I bragged too soon, lol. Today caught up with me finally and I spent the morning in bed. Bad leg cramps, actually muscle spasms mixed with heavy fatigue and loss of balance. Not bad though considering I had a good run of several days in good shape.
I spent the remained of the day under a cattle trailer still working on the wiring, what a pain. It is fun though. I also checked out my chicken coop now armed with interior lights that will hopefully keep the eggs coming during the short sunlight hours this winter. They are solar lights, 2 inside and 1 on the pathway to it.
I'll back off Sunday and maybe partly Monday so that I will have enough energy, God willing, to take the calves off. Usually we get Jerry to come after them but Mark says he will take them this time. I don't think there are over 2 or 3 that will go 500lbs, something I never worried about before, this time though maybe a little. I'm not sure just how strong I am, but I'm gonna try.
I go back to the doctor tomorrow to see if he wants to take the stitches out yet. Today made 3 weeks. Think I may have accidentally removed most of on, lol.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
10-12-2010
I've done good lately. We went on a benefit ride for Chad & Lori. Chad has cancer so please remember him and her in your prayers. Denise was afraid I wouldn't hold up but I done great! I didn't do anything Friday and not a whole lot Thursday in preparation for it. I think we really needed that, both of us. It was so beautiful and to be out with friends, on bikes... it just don't get much better. Denise crashed when we got home, lol. I however, fed the chickens and the orphaned kittens and then played on the web. Sunday I chilled a bit but went right back at it, a bit slower though.
Today I planned to work again on the outbuilding but the neuropathy was pretty rough and somehow climbing a ladder just didn't seem smart. I'm not sure what triggers it to be worse some days but there has to be something. The CTCL is acting up again. If it continues I'll do some NBUVB treatments, though with my neck I really don't want to.
I keep looking at the stitches in my finger. Dr Schindler done some fancy sewing. I'm still not sure if I can get one of them out, the others are easy though. Tip of the finger is a bit numb, more than the rest.
My side effects or whatever you call them have showed no sign of improvement except the voice. Yesterday it was bad but today I almost sound normal again. Go figure. One thing is for sure, the weight is back. I'm 215 now. Why is it the last thing to go was fat and the first thing to come back was fat. A good side effect though is I have curly hair, and it is getting long. I've decided no haircut this year. Sorry Jackie sue, lol.
Today I planned to work again on the outbuilding but the neuropathy was pretty rough and somehow climbing a ladder just didn't seem smart. I'm not sure what triggers it to be worse some days but there has to be something. The CTCL is acting up again. If it continues I'll do some NBUVB treatments, though with my neck I really don't want to.
I keep looking at the stitches in my finger. Dr Schindler done some fancy sewing. I'm still not sure if I can get one of them out, the others are easy though. Tip of the finger is a bit numb, more than the rest.
My side effects or whatever you call them have showed no sign of improvement except the voice. Yesterday it was bad but today I almost sound normal again. Go figure. One thing is for sure, the weight is back. I'm 215 now. Why is it the last thing to go was fat and the first thing to come back was fat. A good side effect though is I have curly hair, and it is getting long. I've decided no haircut this year. Sorry Jackie sue, lol.
Friday, October 8, 2010
10-08-2010 Follow-up with dr. Panella on Cat Scan
I had my follow-up with Panella today and it went good in most ways. Denise took me there as she usually does and went with me. Dr Panella opened the door and asked if we minded talking to an Intern first. We were good with that, everybody has to learn and he done a good job. Looks as if he will turn out good if he continues like Panella is teaching him, but I think he wasn't sure just how blunt to be.
Panella then came in. The CT Scan showed the mass as large as it was, no change, 4.7 cms I believe. This time however it looked differently and the formation or something wasn't showing solid. He believes like Dr Rathfoot said that it is Radiation damage. He said that there was a slight concern but minimal. The lungs showed a few nodules but he said that was typical here in East Tennessee. Because of them and the throat though he ordered another CT Scan in April.
Then we discussed the aftermath of the treatments. He said that because of the severity of the reaction to the Taxotere and the radiation over burn that I will take longer for the aftermath to leave and that I may be left with some of it forever. The aftermath being neuropathy in the hands, feet and face. A hissing in the ears that varies from annoying to partially blocking sound. Chemo fog or brain, however one wished to term it. Some vision loss. A course voice that fades as I use it. The saliva glands not working properly. Problems with sun exposure to the neck. Hard time swallowing some things and breathing at times (so far, mostly in the heat). Finally, last but not least... fatigue.
