If He would accept me then you will have no problem.

anthony7 said...

Kim, what can I say, lol. I done about the same tonight. Denise made this crispy chicken, has sweet crispy onions on it. Those little red potatoes that she bakes in and however they are done. Me and Megan were both tickled. I fixed my plate, sat down, then remembered that I needed my teeth again. :)

David, Thanks. Funny, it took all of this to start actually living. I'm not sure how that works, but thank God it does. I now see that if had my life gone smooth, I would have one day died without ever living. I got the parts on the way and will keep you all posted. Can't wait. Me and Matt are heading to Knoxville hopefully tomorrow to swap the video board and to check some place that repair guys go and buy computers. He wants to get one if they have any to fix and sell. He is nervous, anxious, and positive to get started with his own repair place. God love him, I see some of me in him, thank God not all of me though, lol.