09-13-2011 The Ride

   Me and Denise headed out today. We were suppose to ride with Missy & Richard and Dale & Anna but they wanted to head to Bluff City, or something like that, towards Johnson City way. I've wanted to go to Cherokee, NC for 2 years now, so me and Denise decided to head out solo. Plus I think the trip and departure time would have thrown us riding in the dark. I can't see very well in the dark anymore. The first chemo 5 years ago done some damage but either this chemo or the Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy pretty much done the rest. They love to ride at night, I can't. Sooo the problem was fixed today.

  We left here at a little before 12, went through Dandridge, to Chestnut Hill, to Pigeon Forge. We bypassed Gatlinburg but doubled back to the end and got us some KFC. We had intended on eating at the Chimney Top Picnic Area, but it was full. Denise said she hasn't been to Clingman's Dome in a while (may has spelled that wrong), so we went that way. It started raining withing a few miles of there so we turned around and found a roadside pull over and stopped. We ate on a stump on the side of the road with a fantastic view. The rain passed and on up we went, all the way there. We walked around but didn't go to the Dome. We headed back down and the headed to Cherokee, NC. We saw an Elk on the way, first time I've seen one. Cherokee has changed a lot, a whole lot since I've been there. We didn't see many Cherokee there, except the fake dancing on the streets. It has become as ugly as Gatlinburg now, too commercial and with big business. We stopped and ate Ice Cream, then headed back.

  We took several stretch and butt breaks along the way, lol. Stopped at an old Grist Mill. Stopped at beautiful look out points. We worked our way back into Pigeon Forge, then came the back way into Dandridge, up the highway and home. Back home by 7pm!

  I wasn't sure if we'd be going anywhere, Denise brought home a stomach bug and I had it until this morning. It seemed odd at first, but then it was nice. Just me and her. Where we wanted to go, when we wanted to go, and how we wanted to go. And of all things... my tooth stayed in!

  I a going to so pay for this tomorrow, but today was worth it.

Megan's birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN

08-09-2011 Blessings

I love this song, it struck a cord the first time I've heard it. A lot of times we wonder where a song comes from and are they just hollow words written by someone to make it sound good. So I wondered how someone could write something that resonates with how I feel many times. So I'm embedding 2 videos, one a brief story behind the song, the other the song with lyrics.

08-10-2011

I'm feeling the effects of hand cutting the briers behind Misty's building, thank God I don't feel the lacerations on my hands. I've remembered to massage the throat on those glands and I think it helps. The tooth is still (crossing fingers) still in, I've babied it. It's a long shot but I'd like to make it until next month, too much to do and it's still dog days. Not much pain really so far, nothing that I can't ignore.

Rick got done with Matt & Misty's deck, we're all extremely pleased with his work and amazed that he does work. His health is not good, which is an understatement. We bought the siding to repair their house and two out buildings today. Matt's uncle saw Ricks' work and asked that he come to his house and do some repairs.

Then I got busy. I flattened the front tire on the tractor. But I didn't stop there, I also managed to finish breaks off the tabs on one of the blade shaft things on the lawnmower.

I must have feel asleep right in the middle of doing this last night. My heart broke when I saw a video by Russell Means. Russell my friend, you in my prayers. Here is his video.

08-04-2011

Charlie got to come home today. I think he is glad to be back and seems like he is ready to fight. His voice sounds good.

I stayed and goofed around, think I may have found that limit yesterday. :) Still a bit weak and my throat is swelled a little, actually quite a lot. So I researched materials, took measurements of our garages and Misty's house, and worked figures. There was a day not too long ago I would have been able to then do the work. If I could figure out how to mange my footing and possibly a few good days I still could.

I cut the pods of the Okra that was ready, Denise gets this cutting. Spent some time petting the Donkeys, Goats, Dogs, and a cat that seems to have adopted me. Watched and fed the chickens, the peacocks following me everywhere I went. They've shed their tails now but they still try and fan.

So tonight Denise fixed fried Squash, Green Beans, Potatoes, and Chicken with crunchy Onions. We're eating and a front tooth breaks off, of all times and places, in the front. My gums are giving way. I should have let them pull them when they wanted too, but I just wanted a break from the pain. My dentist is closed until Monday and we've changed insurance and haven't got the card yet. This tooth is a live one. The cap next to that one I Gorilla Glued on a few months back, I expect it will cave next. It is a dead tooth though. So far the pain isn't too bad, I've had worse.

We're suppose to ride bikes this weekend and unless it rains we still are. I think Denise and me both need it, I know we do. Maybe even Saturday. I've Gorilla Glued this one back on but there just isn't enough gum left for it to hold pressure on, so I doubt it will stay. At least it will maybe leave a film so that air don't hit it. It's still Dog Days so I'll put off having them all pulled if I can. Note to God... I need a break.

My Stupid Day

Charlie is drinking, but he isn't eating. Somehow though his immunity is building and he may get to come home by week's end. They're trying to get him to walk.