All of these though are acceptable and were discussed up front for the most part. They may decide to cut away some of the scar tissue from the radiation which might help, but that is for them to decide. I can work on the fatigue, strength, and stamina. It may take a while but it is a goal. This leads occasionally to depression so I need to watch what I expect. The rest I will deal with what I have left and how to compensate for what I haven't. Somewhere there is a balance point, I just have to find it, but it's there. All in all we are calling this a good day and a blessing from God. I ain't got a clue why or what He is doing but I'm here for the ride.
I seen people in the waiting area, some just beginning the battle, some like me, praying it stops now, and some, God love them, in the midst of the battle. There is an unspoken connection there somewhere. I feel comfortable being around them. There sat a beautiful young lady with he dad, all he hair removed and her skin what we called the Chemo color. Her eyes were still bright though, full of hope yet one could catch a glimpse of fear. A middle aged lady wearing a hat to cover he head with no hair. She too was beautiful once and still an attractive lady that will be beautiful yet again, even more so as she will grow inside. One man though looked bad, skinny and extremely weak. I think we went to school together. Yet he walked when called with cane in hand the best his body would carry him. From his looks I'm guessing the prognosis wasn't good, yet his eyes showed intelligence and kindness, fear, and pain... and a little dash of hope.
I stopped, as I always do to see everybody at the Chemo Hut to see the ladies, Sandra in particular, and give her a hug. They were all so good to me. I have memories of people coming in and saying high after they were done... it always gave me hope.
It is not that. I look back and thank God for all He did. He led me to great Doctors and nurses, and a great hospital, actually two of them. Great friends and especially a great family. I look at Denise after all these years and wonder just what she sees in me. She is so smart and beautiful. So God has so well blessed me. I just wish dad had of lived to see me get to this point, but I'm sure he sees me, they all do.
I get a break until next month. Then I see Rathfoot. Until then though we take it one day at a time. I will work with what I have and learn to work around what I have not. If God has wanted to get my attention these last 5 years, my ears are open now.
Panella then came in. The CT Scan showed the mass as large as it was, no change, 4.7 cms I believe. This time however it looked differently and the formation or something wasn't showing solid. He believes like Dr Rathfoot said that it is Radiation damage. He said that there was a slight concern but minimal. The lungs showed a few nodules but he said that was typical here in East Tennessee. Because of them and the throat though he ordered another CT Scan in April.
Then we discussed the aftermath of the treatments. He said that because of the severity of the reaction to the Taxotere and the radiation over burn that I will take longer for the aftermath to leave and that I may be left with some of it forever. The aftermath being neuropathy in the hands, feet and face. A hissing in the ears that varies from annoying to partially blocking sound. Chemo fog or brain, however one wished to term it. Some vision loss. A course voice that fades as I use it. The saliva glands not working properly. Problems with sun exposure to the neck. Hard time swallowing some things and breathing at times (so far, mostly in the heat). Finally, last but not least... fatigue.
All of these though are acceptable and were discussed up front for the most part. They may decide to cut away some of the scar tissue from the radiation which might help, but that is for them to decide. I can work on the fatigue, strength, and stamina. It may take a while but it is a goal. This leads occasionally to depression so I need to watch what I expect. The rest I will deal with what I have left and how to compensate for what I haven't. Somewhere there is a balance point, I just have to find it, but it's there. All in all we are calling this a good day and a blessing from God. I ain't got a clue why or what He is doing but I'm here for the ride.
I seen people in the waiting area, some just beginning the battle, some like me, praying it stops now, and some, God love them, in the midst of the battle. There is an unspoken connection there somewhere. I feel comfortable being around them. There sat a beautiful young lady with he dad, all he hair removed and her skin what we called the Chemo color. Her eyes were still bright though, full of hope yet one could catch a glimpse of fear. A middle aged lady wearing a hat to cover he head with no hair. She too was beautiful once and still an attractive lady that will be beautiful yet again, even more so as she will grow inside. One man though looked bad, skinny and extremely weak. I think we went to school together. Yet he walked when called with cane in hand the best his body would carry him. From his looks I'm guessing the prognosis wasn't good, yet his eyes showed intelligence and kindness, fear, and pain... and a little dash of hope.
