12-30-2012

 Once again fighting over a yeast infection. Denise says its the Prednisone so this time when I'm coming close to beating it I will either cut the dose in half or quit it all together, which Denise isn't fond of. She says the swelling will come back and the breathing and swallowing will be worse again, I say we will see. If it fails I can always start it back and if it don't I win and another pill I won't have to take or try and remember to take.    

  We have a calf to attempt to remove from the pond tomorrow, though I have no idea how just yet. This is a first for me, two days old and it drowns in the pond? That is the hardest part of farming, seeing animals die. That makes us 0 for two, one born dead earlier this month. This was her first calf too, she made trips to that side of the field balling to get attention, which she did. Mark and Bobbie called us. On the second trip to look and see after Mark and Bobbie called and told me she was looking again, I saw her looking at the pond. I don't know if it was her lack of experience, been chased, or knocked into the pond, but there it was. I kept her to start with because the prices had dropped and later because of her gentle nature and intelligence, a decision I still stand by. Most of the cows stood at the top of the hill looking down. I looked at her and shook my head no and done the other cows the same as I came back up the hill and they turned and walked back as if they knew what I meant. Maybe they did and maybe they didn't, but I think they did. Cows are intelligent. I think it will bring closure to her if we can get the body out tomorrow and bury it. She will know better next time.

  They say what you do on New Year you will do all year long. I plan to eat and go back on the Gluten Free diet, not because I'm Celiac but because I feel better and weigh less so more intolerant than allergic. Megan has already beat me to it and Denise is working her way back too. Megan's sinuses started bothering her again when she came off the diet, just as before. My sinuses and arthritis, and blood in the stools started back. We all three started back gaining again. I think that most of our health is in the food we eat. Funny how wheat has changed genetically like corn and almost everything else including meat. Factory farming just don't work and GM & GE foods create more than they could ever hope to help.

  Happy New Year  

Grab a glass of Tea, wish Happy New Year to the ones around you, call the ones that aren't. Then bow and thank God for the blessings of family and friends. We hit the bed then. :) Past our bedtime.  

12-23-2012

  Just in case I forget to log in tomorrow and the next day.

Happy Birthday Mom.

Merry Christmas To Everybody.

12-12-12

  After a long battle the last Peacock we had died today. He went all these years without a name. I knew he was worse yesterday evening when he let Megan catch him, I had enough of a hard time catching him myself usually. We gave him bread, cat food, scratch, regular feed, whatever he wanted yesterday.. he wasn't interested in much though. I've kept the truck parked out these last few nights, he wanted to stay in the carport where it parks. We set him up last night on his roost and again he came down. He was alive when I left this morning in the carport. Came home and he was standing in the driveway looking at the creek, so I took him a cup of water. I cut a slice of bread and Megan took it to him, he had moved over to the cattle trailer, one of his favorite spots. Megan came back in with the bread and shook her head with tears in her eyes. I buried him back here near the Garlic garden, but he preferred the Green Bean Garden. He did like my swing though that is back here, so that is where I put him. Looks like I'll be in the gardens alone next year. He followed and guarded one garden and his brother the other.

  This winter I need to build Megan her duck pen, they need the room, then a Peacock pen. January or February maybe we will be ready to find a pair or trio. Maybe later on rework the old aviary, but it needs a lot of work. They will not ever be replaced, followed me like dogs, I hatched them in an incubator and we bonded. But perhaps the next, though not the same, will be just as unique as these were. I found a breeder fairly close by but they seem to be more with Pied, Cameo, and Black Shoulder... say they have White, but I'd have to look at the eyes to see if it is actually White or albino. I'm just as happy with the India Blue and the Emerald Spaudings. It takes 3 years for the male to grow his tail, or reproduce and 2 for the female to be reproductive. They usually won't stay somewhere unless they grow up there. I may cheat and buy adults and clean up an incubator and hatch a few.

  On a positive note though I tore into the mower and it appears it just jumped time. Maybe tomorrow I'll try and get it back into time or figure out if the valves have burnt. I don't see a reason to get rid of it, it'll probably outlast me if I quit trying to mow the fields with it and use the tractor and bush hog instead. :) Depends on how cold it gets and what comes up between now and then. I still have a yeast infection in my throat but even when it clears I find too cold or hot just seems to close it off. I got a lot of plans, plenty to do, mentally I'm right there... just gotta get the physically to agree with it. At some point I'd like to finish at least one of the cars I started before I tore my shoulder out. It's not like we'd ever drive it much if any but since I've had all the parts bought for a few years now it would be nice to use them. I also sent my first successful text! Took me a while but I done it. We watched a bike build off and I voted for Paul Jr. He built a nicer bike but also I think he is a much nicer guy than the other three. I'm still figuring on what I'll grow next year and which grains I'll try and do, time to learn something new. 

 

12-11-2012

  Back to the old drawing board. Things are liquid that should be, Gluten? This Intestinal thing has been almost all week now, maybe longer, and today it shows back up. The last 4 or 5 nights I've placed our last Peacock we have left on his second choice roost. He has been sick, weak, and losing weight now for quite a while. Tonight 3 times I set up up and thrice he came back down. He have me a pitiful look and I think he was to stay down, so tonight I resolve to observe his wishes. He has had 20-21 years, mostly running free. Despite how I feel I'll check once more tonight. We went and fed the cows and a calf and found a calf born dead.
Looong Day

12-4-2012 I Think

  So far it's been warmer and dryer than I thought it would be, looks like the signs for a bad winter were wrong, but I ain't complaining. To be this warm the cows are putting the hay away, I can't imagine if it gets cold. Me and Megan worked on cleaning the Tomato garden area up yesterday and today we've both paid for it. Whatever don't like me don't like her either, had to be some kind of weed in the top soil I bought. Megan went shopping with mom and I came back and fed and done my first time ever, mixing and baking 2 loaves at the same time together. I baked mom one and us one using the recipe I came up with, even tweaked that a bit and had better results. Instead of 2 1/2 cups of the mix I used 2 cups, then used Sweet Sorghum Flour and Tapioca Flour for the last 1/2 cup. I've tried to eat little in the way of bread though, doing my last round once again for another yeast infection in my throat. Denise ended up with a Baking Stone from their company's Christmas Party. I intended on baking some cookies for them on it today, but I hit that wall. Maybe tomorrow. They had a nice Christmas Party and we all had loads of fun, good food, tea, and company. First time Dr Rama noticed my voice was like Wolfman Jack. I admittedly don't see him much, but he is my Cardiologist, the one that worked on me when I had my heart attack. I told him if I get sick again I'll come back, which over the years I've had to from time to time, especially to be cleared for surgery and stuff. The level of quality people they have there is astounding. Then again, I could be partial. :) 

  We also went to the Court House today, funny story. Mark called and they had 2 Barrels of fine sawdust again, so me and Megan went to get them. After we loaded up the 50 gallon drums we talked with Mark and Mark (cousin), which looks down and says, you got your money's worth on those tags. I had banged them up a bit and laughed. Then he said they're out. I told him in April they're out along with the other 3 trucks and bike. Then he said, it's December and laughed. So me and Megan head for the Court House today to buy tags, but I keep wondering if I'd bought them and misplaced them. I asked them to look it up to see, I hadn't. He asked if I'd got the slip in the mail. I told him I did, he done his part, apparently I failed to do mine. He asked if the truck was driven since April. I smiled and said everyday, thank God I hadn't got a ticket or had a wreck. I told him about tagging the other trucks. He asked if they'd been driven this year. Yep, not much but a few times. The dump truck (BUD) brought the top soil home, Big Ugly a few times for lumber, and Blackie to pick the dogs up 3 times. I think I got slightly confused and bought Big Ugly's tags, thinking I'd bought the Ranger's tags. Denise said I had to sell Big Ugly since I'd bought Bud (stands for Big Ugly Dump), so I didn't intend on tagging it. Big Ugly didn't sell, so its still here. I told him I must be gettin old. He smiled and said, "It don't get no better either." They were nice about the whole thing, which they're always nice, good crew down there. They probably figured I'd bought something again, lol. I've seen some good deals, but Denise would kill me if I drug something else home, plus my little retirement from UPS doesn't compare to what I made there. I miss the interaction with people and the money and if I was able to run like I did, the jumping and running. These days if I'm jumping and running it is either I've tripped and falling, or somethings about to eat me. :)

  I got my hair cut and I think Ron and Denise conspired to cut it short, lol. My beard and mustache is neat and trim, and my hair is short... feels good. We even found partly where my hair in front is locating to, my ears, lol.  I think Denise is getting use to the beard finally. I told her I said I'll take hair anywhere God puts it, and it started on my chin first. I keep my promises.      

Thanksgiving 2012

  I made it to another one and thus have many reasons to actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I've actually always had plenty of reasons to be thankful in my 52 years so far. They ain't all been easy, but with the exception of one, I've always been blessed with family and friends. Even that one, when I was doing chemo and sick, they were on the phone and made sure I had food. It seemed I'd eat one bite and throw up two, but I ate it. :) Over the years some faces are missing and new faces have been added. But that is as it should be I guess, so I give thanks for the opportunity to share my life in their company, and will see them one day again. Today though, a great God, family, friends and food... I should have worn larger pants though. :)  We had mom and Denise, all three daughters, my son in law, want to be son in law, all four grandkids, Mark and Bobbie. Me and Megan baked Wednesday and Denise started cooking Wednesday night, finished this morning, mom fixed some pies, and we had plenty. We all have left overs we shared, so we'll all eat good again. Mom's dressing is the bomb. Re-fry that stuff in a cast iron skillet with butter or coconut oil, add to reheated turkey or pork, and you just don't get no better than that. Well, maybe take some mashed taters and make them in a patty and fried in butter to go along with it. I think I see why I'm overweight now, lol. Denise can cook like no other, and I can eat leftovers like no other, lol. We might have grown up poor, but we knew how to eat, and didn't go hungry. 

