03-21-2010 night

I woke up this morning about 6:30, went back to sleep and slept until 8:30. I had a pretty decent voice this morning. The other post was actually more like 03-20 but I dated it because I wasn't paying attention, lol. Last night was very similar to that night...I slept in my chair. I walked what I considered normal because I polished my regular shoes and wore them to dad's burial. A lot of pain still after my ham episode but the bleeding has subsided. My saliva glands still aren't working properly. My throat is still swelled and I still sound like Sling Blade, lol.

I have the whistling in my right ear, like air being bet out. It doesn't hurt but can be distracting. Dad would have been proud of his funeral today and all those that took part in it. Thank you to all the ones that took part in it.

Denise is going to call Rathfoot tomorrow and see if he can see me early. Tonight, I sleep again in my chair.

03-21-2010

Well, I'm setting up tonight. It's 3:43am and I am tired but when I lay down or start to sleep, I can't get air. It feels like my throat has closed off and I simply quit breathing. I have some pretty weird dreams or something while this is happening. Then I awake and gasp for air. My feet are completely numb, not like numb from the neuropathy, along with my hands and chest pain. I just can't get enough air. I can her the flap thing sound like cards in a bicycle spoke. I even lay down and just simply stop breathing.

I kept it in control at dad's funeral. I seen people I haven't saw in quite a while. I figure I'll try it again. No pain though except for the dryness. I read somewhere about soda helping, this is my third glass of Pepsi. It burns terrible but at least if might just work. This morning I woke up and couldn't talk but after brushing me teeth and hacking and gargling, I regained my voice back to an extent.

03-19-2010

My visit with Panella went ok today. He just prescribed more Morphine.

Big thing is dad. Friends will be received Saturday from 11-8pm Family from 11am-8pm. The funeral will be Sunday at 2pm at Farrar Funeral Home in White Pine. Sorry, I was exhausted last night.

03-17-2010

I stayed up working on the data for mom until about 3:45am and was back up a little before 7am. The pain wasn't that bad but eating is back where it was, hard to swallow and some goes up the nose and some in the airways and some where it should. I thought I would be past this by now. I stayed at the office until 12:30 when I came home, the pain level was too high. I took some 7.5 mg Loratabs with me and after I had to use the second one, I thought it was tine to go, I didn't get all of it done.

I used Lidocaine, forgot about that, to ease it off. It did some but very, very little. The swelling is slowly impairing my breathing and you can hear the flap moving are a gurgle or wheeze when I breathe. The referred pain is back in just the left ear so far. I used some oxygen and it me from feeling like I am smothering for a little while. I will update if anything changes.

I have an update on dad on his page, it's not good.

Breathing is extremely labored tonight and so far I have done 2, Loratabs with nothing working. With 2 pain pills, the pain is still at a level 9. I'm not sure just why. I will sleep in my chair tonight. Everything else is fine though, even the outside is tender. Sun???

03-16-2010

Been a day. I stayed at the office until about 1130am when Denise called and caught me, lol. That was an early lunch and totally unexpected. The pain level has been on about a 9 today so I've took about 10mg or morphine twice today. Unfortunately I forgot tonight and took 15mg too close to the 10mg. I'm not sure how that will do with the 25mg patch. I brought the oxygen in just in case. I also looked up the signs to look for and antidote, not that I'll be awake for it. I'll either wake up here or there. I am pain free for the most part tonight and it feels good for a change. Breathing is a bit labored though. I think in the hospital I had 75mg patch and four times a day when my neck was cleaned and dressed I was given 30mg of morphine 30 minutes before before they started. Then again, I was use to it and I had oxygen and watched, a bit different, lol. Guess I'll stay up few hours and do some paperwork for mom, just to make sure. I ain't the brightest bulb on the tree but I have this memory problem lately. Chemo fog? I am so over this.

The pain has radiated to my ears again except this time plural from the swelling. On a good note, the pain in my feet is tolerable so 1800mg of the whatever it's called (600 mg x3 per day)is good enough for me, I see no reason to go higher. I'm even mastering the balance loss and what makes me lose balance for the most part.I can't help but laugh at myself when I bust my butt, but it doesn't happen much.