I stopped, as I always do to see everybody at the Chemo Hut to see the ladies, Sandra in particular, and give her a hug. They were all so good to me. I have memories of people coming in and saying high after they were done... it always gave me hope.
It is not that. I look back and thank God for all He did. He led me to great Doctors and nurses, and a great hospital, actually two of them. Great friends and especially a great family. I look at Denise after all these years and wonder just what she sees in me. She is so smart and beautiful. So God has so well blessed me. I just wish dad had of lived to see me get to this point, but I'm sure he sees me, they all do.
I get a break until next month. Then I see Rathfoot. Until then though we take it one day at a time. I will work with what I have and learn to work around what I have not. If God has wanted to get my attention these last 5 years, my ears are open now.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
10-05-2010
I had a new CT Scan done yesterday. I'm not sure if they done the head but I believe she said they did. This time for sure though they done the neck and lungs. One thing that may have an impact is this cold that I've had for the second week now. Megan has had it too. It goes better than worse, back and forth it seems. I've waited to see if my body can heal itself but it hasn't. Last night Megan said she wanted to go to the doctor. Today we did just that. we both have all the same symptoms except she was blowing out blood and I wasn't. I have a chest infection where she doesn't, and she had a low grade fever and I didn't. Went that path over the weekend. Both of us have sore throats, something I've had enough to last me a lifetime of.
Also had him look at my finger, which he was very impressed at the healing. He said i still needed to leave the stitches in for at least a few more days. Minimum, about 14 days. It's still extremely sore to the touch and especially to the bump, lol, which I seem to be good at. Ever notice the part that hurts is the part that you mash, slam, bump, or rub wrong? There is nothing that I haven't hit that one finger on. I'm not sure if there is a method to these stitches or not, but they look complicated. Nothing like the ones I've had in the past. I may have to have them taken out.
So we look towards the week's end to find out the results of the CAT Scan.
Denise brings home everything she can that has Michael Douglas or Cathrine Zeta Jones on it. She especially looks at any pictures and already on one she could see the burn lines on his neck even above his neck. In addition to what is called the Chemo Color. Our prayers are with them all.
Also had him look at my finger, which he was very impressed at the healing. He said i still needed to leave the stitches in for at least a few more days. Minimum, about 14 days. It's still extremely sore to the touch and especially to the bump, lol, which I seem to be good at. Ever notice the part that hurts is the part that you mash, slam, bump, or rub wrong? There is nothing that I haven't hit that one finger on. I'm not sure if there is a method to these stitches or not, but they look complicated. Nothing like the ones I've had in the past. I may have to have them taken out.
So we look towards the week's end to find out the results of the CAT Scan.
Denise brings home everything she can that has Michael Douglas or Cathrine Zeta Jones on it. She especially looks at any pictures and already on one she could see the burn lines on his neck even above his neck. In addition to what is called the Chemo Color. Our prayers are with them all.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
09-28-2010
Been a few days since my last post. As it gets better the posts will be fewer. I've finally caught the cold, flu, or whatever that sinus/throat/chest thing going around is. I guess I done well to avoid it this long. One thing is for sure, at least I felt good enough to know I feel bad. Just to keep it on a positive.
Next week will be week two and my stitches will be out of my finger, and the toe stays put so I'm not stepping on it anymore, lol. I'm debating on taking the stitches out myself. One though is weird looking, so maybe not. I didn't realize that I had removed that much of the side of the fingernail with it. Minor though. It'll heal.
So, my hair is still a bit curly and what isn't has body to it, but it's slowly going back thin in front and straight as a stick. It was nice while it lasted.
As for swallowing, I still sometimes get things stuck and sometimes, though less than ever, they head up my nose. There is an art to getting that dislodged without aspirating, it becomes a timing thing. Strange what one gets use to. Over a slight period of time I can eat more and more spicier foods with my throat, just don't like re-eating it with acid reflux. I still will not go near a Coke. I do however drink Mt Dews now, also not a good thing.
Next week I have the Cat Scan on my lungs, something that was suppose to be done when they scanned my throat and brain but failed to do, lack of communication. Hopefully this virus/flu/whatever will be long gone. The reason given was this type and location of cancer they say follows a tree? Head, throat, lungs. Hopefully that tree is burnt clean.
