Friday, April 2, 2010


  I've kept busy the last two days finishing what I'll call my Patio Grill area, lol. It is just 6x9, somewhere new to grill with the new grill. Yesterday I kept busy from the get go. Today, I had to keep hitting the starter button, lol. It's funny though how the definition of busy has changed. Tomorrow, if pretty, I hope to get the Strawberry plants planted and use the grill.

  I made it until last night not using the pain meds then ended up using them after a heated argument. It reminded me why I walk away and pay no attention usually. Predisome didn't do me any favors on keeping my mouth shut. The acid reflux went through the ceiling and I'm not sure why but lately it has been. I ate a Sausage, Egg, Cheese biscuit yesterday and that was it for the whole day. Food couldn't have played a part in the evening  beating my throat took. Lack of it? I have no idea. I woke up last night twice needing the Nitro too. The first time one dose took care of the problem, the second time I had to do two. I've been having some chest pressure and pain lately. I went back to sleep the second time still hurting a little. The flap thing swelled up again last night and the ability to swallow went down as well. I'm not even sure I wrote last night. Have you ever noticed that when night falls so does the level of feeling good? Breathing became a labor again so Denise found me in my chair asleep this morning.

  Dr Rathfoot's nurse called today to inform me that she had finally got the insurance company to approve a second acid reflux pill so now I am approved to take one in the morning and one at night. GURD may seem trivial to many, I know I didn't take mine seriously until now. After all the radiation it is extremely painful and damaging because the throat is already burnt up and attempting to heal. We went by Zaxby's and ate tonight and I didn't get a bite chewed up properly, just 5 teeth left on the bottom now. It felt like a dagger going down, so tonight I take Morphine yet again. It seems I take two steps up and one back... bt I'm at least one step better than I was.

  I wore sunblock today on my neck. It still hurt for the sun to shine on it, but that was a welcome pain. I took my shirt off and Megan noticed the "red places" that emerged. When we went to town I wore long sleeves so to hide the "red spots" on my arms too. For the most part I'm use to the stares but ever now and again its nice just to be looked at as normal, so I hide the places. People aren't afraid to touch you and that ever popular question of did you catch something and can I catch it doesn't have to be followed by no, its cancer and if you do catch it we'll both be rich, lol. At one time Megan said my neck was swollen and touched where it was, on the left side. It is so weird that it would be my left side, the side that hurts the most now, the opposite side the tumor was on. The neuropathy seems to intensify as the day goes on when I'm active. Tonight it rages and at the same time the CTCL itches on my back. I don't really want to go to four pills (2400mg) a day, I plan on riding the bike. We went by and saw Missy and Richards' bike they just traded for, a Vulcan 1500, black to boot. I have to get a little more strength built back and more balance we can ride. I can hold it up now though.

   This month I will see all three doctors and hopefully someone will order a CAT scan to see if it is all gone from my lymph nodes, I pray it is. When it was first discovered I would freak out waiting on an answer and over time I have learned to be patient. I really don't think I could handle anymore should it turn sour, then again, I swore I would not do it this time either, lol. Megan and me burnt one of the garden spots off and if it stays dry, I'll till it so we can get out the cabbage and onions.  We've also prepped for the strawberry plants I want desperately to get out. 

  But here we are tonight. I have conversed well because it doesn't hurt to talk. My fatigue is more that I can fight tonight so I am about to crash, provided that the dogs aren't barking at prowlers.

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