Sunday, July 31, 2011


We just kind of hung out today, I seemed to have found something that I'm allergic to in the garden. I'll take it that it's still there as I keep having reactions to it. :) I stayed inside until I can heal up in my eyes, throat, and whatever the blood thing is.

We went to UT and saw Charlie. His immunity is building slowly but things aren't too good. It seems he has all but given up. Its been a week since he ate, he is still bleeding in his throat. We discussed maybe he should get a feeding tube, actually I guess I discussed he should have one. It seems strange since I fought against it and didn't have one, but things are different for different people.

He said that even water hurts, I remember that all too well. Room temperature water hurts less than cold or warm. He spit up some more blood while we were in there. He has just 16 more radiation treatments to go, but that stuff keeps working for a week or two past the treatment. For now he is on vacation from it.

There comes a point in time that dying is easier than living. I cannot fault him for wanting to toss in the towel, but hopefully he will change his mind and fight. Most people can't relate to that and I pray that they never will be able too. When the battle goes so long and we wear down, it looks as if there is no end, dying becomes easier than living. Unless one has been there no amount of reading and studying, no amount of observation, no amount of anything short of actual experience can explain this.

I wish he would use the pain meds to their fullest extent. I think he is even more afraid of them than I was. I tried to remain positive, empathic yet strong. Right now he feels like he is the only person who knows this pain, and while that isn't correct, I think that goes along with it. I did that too. He is living Hell on Earth right now and it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Had I not promised Denise I'd fight, had my family and friends, and this blog, who knows. It is only by the Grace of God that we go. He looked tired in his eyes and one could see the pain.

Meanwhile William is in the hospital as well. Seems he decided that he would not take the meds for his Diabetes. I talked with him today and maybe tomorrow he will get to come home. I fussed at him for that one.

I've a list of things to do tomorrow, Megan says she will help. I kind of wimped out towards the end of the week. Denise looked at the beans in the garden and decided maybe just a few more, so I need to add that. We walked back to take another glimpse at the roof. Man it looks great. Actually I think the best it has ever looked. Thanks to Pete and his crew, a big thanks.

So tonight say a prayer for Charlie to fight. He is over half way there but I know he can't see the finish line from where he is. So pray for him to see it and fight.


CourtneyC said...

I'm sorry for Charlie. I will pray for him now as I lay down to sleep and give thanks for all I have.

Just read "heaven is for Real" by that little boy who went to heaven and his parents wrote a book about what all he said about it. It was a good read. I'd suggest it to anybody.

I am sorry to hear all the trials you have had lately, but you talk in equal measure of the good stuff of life rolling your way everyday...glad you like the roof repair, and I think you and Denise will have beans right up till the rapture with this crop she's canning!

anthony7 said...

Thanks Courtney, Charlie needs the prayers more than he knows.

I saw that book and have heard him speak, thanks, I'll get the book. Pretty cool.

I think I misunderstood Denise and picked just shy of a bushel. :) Megan is breaking them now. We're letting the Peanut beans and Greasybacks go to seed now for next year. I thought Denise said to pick the 1/2 white runners, lol, My bad.

This is the worse looking bean vines I've ever had but the best beans. God is good.

Julie said...

I just saw you on I Survived - Beyond and Back. I have read many NDE books, stories, and watch this series religiously. :) I've become quite intrigued with the whole NDE thing and am curious as to why God allows some to come back. I don't suppose I'll learn the answer in this lifetime. Some stories have Him saying, "It is not your time." Wow, so why die? There MUST be a reason for it. I find that as a whole, most people have similar Heaven experiences and generally those agree with the Bible. I really liked your story because you appeared to ask forgiveness at the last minute, like the thief on the cross. I also like the fact that you are not that "religious". I grew up in a strict Protestant denomination and kinda got away from that after reading the Bible on my own. The less religious one is, the more they can relate to mankind. But no matter what, it's all about Him.

On a side note, I am a two time cancer survivor. Although that doesn't define me, it IS part of who I am because the C word is never forgotten. I envy your visit to Heaven, however brief it was. When life is rough and the road is at its worst, you can close your eyes and remember what you've seen. This is truly amazing and I am thankful that God allows this in those of you who have had NDEs. Your stories give me hope. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

anthony7 said...

Hi Julie, Honestly I wonder why NDEs happen too. For a brief moment you get a taste and then it's taken away. I had a young boy once tell me, "Mister, you must have messed up real bad to have to come back", or something like that. :). Being a 2 time cancer survivor says a lot, congrats on that. You are a fighter and a winner. You have my respect and admiration for fighting it. Like you, the C word never leaves the back of one's mind. So far I have one beat and the other one I guess I've made friends with, seems it can't be beat but it's slow so that will have to be good enough.

Don't envy the ones of us that got a taste. There is a part that doesn't come back and it makes it hard to be here sometimes. It is like not belonging to either world at times. I do draw strength and have lost fear, but people think your crazy sometimes, lol. Maybe I am, lol.

Thanks for the compliments, but to me, surviving two cancers, you give me hope.

David said...

Hi Anthony,

I'm sorry to hear about Charlie. I will continue to pray for him to find a strong enough reason to hang on to. As you said, at least you had strong family support. While I am unsure if Charlie has similar support as you did, I certainly hope he can find something he wants to truly live for.

anthony7 said...

Thanks David for the prayers, he needs them more than ever. He has support but in his mind he says he is 72 and had a good life. I tell him he is 72 and still has a good life yet to come, it ain't over yet.