  I actually took my medicine as it I should a day or two. Waited for the right day. I climbed onto the roof and blew out the leaves from the gutters and off the roof. No accidents or anything! I didn't look as macho as I did in my younger days, neuropathy isn't pretty on a slope, so I crawled on most of the roof, lol. We live in the woods though, so by the next day you can't tell anything has been done.  I'm kinda paying though for the rest of the leaf collection, but I expected as much, I didn't wear a mask.

  I've been making plans on next year's garden, God willing of course. I think I'll try something new, growing some grains. I know where the Buckwheat can grow, maybe the Millet, Quinoa, and Amaranth, but I also bought some of the Biblical Wheat too, less Gluten. But tomorrow, cow feeding time again. I have one calf that if he continues to put on weight, we will invite him back to the house about February or March, unless one of the others grows faster. They seem to run the weight off faster than they're putting it on. Next week we have a hair appointment. Denise wants me to get my hair cut shorter, which I will, but not too short. The beard a little trimmer too. I'm just thankful to have hair. Now if it would stay where its at and quit relocating. I ain't losing it. I still find it, just not where I want it to be. :) Having said that. I am thankful to have what I have.   

11-15-2012 Results

The doctor called to give the official results from the blood work. Negative. Thank God for that. I learned a new disease though and pray for those who have it. I have a follow up appointment with him I think next month. Not sure why that muscle would curl or pull loose from whatever that is, part I got lost on, but at least it ain't that. Maybe it's just age or another side effect of chemo, who knows. Maybe heart, I've used Nitro a few times lately, last time last night. Heart attack is definitely on my list of never want to do again.

  I've not stayed true to the gluten-free diet but close. Denise falls every now and then but Megan is strict on it. One thing is for sure, never say never. I find myself enjoying baking bread and cookies, and I love trying new mixes out with different flours. Use to, rain I'd work in it outside, then as I got older inside on old cars or the house. Now I bake, lol.

 Denise has the TV on and some lady is putting something on her teeth that whitens them. Bad, read up on that junk. This woman though shows her teeth and looks like a mule eatin briars. :) Jaws ain't got a set like that, kinda scary. 

11-10-2012 Barb

  I got a text yesterday that Barbra died, for her the fight is over. I cannot imagine, nor would I want to even try, what Don is going through. Barbra made Don's lunch everyday and put a little love note in it, I can't remember seeing two people in love like they are. I say are for a few things never die. Truth, Love, and the Spirit. So once again this year Heaven gets a little brighter and the world a bit dimmer. I haven't contacted Don, Denise's dad has been very sick and Josh's birthday. Honestly though, I would not know what to say. Nothing really comforts a person during that time and no words really comfort, it just takes time. Don is without a doubt the best husband I think I've ever met. Don and Barb inspired me and everyone they encounter along their life. 

  I think back to the last time me and Don talked and he asked how much I knew about the Bible. I told him a little, but not much. The more I learn the more I know I don't know and need to learn. What I didn't say is that I know about death and about God, not by reading but by first hand knowledge, yet how does one describe what no words can. You can't. Words terribly fail and truly one is left with a knowledge one cannot accurately explain or share, and that makes it hard knowing. It is not that you ask for it. That changes my views on death and what comes next. So for Don I pray and mourn, yet for Barbra I rejoice, for she is experiencing something greater that words can tell, more alive than we are in this world. She fought valiantly, and though she lost the battle, she won the war. That however will do little to numb his pain.          

11-9-2012

  I went and got my blood work done and last night I took his blood work order and Googled what that was and what it is for. The blood work will check for Acetylcholine receptor antibodies, I'm hoping to rule out Myasthenia gravis, which I can't even pronounce. For that matter I haven't even heard of it. It spurs from the Thymus Gland, I had to Google that too. :) Other than Thymus & Louise, I've not much knowledge on that. Not sure it's accurate to doctor's knowledge of it but here this is  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001731  I did notice some things that looked familiar. Rare, Incurable, Treatable. There is also cancer in that gland that would need be ruled out. Rare and Incurable I know oh too well, they seem to like me. Once rare, Lymes Disease, Pernicious Anemia, CTCL. The Brown Recluse just left scars... both times. I seem to collect rare like a rare magnet. But we will cross that bridge if we come to it. The results may be back as early as Monday. It'd be nice to just have a nice, smooth life. 

  Denise's dad blacked out today and had to be looked at. Test results so far so he was in A Fib. He is doing good now though. Please remember him in your prayers. Her parents are good God loving people.

   And tonight it seems we have a visitor again, go figure. The neighbor's dog was shot with a pellet or bb gun and ours were turned loose last night. I've done been out once tonight and tonight will stay alert.    
      

11-08-2-12

  The Blood Work ordered is to check for antibodies and I'm hoping ruling out Myasthenia gravis, which until now I'd never heard of.

11-9-2012

Happy Birthday 12th Josh!!!

You're this close to being a Teenager.

11-7-2012

  I got a call from the eye doctor's office today at UT Eye Surgeons, said he wanted some blood work. I'll pick up the orders tomorrow and take to the lab where Denise works to have it drawn. We will see whats up on that. Other than that the neuropathy hasn't changed, still here. I think the wet weather/cold has something to do with it because it seems to get worse, Sally says hers is too. Denise and Megan have bought caught Misty's cold, so far I've been spared. I got a call from Rod, his wife Nora had breast cancer, they put her in remission, now it's back and 13 chemo treatments later, it's not responding. Please remember them in your prayers, they are good people. We made friends when I worked in Real Estate with them. 

  I've stayed in the last 2 days, cold and wet outside. Me and Megan baked some Gluten Free French Bread... not quite the size I was after but the taste is excellent. Today I researched a little more on gluten free flours and what is good and what mixes with what well. I have 2 recipes but didn't go by either one, lol. God willing, I plan to try and grow some of these plants the flour derives from next year, so study will be needed on that too. I have no idea how to grow that stuff, harvest it, or clean it to turn into flour. :) I do know that Denise has now lost 15lbs, Megan has lost about 10, and I've lost about 10 (I keep falling off the wagon). Denise will from time to time but seldom. Megan will not eat Gluten anything. Already her sinuses are better, bloating gone, and acid reflux is gone too. I'll have to say that after a week or so my acid reflux is gone as well, and sinuses are not as bad.

  Megan's duck hatched out 8 babies so far which was an unbelievable feat when one considers they live on a wire floor pen. She has done a great job. The cows are eating like pigs. We put out 3 rolls and they were down to one today. The rolls are so-so quality, save for 2 that just weren't eatable and I replaced them, so that is 5 rolls down now. Not bad for the second week of November, but we only bought 120. It'll be tight. Now here was a funny thing. We were watching Duck Commanded on TV tonight and Megan and Denise think I act a lot like Phil, Willie's dad, with a touch of Willie's brother added in. I'll take that as a compliment. That came after Phil caught the grandchildren playing video games and gave them a lecture and took them fishing. Except I don't fish, I'd like to but don't. I play in dirt and animals and fix things, but I don't understand texting or video games... at all. Thought that was pretty cool of him making taking them fishing. The dirtier I am the happier I am. :) That justifies I can set in the tub a long time and read. Well, prowlers again tonight, either 4 or 2 legged, which means I have to go outside in this crappy weather and see.

  It's been a good day, and I thank God for that.      

10-31-2012

  We went to the Ophthalmologist today at UT Eye Surgeons. Dr Rouse was nice but either I'm getting old or doctors are getting younger. I don't think I've ever had that complete of an eye exam. He even looked in the back of my eye ball, which I'm still trying to figure that out. I come out with a Ray Charles looking eye wear on my glasses, took until about 3 o'clock until I could stand seeing the daylight. All that and I still have no idea what is next or if anything is next, but he was complete in the exam and took his time. I had never heard that kind of doctor before now, thought all eye doctors were the same. The term sounds like it is a positive person, lol. Optimist.

  Denise never ceases to amaze me. He and her talked what sounded like a foreign language, I listened but didn't understand a lot of it. He is going to talk with whoever read the CT Scan and maybe order blood work. I did read the report from Dr. Panella on interrogating the CT Scan. One thing on the report that wasn't a shocker is that I'm overweight, or under tall, depending on the perspective. Some loss of hearing and I think that is blamed on the chemo, but I believe it's also a possible side effect of the H Bot Therapy. It seems I'm losing and have lost some control of a muscle in the left eye which is causing the episodes of double vision. He saw a muscle curled? The fix seems to be placing a Prism in my left lens, which takes away clear vision. I have no idea what I do now. See Dr Panella, call Dr Rouse, get blood work done, or wait. I know I have to go back in 4 months.