The swelling and redness is pretty noticeable. I visited Matt & Misty and she mentioned I was swollen and the red. It's nothing like the inside feels. I didn't get to see dad today, but Denise offered to take me. I have updated his page tonight but I waited for the latest news since the first news wasn't good. He is holding his own, man is he ever tough. I have seen him fight through worse and come out of it. I pray that God allows him to do so this time. That has to be the hardest thing, seeing him there and he is aware. His mind is still functioning perfectly. He speaks, laughs, talks (as best he can), and knows... yet his body just isn't cooperating. He had a very bad and rude nurse yesterday but last night and today, and tonight...good ones. I have no idea why a nurse would stand over somebody, repeat his age, tell how bad he is, and give the impression he probably won't make it. She said she had been there 24 years. I worked at UPS for that same length of time and treated every package like it was the first, most important one. It would seem to me that should one become that burnt out they would take a break or find something else.

03-15-2010

I didn't write last night, sort of went south a bit. Nothing has really changed a whole lot except I have been able to swallow my pills rather than to crush, except this morning. My throat seems to have closed off a bit more but the chest pressure has gone. Still have some meat parts coughing up, or at least that is what they look like, Denise said she don't know what they are. The Predisome and Bactrum double strength do not seem to have any effects. I have a regular follow-up with Panella Friday so I guess we will see then. Who knows, maybe he will order a CT Scan or open MRI on my neck a little early. I am so tired.

I have learned that if I take a pain pill in addition to the patch I can talk a bit louder, so I take one before we see dad. It is still painful but less which enables me to push harder before I reach my apex. He don't hear well and I don't talk well... not a good combination. Today I also took one before National Geographic came, it went well, he brought an additional mic that he place close. It was about 2 hours not counting setup. Very enjoyable.

I noticed tonight there is some blood coming up as well and it sounds like a flap is over my throat again, swelling maybe? I took an additional 10mg of Morphine tonight, last night I took nothing. I have to get a bit more sleep and easing the pain is the only way I know. I stopped in the Sunroom for some oxygen. Does nothing for the throat pain but it does make me feel like I am not smothering. That is a weird and scary feeling. My sinuses are stopped up too, maybe related.

Dad is worse tonight, see his update.

Well it is after 2am and I got the BPO done and while I was going to sleep late tomorrow that just got canceled, have to be at the office early.

03-13-2010

I am coughing up some kind of meat again. Must be spare parts, lol. Lots of puss and my throat is still swelled to the point it is visible. I would say I will hit the oxygen again, getting some chest pressure again and hard to breath. Funny, the swelling went down enough to take all but my heart pill, the smallest one, lol. This morning we had to crush and mix with water to take my meds, tastes bad in a way. I’ve only used 1 pain pill so far so that I could talk to dad. God it hurts to talk. When breath you can hear a flapping noise, sounds like some kind of weird animal, lol. I’ve felt but forgot to take my temperature. Probably like yesterday, 99-100. I’m guessing that three hours of sleep ain’t helping. I am so tired that I probably will just copy and paste this for the blog. I can’t quit now though, mom and dad need my help. The guards are getting use to me at Ft Sanders, I think they thought I was drunk the first few times the watched me walk, lol. Denise helps me to stay on track, I do good on short walks but not too good on long ones. Still, it could be worse. Tomorrow is booked solid and I may stay up and do some of the paperwork for mom. That way she won’t be worried and free to focus on dad. Got 5 sold so far. I didn’t do this well before I retired my license, lol. If I can get about 4 hours sleep tonight I think I’ll be ok.

You outta see my throat, not sure it was ever swelled like this even through the radiation and chemo. I may have to take a pain pill or morphine to sleep and go in the sunroom to hit the oxygen, it usually relieves the chest pain but I have the nitro close. Funny, the tumor radiated a referred pain to the right ear, this one is my left ear but not as painful. I don’t think the crying helps. This will be like the time me and dad pissed off yellow jackets. He is allergic to them, luckily they came at me. I told him to run and I stood still until he could be cleared, then I ran… got stung 21 times, lol. It passed as will this, just got to hold on a bit more, he would do the same for me. I had 106.9 The Light put him on their prayer list. Great station. I’m worried about Denise, she forgot her BP meds. I tried to get her to take mine but she won’t.


I look at dad and what pain and fear he is in… this is nothing to withstand. I’ll go until I can’t, then I’ll dig deeper.
Love Ya, Anthony.

PS, tell your mom Hi.