10-29-10

We got the garlic planted, even though the soil was wet. I also placed straw down in the chicken house to calm the dust. Not my first choice but it was done anyway.

I'm still weak. Yesterday I got much of nothing done and again today, more of the same. No energy, no strength, no stamina... I am tired. I've still kept on and off the last two days a migraine, but at least it wasn't continual as it has been. I blew blood out of my right side of my nose this morning, maybe that is where the problem is. I'm still taking Kim's advice, allergy pill and Musenix (misspelled) and it has helped. I'm just so tired.

The big part on my finger came loose more today so I went ahead and cut the dead looking part off. Still, all in all, it don't look too bad.

Been watching the banana plant and it is working on having some bananas! Now if the rest would take heed, lol. I can't wait. These will be my first ones after all these years.

10-25-2010

I've slept most all the day, going in and out. Same tonight too, just happen to wake up long enough to long in. I took some left over Bactin Double Strength, something I had taken before. This time though I had a bad reaction to it. I broke out all over and my throat swelled almost closed. I've kept Bendyrl in my system that seems to have helped with it.

The pain in my throat seem to be getting better, I suspect the chewing gum Dentene. So I've stopped that. The migraine backs off with Excedrin Migraine pills. Very weak and when the meds wear off I'm up and wishing that I wasn't. Extreme pain in my head, eyes, shoulders, and neck. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Kim brought up a good idea, maybe it was all the mowing as weeds had grown as large as the tractor. I still have about 15 acres to go so maybe a mask is in order. So tired.

10-23-2010

Today has been a down day which I'm guessing was overdo. Strange, I have a pain, localized to the point of actually pointing it with a finger in the right side of my larynx. This is the third day of it but by far the most intense. This is the first day though I've had to resort back to pain medicine to relieve the pain. I've bush hogged for two days, Thursday and Friday. Thursday I failed to use sunblock, maybe partly the reason for the swelling feeling around my throat inside. Denise looked at my throat tonight and said she could see the swelling on the right side. This has been the second day as well for a migraine. Then again, sinuses have acted up as well.

10-18-2010

It's almost 3am and again here I set. I've even taken an sleeping pill and nothing. I'm wore of by unable to sleep again, so I figured I might as well do something.

The stitches are gone from my finger. I did lose a couple of big pieces but overall not too bad. I've kept busy pushing new limits. At times it doesn't seem that I get anywhere. I can bust butt for a couple or three days and then have to recuperate for a day or two, but I keep trying.

The side effects still remain and show no sign of backing off. The hair is backing off though, thinner than ever up front, lol. It still has body and curl to it. I get a few giggles at it the way it is everywhere, but that's ok with me.

Tomorrow Mark and me will load calves, something that I am a bit worried about for the first time. I'm not sure just how much strength I have when it comes to taking on a 500lb pissed off calf anymore, but we will see. It may go smooth as silk.

I have a health site that wants me to make videos for them to have on their site. She says just the facts and I am having a hard time with just medical facts. I still believe that faith is the key factor. I'll make them starting sometimes this week or next, but they will have to be true to what it is and what it is not. Even the doctors I have say that faith has played a big part in this. That is not to say though that if someone fails that they lacked faith. God is the ultimate decider.

Well, lets flop around some more.

10-14-2010

I bragged too soon, lol. Today caught up with me finally and I spent the morning in bed. Bad leg cramps, actually muscle spasms mixed with heavy fatigue and loss of balance. Not bad though considering I had a good run of several days in good shape.

I spent the remained of the day under a cattle trailer still working on the wiring, what a pain. It is fun though. I also checked out my chicken coop now armed with interior lights that will hopefully keep the eggs coming during the short sunlight hours this winter. They are solar lights, 2 inside and 1 on the pathway to it.

I'll back off Sunday and maybe partly Monday so that I will have enough energy, God willing, to take the calves off. Usually we get Jerry to come after them but Mark says he will take them this time. I don't think there are over 2 or 3 that will go 500lbs, something I never worried about before, this time though maybe a little. I'm not sure just how strong I am, but I'm gonna try.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow to see if he wants to take the stitches out yet. Today made 3 weeks. Think I may have accidentally removed most of on, lol.

10-12-2010

I've done good lately. We went on a benefit ride for Chad & Lori. Chad has cancer so please remember him and her in your prayers. Denise was afraid I wouldn't hold up but I done great! I didn't do anything Friday and not a whole lot Thursday in preparation for it. I think we really needed that, both of us. It was so beautiful and to be out with friends, on bikes... it just don't get much better. Denise crashed when we got home, lol. I however, fed the chickens and the orphaned kittens and then played on the web. Sunday I chilled a bit but went right back at it, a bit slower though.

Today I planned to work again on the outbuilding but the neuropathy was pretty rough and somehow climbing a ladder just didn't seem smart. I'm not sure what triggers it to be worse some days but there has to be something. The CTCL is acting up again. If it continues I'll do some NBUVB treatments, though with my neck I really don't want to.

I keep looking at the stitches in my finger. Dr Schindler done some fancy sewing. I'm still not sure if I can get one of them out, the others are easy though. Tip of the finger is a bit numb, more than the rest.

