03-11-2011

Down yet again today, much worse than the previous two days. I've been getting maybe 3 hours of sleep a night for the last 3 or 4 nights. I think being without any moisture yesterday also increased the problem, but that was my fault. I went to the dentist to have the caps fitted and take the impression of my upper and lower. Time and time again they asked if I was alright and I shook my head yes, thinking it would only be a few more minutes. They made a slot for me so I was there over 2 hours and by the time it came to rinsing out my mouth, before they could suction the water back up I swallowed it, the next squirt too. It felt so good.

  Today I broke down and took a pain pill. First one since my extractions, I had left overs. Denise tried to get me to call Rathfoot but I declined. Last night she wanted me to take a pain pill but I absolutely hate the way they make me fill. Finally tonight though I caved in. I have little to no voice.

  I think Kim may have an excellent point. I did wear a mask inside the basement but I took it off to mix the cement. I know I developed an allergy to any type of cement a few years back, funny, I worked in it for 2 1/2 years with no problem and played around laying block, rock, and tile with no problem. Then all the sudden something changed. Left side of my face is numb on the outside and the left side of my throat I wish would be numb inside too. It has swelled enough to give a referral pain in the left ear. Pieces of some kind of whitish, grayish pieces come loose occasionally. Have no idea what they are though and I done that before.

  Called to tell Charlie to gargle with warm salt water to ease his pain, then figured I'd do some of my own medicine, lol. That is where the pain pill came in, shortly there afterward. I wanted not to call him again today since I have very little voice, it strains to even breathe, and he don't need anything else to scare him. Next week is his biopsy.

  Note to self. Make sure the throat is always lubricated.   

03-08-2011

  Paying for the last two days of active. Tonight and all through the day my throat has swelled on the left side making it hard to breathe. The left side of my jaw and down my throat is numb, feels like when you go to the dentist type of numb. Pain in talking so I actually didn't talk much today. Denise looked and felt tonight and it is visible on the left side and she can feel it as well. I've just kind of chilled today. I did put 2 light fixtures up at mom's and 1 at Misty's, but that was it.  I haven't slept well in the last 3 nights, maybe that is the fatigue. Tomorrow I need to feed the cows, maybe fresh air will help. Denise wants me to call Rathfoot to make a new appointment. After checking it out she feels something needs to be done, especially since the meds aren't working.  It could be the concrete, I have an allergy to it when it is dry. Hopefully not, I'm too slow already and have a lot to go.

  Charlie came back yesterday and hung out for a while. He is in pain and having a hard time eating and breathing. We went over what foods I done ok with swallowing and what stood a better chance of aspirating. He gets choked on his own saliva, I done that too when I had saliva. I'm trying to convince him that he will probably have a better go at it than I did and that we know what errors were made and what to look out for. We didn't have a clue when I went through it. We can do better this time.

03-01-2011

   I goofed off a bit more today getting little done. I didn't do what I was suppose to do which was call Rathfoot and give a report if the new meds are working. I think I'm procrastinating. The meds show no effect on the swelling which seem to be increasing. It may have been getting out yesterday in that rain, who knows? Sounds good though. :). I'm kind of tired and breathing is hard to do lately, so I goofed off. Drug some of Mark's driveway and mine with the tractor. It equated to flying a 747 into the Grand Canyon and trying to fill the hole, lol. 

  Charlie was gone when I went over but when he came back he stopped in and we talked. He is scared. He remembers taking me back and forth and what I went through. I told him that he would be like Michael Douglas who never lost any hair or got over burned. We know how to watch the radiation thing this time so he will be fine. He said he gained about 25lbs making me eat by taking me to Shoney's where we would eat to keep my weight from dropping too low. I told him now he would be able to pay me back as I would be taking him there. I manage to make him laugh and smile a little and for a moment his worries were gone.

  He talked about what and how I ate without aspirating and how I kept from smothering which is good, he is already figuring angles. His fears and mental anguish though come from the same as mine. We have both always been active physically and now can't do what we want to do, plus be independent like we have always been.  Even a small chore can wear you out. Other than Mark, Charlie and I are the last two who can do whatever needs to be done.I told him that is why we both needed to be here, if nothing else to teach at least one, if they are willing to learn. It is still depressing though, not being able to do what you know how to do. Charlie loves to work with wood, and he is good at it too. Me, him, dad, my father, and Joe all built my house, Denise helped me add on later on. She knows a lot, but not how to wire, plumb, lay block, work on cars. Of the ones that initially built our house only me and Charlie are left. Mark's health isn't good and so we worry who will do all this stuff when we're gone, even scarier is can we still do it. Will we be of any use? I have confidence that maybe he will. He is going to do better than I did, I just feel it.

02-28-2011

  Man what a storm today in more ways than one. This evening when my brother came back to the house to get me to take the tractor and scrape his gravels off the road and level back out his driveway he dropped a bomb. For those who have read the blog from the days of the treatments they read where Charlie, my stepdad took me to Radiation therapy. Today he went to an ENT and they discovered a tumor in his throat. It is in the same as mine was. He has throat cancer or Esophageal Cancer, whichever you want to call it. They will do his biopsy in about 2 weeks to determine what kind and what stage. I would ask that you please include him in your prayers.

  I would also remind those who read this that if you have certain symptoms to please get checked out. Trust me. The scope that they run in your nose and into your throat does not hurt, and that coming from a man that hates to have anything other than air and my finger in my nose. His symptoms were having a small amount of problems swallowing. Frequent sore throats (more than two a year), ear pain. Now we both smoked which that, chewing, and dipping plays a factor but a factor just as much if not more is Acid Reflux. He had that just as I did. If you are worried about not wanting to know, it is survivable. Most people know that I believe in alternative therapies yet in some cases when it has gone too far conventional therapies must be taken. I was asked where I would be if I had refused conventional medicine and went alternative medicine and my response is that I would have smothered to death by now. That isn't a guess. That is a fact.

