It has been a long day, a painful one. I did finally get the oil changed in the truck and the cucumbers and some tomatoes picked. Rather than taking them to everybody I had them come and get it. I did get the chance to browse the web and chat with my friends at ConCen.
I should be down to one of the last few patches and so I am taking the advice of my friend Kim. I will wear these last 2 patches an extended day each and follow-up with pills for a few days then my system should be weaned. There is a lot of pain that shows, more than I thought was there. Not that I'm into pain but before I ate and swallowed whatever and whenever with occasional break through pain, thing is, it masked far too much pain. That allowed me to eat and do whatever and that ain't a good thing. It isn't the mountains that wears one down, it is the hills. I knew when I done really bad but not when I done bad... I do now.
My neck is hurting on the outside more than the inside after a few minutes unprotected in the sun. The sun has become my enemy with this and yet is my friend with the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Speaking of which, the ones that read this please remember my good friend Sally tonight who is hurting and say a prayer for her. She is one of the sweetest, smartest, strongest people I have had the honor of calling friend. If one reads on CTCL it looks like a walk in the park, but in reality it is far, far from that. I love on one board when someone says they are hurting and the doctors say they are not. It is by the Grace from God that the roles aren't changed.
I finally got some meds for my cold today that Dr Rathfoot called in. It has taken from last Friday til now, but at least I have them. I've suffered some with this cold but this is life, I've seen a whole lot worse times and I'm sure I will again. I have an appointment with him next week and I pray that he will say good job. I grow tired of this battle.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
07-22-2010
I still have some kind of bug I caught off mom so I haven't been to the HBOT treatments since Wed. I feel like crap, just drained on strength, head stopped up and ache all over. It reminds me a little of Chemo but not the bad days, the good ones, that depresses me a lot. So I have once again been inside the house doing nothing and sleeping on and off. Since last Friday we have tried to get a hold of Rathfoot but to no success. This is the first time he has dropped the ball. Tomorrow will be a week and still nothing as this stuff gets worse and trys to go on down in my respiratory track.
I am so over being helpless in so many areas, I would love my independence back. Next month will make a year for this to be going on. I have had enough already, enough for 2 lifetimes.
I am so over being helpless in so many areas, I would love my independence back. Next month will make a year for this to be going on. I have had enough already, enough for 2 lifetimes.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
07-21-2010
I stayed home today due to an infection in my sinuses and ears, both were stopped up and I felt like crap. Tomorrow I will stay home again just to make sure this stuff leaves even though I feel a little better tonight.
My right shoulder is acting up, I think the tear I did 20 years ago has torn again, either that or I've injured it again. I will wait until all this calms down and then maybe go for a shot into the shoulder and see if that helps.
My neuropathy gave me a fit today even though I kept off my feet and kept them elevated... strange. My throat seemed a little less painful today after I woke up, but then again I didn't talk much today. It still isn't too bad. I think if the saliva glands would start to work and this sinus thing would quit, and the reflux stop I might have a chance to have a voice.
August 9 is still in the back of my mind though. I look forward to it yet at the same time I can wait. If they give me the all clear I'm buying a boat, a cheap fishing boat... and I mean cheap, lol.
My right shoulder is acting up, I think the tear I did 20 years ago has torn again, either that or I've injured it again. I will wait until all this calms down and then maybe go for a shot into the shoulder and see if that helps.
My neuropathy gave me a fit today even though I kept off my feet and kept them elevated... strange. My throat seemed a little less painful today after I woke up, but then again I didn't talk much today. It still isn't too bad. I think if the saliva glands would start to work and this sinus thing would quit, and the reflux stop I might have a chance to have a voice.
August 9 is still in the back of my mind though. I look forward to it yet at the same time I can wait. If they give me the all clear I'm buying a boat, a cheap fishing boat... and I mean cheap, lol.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
07-20-2010
I awoke decent today but in a lot of pain. I think I may be getting mom's cold and just my luck, it is in the respiratory and sinus region. For the last few days I've felt rough. The hissing, like an airline is leaking, and it is loud has came back. HBOT was one of the hardest yet, I was already about to throw up before I got there and it got worse as we pressurized. Thank God it was a good movie, Cinderella Man. I would not have watched it on my own but it turned out to be an excellent movie, one of the best ones I have seen and it helped me to focus. I almost asked several times to come out.
Me and Charlie ate and discussed his upcoming heart cath, I think I filled him in pretty well, had a bunch of those, lol. Nobody was happy that I drove myself down yesterday, but I made it. The Chemo has left me where I fall asleep, almost like pass out easily, but I know the warning signs. He will be absent when he has his heart cath and I plan to drive myself then. far to long have I been a burden.
I slept today after I got home and tonight I will have no problem sleeping more. Again I meant to change the oil in the truck and again it didn't happen, lol. Maybe tomorrow. My throat is so tight inside tonight it is hard to breathe and enough break through pain I resorted to about 10mg of Morphine. My God that sounds like a lot yet it barely eases it off. I think I will be in for a Hell of a ride when the patches come off.
I still get frustrated that I cannot do what I want and what I once did. How is all this junk suppose to get done? How did I do it all before? I failed at doing all the gardens, I was in hopes that I could do enough so that if this is my last season everybody would have plenty of food stored. One thing is for sure, they all have eaten Tomatoes and Cucumbers till they were full. At least they will have enough seed for net year and some to share if I am not here. We will find out August 12th if it is gone or not. I pray it is for I could not physically, mentally, or emotionally withstand any more. If it ain't, I pray I go fast.