The latest blood work shows my thyroid Gland still within normal range, which is shocking, but gladly accepted. It was suppose to be completely burnt out and now that I have bragged, it probably is, lol.
Next week will be week two and my stitches will be out of my finger, and the toe stays put so I'm not stepping on it anymore, lol. I'm debating on taking the stitches out myself. One though is weird looking, so maybe not. I didn't realize that I had removed that much of the side of the fingernail with it. Minor though. It'll heal.
So, my hair is still a bit curly and what isn't has body to it, but it's slowly going back thin in front and straight as a stick. It was nice while it lasted.
As for swallowing, I still sometimes get things stuck and sometimes, though less than ever, they head up my nose. There is an art to getting that dislodged without aspirating, it becomes a timing thing. Strange what one gets use to. Over a slight period of time I can eat more and more spicier foods with my throat, just don't like re-eating it with acid reflux. I still will not go near a Coke. I do however drink Mt Dews now, also not a good thing.
Next week I have the Cat Scan on my lungs, something that was suppose to be done when they scanned my throat and brain but failed to do, lack of communication. Hopefully this virus/flu/whatever will be long gone. The reason given was this type and location of cancer they say follows a tree? Head, throat, lungs. Hopefully that tree is burnt clean.
The latest blood work shows my thyroid Gland still within normal range, which is shocking, but gladly accepted. It was suppose to be completely burnt out and now that I have bragged, it probably is, lol.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
09-22-2010
Well they say all good things must come to an end... and today they did. I've pushed the limits with this neuropathy in my hands, feet, and to some extend, face... but the hands won, lol. The Chicken Coop was put on temporary hold until Denise got home for the finishing nails to be driven. I mashed the side of my index finger pretty much off, but it was still attached somewhat, so all is good. Now that I felt. I called Denise who said go to Schindler, so I did. Three stitches and part may or may not be able to be saved, but we're gonna try. I have to go back Friday to have the wound checked.
The whole day started that way. Went for blood work and a new lady took 8-10 stabs at a vein. The lady that use to be there, one stick, pretty much painless. I wasn't sure if she was trying to sew me up or draw blood. Then the coop, but the chickens and Guineas are all in there tonight. Then it came time for Megan to get home and off we went to catch the run-a-way Llama. Should I mention it is a stupid one too? Only to be surpassed by my stupidity, lol. After about 15 to 2o acres of walking through the woods, in the fields that were in tall grass and very unlevel, the numbing wore off my finger. The thought crossed my mind about then. I have to see where I'm stepping, couldn't do that there. Heart rate up and I think I grew another heart beat in my finger. Not once but three times we walked it back over, and at times ran. This thing should in a Marathon. So we gave up. Now tonight I'm typing with basically one finger, usually I use two.
The whole day started that way. Went for blood work and a new lady took 8-10 stabs at a vein. The lady that use to be there, one stick, pretty much painless. I wasn't sure if she was trying to sew me up or draw blood. Then the coop, but the chickens and Guineas are all in there tonight. Then it came time for Megan to get home and off we went to catch the run-a-way Llama. Should I mention it is a stupid one too? Only to be surpassed by my stupidity, lol. After about 15 to 2o acres of walking through the woods, in the fields that were in tall grass and very unlevel, the numbing wore off my finger. The thought crossed my mind about then. I have to see where I'm stepping, couldn't do that there. Heart rate up and I think I grew another heart beat in my finger. Not once but three times we walked it back over, and at times ran. This thing should in a Marathon. So we gave up. Now tonight I'm typing with basically one finger, usually I use two.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
09-19-2010
Update. I still haven't started the throat cancer blog yet but I'm thinking calling it Head & Neck Cancer Blog. Thoughts anyone?
Things are going decent. I still wear down easily but I'm working at stamina. I've kept busy working on the Chicken Coop, so far, it's took far longer than I use to be able to build it, have to take a lot of breaks. Speaking of breaks, broke one toe so far, lol. Not exactly sure how or when. It could have been carrying the 2x4s of the few times I've about fell off the ladder. Thought I'd broke my thumb but I think I just bruised the bone, it still works. This is when having neuropathy really helps, lol. It does hurt some when I step on the toe, lol.