  Now this is weird. There is a possibility it could be Thyroid problems. It was understood that the Thyroid was in the line of fire with the radiation and would get burned up. Last check levels were within normal range and it's almost been 3 years. Thank God for that. It was expected to be dead a long time ago. I ended up at a little after 3 picking about 1/2 bushel of Chili Peppers for Denise to take to Jo, Rama, and the girls. Picked about 1/2 bushel of sweet peppers. Probably the last of the peppers this year, its suppose to frost tonight. The garden is one place I can go and the world looks better, my escape. I checked the cows while I was out too and took them some salt blocks, counted and petted a few. I love to watch the calves run and play. I think maybe when winter hits I'll play with one of the cars, maybe put the bug back together and put the new top on it. If it ain't a bad winter we have the old lumber from the front porch. Me and Megan could build a me Peacock Aviary and a Duck Aviary for her. I think the new term is re-purpose the lumber, but I call it using what you have and not wasting it.          

   

10-26-2012 CT Scan Results

  I got a call from Ruth today at UT on the CT Scans on my head, neck, and lungs. All Clear!!! Thank God. I had not heard Ruth's voice in a while and hearing her talk was like music to my ears. Ruth is stern and even though she shows strength she has a big heart and an excellent nurse. But lets face it, all the ones who worked on me are excellent. I have some excellent support from family and friends (especially Kim), who was and is a life saver. With all of this though I'll have to say prayers and well wishes are the strongest medicine. So that was good. I still go to the Optometrist (think I got that right) next week for the double vision and sometimes dizzy spells. I've had my arteries checked in my neck and they're pretty clear, I think one had 20% blockage, not enough to worry about. I'm still wondering about sinuses.

  Today me and Megan took off the trash and burned some piles of old wood and weeds, plus a few leaves. I took the lawnmower and vacuumed up the leaves here. I got it running but something just ain't quite right. I tilled the ground again where the Garlic will go, it still needs tilled with the sphagnum moss in it. Nov 3rd the signs will be in the breast so Denise is wanting to do it then. Me and Megan took a roll of hay to the cows. They didn't seem to interested in it. We were there about 30 minutes counting, kept coming up with different numbers, lol. Finally we both come up with 32 twice each. I transplanted a cactus tonight using the roll it in newspaper method, aka splinters. I read that somewhere, must have missed some major point. Knowledge is what you obtain from reading, observing, or listening. Wisdom is what you obtain right after you needed it. I also figured out real fast that cactus needles must shed in the soil. Found that out poking my fingers to tighten the soil in the new pot. :)

  Despite the lack of sun exposure, my Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma is staying fairly stable. I got one tumor in my arm, had it quite a while now. I may get it took out one day. I've a few patches, but nothing unusual. Denise has Apples again... more Apple Butter coming up. She done good the last batch.

  We also started burning out a spot for all those tiny trees I bought, they were cheap. Mostly Almond and Pecan Trees. Funny, I wasn't sure I would ever taste a nut from them but now it looks promising. I bought them like I did all the other fruit trees, bamboo, and plants knowing that if I never get to use them hopefully those left behind will enjoy them.

  I'm not sure if Panella reads this anymore, or the ladies and gentlemen at UT who have worked on me. Or Rathfoot or Smith and their crew. I'm sorry I'm not a good patient but please know that I do listen. I have you all, UT, and St Mary's held at the highest esteem, the greatest respect. You all have been great to me, and I thank you. I didn't expect to get this far and through you God has gotten me way beyond my expectations. I think over time you figured out I don't fear death, at the same time though I don't fear life either. God has allowed me more time through your care, and I thank Him and you all for that. I get to badger my kids, grandkids, and especially Denise, whom I would not be without her.

  As for many more, some say I've seen a lot, and I have, but some see more everyday. I have a residual of Lyme's Disease, Heart problems, high BP, 2 cancers (1- I still have), arthritis (from Lymes and ignorance), Pernicious Anemia, COPD (coughing up phlegm dammit),  neuropathy, sleep apnea, and just plain ignorance... just for starters. Filling out those forms to see a doctor is like writing a Biography. :) I still say I am the most blessed man alive. I have a great wife, my kids are clean and good, grandchildren that are wonderful and fun, mom that has a massive heart and an optimist. I have so many friends, some I've met face to face and some not... and some I don't know yet. Like most I have ways I'd rather not die, but at the same time I would rather not live any other way that I have, for through that I am surrounded by great people. In my lifetime so far, God has provided me far better than I deserve. Just wanted you all to know that.               

See Ya Later Russell Means

  Today God called Russell Means home today and today the world lost a little light. We never met face to face but over the years we became friends. He had throat cancer and got better, then I changed my email server and lost his email. I kept saying I was going to find it, but I waited a bit long. Denise called to tell me from her work that Chief Means died, I considered him a chief and a hero. He was 72 the last time we talked. Please pray for his family. We will meet him one day in a better place. For now our hearts are heavy. Please pray for his wife and family that their pain be eased.   

Go well my brother.

10-19-2012 Follow-Ups

  We went to UT Cancer Center and my first appointment was with Dr Rathfoot. We got there early though to know where Dr Panella and his crew had gone too. They got the new cancer center open. No more Chemo Hut, now it's Chemo Cove and set up nicely. We ate some french fries at the cafeteria and I kept an open eye for Jackie (my cousin), but I haven't a clue what or where she works.

  So we head to the appointment with Rathfoot and he scopes me regularly then to see if he sees where the blood is coming from, he goes to or through, I think just to, the voice box. I got a lot of yeast in my throat and on my vocals. The absence of saliva glands (1 works partly sometimes) had also lead to drying the throat.  The fatigue is also a possibility from this stuff.

  A bit of a surprise  came from he noticed the arthritis has increased in my neck. He said radiation has sped it up a bit.  He ups the Ralaflen (spelling?) dose.So now it turns our to help the damage swelling and bones as well. He wasn't sure about the double vision I've had on and off lately.

  So then we head to Dr Panella. Panella said it was officially the 3 year mark since the cancer, and this was to be his last. He said they'd forgotten to check again on the nodules on my lungs from 5 months ago, but with the double vision attacks he has ordered a CT for my chest, neck, and head. He also ordered an eye doctor see me, one that is high up and does surgeries. He wants to rule out the possibility of it following what they term the tree it sometimes follows. After  I have the test we go to the eye dr then to Panella. I've learned to not ask about the neuropathy. They are moving pretty quickly on it. Hopefully it is just another side effect, the hearing loss, double vision, eyesight loss. All this starts next week.            

10-17-2012

  I go this week for 2 follow-ups, Rathfoot & Panella. These are less than an hour apart but both are at UT. I look forward to especially Rathfoot and his scope this time. I have been having to clear up blood each morning this week, except yesterday it was just tinged. Denise seems to think the blood and bleeding is from yeast in my throat again. It takes quite an effort to get it all up each morning and depending on just how much is how or if my throat is sore or not. I've never quite got back on track from the last bush hog event. I have a lot to go but I'm almost afraid to do it. Denise also says a yeast infection would be a part of my fatigue and body pain. I hope she is right.

  Today me and Megan went on the hill to make some fence repairs, set 7 posts and reattached the wire on some of the old ones and attached the wires to the new ones. It will need more work but that will do for now. Neuropathy once again comes in handy, from the briars I look like I got in a fight with a cat and lost, paper thin skin. I'll be looking for festered spots as the thorns work themselves out.  Megan is a lot of help in doing things these days. Still haven't finished the Sunroom molding, may not get finished again this year. I've also got to fix the lawn mower again, if nothing else it is a lifesaver taking the feed to the chickens. And I still haven't put the new roofs on the buildings, maybe soon though. I have to work around the neuropathy, weather and add to that lately double vision at times. Shame it doesn't happen when I'm looking at a dollar. :)

  I fell off the Gluten-Free diet this week too. Denise is sticking to it, lost 13 lbs so far and Megan says she won't come off it either, her sinuses have cleared up, acid reflux gone, weight down, and energy up. None of us bloat either. The chickens and dogs have enjoyed this diet from time to time when I try a new recipe that don't turn out. White sandwich bread is what we like though and seems the hardest one to imitate, but thats covered now. I want to try a French Loaf (long one) and have herb and garlic on it. The chocolate chip cookies though have been the best so far. I sort of lost heart for a while after seeing the Paleo Diet, I think that is a bit much and a bit in excess. Moderation is usually the key to things, which seems to be lacking these days in everything. I will have to admit though that I think gluten is the key to many problems, especially acid reflux and weight.

  So after the visits this week I'll be posting again on the results, be that good or bad. I figure we have a certain numbers of breaths God gives us from the time we arrive. What we do with those breaths He leaves up to us. As was once said,  "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." - Hilary Cooper 

10-3-2012

  This month starts the check-ups again and today a new test. They checked the Arteries in my neck for blockage. The left showed some blockage but not enough to be alarmed or worried about, the right was clean. I have to go to Dr. Panella this round and have a chest X-Ray before going for the visit. Throat cancer he said can follow a tree of lungs and brain, but no brain scan or x-ray is scheduled. I have confidence that he wouldn't order anything I don't need and orders what he thinks I will. Dr Rathfoot comes I think right before Dr. Panella, hopefully he will do the scope. I never thought I'd ever say anything like that but it's strange how one can get use to something and learn to look forward to a little discomfort for security and confidence. Yeast infection again and so I had to do the Flukinol (spelling ?) to get rid of it.