  So now I get to repay the favor to Charlie, yet I wish I couldn't repay him for I know how hard it is to get through this. He is a good man, so please remember him in your prayers.

  Tomorrow I am to make a call to Rathfoot to give them an update on my throat and the swelling and if the medication is working. I may wait until Wednesday though. It isn't working. I'm not exactly sure what happens next. During the day it is a tad better but at night it hasn't changed. I dread making that call. I really would like to do without surgery yet I know that Denise is getting wore out waking me and propping me up a few times a night. I'm kind of tired of fighting for breaths myself. We both stay tired.

  On the brighter side I went and looked at two Jennys (female Jackasses). The lady will not separate them and after watching the two I saw why, they are so attached to each other. If it is dry enough I will go get them this weekend. Jack will not only have buddies but mates. The floods today took down 3 sections of the new fence I will need to repair and me and Megan repaired what driveway we could and will have to buy more gravel. I called today to get an order placed for 20 ton. We didn't go back in the woods to check that fence but I'm pretty sure it is down too. Kind of depressing and yet that is just part of it. Tomorrow I will have to also ride up to the cows and check that fencing too, plus the cows. Lord what a day.     

2-24-2011

Woke up tired this morning, well, yesterday morning now. Denise said she had to do whatever that is she does a few times last night. I know once I remember he waking me up. I'm still sluggish from whatever that was Tuesday night when I woke up with intense pain in my stomach that went through my back. Disoriented and completely uncoordinated, thinking I needed to head to the bathroom to throw up. I was sweating quite a lot, pretty much soaked. I haven't felt pain that intense since the night I had the heart attack or the times when they would first start the chemo and when my body rejected it.

  Misty called and we met at Food City and got breakfast and took it to mom's and ate. That was nice. I enjoyed that a lot and I think everybody else did too. Fed the cows and just goofed off.

  Tonight my throat is a bit tighter than usual. Breathing is a bit more labored. I really don't want to go to sleep and maybe Denise can catch a good night's sleep for a change, but that don't seem likely. I know she is tired.  

2-22-11 Dr Rathfoot follow-up

  Well, it could have been better but it could have went worse too. It started a bit rough though. We stopped at Hardees and got us a biscuit. After 9 pills I have a little while before I get sick at my stomach to eat. The plastic temporary bridge snapped into two pieces. I ate enough bites to at least have something on my stomach. I pieced it together and placed it back on as best I could so that it wouldn't look too bad when I smiled. I called Morristown Dental Center and they made me an appointment for 10am. They made another one. I barely made the appointment. I thought that was super of them to get me in in short notice. That is a great bunch of people there. They all are nice and know their stuff, and they actually care.  

  No evidence of the tumor, an excellent thing. The swelling hasn't improved. It has held it's ground even with steroids. He said he worries about me catching a cold with the swelling as it is now. He asked if I had a hard time breathing, which I don't until nighttime and with activity. Apparently there is some concern for it closing off, I kinda figured something like that. Denise says she doesn't sleep well listening for me to make weird breathing noises and that she wakes me up or at least gets a response from me when I do. I think that answers the question of why she does that, and I thought she was just paying me back for snoring, lol. So apparently the danger of my throat closing is a real issue. Plus aspiration is an issue. I do swallow better now depending on what liquid I use, size, and texture it is. I never fully got back my taste after the chemo. Most things I can taste hurts my tongue and throat if I eat them.

  He wants to try an anti-inflammatory medicine in addition to the Predisone, which we will increase from 10mg per day to 20mg per day, taken in two doses. He first suggested Celebrex which Denise objected to. She said that it was what I was taking when I tore the shoulder and neck before my heart attack. I don't remember what the name of his second choice was, but they both liked it. Rathfoot had an Intern with him again today and asked if he wanted to look through the scope. He looked and Denise asked if she could look through the scope, and he let her look. He did ask if I was ok with that which was no problem. I would liked to have looked myself, even though I probably wouldn't have a clue what I was looking at. I think me looking though wouldn't be possible since it is up the nose and down into the throat.    

 I figure that the odds are good and if they aren't, I have no problem going in my sleep. Not that I would want Denise to find me that way, but I'm chicken. I don't figure I'll be going anywhere before my time and when it is time I am ready, so all is good there. I would like to get my garden out though. Hurry up spring. If nothing else I need some of this weight off me. When I got off the scales I could have swore I heard it give a sigh of relief. Time to feed everybody now, Jack is pissed not to mention the orphaned kittens and chickens are probably hungry. Overall it has been a good day. At least I'm holding my own so far. Plus the other guy, he is doing good too. I don't know his name but I gave permission to Dr Rathfoot to read this blog. If he is, hang tough and remember you never walk alone unless you just want to. You are going to be fine.   

02-18-2011

Eye Appointment today with Dr Jaynes. I wanted to wait until the effects of the chemo and Hyperbaric Oxygen treatments had stabilized. Man that was an through exam, I think the best one I've ever had. My eyes had changed quite a bit. I was expecting that though. Cheryl helped me pick out the glasses. She is good at that so I went with what she thought. They talked me back into bifocals again, we will see.

  Other than that I tossed a dead skunk out of the yard the dogs killed, had lunch with William, talked to BB (cousin), fed the cows, finished the fence at Misty's house, dug a pit for Matt, fed the animals, and played with the puzzle. I'm wore out but it feels good to be tired from something productive. It wasn't a god day. It was a great day today.