My side effects or whatever you call them have showed no sign of improvement except the voice. Yesterday it was bad but today I almost sound normal again. Go figure. One thing is for sure, the weight is back. I'm 215 now. Why is it the last thing to go was fat and the first thing to come back was fat. A good side effect though is I have curly hair, and it is getting long. I've decided no haircut this year. Sorry Jackie sue, lol.

10-08-2010 Follow-up with dr. Panella on Cat Scan

I had my follow-up with Panella today and it went good in most ways. Denise took me there as she usually does and went with me. Dr Panella opened the door and asked if we minded talking to an Intern first. We were good with that, everybody has to learn and he done a good job. Looks as if he will turn out good if he continues like Panella is teaching him, but I think he wasn't sure just how blunt to be.

Panella then came in. The CT Scan showed the mass as large as it was, no change, 4.7 cms I believe. This time however it looked differently and the formation or something wasn't showing solid. He believes like Dr Rathfoot said that it is Radiation damage. He said that there was a slight concern but minimal. The lungs showed a few nodules but he said that was typical here in East Tennessee. Because of them and the throat though he ordered another CT Scan in April.

Then we discussed the aftermath of the treatments. He said that because of the severity of the reaction to the Taxotere and the radiation over burn that I will take longer for the aftermath to leave and that I may be left with some of it forever. The aftermath being neuropathy in the hands, feet and face. A hissing in the ears that varies from annoying to partially blocking sound. Chemo fog or brain, however one wished to term it. Some vision loss. A course voice that fades as I use it. The saliva glands not working properly. Problems with sun exposure to the neck. Hard time swallowing some things and breathing at times (so far, mostly in the heat). Finally, last but not least... fatigue.

All of these though are acceptable and were discussed up front for the most part. They may decide to cut away some of the scar tissue from the radiation which might help, but that is for them to decide. I can work on the fatigue, strength, and stamina. It may take a while but it is a goal. This leads occasionally to depression so I need to watch what I expect. The rest I will deal with what I have left and how to compensate for what I haven't. Somewhere there is a balance point, I just have to find it, but it's there. All in all we are calling this a good day and a blessing from God. I ain't got a clue why or what He is doing but I'm here for the ride.

I seen people in the waiting area, some just beginning the battle, some like me, praying it stops now, and some, God love them, in the midst of the battle. There is an unspoken connection there somewhere. I feel comfortable being around them. There sat a beautiful young lady with he dad, all he hair removed and her skin what we called the Chemo color. Her eyes were still bright though, full of hope yet one could catch a glimpse of fear. A middle aged lady wearing a hat to cover he head with no hair. She too was beautiful once and still an attractive lady that will be beautiful yet again, even more so as she will grow inside. One man though looked bad, skinny and extremely weak. I think we went to school together. Yet he walked when called with cane in hand the best his body would carry him. From his looks I'm guessing the prognosis wasn't good, yet his eyes showed intelligence and kindness, fear, and pain... and a little dash of hope.

I stopped, as I always do to see everybody at the Chemo Hut to see the ladies, Sandra in particular, and give her a hug. They were all so good to me. I have memories of people coming in and saying high after they were done... it always gave me hope.

It is not that. I look back and thank God for all He did. He led me to great Doctors and nurses, and a great hospital, actually two of them. Great friends and especially a great family. I look at Denise after all these years and wonder just what she sees in me. She is so smart and beautiful. So God has so well blessed me. I just wish dad had of lived to see me get to this point, but I'm sure he sees me, they all do.

I get a break until next month. Then I see Rathfoot. Until then though we take it one day at a time. I will work with what I have and learn to work around what I have not. If God has wanted to get my attention these last 5 years, my ears are open now.

10-05-2010

I had a new CT Scan done yesterday. I'm not sure if they done the head but I believe she said they did. This time for sure though they done the neck and lungs. One thing that may have an impact is this cold that I've had for the second week now. Megan has had it too. It goes better than worse, back and forth it seems. I've waited to see if my body can heal itself but it hasn't. Last night Megan said she wanted to go to the doctor. Today we did just that. we both have all the same symptoms except she was blowing out blood and I wasn't. I have a chest infection where she doesn't, and she had a low grade fever and I didn't. Went that path over the weekend. Both of us have sore throats, something I've had enough to last me a lifetime of.

Also had him look at my finger, which he was very impressed at the healing. He said i still needed to leave the stitches in for at least a few more days. Minimum, about 14 days. It's still extremely sore to the touch and especially to the bump, lol, which I seem to be good at. Ever notice the part that hurts is the part that you mash, slam, bump, or rub wrong? There is nothing that I haven't hit that one finger on. I'm not sure if there is a method to these stitches or not, but they look complicated. Nothing like the ones I've had in the past. I may have to have them taken out.

So we look towards the week's end to find out the results of the CAT Scan.

Denise brings home everything she can that has Michael Douglas or Cathrine Zeta Jones on it. She especially looks at any pictures and already on one she could see the burn lines on his neck even above his neck. In addition to what is called the Chemo Color. Our prayers are with them all.