  I haven't mowed the yard at either house in a month, didn't bush hog again either. It almost seems I can't quite get on top of it. The Acid Reflux has went way down since we started limiting the Gluten. We try as much as we can to do Gluten-Free in our foods, seems to be working out for all of us, but sometimes we stumble and tonight I fell off a bit. :) Denise has lost 13lbs and I've lost 10, though how I have no idea with all the cookies. I seem to rest better at night too. It makes it a lot better just eating your food once I guess.

  Everything is a push right now. The hay is in, though 120 rolls and already we have 31 cows and calves total. If it's a hard winter that may not be enough. Frost is going to set in here they say this weekend so the field back here Mark won't get cut in time to bale, that also means an early start to feeding. That equates to finishing the trim and 2 planks in the Sunroom before we bring the Banana Plants and Palms indoors. Winter proofing some stuff too. I use to do this stuff without a second thought in a day or two. At  night I research recipes and stuff, print them out and put in a notebook. Misty baked her 1st successful loaf of bread. If they come down this weekend I told her to pick one of the bread machines out. She's baking regular wheat bread and we have the two, older but like new. We only need one and I usually oven bake now. Baking wheat bread I'd rather use a bread machine. She does her blog on Autism and so far has a good response.

  Speaking of, Misty, here is the Cookie Recipe from the final tweaking you and the kids like. 

 1/3 Cup Millet Flour (I mixed 1/2 the last time. :) )
 1/2 Cup Buckwheat Flour (light)
 1/2 Cup Oat Flour
 2   Teaspoons of Vanilla Extract (or a bit more give or take)
 1/2 Cup of Butter
 1/2 Cup Brown Sugar
 1/2 Cup of White Sugar
 1/4 Teaspoon Salt (non Iodized)
 1/2 Teaspoon of Baking Soda
 1 Egg
 1 Cup Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips

  Mix all the dry stuff together well, the start by adding the Brown Sugar and head for wet. After you have it mixed well then add the Chocolate Chips and let just mix in enough to mix in.

They do better as far as not running if you let the dough chill in the fridge or freezer for a little bit. For thinner cookies though just place them directly on the baking sheet. I put ours in little balls on a butter greased cookie sheet or pan.

  At 375 Degrees F on the average they take 10-12 minutes, but sometimes.... 

 

We Finally got it

  We finally got it today, a decent bread. My throat has been reacting to something outside and I still haven't got this stuff shook off, so me and Megan played. We ended with with a good Chocolate Chip Cookie thats Gluten-Free, one that doesn't bite back and you can throw like a Frisbee, use as a Skeet, or load as Buckshot. Better yet, we ended up with a good White Sandwich Bread, aka Lightbread. The loaf is actually light too, that ends the boat anchor days, lol.

  I don't have Celiac Disease, probably spelled that wrong :), but since we've tried this Denise and I have both lost weight. Oddly enough I feel better in a way, despite the throat thing and yeast in my throat and best of all the Acid Reflux has stopped. We don't stay hungry and yet we eat as much as we want and fill up fast. I even like some Pastas, especially if they involve meat and cheese. Ok, I tolerate them. I seem to have a bit more energy considering. I'm a bread person, love bread, and I don't care how healthy or unhealthy something is, if it tastes bad I won't eat it. We've spent a fortune on Flours and I guess it all depends on your tastes as to which one, but we only needed two all this time for bread and two for the cookies. I hate whole wheat and oddly enough it is the one that is easiest to imitate. The chickens have loved this trial and error thing, and I stress the word error. I grew up poor so I don't need a fancy bread. We have tried it yet making Biscuits yet, thats next. So here is what we have.

    Almost Perfect White Sandwich Bread Finally I think I found what we like. We're White Bread eaters here, none of us like Whole Grain Bread. I took parts from 2 Recipes, one for the "Master Mix" as they call it and one from a person who uses the other person's "Master Mix", then added my own twist. I did forget to add the Butter though. With Gluten-Free anything, you tweak until you find what your looking for.

For the Master Mix it goes like this:
3 Cups Brown Rice Flour
3 Cups Corn Starch
2 Cups Sorghum Flour
1 Cup Masa Harina (Found in the Hispanic Section)

Almost Perfect White Sandwich Bread

3 Bowl Mixture taken from 2 Recipes I found on the web with a twist. First is to mix the yeast/Sugar/Water in Wet Bowl 1.

Dry Bowl :
2- 1/2 Cups of Flour Mixture.
4 TBSP of Cane Sugar.
1 TBSP of Salt. (Kosher or Sea Salt
2 TBSP Powdered Buttermilk
2 TBSP of Powdered Milk
2 TSP of Xanthan Gum

Mix these together well and blend.

Wet Bowls: There are 2 wet bowls.

Wet Bowl 1:

1 PKT of Bread Yeast
1 TBSP of Sugar (Cane)
1-1/2 Cups of water at least 110 degrees F.

Mix and this will activate the yeast as it feeds on the sugar and it will look sorta foamy. I think the Yeast can be substituted, but I'm not sure. 

Wet Bowl 2:

3 Eggs
1-1/2 TBSP of Oil (I used Virgin Olive Oil)
TSP of Apple Cider Vinegar

Mix these together to the point of a foamy like stuff. Add these contents to the dry bowl mix and then add the contents of Wet Bowl 1, the yeast/sugar/water mix.

Blend together and increase speed to fast for about 4-5 minutes at the least. Have a bread pan already prepped, I used a spray. Use the Spatula or whatever your comfortable with to put it into the Bread Pan. Wet your Spatula to even out the dough, it's sticky and cover loosely with Cellophane and set in a warm place. I use the Plate Warmer part of the stove and a Bread Wire. Begin to preheat the Oven to 375 degrees F.

Leave the dough covered (but where gas can get out) until it rises to the top or at least doubles in size. It took a hour give or take for it to rise to satisfaction. Now is a good time to bake cookies or do whatever and check back every so often. Ours seemed to set there and when it started it started.

We baked it for 50 minutes, give or take. If the top gets too dark loosely cover the top with Aluminum Foil. Make sure though that with a thermometer, the inside temperature is at least 205.

A good lesson I learned today too. I had heard not to take it out of the bread pan for a while, I did and it fell and shrunk. You can't tell it though in taste and air pockets inside, plus fluffiness from Lightbread made from wheat.

Gluten-Free

  Oh my, I think I need to go back to eating Gluten, I think I'm gaining weight from eating this stuff. I definitely don't bloat anymore and feel better, except for the weight thing, lol. I actually haven't weighed myself, but it feels like I've gained. Denise, Megan, and mom all say they feel better. So today me and Megan went back to baking a loaf of bread again. I just got good at baking regular bread, big difference than store bought, and used a bread machine. We have 2, one from a yard sale and one mom gave me years ago, they don't do Gluten-Free. The thing I found so far is that Pasta is pretty good. I never liked Pasta, thought it flavorless. The Gluten Free Pasta though is actually pretty good. Now I'm trying to figure out how weight loss with this diet happens.

  I spent weeks prepping for this and still feel like I'm filling the Grand Canyon, one rock at a time with all the information of mixing and baking it. So today we went back to baking again and this one turned out great. First one tasteless from a book recipe. Second one pretty good but lacking what we liked based on the white bread I learned to make. Tweaked that recipe to get the flavor preferred. I probably just took a healthy recipe and destroyed it, lol. I mixed a lot of the flour up from the book and this stuff ain't cheap, so I didn't want it to go to waste. Since this bread turned out like we liked and my handwriting looks bad I need to put it somewhere. Plus a friend or two asked. So here goes.

 The flour mixture I had a lot mixed up of that I thought didn't have a taste: (Not sure I'd make that again) Blended (mixed) together.

(I think the picture will get larger by clicking on it)

Mixed from the Book

1 1/2 cups of Sorghum Flour
1 1/2 Cups of Potato Flour (or starch)
1 Cup Tapioca Flour

For the bread today that we liked it goes as follows:

Dry Mixture

1 1/4 cup (above mixture)
3/4    cup of White Rice Flour
1       cup of Brown Rice Flour
2 Tablespoons of Flax Flour (actually a rough type)
2 Tablespoons of Sugar (white)
2 Tablespoons of Brown Sugar
1 Tablespoon of Yeast
1 Tablespoon of course Sea Salt. 
        Mix together to be one blend

 Separate Wet Mix

3    whole large eggs (Use Fresh eggs, we have chickens)

1    very warm cup of Buttermilk

1/4 cup of Butter (We used Amish Butter) melted

1    Tablespoon of White Sugar

1/4 cup of Virgin Olive Oil

         Mix together to be one blend

Mix the two together, dry and wet. 

As it mixes add about 1/4 cup of Honey. 

This stuff mixes for a few (about 5) minutes. 

We have a plate warmer type thing on our stove. We covered it with Aluminum Foil lightly. It needs to be about 80 degrees. Let it sit for an hour. 

Take the Spatula and punch it, deflating it from the rise. Put into the Bread Pan, which I lightly dust with White Rice Flour. Level it out and even it us as best you can. This stuff is sticky so drip your Spatula in water as needed.

Place foil or cellophane over it and wait until it rises even with the top of the pan. (Usually 5-20 minutes). Remove the Cellophane.

Have the oven preheated for 350 F for 1 hour. Make sure though it has gotten at least 205 F before taking it out, may have to wait additional time. 