Me and Charlie ate and discussed his upcoming heart cath, I think I filled him in pretty well, had a bunch of those, lol. Nobody was happy that I drove myself down yesterday, but I made it. The Chemo has left me where I fall asleep, almost like pass out easily, but I know the warning signs. He will be absent when he has his heart cath and I plan to drive myself then. far to long have I been a burden.
I slept today after I got home and tonight I will have no problem sleeping more. Again I meant to change the oil in the truck and again it didn't happen, lol. Maybe tomorrow. My throat is so tight inside tonight it is hard to breathe and enough break through pain I resorted to about 10mg of Morphine. My God that sounds like a lot yet it barely eases it off. I think I will be in for a Hell of a ride when the patches come off.
I still get frustrated that I cannot do what I want and what I once did. How is all this junk suppose to get done? How did I do it all before? I failed at doing all the gardens, I was in hopes that I could do enough so that if this is my last season everybody would have plenty of food stored. One thing is for sure, they all have eaten Tomatoes and Cucumbers till they were full. At least they will have enough seed for net year and some to share if I am not here. We will find out August 12th if it is gone or not. I pray it is for I could not physically, mentally, or emotionally withstand any more. If it ain't, I pray I go fast.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
07-18-2010
I woke up this morning about 10am, took the barrage of pills I have to take, then went right back to bed. I didn't get up again until 5pm. I had planned to pick the beans, tomatoes, then change the oil in my truck...didn't happen. Mom has a cold and I may be getting a touch of it. I ache all over.
My right shoulder is going out. I tore it about 20 years ago and it healed, maybe I built up muscles to compensate for it like I did my left. When I woke up both times my mouth was covered over with something that felt like glue but tastes horrible. It takes forever to get that junk out and then getting it out of my throat is almost impossible and painful. Afterward though it feels better.
My right shoulder is going out. I tore it about 20 years ago and it healed, maybe I built up muscles to compensate for it like I did my left. When I woke up both times my mouth was covered over with something that felt like glue but tastes horrible. It takes forever to get that junk out and then getting it out of my throat is almost impossible and painful. Afterward though it feels better.
Friday, July 16, 2010
07-16-2010
The extra Morphine afforded me some extra sleep last night but today HBOT was hard to do again. I'm not sure why but I keep thinking the Tea from Hardees. Tea has it's ups and downs but over the months I have drank so much water that I long for something with some kind of flavor and carbonated drinks and OJ aren't the answer.
Tonight though I don't need anything extra for pain, all day it has went no higher than level 2. I know there is swelling inside though, the hissing sound is back in my left ear. That means I am swelled up enough that pressure is being placed on the nerve. It is a loud hissing sound, so loud the first time I heard it I thought we had punctured a tire.
I bragged on the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma a bit too soon, itssss baccckkkk, lol. (From a movie). My feet and ankles plus a new patch on my knee. The knee ain't so bad but the ankle is painful and the feet override the neuropathy. How can that be? Numb yet painful. It is however a pain that I need nothing for as for 5 years now it has been there most of the time. We can get use to the strangest things, if indeed I am use to it.
I think I've a cold now that hopefully will not blossom into anything more than that. My voice is back to where it was and the little chucks of whatever that hard stuff is comes up. I can swallow decent still but I have to get it back out of my nose, talk about a weird feeling. It is when it goes that way that I think is the hardest because obliviously it can't stay there and dislodging it is hard to do without making it head down the airway. Of all the ways for it to lodge that is the hardest to get loose.
I attempted to get some garden work or even something, anything, done outside but it just didn't happen... too hot. I did however manage to spend money, lol. I did listen to something on the radio that I will place a link to. This one is unusual for me to do. The real message starts a bit after the 3 minute mark and boy did it strike a nerve. Listen to this message... especially if you are going through a hardship. It will resonate with you. It is at : http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/radio_player.aspx?id=169
Tonight though I don't need anything extra for pain, all day it has went no higher than level 2. I know there is swelling inside though, the hissing sound is back in my left ear. That means I am swelled up enough that pressure is being placed on the nerve. It is a loud hissing sound, so loud the first time I heard it I thought we had punctured a tire.
I bragged on the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma a bit too soon, itssss baccckkkk, lol. (From a movie). My feet and ankles plus a new patch on my knee. The knee ain't so bad but the ankle is painful and the feet override the neuropathy. How can that be? Numb yet painful. It is however a pain that I need nothing for as for 5 years now it has been there most of the time. We can get use to the strangest things, if indeed I am use to it.
I think I've a cold now that hopefully will not blossom into anything more than that. My voice is back to where it was and the little chucks of whatever that hard stuff is comes up. I can swallow decent still but I have to get it back out of my nose, talk about a weird feeling. It is when it goes that way that I think is the hardest because obliviously it can't stay there and dislodging it is hard to do without making it head down the airway. Of all the ways for it to lodge that is the hardest to get loose.
I attempted to get some garden work or even something, anything, done outside but it just didn't happen... too hot. I did however manage to spend money, lol. I did listen to something on the radio that I will place a link to. This one is unusual for me to do. The real message starts a bit after the 3 minute mark and boy did it strike a nerve. Listen to this message... especially if you are going through a hardship. It will resonate with you. It is at : http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/radio_player.aspx?id=169
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