This was my stupid day today. I started out going out the door. Before I shut the door I do a quick check. Truck keys, house keys, door locked, billfold, check book, all check. So I close the door and open the gate, teeth, uncheck, so back in I go.

I decide, despite the news warning on bad air quality and record breaking heat that I would bush hog the hill. The I decide that I since Jackie Sue had called about building a fence and not being able to keep it on the property line, I'd check it like she suggested to see if it was ok. Stupid move #3.

Neuropathy and crossing fences are not a good idea. I watch my feet, firmly planted and positioned on the fence wire, cross one leg over, holding onto the post. That is about when I placed weight on the left shoulder I had worked on and it gave. Twisted my feet, I'm guessing out of reflex which I fell on the fence and a barb stuck into the inner part of my leg and barbs into my hands and arms. I'm thinking though a metal pole to the face would have been worse.

I'm stuck at that moment and for some ignorant reason I think maybe I'll use my cell and call somebody to help. Except my cell requires use of my hands which are keeping my face off the pole, plus I got myself into this mess and I can get out of it. So I watch my feet, get back on the wire a bit higher and swing the leg that has the barb in it over. It did as I suspected and cut it's way out, more like slashed. Other than a small tear, my pants weren't hurt, thank God for baggie pants, lol. I couldn't help but laugh at myself after it was over. Crossing back I was a bit more careful and less confident.

I start bushhogging and I watch the gauge on the tractor to make sure it doesn't get overheated. I even took a break in the shade to cool down a bit. Wore my bandanna over my mouth and nose. The air started gently blowing on the hill. That went from feeling like I was breathing in an oven to breathing in a convection oven, lol. In my mind I thought maybe 15-20 acres and I'd stop. The last time I bushhogged I got to do more steroids and some other junk, didn't turn out too well.

At about 5-7 acres the tractor still wasn't too hot, I was. My leg was still throbbing a bit, but the bleeding had stopped. I'd sweated the blood off my hands and arms, don't have much feeling there, so that wasn't too bad. Then the throat started swelling and I started getting pressure in my chest. I took another break, got off the tractor and away from the engine heat. Started back up and again they both started. By the third time I decided maybe it was time to stop, especially when I started getting a bit disoriented. I didn't worry too much at first, I had my nitro with me. Then I thought about how that would feel on the throat. So I quit.

I managed to get back home before Denise called and caught me, except I parked the tractor a different place, beside the garage. It should have been out of sight or maybe turned around. A bush hog is a little hard to miss when it's attached to the tractor, lol.

So here it is 12:30 and I just realized that I left the eggs on top of a pen outside. Took a bath in the storm. Throat back tight and hard to breathe. I think maybe I'll have stupid tattooed on my forehead. :)

07-31-2011

We just kind of hung out today, I seemed to have found something that I'm allergic to in the garden. I'll take it that it's still there as I keep having reactions to it. :) I stayed inside until I can heal up in my eyes, throat, and whatever the blood thing is.

We went to UT and saw Charlie. His immunity is building slowly but things aren't too good. It seems he has all but given up. Its been a week since he ate, he is still bleeding in his throat. We discussed maybe he should get a feeding tube, actually I guess I discussed he should have one. It seems strange since I fought against it and didn't have one, but things are different for different people.

He said that even water hurts, I remember that all too well. Room temperature water hurts less than cold or warm. He spit up some more blood while we were in there. He has just 16 more radiation treatments to go, but that stuff keeps working for a week or two past the treatment. For now he is on vacation from it.

There comes a point in time that dying is easier than living. I cannot fault him for wanting to toss in the towel, but hopefully he will change his mind and fight. Most people can't relate to that and I pray that they never will be able too. When the battle goes so long and we wear down, it looks as if there is no end, dying becomes easier than living. Unless one has been there no amount of reading and studying, no amount of observation, no amount of anything short of actual experience can explain this.

I wish he would use the pain meds to their fullest extent. I think he is even more afraid of them than I was. I tried to remain positive, empathic yet strong. Right now he feels like he is the only person who knows this pain, and while that isn't correct, I think that goes along with it. I did that too. He is living Hell on Earth right now and it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Had I not promised Denise I'd fight, had my family and friends, and this blog, who knows. It is only by the Grace of God that we go. He looked tired in his eyes and one could see the pain.

Meanwhile William is in the hospital as well. Seems he decided that he would not take the meds for his Diabetes. I talked with him today and maybe tomorrow he will get to come home. I fussed at him for that one.

I've a list of things to do tomorrow, Megan says she will help. I kind of wimped out towards the end of the week. Denise looked at the beans in the garden and decided maybe just a few more, so I need to add that. We walked back to take another glimpse at the roof. Man it looks great. Actually I think the best it has ever looked. Thanks to Pete and his crew, a big thanks.

So tonight say a prayer for Charlie to fight. He is over half way there but I know he can't see the finish line from where he is. So pray for him to see it and fight.