If it starts getting too brown toss the foil back over the top. I take it out of the pan immediately, worked so far. :) I think it's suppose to cool before you cut it, but it never makes it that long.     

09-11-2012

  Still down again tonight. This is the 2nd night in a row I've had to use Nitro, I hate that stuff, leaves a horrible taste. I think it's the yeast in my throat reducing the intake of O2 so I've sat and poked on the web the last 2 or 3 hours with the O2 hooked up. Then again I've gotten pretty heavy lately so who knows. Shortness of breath, fatigue, and chest pain... I've seen two of the three years ago which led to all three. God willing this January 31st will make 7 years since my heart attack. I think too the seasons changing and lack of rest. When I stop I hurt so I don't sleep well. Still with the bronchial infection too and today I mowed a very little around one of the gardens, briefly considering mowing the yard at Misty's old home.

  On the positive note tonight was the 2nd Gluten Free meal we ate. Denise is well ahead of me on the curve, which is nothing unusual. I research and collect data, and dread making bread, afraid I'll mess it up. Brandon's new doctor put him on a strict diet of no MSG or Gluten to help with his Autism. There are other things restricted too but these two I know some on. I've almost taught Denise how to read the labels on food, I'm the idiot reading the labels on everything. It's amazing though how good food tastes without all the wheat products in them, including Gluten. We had Chicken Alfredo last night and usually I don't eat all the pasta, and what I do I eat again and again plus bloat. I ate too much and for the first time had too much cheese on it. The pasta had great flavor without it coming a blizzard of cheese. Not as much blood in the stools either. Tonight, Meatloaf and our Peanut Beans, usually meatloaf does me like that too.

  If I could stay on that diet, get over this respiratory infection, and now eye, I'd feel better. The weight thing would take care of itself. Denise has lost 10 lbs in a couple of weeks cutting back on Gluten, and eats the same amount. Unbelievable. Probably wouldn't hurt to cut back or drop the Mt Dews, I think I have the mountain part now, lol. The eye, if it don't clear up soon I'll made some Colloidal Silver and put a drop or two in it. Works like a charm every time. The hardest part will be finding my silver wires and junk to hook up and make it. Push come to shove just the silver, a 9 volt battery and two clip leads.     

09-09-2012

  We went after the med for the yeast in my throat and they've started closing on Sundays. Denise asked if I wanted to go to the big box pharmacies, but I figured I'd just wait until tomorrow. Minnis Drug has been good so far and private owned. I went to mom's and she has something going on in her attic and her light went out. I replaced the light and the switch, even a plug. Power until a load hits it then it dies. I'm thinking a junction box is somewhere before that one, but I don't know how they wired it, maybe tomorrow.

  So me and Denise headed back to Lowes to get more shelves for her Pantry Cabinet, got them, came back home and it's finished and stocked. I baked 2 loaves of bread while we watched the Great Barrier Reef. Took one to om and kept one for us. Checked on Bailey and fed Rex. I'm still 2 days down on email, but it's bedtime. I hoped that I could research more on Gluten Free baking, oh well, maybe tomorrow. Denise enjoyed her drinks, Zevia Cola, I tried their Mt Dew version... It'd puke a vulture off a gut wagon. I'll stick with the real thing. And thats why I need to make sure I can make food that tastes good without Gluten, cause we won't eat it. :) Healthy don't have to taste that bad.   

9-8-2012

  I'm worn out. Tammy & Jerry brought 40 more rolls of hay, Jerry is sick too, bronchitis. Rain all day today, so Denise figured we'd shop, she needed her drink and since Shades Of The Past was in Pigeon Forge, we decided to head to Earthfare in Knoxville. From there we went everywhere, lol. It was an enjoyable day, even though I talk Denise to death sometimes, I do get her to laugh.

  At one point we ended up at Victoria's Secret. Denise found the one she liked and was looking through her size, pulling out a couple she liked. This one lady asked if she could hep her and Denise said she knew what she was and wanted. One color though in the next size she loved, so the lady asked if she'd like to try it on. This lady hovered about us like a worried bee, lol. She quickly grabbed a piece of paper and recoded what Denise took in, 2 bras. Now I've held a many a purse, and I ain't real comfortable with that, but like most husbands I do what I'm told. So here I stand with ladies and couple walking in holding 2 bras, by my self yet! Meanwhile the lady is trying to not look obvious watching me, then finally she asked. "How many bras do you have?" Holding her paper. I couldn't pass it up, she was just too nervous and overly serious. "Oh me? This is my first two. When you get my age you get wheat belly and man boobs, and I wanted something good that fit to hold them up." Not a smile came off her, but her eyes and face... priceless, lol.

   Denise finally came out and the lady was right on her, lol. One she could wear and wanted and the other not. The lady grabbed the one she didn't want and headed towards where I was, cautiously, but she came anyway. A clear bust of a bottom of a lady with thongs on was right between us. I again couldn't help it, lol. I said without a smile, "Bet those ain't comfortable. My drawers do that sometimes and I pick them out, those won't come out. I call 'em Indian drawers, the kind that creeps up on ya." I even got tickled the last few words. She was serious as a heart attack. The girl at the checkout thought it was funny though.

  Tomorrow we go get the stuff for the yeast in my throat again. But today... priceless.    

So Long Jack 9-7-2012

  

Well I sold Jack today, I'll miss him. I took 10 bucks less than I paid when I first got him but I think this guy will give him a good home. All Jack will need to get alone with is a horse, the man, and his wife. I think it shocked Megan and Denise that I sold him and while I loved him killing goats and sheep was getting too much. He provided a stress relief until he started that and then caused stress. I don't think it was his fault, testosterone levels seems to escalate in him from time to time and he was like a Bull Shark with everything except us and the other donkeys. Bailey though was the last straw. I'm still not sure if she will live through this one, but she's a fighter. It looks as though Jack broke bones in her face from the swelling, but she's still eating, just hard time breathing. She is a pain in the butt, times I'd like to kill her myself, lol, but she is sweet.

  Me and Jack made up and I loved on him until the man come, but Jack knew when he got in that trailer it was the last time we'd see each other. He was pissed. I put him a treat we all called a Jack Treat in there with him, hugged him and said bye. The guy wanted to buy the other 3 but I told him no. He seemed though like a good guy, a cop in Greenville and an officer that worked with the Humane Society on animal cruelty, I think Jack will be ok. Jack hooves needed trimming and come first frost his semiannual worming.

  Megan doesn't understand how I could get rid of him. I love Jack and he loves(d) me, loved it here and I loved him being here. But Jack didn't love the others that live in the field and it wasn't fair to them to live in fear. It wasn't fair to Jack to end up at a bad home, why I took so cheap for him to the right guy. She wanted to know if I'd miss him and think about him the next days. I think Jack is in the past now, and I was blessed to meet him. Remembering the past is good, sometimes it calms the waters when things get rough. Sometimes it brings a smile. Planning ahead is good, like looking at the past, but today is the day we live for. We don't dwell on either one, past or future, for today is what matters. We don't dwell looking back, we're not headed that way. We have no idea if tomorrow will come or what it brings. Today though is what we have to build a good past memory on and a good footing to tomorrow.

  Other than that, I still can't shake this thing. It doesn't seem to be any worse, maybe a little better congestion wise. Breathing and fatigue wise, worse. I'm guessing it's a wash. I think maybe next week seeing Doc Schindler if it isn't better. Me and Denise went and got a Pantry Cabinet for the Kitchen tonight at Lowe's, she is out of cabinet space. It's inside but not installed yet. I've still been researching little by little on getting the Gluten out of our diet. It's gotta taste good though or we will never stick to it. I had no idea there were that many flours out there, and I still keep misspelling it with flowers, lol. I've felt a little rough for a week or two so I've slowed down in physical things which has provided more time researching recipes. I think getting rid of Gluten and in my case Mt Dews too will help me health wise. It's a little on the late side for me health wise but for Denise and Megan it's not. The whole trick is to stay ahead, playing catch-up doesn't work too well. My motivation is that I pray they will never have to go through what I have. They were here for me and I will be there for them by trying to help all I can, that means making it taste good, selection, and the hardest part, being neat with it. :)

  I don't like wasting so we will start after I use the flour I have, maybe 4 or 5 more loaves of bread. Mom wants some tomorrow and we need a loaf. If Misty and the kids come over they will need a loaf, they ate the last one in a day, lol. Then I have about 5 loaves of premixed bread yet too. I like baking it and finally got good at it, now I'll have to start all over again learning.

  Rex got hung in the fence this morning and Megan and Ed got him out. He hasn't gotten out since. Me and Megan went Yardsaling today, didn't find much. Yesterday though me and Denise bought some old blue Ball Canning Jars, and some even rarer for a decent price. Denise wants to go to Knoxville tomorrow maybe, or Sevierville either one, to get the all natural soft drinks she likes. We got a few things to buy at Earthfare in Knoxville, though they're a little high. Need a few tools for the grinding, but we don't have enough spare money for that yet, we'll save up some. Mom has to take her ceiling light back to Lowe's and get another one, that one was a dud. I'll have to wire it in and set it up. Then finish attaching this thing to the wall. I'm seriously debating growing Buckwheat where the garlic is once we pull the garlic up an plant it there.

  But to my buddy Jack, I love you.