My hair is still curly. I wouldn't mind if it stayed that way. My saliva glands are trying to work, but not quite there yet. I'm still using a funky looking hat and sunscreen on my neck. At this stage there are good and bad days but the good days are beginning to equal the bad ones and that is a good thing. Before you know it they will pass the bad days. I'm working on building back strength and muscle. Muscle was the first thing to go. My voice comes and goes for better or worse. I watch spicy foods, and most that I use to eat that I thought wasn't spicy is now.
I've attempted to stabilize my weight, note the word attempted, lol. As my taste slowly comes back I eat more and more. Still no (you might want to set down on this one) Dr Peppers. I do like the Throwback Mt Dews though.
I never thought I'd be here at this time last year. Then I wondered how I would be if I was here. I'm back to getting sweaty and dirty... love that. I see what ramifications this has had and the toll it took on not just me, but my family, friends, house, and farm. I have so very much to do. I went up on the farm this weekend and didn't recognize it, weeds were everywhere. That will take a while to get back into shape. When the heat dies back a bit and I'm done with the coop, I really need to bushhog the farm badly. The cows all greeted me, a bit too much, lol. I got licked and butted, knocked down and loved. They haven't seen me but once in a year, but they remembered me. The work to be done looks overwhelming now and I wonder how I done all that before, yet I pray I will be able to do it again. It is nice to be needed. I thank God for everyday.
I know there are a few that read this, especially one, that has the same kind or similar throat cancer I had and in the same stage. Have faith. Have faith in God, in your ability to heal through the ones that God has brought you to and surrounded you with. Bear in mind that it is up to Him and that you are not being punished, tested, or anything else. Win or lose, fight the good fight, but never walk alone. That is our choice. We can fight and ask for help, or fight alone. I have no idea why I am breathing, that is two cancers and a heart attack. Live, love, laugh, each day as if it were your last. We are all dieing from that first breathe we take in this world. Some of us are blessed enough to realize it.
Things are going decent. I still wear down easily but I'm working at stamina. I've kept busy working on the Chicken Coop, so far, it's took far longer than I use to be able to build it, have to take a lot of breaks. Speaking of breaks, broke one toe so far, lol. Not exactly sure how or when. It could have been carrying the 2x4s of the few times I've about fell off the ladder. Thought I'd broke my thumb but I think I just bruised the bone, it still works. This is when having neuropathy really helps, lol. It does hurt some when I step on the toe, lol.
My hair is still curly. I wouldn't mind if it stayed that way. My saliva glands are trying to work, but not quite there yet. I'm still using a funky looking hat and sunscreen on my neck. At this stage there are good and bad days but the good days are beginning to equal the bad ones and that is a good thing. Before you know it they will pass the bad days. I'm working on building back strength and muscle. Muscle was the first thing to go. My voice comes and goes for better or worse. I watch spicy foods, and most that I use to eat that I thought wasn't spicy is now.
I've attempted to stabilize my weight, note the word attempted, lol. As my taste slowly comes back I eat more and more. Still no (you might want to set down on this one) Dr Peppers. I do like the Throwback Mt Dews though.
I never thought I'd be here at this time last year. Then I wondered how I would be if I was here. I'm back to getting sweaty and dirty... love that. I see what ramifications this has had and the toll it took on not just me, but my family, friends, house, and farm. I have so very much to do. I went up on the farm this weekend and didn't recognize it, weeds were everywhere. That will take a while to get back into shape. When the heat dies back a bit and I'm done with the coop, I really need to bushhog the farm badly. The cows all greeted me, a bit too much, lol. I got licked and butted, knocked down and loved. They haven't seen me but once in a year, but they remembered me. The work to be done looks overwhelming now and I wonder how I done all that before, yet I pray I will be able to do it again. It is nice to be needed. I thank God for everyday.
I know there are a few that read this, especially one, that has the same kind or similar throat cancer I had and in the same stage. Have faith. Have faith in God, in your ability to heal through the ones that God has brought you to and surrounded you with. Bear in mind that it is up to Him and that you are not being punished, tested, or anything else. Win or lose, fight the good fight, but never walk alone. That is our choice. We can fight and ask for help, or fight alone. I have no idea why I am breathing, that is two cancers and a heart attack. Live, love, laugh, each day as if it were your last. We are all dieing from that first breathe we take in this world. Some of us are blessed enough to realize it.
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