Wednesday, January 20, 2010


  Today went well, very quickly. I had taken 20 mg of Morphine about 2 hours prior which kinda worried me if I had to much with the cocktail in my system. Charlie and me stopped by Shoney's again and ate afterward, the Morphine really paid off there. I ate a whole plate full of stuff. When we got back though it was all over. I dressed my neck and attempted to get on the computer and boom, I was exhausted and thought I'd lay down a bit. I slept until 11:30am when Denise called.

  Everything was out of my system and I went by the office for the first time in a long time. I was headed for Morristown to order a garage door when the break through pain hit, so I headed back home. I brought a gift that Al and Carol had dropped off at the office and some beautiful Tulips a lady left for me. I put them in the Sunroom and maybe this weekend I'll re-pot them. Goofed off and measured for a new garage.

  Later tonight, I had stayed on the phone and think I talked too much today, I started bleeding in my throat. It's not a lot of blood though but I don't remember bleeding inside even from the first time. I've increased the dosage of Morphine to 20 mg again. It doesn't stop the pain but I hopefully will back it down enough for some sleep tonight. I keep telling myself... just 1 more time, lol. Tomorrow I graduate!

  My outside has stayed a bit better than it was last time but the inside is the bad part. Denise said she saw some puss like bumps formed in some of the locations where the beam is focused. I'm a bit worried about what this will look like next week, that is when what was done this week takes full effect. Even though my throat feels like it's closing off I've never heard of it actually doing that from radiation. I run every once and a while to the Sunroom to breath some Oxygen, seems to make me not feel as much like I'm smothering.

  Pain aside, the best way to explain the way my throat feels would be like squeezing one end of a straw almost shut and trying to breathe through it. I weigh in tonight at 193.5 lbs. Good thing I held my weight and avoided a feeding tube. That is after a big breakfast, 2 bowls of cereal, a nice dinner. Drinking cold water is like fire inside and very painful, room temperature feels better but I'm hoping that the coldness will take some of the swelling down a bit. Oddly enough tonight I'm not freezing. Other than an upset stomach the Morphine hasn't had none of the bad side effects as it did the last time.

  We saw a man that we've seldom seen this morning. He is a thin, tall man in what appears to be his 60s. He told me how much he weighed, I forget now, but he has lost even more than me. He has i think something like 7 more to go. His neck is completely black. Although nice, he wasn't very pleased with his treatments and how they had went. The man and his wife (he goes before me) has prostrate cancer. His wife said that after the machine tore up either Monday or Tuesday (it's stayed tore up this week) that he has a burnt black ban around his mid section and another spot, according to his wife. While he remains in good humor, his wife said he was in excruciating pain from the burn. The others that were missing are still missing and still on break. I pray they are doing good. The lady that has throat and mouth cancer we pretty much know that her white blood cells dropped. The guy with the beard didn't show again today. The young man with the two small children... we have no clue.

  Just ONE more, that is what I think about tonight. Just One more. I know that this will continue for a week, maybe two, but then it should get better. Friday we meet with Dr Panella. I pray we get good news. I may, if Denise's time will allow, get another IV when we go. I've drank a lot of water but the hydration through the IV makes me feel so much better. I look around at all the things I need to fix, all the things I need to do and hope that by getting them done I can regain some of my strength back. Funny, I got that flat belly I've always wanted but it came without the rough looking 6 pack muscles, lol.

  For my friends I've made that are still going through this, should we not see each other again: 

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