 

09-06-2012

  Still been down, can't seem to get back up like I should. Yesterday Jack was killing Bailey and I went after him, that didn't help so I got my truck. Even that he outgunned. The shotgun in the butt, he wasn't as fast as he thought he was. I felt so bad and was so mad I done it twice more. Burnt that butt for him, so now he is for sale. I love him but I'm getting rid of him, he ain't gonna stop.

  I've been researching om Gluten. That would explain the bloating after eating, blood in the bowels, fatigue, and acid reflux. I'm not sure I;m smart enough but I am going to try to make things Gluten Free and favorable.I sent Misty and the kids home with a loaf of Whole Wheat, then I find that ain't good for someone to eat, especially with Autism. It is nothing short of a miracle that we both hit at the same time. Maybe we ca work it out to where I can bake some for them. The kicker is that it's in everything these days. Misty was told to get Brandon on a Gluten Free Diet.I know me and Megan will feel better and I believe that she will too. So while I'm down I'm reading. When it calls for vegetable oil I'll use coconut oil instead.

  I don't know when they started adding that stuff to Ketchup and soup and just about everything else. Almost everything we buy in the store, even ice cream has it. I pray that I can share what I find and do with Misty for Brandon. His doctor wants him off Gluten and MSG.     

08-31-2012

   I went by today to see Don and Barbra, but Barb was taking chemo and Don was home cleaning. We chatted for a while, I could see in Don's face he was worried. He says Barb is holding her own, the tumors are still shrinking, but they think maybe it is in her bones (bone marrow) or something like that. It didn't sound good, but if anyone can beat this thing it's Barb.

  Tammy & Jerry started bringing the hay today, 40 rolls the last I counted and I think I told him 120, but maybe 140, I'm not sure. It will take him several trips to bring it, looks good so far. The Wooly Worms I've seen so far this year are black, Mark has seen the same too, signing a bad winter. With that many head plus what will be born we will need extra hay this year. I kept counting 24 cows/calves as I unlocked the gate, so I drove up to take a look see. First time for everything and today was it. One of the twins had somehow got stuck between 2 trees on the top of the hill. I'm not sure how long it had been there but it took some doing to get it out, lol. It went back to it's mom and sibling, weak but determined.

  Looking at a picture Megan took of me eating a Muscadine, I am going on a diet, less Mt Dew, smaller portions, and more movement. I can't fix the ugly part but I can the fat. :)    

08-29-0212

  Pushed about as far as I could, hit the wall today. It seems like this time of year I live on Prednisone and Benadryl (spelling ?). The gardens have all been out for a while now, and that ain't a bad thing, lol. Bush hogging though has begun again, and even with a bandanna covering my mouth it takes it's toll. I've learned to do it in increments. This will be the 3rd and hopefully final leg of it when I recover again, maybe 4 hours left and I'll skip the steep side of the hill. I have about 20 acres done so far. I get done with this I'll get to bless the dump truck again. I tried cussing it and that didn't work. :)

   Megan came up with a solution to a problem tonight. Most people who've had or have throat cancer have a hard time swallowing large pills, but also small. I have no idea why but small anything is a choker. Rice or stuff like that don't do well. Too stringy or too small or too smooth. The Prednisone is the hardest thing I have a problem with. Tonight Megan suggested Coconut Oil, and it worked great. It has no flavor at all. Good for you and could slide a cow out of a tree, though I've never seen a cow climb a tree. Today me and Megan just chilled, watched some TV (unusual for me), and baked mom some Sour Dough, Denise some Herb & Cheese, and me some regular white bread loaves. Denise wants me to go to the doctor, but the rotation of follow-ups start in October I think she said, I can wait. The little finger I broke I think I didn't do too well setting it, still a little tender and crooked.

  My oldest daughter Misty has started her blog and has had some hits. She wants to blog about Brandon's Autism and hopefully will find others and they can gather advice and strategies to help her and them with it. There is always strength in numbers and as prevalent as  Autism has become, many have wisdom to share. At the same time, it will let someone else know they are not alone. I think that is important in any battle because sometimes we feel so isolated and alone, even though we aren't. Battle anything long enough and you wear down.   

09-26-2012

  No sleep tonight, Aurthur has come home tonight, lol. I think I've looked about a dozen times to see if rain is near but it's not, so I guess the seasons are changing. If thats it I can expect this until it completes it and then only on wet cold days. Sometimes I wonder if Iron Man has this much metal in him, lol. I can set on the computer and guarantee I won't go to sleep or lay in the bed and toss and turn.  I bush hogged some more this week and it takes a few day to a week to get the swelling down in my throat, but I only lack about 4 more hours and the field will look good. Still need to mow the gardens up and have been prepping the one where the Garlic goes, that may be all I plant next year.

  I have a new link I put on these sites and I'll put one on my Facebook site, Moms Autism Journey. Misty called and said she was thinking about placing a blog up on Autism to see if she will have people respond back and maybe they could learn from each other. Misty is my oldest and her son Brandon is 10 years old and has Autism. He is actually smart and sweet, well sweet most times. I think we're all like that though. It's hard for a child to get the right help and hard for the parents when they don't. Personally I think it is a great idea. If for no other reason than to vent or say things she normally wouldn't say in person. Those feelings that come from way down inside that we all have to get out. Questions that arise. It's new so she hasn't put much up yet and she is a good writer, then again she has her teaching degree whereas I still think a pronoun is a noun that went pro. I am good at adverbs though, especially when working on something. I can add more verbs than one can could, or probably wish to hear.

  Please check out her blog and if you have a child or are an adult with Autism join it. There is always strength in numbers and enough people holding a small candle up can illuminate the world.      

08-18-2012

  Whatever I got into or next to, probably both don't like me still. My eyes are not as matter but energy is low. Thats probably from the yeast once again in my throat from the Predinsone (spelling ?) increase I done for swelling from whatever that is. I bush hogged the field, well about 5 acres anyway that got it kicked off. Jerry wanted the driveway widened before he brings the hay, so Thursday I build a wider entrance on one side and torn the old fence down. I've never seen a jungle but I imagine at the gate looked probably like one. I bet people didn't know there was a gate there, lol, do now though. I still have to finish cleaning up the debris, I ran out of time. Pulled the dump truck up and decided to install the speakers and radio, and the fuel pump quit. Today it finally started after I rewired the connector at the tank and other than the Inertia Switch reset, I have no idea what kicked the pump back on, lol. I could have pulled it with the tractor except I nosed it in and the truck blocked it. Megan wanted to help with the fence but mom called and said, plus I read about it, West Nile Virus and mosquitoes. They love Megan and Denise and the pond full of them is beside the entrance, so I couldn't take the chance and done it solo. I tell Denise I'm too sweet, so they don't bite me, lol.

  I said bye to a long time friend. I hatched him 21 years ago. He never was named and at the time we had a hatchery and about 3500 birds plus chicks. He kept the snakes away at the garden and chicken coop and his brother at the other garden. They were the last 2 Peacocks left and I could call them like any of the animals here. He has been sick for a while, that or old I guess, and I've babied him, even caught him and trimmed his beak. I knew something was wrong, normally they keep their beaks trimmed when turned loose. His brother is the last one left. I told Megan we'd build another aviary and who knows, maybe even restore one of the old ones and buy a pair of peacocks, well actually a trio, clean up one of the incubators and breed them again. We will get some Guineas too. Nothing like we use to do but raise a few. Until we get about 30 guineas and 20 peacocks.   

08-15-2012

Me and mom travel to West Knoxville for her check -up. I'm sure knowing mom a trip to Sams in order, me and Denise just went there last week. Rain was forecaster for today and once again they missed it. I needed it though, still tired for yesterday. There is something I'm having a reaction to out there. I'm not sure by what. Worked out well so far, I'm tired. So I stayed pretty much in and shelled green beans for seeds next year.

  Last Tuesday we took the cows off, 6 bull calves in total. With the drought everywhere we kept the heifers, I figure they will need new breeding stock replacements. Mark too his this week, hopefully he will get good for them, but corn prices were announced already, he may not. I noticed when he left out there was a taillight not working. I have almost 5 acres bushhogged, about 20 more to go. I got both yard moved an some of the beans shelled.  Bird dog also got out front gutter usa (rnex Cantreall) . They done come and gone. If I have time and if the weather hols up, I'll stretched thta, lol.

  Its good

08-12-2012

Happy Birthday Megan!!!

  Where your name came from. We originally picked out Megan, as a honor to Margaret. Mae from your mom's grandmother. Her eyes were blue like yours. All was picked out and well into the normal stage, no problems were shown on the monitors. Suddenly I heard the words double nucal (spelling ?) and people started to rush around. The doctor who was young at the time had also delivered Annie and this was the first time I'd seen him get excited. He and the nurses worked hard to cut away the umbilical cord and get you resuscitated. His name, Kim Collinson. So naturally we wanted to honor him too.

  We knew that you would be our last, ones of us was getting fixed to make sure, but we now had three people we wanted to honor. Mae is a short name, so is Kim. So we went back and forth and what sounded good while honoring all three was Kimmae, actually I think we spelled it this way, Kimmae'. Now you know the name origination, we created it. So when one day whoever thinks name meanings up, you can say it means "honor, respect, love." Created special for someone special, unique for someone unique, just as we all are. I Love You, Dad    

08-04-12

  It's been a wild week. Right after we got the good news and stayed on the road all day Annie called late that night worried that mom's BP was high along with her pulse. I asked Denise to go and check so off she went. Denise called back and between us three we talked mom into letting us take her to the hospital, which took some doing. We took her to Ft Sanders in Knoxville and while mom was in there Denise said she had A Fib. I actually think they'd let you die in ER, oh wait, they did two days later let a man code. It amazed me that probably only a few people actually needed medical care there, most seemed to need a fix. It was more like Springer meets the side show. One guy I wanted to knock out just to shut him up, I think everybody did. I keep thinking there has to be something that could be done for somebody other than feed an addiction.

  They ended up sticking her on the eighth floor, the cancer floor where you go when you have people extremely sick. At this point I'd like to thank UT, you all done a great job when I was there, and I saw just how excellent the care was now. Annie spent the night with mom and we came home and caught about 3 hours sleep at best. I was quite surprised and impressed with Annie. Her devotion and knowledge, especially being a new nurse. Charts were not filled out, orders not sent, they even took her BP by placing the cuff upside down and taking temperatures by sticking the thermometer in her mouth as she swallowed iced tea. To beat it all, the other RN lied like a dog, which didn't last too long as Denise and Annie both caught and confronted her and the other RN. Funny how they'd change their summation then go right to the next lie. We finally got her transferred to the cardiac floor after the main RN on the oncology floor stated they were a cancer floor, not a heart floor and they weren't prepared and didn't know how to care for a patient with heart issues. That lead me to say, wanna know a secret, you not only suck at heart care, but you suck with cancer care too. The Cardiac nurse told mom that if she had went to UT she would have been home in 24 hours or less, we're now working on day three. They were day and night on that floor difference. The nurse's station actually looked like a nurse's station. No charts strung out and it didn't look like prat girls gone wild. They actually were watching the monitors, organized, and working. Covenant Health Care has a long ways to go, and that includes doctors there too. Might want to curb those advertising dollars for quality, I expect better care for my animals.  

  It's taken until now to get back on track from all the excitement and lack of sleep, Denise is still wiped. Despite all of that, the week has been good overall. I pulled the biggest Banana Melon out of the garden I've ever seen or heard tell of, weighing in at 10.5 lbs. The biggest and best I always give to Denise's mom and dad, especially her dad since he is confined to a wheel chair and cannot raise them anymore. The look on his face is enough to make this year's heat and aggravation of the dry and wet season worth it. We took them some other stuff like Tomatoes and pears. Mom wanted some Nitro, which the doctors failed to prescribe. I'm of sure if she needs it after a successful stress, but I think it makes her more at ease knowing she has it, so I gave her mine. I forget to carry it most of the time anyway, plus it's mom. It did ease her off that night and her BP is still high, but no A Fib, I think thats what Denise said it was. Heart out of rhythm, like mine did the first few days after the heart attack. Misty and the kids came in to see her. I miss them.

  So that brings us to today. Yesterday I picked about a bushel of pears and this morning I thought I'd surprise Denise by peeling, coring, and cooking one. Had the recipe and it was simple. It was like saute in a pan with butter and some Cinnamon, poached I think it was called. It ended up being more perched than poached, lol. I remembered the great taste when Granny would cook them... that wasn't it, lol. I think Denise ate what she did to save my feelings, but her taste buds got the best of her. She had that look, I probably did too, of a mule eatin' briars. I watched what appeared to be a smile as she took the first bite, didn't take until my bite it wasn't a smile, more like a snarl. Me and Megan tried to make Ketchup and made some great Grilling Sauce, except we don't know what all we used. I can grill, make cookies, and pizza good and that is about the extent of it. I'll probably try that again as soon as our taste buds heal. :) It's all good, except when I cook it.        

       

7-30-2012 Rathfoot Follow-Up

  We went this morning to Dr Rathfoot for a follow visit. He scoped me, which oddly enough I look forward to, well maybe not the actual scoping, but to see what he finds. Whatever the outcome it's good to know what he sees.

  He saw the right side of the throat has gone down a lot, pretty much miraculously a lot and he was more than pleased, hardly any swelling left. The left side where the tumor was still has a lot of swelling, but it shows progress. The color was good too. Denise handed him the blood work result from the Thyroid levels. Surgery for now is off the table! Oh yeaaaaa. He also noticed that at least one Saliva gland is trying. With the dentures it seems to fire that thing up a bit, wish I could sleep with them in.

  Denise addressed my fingernails being more brittle, fatigue, and I asked about the numbness that I have from time to time in the left side and sometimes the right. He thought that it could be my B levels and in particular B12. He also though maybe the throat numbness might be Neuropathy, I didn't know you could have that there. I have it in my feet, hands, and face and it fluctuates from day to day how bad. When I was at UPS I took 1cc per week injection of B12, I have Pernicious Anemia. Since I'm not there and as active we went to the regular dose of 1cc per month. I was diagnosed about 20 years ago about a year, give or take, after Lyme's Disease. Be it the Lymes or the heavy medication over that year, I developed it back then. I done the Shillings part 1 and later part 2 which confirmed that I don't make Intrinsic Factor and was 100% unable to absorb or make it. I hate needles, slight phobia of them so I was all for whatever don't sick me.

  We finished the day celebrating. Went shopping at Earth Fare, followed by a Salvage Store (to see if they had a door we wanted). Went from there to Pigeon Forge and stopped in at the Lodge Store, headed over to Corning wear store to buy a Food Colander and a few small items (?). Ate at 5 Guys and went to Old Time Pottery. Then headed home to grocery shop and cut some Okra, Peppers, and a Banana Melon from the garden. The only thing lacking this perfect day would be the German lady from North Myrtle Beach at Scoops making a Banana Split. :) I dream about those.    

7-27-12 Bloodwork

  We got the results back from my blood work to see if my Thyroid has quit and  I need to start medicine for that. Dr Green was up front that the thyroid would be burnt up where it was located, causalities of war sort of thing. It was unfortunate but at the same time worth the sacrifice, so we were expecting it to give way. At first they said 6 months, then a year, then 2 years. The levels dropped but have maintained at the lower end of a normal range, even though the activity shows it's gone. My nails started being brittle, I get cold sometimes, and my hair is falling out some, so Denise said it was time again to have them checked, so I did Thursday. How she keeps up with dates and times is beyond me, but I'll bet the heart patients love that, I know I do.

   So it's been just slightly past 3 years and today (well actually yesterday now) we got the results back. I have no idea why but by the grace of God I'm still within normal. Once again another hurtle has been passed. Monday I go back to Dr Rathfoot, which I always fear and look forward to at the same time, bittersweet. I pray each time he will say normal. This time maybe my throat will have expanded, but from the feel of it lately I seriously doubt that. I think maybe the dampness and heat and weeds growing are taking their toll.

  So the gardens have pretty much grown up, kind of like I had feared, I couldn't keep up physically. Then again we had 3 out this year, and with the unbelievable heat, I don't feel like I failed. I tried and the gardens done excellent, especially considering the weather and my lack of attentiveness. I'm not sure what or how but heat and cold both aren't very easy on the throat, and I've finally learned to not get disgusted and push, but not like I once did. This is for sure one time when I'm shown just who grows the garden and who don't, I just happen to tend it but God makes it produce. The last few days I've either stayed inside or worked on BUD (bigger, uglier, dump) as Denise calls it, lol. I need to get it working right and like I want asaic (as soon as I can). :) I'm rewiring the lights all around, fuel tank, replacing the key switch, adding extra tail lights and a towing connector, and replacing the speedometer cable. I already put a new instrument cluster in. Nothing wrong with the old one except it didn't have a Tach, and I like having that. When it cools down comes the (gulp) exhaust manifold.  

  Tonight Megan worked on a banner like thing we made for a new website http://pinterest.com . She done a great job. I'll have to show it on here. Megan calls it Faith. She designed this whole thing.

  Also something I think most would benefit from, not only laughter wise but also to see the glimpse of a deaf person, I'm placing a link of a show. Megan connected heavily with her, so did me and Denise, but Megan, on a different level. Don't let the title fool ya.

 

07-18-2012

   I have until the end of the month before my next check-up, I always get nervous. Seems strange but I think it is always in the back of one's mind and yet seems like the past wasn't even real. I think maybe we mentally distance ourselves as far as we can, and yet that fear of pain stays with us. Loads of side effects we slowly work through and around each day bear in mind the hell we experienced. There is that fine line of a slow death that changes people, some for the good and some for the bad, that is about the only real thing we have power over. It is a fine line of not wanting to be treated by loved ones as sick while also needing to be understood that we are changed forever physically, mentally, and spiritually. One thing is for sure, we can't go back and can only go forward, maybe in some ways worse and in some ways better. Forever changed.

  This year I put out three of the four gardens, I lost control of two. I had to try. Really for the first time, it's not that disappointing that I couldn't do it, given the extreme heat, yet I'm not sure I could have otherwise. I kind of like the extreme heat thing as an excuse though. I had two 600 ft rows of beans that never got picked, plus the backside of another 100 ft. Maybe they weren't suppose to be, I needed seeds since I didn't keep many last year. Thing is, a hundred years from now will it even matter? No. It won't matter in even ten years. What does matter is that I tried. It took me a few days though to figure that out and come to terms with it. I finally quit and worked on the dump truck, changed the starter switch on it. It wasn't as bad as I thought, dissembled the steering wheel and clean the contacts in it. Next year I may not put out a garden, if I do it will be a small one. My mom and Denise's parents got to enjoy fresh beans, cucumbers, garlic, and beans. That itself makes it worth the effort.

  Me and Megan attempted homemade Ketchup yesterday, we worked all day on making it. We started with a recipe in a book that didn't work too well. Made it by the book and the seasoning didn't work, burnt the pan up, lol. From there it became a taste test. Megan wanted to add more sugar and lemon, I got hooked on the Cinnamon, this thing ended with 3 lbs of brown and 3lbs of white sugar, 2 lemons, loads of Cinnamon, and I have no idea what other spices we tossed in, at least 8. Denise came home and we already had most everything cleaned up. She tasted it and hated it, said it was too spicy and sweet. It hit me that all the Grilling Sauce we've ever tried was either full of bad stuff and the healthy stuff sucked... and this tasted a lot like the bad stuff that tasted good. We ran to the store and bought some chicken, smothered it in it and grilled it. Denise still wouldn't admit she liked it but she ate enough of it and later said it was "OK". Took mom some and she loved it, not to mention Megan and me loved it. We had chicken and potato chip like things we made covered. Someone said we could make it and sell it, except neither one of us knows exactly what we put in it, lol.

  These are the things that matter, maybe not in a hundred years, but when I'm gone one day, these are the things that will go on mattering and live on with Megan. Memories, happy times, and the love. Cancer and the side effects from treatments can take away damn near everything we have... if we let it. When we don't, it cannot. When allowed, though we be changed forever, we can have and bring joy. Though we may not have power over everything, God grants us the power over the things that matter. And though we may fail at some things, we can always succeed at the important ones. The real ones that matter.    

   

7-12-2012

Nothing really today, but I found this, and it seems to fit well.

My Birthday

   My birthday was last weekend. Me and Misty are exactly 18 years and 51 weeks apart. Matt, Misty and the kids came down. Mom, Denise, Megan, Annie & TC were all here and we done the cake thing. I can't figure out what would make Denise think I could blow out 52 candles, lol, but I tried.They watched Madea on the TV, I came in and watched a lot of it. Funny stuff there. Josh got his cast off, except for his wrist and Brandon puts one on today. Kaden got hurt in between and Baby has come out so far, uninjured. I think they have a little Papaw in 'em, lol.

  Monday and today rain, thank you God. I went a little overboard with the gardens and lost control of them, couldn't pick the beans fast enough. I needed seed anyway I guess. Denise has canned, I've picked, and Megan has broke and stringed them. I've kept in today, kinda pushed the throat thing in the heat and beans several times so far. Plus I was invited as a guest on Vickie Monroe's web TV and I needed enough voice to be heard, plus I didn't need to show up sweaty and rough, lol.  Starla was the host tonight, Vickie was sick. It was fun. Starla done an excellent job and I talked to her the other night, the lady is impressive on knowledge and I think has a good heart.

  Slowly losing some weight and come the end of the month when I go back for my check-up with Rathfoot, hopefully I'll has lost some. Water during the day when in the garden, then Mt Dews, which I need to leave off entirely at night. My throat is swelled inside, hopefully it will be back down before I go.  Something in the Tomatoe garden that don't like me... and I don't care too much for it either, lol. I wonder if it don't like Denise, her eye is swollen and red today after picking tomatoes.

Farewell Tommy

 Tommy Musick died today from his cancer. I mentioned him earlier, but didn't give his last name. Both he and his wife Rita battle it together and won a few years back, and by that I mean they both were diagnosed. Tommy got a different kind this time and lost. A grim reminded that this stuff is all too real and battles are tough. I meant to go see him a few days ago when I heard, but stayed in the garden and thought I'd do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes. So let me tell you about this man.

 Tommy was a Christian and was always in church except when he was sick. Those that know me know that don't mean nothing, going to church, but Tommy was different. If you met him out he didn't have to have a sticker or talk about his faith, unless you asked him, but you knew without asking. He would gladly tell you whatever you asked, but he was interested in you. This man wanted to know how you are, if you needed anything, what you liked, and what you were interested in. He was one of the few people who asked how ya doing, and meant it. He actually cared. There are so many things to talk about, and so many things he was interested in, but he wanted to know about you, just you. No motives involved, no judgements, just how are you and what you've been doing. Through my treatments he would stop by the office and talk to mom.  

  He would laugh and make you laugh. I pondered today and you know, I never heard a dirty word out of his mouth, a far cry from mine. I never heard him negative and never heard an unkind word. This man could find the good in anybody or anything that happened. He loved everybody, but especially his wife of 46 years. Considering he was 66 that says a lot about both. He didn't beat the war drums, I suspect he saw enough of that in Nam, though he served his duty and was honored to do so.

  He loved cars, old cars and he loved his Moped, something I enjoyed teasing him about. Once he came to the office, on a cold day on it. He had a leather jacket on with fringes (tassels like) hanging down the arms, etc. This thing screamed biker. I asked him if he was turning Evil Knievel on us and he smiled and said, "I look cool in this don't I. To get the full effect I do this." He raised his arm and smacked the flanges with the other hand to make them move. "It won't go fast enough to move them, so I have to move them myself."

  As he served in the military, so he served his community, family, friends, and strangers... honorably. Tommy fought the good fight and though it may appear he lost, he won. Surely the world grows a bit darker by his passing and Heaven a bit brighter by his return. I will not say good-bye but farewell, and pray I see him again one day. If by chance I don't, it will be by my own lacking because he is already there. This man was good, decent, kind, peaceful, and gentle. The world will probably never know him, just like others that lived and died selflessly for they never seek fame or fortune. They live to serve, perhaps the hardest thing to do, and this man served. He served God, Jesus, and people around him. There are a lot of people who read this blog and so I wanted you to know that a good man went home today and will be sorely missed by many. That is important. Men and women such as Tommy don't build a corporation, act, write books, or jump high buildings and the media never reports them. They quietly change the world, brighten people's world, and move mountains in their love and kindness.

  So I say farewell Tommy, I will see you later, hold a spot for me my friend. Thank you for being everybody's friend, especially mine. I am honored and humbled that God would allow me to have such a man as you as a friend. You have always inspired many of us to be better people, though we fall short. I love you.   

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy Birthday Misty

Happy birthday kiddo. It's been 33 years so somethings things I forgot, but some I never will. The night you were born Cathy wakes me up and says calmly, "It's time." I rolled over and said, "Time for what?" She says, "It's time." Took a second but I said, "Time for what???"  "Time", she said again. We lived with mom and dad then and I ran out of the bedroom and into theirs and scream, "It's time!!!" Dad was gone out, not sure if he was in the truck or at the motel or headed back. Mom says, "For What?" Then it hit her and out she came running around. We didn't have cell phones back then, not sure anybody did, I guess since she couldn't call dad she called Charlie. Charlie walks over, it's dark, and mom starts the Coffee Maker and actually brews some coffee. So there we three set talking and in walks Cathy with her suitcase. I forget what she said but we all headed towards the car and as we're headed out the door at least one realized that we'd forgot her. Yep, we just ran off and left her standing there. We fly to the hospital and she constantly tells me to slow down, I think we jumped the railroad tracks in town, Morristown's too, lol.

  So back then you had to attend a class in order for a dad to be in the Delivery Room, which was nothing like today. Berkline didn't pay enough for that, so I didn't get to go. They wheel her back and point me to the waiting room, which is small, smoky, and crowded just a tad. There was a guy waiting there who worked for the hospital who's wife was giving birth too. He has been there for hours and hours, so I figured I would be too. I'm not sure who, but somebody asked how many cigarettes I could smoke at the same time, I had 3 lite, then other guy just had 2. We hear a loud whistle coming down the Hallway, it was Dr Brock. He is just casually strolling along, whistling as he went. I ask him, "So Doc, what do you think it'll be?" Brock stopped whistleing, and said, "A Baby."

  He was going to let me in, but you came fast, so I didn't get to go. So here this dude and me set, smoking away.  We heard what sounded like an exorcism happening. This woman literally cusses everybody and everything that even attempted to live, lived, or ever would. "That's my wife shouted", the guy shouted and ran that way. The Doctor comes out as as he enters the Hallway he starts whistling again. All he said was "A baby". I thought about bragging and saying I'd put it back if it was a girl long and hard, so I hit the bathroom and started apologizing and begging you'd be healthy earlier. Funny, we only had a girl's name picked out all those months.

  I still wasn't allow back in to see, so I stayed outside the door and paced. The other guy that night went up and down the hall with a plastic bag with his wife's afterbirth wanting everybody to see. Yea, grossing everybody out, lol. They came rolling down a baby in a bubble, my heart skipped. You were white as a sheet and bald, but I just caught a glance and knew you were you. The most beautiful person I'd ever saw and you captured my heart right then.  That was the night you were born, from my perspective.

  I liked the name April and we thought we would add the name of someone else in the family, but nothing seemed to ring with April. Even when me and BB were kids we had picked out what we would name our kids, kind weird for boys I know. BB's name he loved was Misty, which sounded good with April. Being born on Annie's birthday Cathy wanted to name you after her, but Annie had been explicate to bring a new name into the family and not. Annie was born July 1st, 1894. Cathy understood though Annie was hinting, I didn't and I should have. To the day Annie died she never once spoke your name, but called you "Baby", and she usually called you "My Baby".